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Original poster

Bribing children to do things

73 replies

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:30

When do they "get" this?

What if they don't?

DS1 was two in April and has no concept of being bribed to do something.

I'm kind of uneasy with bribery to get him to do things I want him to do though.

Franny, weren't you reading a book about this?

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tortoise · 01/07/2006 00:33

I have been told dont use bribes use 'when,then'
ie when you have tidied up,then you can go out to play.(for example!)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:38

when then doesnt work for my DD.

Bribery does. Depends what you use as bribery though, doesnt it?

If you call it Positive Reinforcement, then, its okay, isnt it?

charliecat · 01/07/2006 00:39

My dd didnt get this for a LONG time. She does now, age 8. She still decides, sometimes to lose out on something nice just to not do something simple like put something away.
Now they are older 5 and 8, i say well thats your choice, you are choosing to lose out on thats fine.
But they are older.

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Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:43

I've read so much about bribing them to use the potty, etc - and this sort of thing just doesn't work with DS1. He doesn't "do" peer pressure either - you know how people say "Oh, when they see the other children doing x, y and z they'll do it too"? DS1 won't.

OP posts:
charliecat · 01/07/2006 00:46

You need to find something that works for him. Stickers, football cards, certains sweets, new set of pants whatever does it for him personally.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:47

parp parp....fifi?

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:48

I don't think he "gets" the concept yet.

I don't want to push it because I'm not 100% comfy with it, as I said.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:50

Well then, i would say that he just isnt ready full stop.

Try and relax about it, leave it a few weeks and try whatever it is you want him to do again.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:50

Loathe to go down that road, VVV - have too much parp-parp and fifi junk as it is

(Plus he prefers Countdown now...what should I do, go on it and win him a teapot?!)

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charliecat · 01/07/2006 00:50

Ok, with hindsight at 2 I would not bother with loads of arguements/confrontations/debates. I would just stuff them into clothes, places, etc. No questions asked about what they thought LOL

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:51

oh yes - excellent idea....

DD was shouting "DEAL" at the tv today.....

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:51

I'm not pushing it (VVV, you know me - I go through life with a "nyah" on ) - I just wondered whether there were other unbribable children out there?

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:52

Dont worry, he'll grow out of it

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:53

ROFL, VVV!

(I don't do debating and confrontations. I do quite a lot of explanation though)

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charliecat · 01/07/2006 00:53

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Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:54

Yes, am sure I'll be able to bribe him soon enough.

Although maybe not with chocolate. He says "nooooooooo" if he's offered any. Same goes for ice cream.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:54

dont worry, you'll grow out of it

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:55

Hey, if they think carrots are gold, the think carrots are gold. Trust me, dont underestimate the power of a carrot....

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 00:56

Unbribable in the sense of "if I offer him something if he does something for it, he just wants the something I've offered and stamps his feet a lot" so it seems not really worth mentioning the bribe - I just make whatever I want him to do fun.

So, say I said "If you help me tidy up the toys, you can have some crisps" he would just hear "you can have some crisps" and get cross when they weren't forthcoming.

But if I say "Can you help me tidy up the toys? Look, here's a blue brick, can you put it in here?" he'll do it, then get a red one and a green one and put them away too.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2006 00:57

OOOOHhhhh yes, he'll DEFINITELY grow out of that

charliecat · 01/07/2006 00:59

Yep, stop trying to bribe, just for now...give it a few months.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 01:02

I have only tried it a couple of times, out of curiosity.

Don't want him to think he'll always get nice things if he does stuff. Inner satisfaction will have to do

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FrannyandZooey · 01/07/2006 10:01

Punished By Rewards by Alfie Kohn. I need to be on commission for this book.

There is usually no use typing things addressing me at 1 am btw hunker

NotQuiteCockney · 01/07/2006 10:07

I find that whatever is used as a bribe with DS1 (including: stickers, food, magazines, being able to take things to school to show off) becomes a fetishistic prize. We get constant demands for it, whatever it is.

If he gets X for being good, then he must have lots of X as that means he's very very good (and probably also that we love him lots?).

But I'm not sure what we should do as a reward then? Praise?

NotQuiteCockney · 01/07/2006 10:08

Is that the line the book takes, F&Z?

(There's also the whole argument that, apparently, if you reward kids for learning, or for doing art, they lose interest in the learning or doing art, or whatever, for its own sake.)