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Parenting

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Original poster

Point out his mistakes or leave him to it, WWYD?

34 replies

WestieMamma · 05/10/2013 10:05

My husband is totally devoted to our little one and desperately wants to be hands on and as involved as I am. He is however a bit ... peculiar in his choices. I'm torn between saving DS from humiliation and undermining DH's very fragile confidence in his new found skills.

For example, he is first to jump up when DS needs a nappy change but poor little DS looks like he's about to swim the Channel with the amount of sudocrem his slathered in. DH has got it into his head sudocrem=good, more sudocrem=more good.

Or he gets up early to take care of DS at weekends so I can catch up on some sleep. But today has dressed him in a pyjamas babygro (he thought it was a t-shirt), with dungarees over the top and a pair of gloves on his feet over the babygro (he thought they were socks).

Poor little mite has gone out with clothes on inside out, back to front, upside down. He needs saving.

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DameDeepRedBetty · 05/10/2013 10:07

But he's nice and warm and his bottom's clean, that's the important bit.

Original poster

WestieMamma · 05/10/2013 10:11

That is true. And the fact that he is so enthusiastic when I often read on here how little some dads do.

OP posts:

onlysettleforbutterflies · 05/10/2013 10:14

Could you get the clothes out the night before. ..just say you want to make sure he gets enough wear out of xyz so have got it out ready.

I wouldn't mention the sudocreme it won't do any harm

Don't dent his confidence, just ignore the small stuff.

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mummyxtwo · 05/10/2013 10:26

Yes let him get on with it! I know many dads who dress their babies (and sometimes small children) in entirely bizarre outfits because they haven't got a clue about clothing but it doesn't matter! I just think, "ah bless!" rather than "what a numpty - that poor baby. That colour clash combination is tantamount to child abuse." The important thing is that he's enthusiastic and getting stuck in and loves his child. His choices will get less odd as he gets more experienced! Although my friend's daughter (3yo) said the other day when daddy was getting her ready to go out somewhere - "oh no, daddy. This doesn't fit me anymore. And it's pyjamas." And no baby will come to harm through overuse of sudocrem - ds will just have a peachy bottom and be unlikely to suffer nappy rash! Actually, most people don't put enough sudocrem on - it's meant to be a thick layer - so maybe he isn't overusing it quite as wildly as it may appear.

ivykaty44 · 05/10/2013 10:30

Dont interfere he is doing it his way

you enjoy having a father for your dc that wants to be involved

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 10:30

DH used to put a jumper over the top of DS1's dungarees.

I would be really happy he's mucking in and getting on with it.

When DS1 was about one DH used to bring him to my work on the train. He dressed him bizarrely and put one single nappy and nappy sack into his coat pocket. That was the preparation for the afternoon out.

littlelionman · 05/10/2013 11:37

Nothing really to add, just that the enthusiasm your DH is showing really made me smile.
My DH dresses DS in strange outfits - usually to 'get some wear' out of old clothes that are far too small..
But he adores DS and that's what matters. The LOs will tell their Daddies not to be silly when they're old enough to mind.
And good for your DH giving you a lie in.

Thurlow · 05/10/2013 11:50

Let him get on with it! It's very hard to, but as long as your son is clean, dressed and fed, try not to sweat the small stuff. Though you certainly aren't alone in feeling the urge to intervene

I used to make sure the change bag was always well stocked, as DP would rarely think about that. And I used to casually chat through the new clothes I'd bought DD and then another time show him how I'd 'rearranged' her clothes in the drawers, trying to very subtly get across the idea of what went with what, and by that I don't mean colours! The only time I actually intervened was if he was dressing her in too many or too few layers, and then I'd try and make the comment nice and say I'd noticed DD seemed to get quite hot under a blanket as well etc.

froken · 05/10/2013 17:02

My dp is the same.

His idea of nicely dressed is matching. Dp likes to dress ds in stripes, his vest, trousers, socks, jumper and hat will all have different sorts of stripes on. I have tried leaving clothes out for dp, for example a striped red andblue vest with red trousers and blue socks but dp rejects tge clothes because they don't match.

I think it's best just to bit your lip if it is purely cosmetic issues.

waterrat · 05/10/2013 17:43

Leave him alone ! The child is warm and dressed I get nobody notices but you ...

teacher123 · 05/10/2013 18:05

I tend to leave clothes out for DS when I'm off to work etc, more to save other people time than to be controlling about what he's wearing! However when I went away for the weekend DH took him to primark and bought him a whole new outfit for 'collecting mummy from the station'. Too cute for words! DS is nearly 18mo now and DH looks after him just as well as I do, we've both had the same amount of experience after all!

RandomMess · 05/10/2013 18:11

LOL my dds had all their outfits matched up in hangers in the wardrobe so they or dh could dress them in whatever they chose but they were in appropriate looking stuff. Was a sad day when the dds started choosing entirely from scratch for themselves

ConfusedandDazed24 · 05/10/2013 18:11

Awwww bless him! I think if my DP did that I'd deffo point out the error with the gloves, but apart from that I'd leave him to it. It would absolutely kill me, because I am particular to the point of OCD, but I wouldn't want to put him off. He's obviously really keen, and after all that's what matters I keep telling myself as my DD goes out dressed like Helena Bonham Carter

CreatureRetorts · 05/10/2013 20:17

Ah bless your DH! You can mention some things - when it's a real issue but don't do it in the moment, do it later when ds is asleep and DH is relaxed.

VinegarDrinker · 05/10/2013 20:21

Bite your lip for sure. Don't dent his confidence or you'll end up with a hands off dad terrified of "getting it wrong".

Baby is clean, fed, warm & loved - that's what matters.

Original poster

WestieMamma · 05/10/2013 21:08

I'm going to leave him to it. DS suddenly started crying hysterically earlier. He's normally not a crier at all but his teeth are hurting him at the moment. DH ran into him straight away. As soon as DS saw his daddy he stopped crying and when daddy picked him up he closed his eyes and went back to sleep. If that's the consequence of gloves on feet or dog bubble bath in the bath, I'll take it.

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Panzee · 05/10/2013 21:19

Aw how lovely :)

Melonbreath · 07/10/2013 15:53

Daddies often don't have a clue. Dd was taken out by oh when 6 weeks old to give me an hours sleep. It was freezing cold and dd came back with his smelly sock on her head as he'd forgotten her hat

MiaowTheCat · 07/10/2013 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

delilah89 · 07/10/2013 17:05

Haha - your DH sounds lovely! A very funny thread xx

lisad123everybodydancenow · 07/10/2013 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 07/10/2013 19:04

Dh gets ds dressed every day while I sort dd out. No matter how much I try to weed out the too small/strangely coloured clothes dh always manages to come up with a fetching combo usually involving brightly coloured trousers with his bellbutton alluringy peeking out from under the one t shirt on the shelf that is miles too small. Poor man came back all in a flap when I asked him to fetch a dress for dd to say he'd just realised (after racking his brains for five minutes in front of dd's wardrobe) that he didn't know what the difference between a dress and a skirt was! This is a man with a blumin PhD!

All that matters to me is that he's a fantastic dad. Sounds like yours is too, can't ask for anything better than that (though in the future I will definitely tell ds that his dad is to blame for him spending his toddler years looking like a cross between a clown and a hobo!)

Original poster

WestieMamma · 07/10/2013 19:11

I just told my husband about the smelly sock hat and he looked at me blankly. I suspect I may have just given him ideas.

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MatriarchalDreams · 07/10/2013 22:52

My DH loves picking out zany combinations of clothes for DD to wear, I just let him get on with it, he's got as much right to choose her clothes as I do! I do point out if I notice he's just about to put something on that's too small or I don't usually put on her as it's fiddly as it saves him having to faff around and change her etc. However, I did tell him that I thought he was applying too much Sudocrem - less is more, you should only apply a very thin layer, should still be able to see the skin underneath, too much doesn't allow the skin to breathe and can affect the absorbency of the nappy. I said it in a 'I wouldn't expect you to know this - I only do because of my job' sort of way.

mrsmartin1984 · 08/10/2013 00:09

My husband doesn't seem to understand that the gap between taking the nappy off and putting another one underneath is the ideal time to have a wee. And seems to fancy about. He used to pile the sudocream on as well.

He also has some interesting choices when dressing our daughter. Last time he made her look like a leprechaun then took her out in public. And doesn't get the idea that tights have to be pulled up. They are always bunched up around her ankles.

At least he is involved. I do count my blessings although I sometimes feed my daughter after he has dressed her without a bib so I can change her outfit

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