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Original poster

Inferiority Complex

32 replies

Beccarollover · 18/02/2004 16:16

I took DD to Mcdonalds for a treat yesterday.

There were two women at a table near me with 5 children between them.

They both had just a bottle of evian each - they were immaculately dressed, lovely hair, nails and jewellry. Children were all co-ordinated and spotlessly clean - perfect hair etc

I felt very much like they were automatically better parents than I am.

Dont know why as I was dressed smartly, hair done etc - DS looking gorgeous and DD pretty in lovely dress and bunches clean face etc but still felt bit crap next to them.

I think it was the bottles of evian that did it as I had crumbled and had some fries and supposed to be on a diet!!!

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes when they see people and make huge assumptions about them?

Same happened at DDs new nursery, spotted a woman, very attractive, lovely clothes always looked polished - I assumed - popular, great parent, lovely husband, happy life - we later got talking and she has terrible trouble controlling her children and is thinking of leaving her husband, we talk alot now and she looks to me for advice and support - and I was secretly comforted by this that my inital impression was wrong.

Is this normal or do I have ishooooes!?
Thoughts?

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motherinferior · 18/02/2004 16:17

Normal. But then I would say that wouldn't I

Original poster
Beccarollover · 18/02/2004 16:21

hehe I did think of you with the title

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Original poster
Beccarollover · 18/02/2004 16:22

So do these immaculate women do it too do you think?

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SenoraPostrophe · 18/02/2004 16:25

Blimey - you should try going for a walk in Granada on a Sunday. Dd and I are the biggest scruffbags in the city, even when she's wearing her best clothes! The spanish kids are all dolled up in matching shoes, ribbons, bow ties (yes, bow ties) etc.

It's no bloody wonder the birth rate is so low in Spain - it must take all morning just to dress 1 child up like that. I always think that I must be the better parent as I have much better things to do with mine and dd's time. Does this mean I have a superiority complex?

Crunchie · 18/02/2004 16:48

I think it is probably their defense mechanisim. They dress perfectly so outwardly they look perfect. I am convinced that anyone with time to do this is a c**p mother, as they are too concerned about appearences rather than anything else.

So saying I would love to be a SAHM who lucnhes and goes to the gym I mean drop the kids at school, go to the gym, faff abaout for a couple of hours in the pool and sauna, shower, do hair and makeup, finish in time to pick the kids up from school!! I am sure there are loads of women who do this at my gym. I dash in at 1pm, do a quick workout shower and brush hair, the same women who were showering when I arrived are still sitting with their hair straighteners as i dash out at 2pm No offence to anyone

bossykate · 18/02/2004 18:07

lol, they were not such perfect parents if they were in mcd's

Original poster
Beccarollover · 18/02/2004 18:10

yes good point bk

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AussieSim · 18/02/2004 18:18

Senora - I must say I thought I'd landed on Mars when I saw what the spanish babies and kids were dressed in when out for a walk in the park with their parents in Madrid. The shops that sell that stuff also freaked me aout and I went to Mothercare instead.

I spend most of my time feeling inferior to german mums. They take their babies out rain hail or shine every day for a walk to get some frishe luft. Their kids are always dressed so thickly that they can barely move - doesn't seem to matter it it is -5 or 10 degrees. I must say I have taken to dressing a bit smarter if I am going to the doctors or shopping as otherwise I stick out like dogs b - although this only delays the bad impression I make till I open my mouth. I am constantly amazed that some of the german mums I have met here in baby groups actually invite me to their homes.

LadyCodworth · 18/02/2004 18:22

I went to bUrger King and had nothing.
hate it and hate the smell there. am obv crap parent tho.

so you are right - dont believe it!

GeorginaA · 18/02/2004 18:29

Ah, you see the trick with McDonalds is not to focus on the immaculate women (they're thankfully very rare anyway), but visually seek out all the attrociously behaved kids (trust me, there's always one worse than yours, no matter how bad a day you're having!) and even worse behaved parents.

I always go to McDs when feeling like I'm a crap mother and I always come out feeling better (okay, so the junk food helps my mood too...)

Cavy · 18/02/2004 18:30

Feel like a crap parent? Every day, I do.

GeorginaA · 18/02/2004 18:31

In my more positive moods, I think if you feel like you're a crap parent, then it's a fairly safe bet that you're not... after all, you care enough to worry about whether you are or not... the rest is all fixable minor detail.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 18/02/2004 18:34

on this particularly visit, dd set off the spinner that she got in her box and it span off the table, clonked ds on the head and woke him up oops

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GeorginaA · 18/02/2004 18:35

LOL Becca

LadyCodworth · 18/02/2004 18:37

I always wear different clothes if I a gin into town. When I moved here form Brum I couldnt get over how scruffy people were.
And I am hardly a footballers wife

mrsforgetful · 06/03/2004 23:49

I laughed when i read this thread as i thought from it's title that it was a 'serious' thraed about someones deep psychological disturbance along with a bit of paranoia! Amazing how a title can make you get the wrong impression!

My 'favourite' moment to do with what i was wearing was the day i had been to the dentist and i was queing at reception to pay...the receptionist had obviously looked at me and had already 'assumed' i was 'on benefits' and said 'Oh! I thought you didn't have to pay'

Now 5 years later i am recieving incapacity benefit due to mental health (featuring inferiority complexes and paranoia ) and unfortunately still have to pay....however at least 'I fit the picture' that she had of me then!

JennH · 07/03/2004 16:35

I always think I am crap compared to all the other mums, i dress scruffily as well which never helps

carla · 07/03/2004 16:49

I have a complete inferiority complex. All other mums have children who a) eat healthily b) don't fall asleep in the middle of the day and c) don't go to bed at 10.00pm as a consequence.

And another thing - we went to five other DDs friends' houses last week - how do they keep them so immaculate? And where are they hiding their piles of 'stuff'?

zebra · 07/03/2004 16:56

Dressing scruffy doesn't undermine my confidence at all.
But being the only mum who take ten minutes to get off the playgroup premises for ten minutes because DS wants to dawdle or DD is throwing a strop or both -- that really makes me feel like an idiot. Then it takes them 45 minutes to walk 1/2 mile and I wonder if it's just because I have no parental authority and are mine really the only children in the world who dawdle, strop and run off the whole way home?

On the plus side, though, my kids have only ever visited McDs to use the Loos.

tallulah · 07/03/2004 22:10

I always look scruffy no matter what I do. DH looks worse, so together we must look like we've just rolled out of the gutter.

We did resort to dressing up in black suits (with me in tights- unheard of- & him in a tie) for Parents Evening at DS3's prep school, because we were so fed up of the teachers looking down their noses at us (Sadly, it worked).

I do get fed up with being treated like a piece of horse-poo by shop assistants though

zebra · 07/03/2004 22:14

Just give the shop staff the superior evil eye.

Tortington · 07/03/2004 22:58

these women in my opinion ( which ofcourse is important to no - one but me) are probably very dull. tidy people are often dull - i have lots of tidy friends - very nice people - very kind people but ..oh...so...DULL.

i used to want to be, long to be part of the tidy brigade about 10 years ago - then i came accross a philosophy of life which even the dali lama cannot match it is the fuck is philosophy which when mastered is followed closely with the bollocks to them mantra.

mummytojames · 07/03/2004 23:03

you dont have issues bec im 24 now 23 when i had my ds but i look very young for my age and i used to hate it when people looked at me as if to say another teanage pregancy and its worse when me and ds go out on our own because people start talking to me the first thing they say is oes he see his daddy very much to which i reply from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed unless we go out for the day so people do assume alot

handlemecarefully · 08/03/2004 11:41

I'm with Crunchie - if they look that immaculate they are over concerned with their appearance and under concerned with their children.

I'm not saying that to be a good mum you need to look like a tramp, but I am suspiscious of the overly made up.

But then I am biased because I always look scuzzy and 19 month old dd has developed a grunge look (not helped by her curly unruly blonde hair and a fringe that is so long it skims her top lip - should get her to the hairdressers I suppose!)

marialuisa · 08/03/2004 13:00

Well DD generaly looks immaculate, but i've given up completely! But, we have auditors in at the moment and one is my age (mid-20s) and unencumbered by husband and child and i feel a right mes next to her. To the extent that I sent all my worksuits to the drycleaners this w/e so I'd look less crumpled this week. how sad am I?