So the mother who slut-shamed her daughter on ebay and sold her tickets to the One Direction concert

[BasilBabyEater]

Story is here

Can I vent here? It keeps coming up on my facebook page and I know there are probably people (my cousin) who would comment "You go Mom!" and "awesome parenting!!!!!" and I would have to de-friend them and cause a family diplomatic incident.

There is nothing awesome about this. I have 4 issues with it

1. Selling her birthday present. Not sure where I stand on this, I don't know how sacrosanct birthday presents should be, will await instruction on that.

1. Humiliating her daughter in public. Fucking no. Just no. I wonder what else goes in behind closed doors if she sees nothing wrong with what she said in front of the whole fucking world

1. Slut-shaming her daughter and her daughter's friends. WTF? Just WTF really. Too inchoherent to express anything else atm.

1. Her truly disgusting remarks about the families of her daughter's friends. I hope some of the mothers she's referring to tell her what a nasty piece of work she is for the remarks she made - in public- about them.

I'm finding it really depressing that it keeps coming up on my facebook on various American sites with stupid posts underneath by idiots suggesting more abusive ways of dealing with it. Please douse me in some Mumsnet sanity.

And the big slug of vile language about women being trollps and sluts

Doesn't it only call the girls "trollops" once? I don't see the word slut at all or any other vile language.

I'm not agreeing with the way the ticket sale was worded which I think was done deliberately to make this go viral. It's a copy cat of something done before but I'm not seeing a "big slug" of anything.

Also, as this is Australian, there may be differences in language anyway - things have different connotations.

There is also all over fb this morning the American mum on the news by making her 11yr old dd stand in a car park with a sign saying I disrespected my parents flby twerking at the school dance..

There is being a strict parent and there's being a bully.

I don't think it's acceptable, either (even if it is true). Respect is a two-way thing and if you give someone a present it becomes their property, therefore by taking it away you are effectively stealing it. How is a child supposed to react to this? There are better ways to deal with lying about where you are going; treating a child like an animal that must be trained into better habits is ineffective and detrimental to your relationship.

The excuse of being a parent, not a friend, gives the parent temporary control over a situation but does nothing to help the child learn how to make good decisions in future, or trust that parent with important information. Talking through why it is important to tell the truth would have been far better, but if this relationship isn't fictional, it is probably too broken for that to work anyway

Darkesteyes Sat 21-Sep-13 15:03:46

"5. Predators in the area now know that she slut shames and victim blames her child and that will now make the child an easier target for other older men who will think that if they take advantage of her they wont be blamed for it. She will.

Why didnt the mum report the older man to Child Protection instead of blaming her daughter."

This. She has advertised to the world that her dd is incautious and unreliable in these matters, that she herself is slut shaming and that they are now likely to be on very bad terms. Not information I would like to be out there regarding any daughter of mine.

She reminds me of the mother who collared me at the ferry terminal when we were seeing our children off on the Yr 6 school trip and informed me that her daughter was a nymphomaniac. I'd never met the woman in my life before but this was her idea of making casual conversation to a stranger. According to my own dd the girl was a perfectly normal 11yo with perfectly normal attitudes. But a few years later we heard she was pregnant. I wasn't surprised.

'Tricks like this on OUR parents is how HALF of you were conceived .....And why a lot of your friends DONT have an address to send that Fathers day card to!!!'

Nice.

There is being a strict parent and there's being a bully. Absolutely.
And i wouldn't be surprised if her daughter grows up to have a lousy relationship with her.

cory so hang on. I thought that when rape or sexual assaulyt occurred, the blame was entirely with the person who has chosen to rape. No with someone else who has 'enabled' it to happen, whether that be the victim (how they dressed etc) or anyone else. This suggestion that her mother is now to blame if anyone assaults this girl is not once is on dodgy ground, I think.

Why do some parents equate humiliation with gaining respect?

If my children were behaving awfully, and I'd given them warning, then I might sell them, but the only person who needs to know why would be the child. Even then a firm, 'you were warned and this behaviour is unacceptable,' would suffice.

This is the sort of thing that will irreparably damage their relationship.

AFAIAK, Trollop means trollop over here,..no differences in language on that one.

My thoughts on it are, it is any wonder the daughter is (apparently) how she is when the mother acts like that?

Why did the daughter lie
How old is the daughter
How much older then the daughter are the guys

If a parent of one of my girls called her a trollop, she wouldn't be saying it twice.

Regardless of what the girls did, when you need to humiliate your child as a 'punishment' you are losing in the parenting stakes.

If a parent of one of my girl's friend's called her a trollop,

If you want to punish your child by selling their concert tickets then do it, however....

When parents make this sort of punishment so public, and there have been a few, making them stand on a pavement with a sign saying what they have done, or making a video of them shooting their kids laptop etc, then this stuff goes viral, it becomes less about the "punishment" as such, so the main goal does not become teaching your child a valuable lesson, it becomes, "what crazy punishment can i come up with so it can go viral on the internet and I can have a load of randoms validate my parenting for me" They by now do not want their child to have learned a lesson, that is incidental, they want the "go mom" "now that is a parent" etc comments more.

No problem with selling the tickets (birthday presents sacrosanct? No way).

Lying about where you are staying and who you are with - yes that's a really big deal, I agree.

???? About everything else. Sounds like mad ranting to me.

What exactly is 'slut shaming' please? And how does it apply here? Is this parent really saying part of the punishment is for her daughter's sexual behaviour ?

Someone posted it on Facebook, I replied to say I thought it was appalling parenting. I really hope it is made up.

WOW you are over thinking this - ebay listings are pretty anonymous. Only the eventual buyer knows who the seller is. Its now how I or my children communicate but its not unusual in certain circles.

I assumed it was made up, as most of these things are.

I did put it on my FB page - to show that, contrary to DS believing I am the strictest/meanest mother in existence, taking away an xbox controller is not the worst thing a parent can do, .

She sounds unhinged (the mother not the daughter).