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Parenting

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Original poster

Would this be too big a gap?

34 replies

thirtysomething · 18/06/2006 20:55

Already have ds (8) and dd(5) - we have wanted to try for a third since dd was 2 but for various complicated reasons had to keep putting it off and then decided last year the gap would be too large so gave up on the idea.

Now we have both separately started thinking about a third baby again and finally confessed today! I really, really want one and dh has obviously come to the conclusion that he likes the idea too, but I keep thinking that as it takes me a good year usually to conceive, there may be a 9 and 6-7 year gap between the baby and my older two. Would that be total madness?

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flutterbee · 18/06/2006 20:57

God No it will be wonderfull there, stop thinking about it so much and start trying now

BonyM · 18/06/2006 20:57

DD1 is 8yrs 2mths and dd2 is 15mths - they have a fantastic relationship, completely adore each other in fact. I think the large gap actually helps because there is no competition between them and hence no jealousy.

Go for it!

Original poster

thirtysomething · 18/06/2006 20:59

thank you both you have made me feel much more positive!

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SoupDragon · 18/06/2006 20:59

DSs turned 5 & 7 just after DD was born. They're wonderful with her :) It's almost like having a Precious First Born again without all the neurosis.

busywizzy · 18/06/2006 21:00

My DD is 8 and DS is 15 months. Best thing we ever did was deciding to have another after a good few years of thinking it was too late. It was definately harder with me being 7 years older (29 when I had DD and 36 when I had DS) but other than that, it's been fab.

And they loooooove each other so much

kid · 18/06/2006 21:01

My sister has a similar gap between her children. They 12, 9 and 2.5

CarmenH · 18/06/2006 21:01

The age gap is soooooo much less important than the fact that both you and dh would love to have another child!

Jasnem · 18/06/2006 21:02

I agree with sd. My girls were 5&6 when ds was born, and it's lovely. I get to spend lots of 1-1 time with him while they are at school.
They are also old enough to reason with and understand if I can't do things with them straight away, so no jelousy here, either.

busywizzy · 18/06/2006 21:06

Jasnem and SD are totally right, it's brill being a 'new' mum again but with loads of experience and time to enjoy them with the older ones at school. I feel so calm and happy and have loved every second of having him.

What I meant was harder was the pregnancy - but then it was pretty rubbish first time round as well

apronstrings · 18/06/2006 21:06

I have 2 brothers 1 two yrs older and 1 8yrs younger. I really enjoyed the age gap. I liked occasional babysitting. I liked collecting him from school in the car when I was home from university and I liked being able to take him to the supermarket and buy him the odd bag of groceries once he was in uni. My sil has a 17yr old a 7 yr old and is pregnant with no. 3.

All part of lifes rich tapestry I say!

Original poster

thirtysomething · 18/06/2006 21:10

thank you soooo much everyone! I have spent all day questioning my sanity (as I come from a family where everyone has 2 kids evenly spaced!) and am so reassured to hear your opinions and experiences! Definitely want to go for it now!

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Surfermum · 18/06/2006 21:11

There's 11 years and 5 years between my 2 sisters and I. From my point of view I can't think of any down sides to having big gaps between us.

My sister had her 2nd when her first was just starting school - she's had no complaints and said that she was able to give no 2 some time while no 1 was at school, then when no 1 got home from school she gave him time as no 2 was asleep.

It's not the same as they're not both living with us full time, but there's also a 7 year gap between dd and dsd, and dsd is absolutely brilliant with dd.

Go for it!

Original poster

thirtysomething · 18/06/2006 21:11

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madrose · 18/06/2006 21:13

I'm 8.5 years older than my twin sibs - we're all dead close

madrose · 18/06/2006 21:13

I'm 8.5 years older than my twin sibs - we're all dead close

spinamum · 18/06/2006 21:32

I've just sent a birthday greeting to my adorable sister(who's travelling,lucky thing) who is also one of my best friends despite a 10.5yr age gap. My bro is 2.5yrs younger than me and we also get on equally well. My DH and his brother are seperated by three years and clashing personalities!
My siblings and I are all at totally differant life stages and levels of life experience,but that makes for far more interesting conversations and my 20year old sister is obviously "a very cool aunt".

Not only has having a "baby" sister produced a wonderful realationship, it helped me to grow up and not feel totally out of my depth when i had my DS, because I'd had a bit of baby experience.

Good luck with the baby making!

Elibean · 18/06/2006 21:54

My sister is six years older than me....we're great friends, lover her to bits. She did feel a bit like a mother figure at certain points in my childhood, but mostly because our mother didn't - IYSWIM. She also was most pissed off when I was born, but she was an only child at the time...not a second one.
Go for it!

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 18/06/2006 22:01

I have brothers 8 and 6 years older than me. At times I did feel a bit of an only child (esp as they went to boarding school for about 4 years); my eldest bro was a bit of a bully at times, but I don;t think that had anything to do with the age gap. it was great when I was 13 and they were 19 and 21 - I could fancy all their friends, also very good when I was 16 and my eldest one would take me to the pub. younger one went all fatherley on me for a while (partly cos father wan;t there, so can't really blame him - but it was a pita). Now we all get on very well and the gap is non-existent - in fact I was the first to have kids, but we all have them now - 4 kids between us, spanning about 3 years. the primary factor here is whether you feel you can do it. the kids will cope fine.

Xavielli · 18/06/2006 22:05

Hey there, My eldest brother is 15years older than me, sister 13years and brother is 2 years older..... To be honest, in my experience it has helped me interact with people of all ages because you see and hear everything that goes on with older sibs and it really does help!

trinityrhino · 19/06/2006 13:28

I was 7 years younger than my sister and we get on ok

my dd1 and dd2 have a gap of 5 years

I don't think it really matters, there are pros and cons for both smal and big age gaps

Original poster

thirtysomething · 19/06/2006 14:30

thanks so much everyone - so many positive responses, really has made me want to go for it - am very excited at the prospect of another little one!

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utterlyconfused · 20/06/2006 16:18

A friend of mine had boys of 10 and 8 when she had her third (last August) and she is loving it. She had always wanted another but had health problems so they thought they wouldn't be able to.

rbj949703 · 28/06/2006 23:27

DD1 was 9yo and DS was 6 yo when dd2 was born. Wish I'd had a bigger gap between DD1 and DS. Both DD1 and DS get along with DD2 fantastically.

mrsnoah · 28/06/2006 23:52

hey thirtysomething.. i have two DDs ages 9 and nearly 8yrs. Just got baby boy 3mths. He is absolutely ADORED by all of us. Having the best time with him as the others are at school and he is all mine til they come home and coo and fuss over him.

Totally recommend it ... its the best thing we ever did!

mrsnoah · 28/06/2006 23:52

p.s they are just too old to be jealous.

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