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Parenting

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Original poster

I am the parent with the loudest, hyper boy in the playground

32 replies

Eachpeachpearwherestheplum · 21/08/2013 23:29

And it's hard work! He is so happy and just over excited by life! But others are finding him annoying.....it's really hard going our with friends and their kids this summer as I get the impression everyone finds us hard work :(
Help!

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Nicknamegrief · 21/08/2013 23:36

I thought this was me ...

Original poster

Eachpeachpearwherestheplum · 21/08/2013 23:42

OP posts:

mummyxtwo · 22/08/2013 08:10

How old is he? Ds1 is 4.5yo and pretty lively and boisterous although there seems to be one other boy in his class who is similar, so he isn't the only one! Tbh I would rather that than quiet and withdrawn, which would make me worry far more. Ds1 doesn't know when to stop talking and I have worried on occasion that he might annoy some of the other children, but I figure he'll calm down with time. Enjoy your little boy's enthusiasm and try to ignore what others may think! People always have an opinion about something.

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stubbornstains · 22/08/2013 08:13

Sympathies.... (trying to ignore the nonstop bouncing and jabbering in the background in order to post this).

MoreThanWords · 22/08/2013 08:22

I thought it was me! I am DEFINITELY the one with the child that everyone knows the name of in every shop we go in!

Original poster

Eachpeachpearwherestheplum · 22/08/2013 08:37

He is 5 and a half, I just don't want us to end up friendless, but I also don't want to squash him. He gets quite upset and cross being told to calm down when he is in his eyes playing. He is so bosy too, jumping into a game of pirates on the climbing frame (ship) and ordering his fellow sailors to walk the plank when seconds before they were quietly playing etc

OP posts:

SurreyWithAFringeOnTop · 22/08/2013 09:28

My DS (nearly five) is exactly the same. I tell myself his confidence will serve him well in the future!

curlew · 22/08/2013 09:31

A bit of squashing never did anyone any harm...........!

Morgause · 22/08/2013 09:34

If he's disrupting children already playing something then he does need to be "squashed".

I'd have been cross if a bossy child came along and tried to order my 2 DSs around when they were occupied in playing something else.

I'm sure he gets told to calm down in school and maybe a bit more at home may ensure you both don't end up friendless.

towerofjelly · 22/08/2013 09:35

If he is upsetting other children then yes I would certainly tell him to calm down its great he's lively and I'm sure lots of fun but he should at that age be aware when he needs to tone it down. I'm sorry but it gets harder to join friendship groups as they get older. Is it not kinder to gently show him how to hold back a little now than not have friends in the future.

Rooners · 22/08/2013 09:38

Oh poor you.

For what it's worth, there is a child like this in ds's class. He is loud and bossy and very full on.

I have always assumed it is something to do with having a bit of a chaotic life - his dad is a twit who treats his mum with no respect, his mum is dithery, lovely but dithery and anxious (they are separated) and I think he is picking up on the uncomfortable vibe from them.

He doesn't always seem 'happy' though - if your boy is happy, and that's all it is, then he will gradually calm down and fit in better.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, it must feel awkward.

jimijack · 22/08/2013 09:45

Ha, love that "a bit of squashing never did anyone any harm" because speaking from bitter experience, it's kinda true.

I could see my friends faces drop as we walked up the path to their houses. As a result, I stopped going out with my wild boy for about a year.
He was the kid NOT ON the bouncy castle at parties but behind it messing with the wires/workings of it. He was loud, hyper and a handful in comparison to every other kid we knew.
I knew he wasn't liked, even family could cope with him.

I felt isolated, depressed and very sad on a daily basis
He is 10 now and he is bloody scrumptious, absolutely lovely. He grew up a bit. He is still always on the go, still hard work but great fun.

It does get better x

MoreThanWords · 22/08/2013 11:19

I feel as though mine (4.9)needs a big brother (impossible I know!) to play energetic games with him, and do the 'squashing' - just as a reminder that he isn't the "sir" (his word for the boss!).

My friends seem to have nicely behaved girls and look at him as though he is a different species. I've given up explaining why he won't "sit quietly and do some colouring" in Costa while we have a coffee etc.

curlew · 22/08/2013 11:31

Eachpeach- you really need to do something about the bossiness. Other children hate this sort of behaviour, and it will make him unhappy at school.

Nicknamegrief · 22/08/2013 13:40

My oldest is very bossy, more so when he is stressed about things (a control freak like his Mum). He is 9 and according to his teachers (four schools and counting) always has been incredibly popular. Sometimes his bossiness does get him into 'trouble' with his friends and he does calm down for a while. So far it has always been handled by his peer group and when he has got upset we have talked about it. He is fully aware he's bossy and loud but it doesn't make him 'upset'.

My sister in laws children won't say boo to a goose and get embarrassed by very simple things. I think that the exuberant and loud child may well fare better in adulthood if any 'squashing' is done appropriately. Her children seem to lack the ability to be children at times. For example they won't even go and try and play with children at the park,

It's full on with my children (they all lean to this side) but it's a lot of fun too.

stubbornstains · 22/08/2013 19:18

See, I suppose that's the upside of having a bouncy, irrepressible extrovert. I am when I see people having to persuade their sobbing children to disentangle from their legs to go into preschool, when DS has already hurtled in and is doorstepping the assistants.

Nicknamegrief · 22/08/2013 22:34

We don't get to pick our child's flaws or strengths but I think confidence is a great gift to have.

It also gets easier as they become more socially aware and understand more about friendships.

A bouncy and irrepressible boy sounds like an idyllic childhood to me, just perhaps a little heavy on the cringe worthy moments for us as parents.

OneStepCloser · 22/08/2013 22:54

See I have one of both, dd would not come out from behind my legs yet ds believes that everyone in the whole world is his friend, and cant understand why anyone wouldnt want to play with him, which is cringe worthy but also quite heart breaking to witness frequently when he gets the brush off.

Hes also very loud, so laughter, upset, pain (usually overly exaggerated) temper etc is on full max. Weve been working really hard with him over the summer as hes due to start school in a couple of weeks and I am a little worried for him. Hes calmed significantly, but its finding a fine line from getting him a little calmer and losing his personality

Hes so gorgeous though

Original poster

Eachpeachpearwherestheplum · 22/08/2013 23:35

curlew - you sound bossy!
He seems very popular at school and it always surprises me when we are out and about how many children say hi to him from much older classes. I had a good chat to pals today and they said I was being over sensitive and echoed what Nicknamegrief said BUT I do agree that I need to help him calm down in particular situations.....I'm just not sure how to go about it

OP posts:

slenderman · 22/08/2013 23:37

he will grow out of it, he's a kid! it's fine for kids to be loud and hyper in playgrounds!

mine was really like that but he's quieter now

NapaCab · 23/08/2013 00:02

Oh god, please someone tell me that this stuff doesn't have to last until they're 5 or 6 years old! My DS is not quite 2 yet and he is SO full on, everything is always turned up to 11 with him. All I think over and over with him is 'take it down a notch, calm down'.

I try to guide his behavior and distract him a lot which is all that works at this age but inwardly I've been clinging to the hope that it's just a pre-verbal toddler phase.

I really don't think I can handle another 4+ years of having the loudest kid in the playground. To be fair, it's mostly happy loud and he doesn't cry much or get aggressive with other kids but it's just always so full on with him. It's exhausting! Four more years of this?? I'm going to lose my mind!!

Weelady77 · 23/08/2013 21:52

I could have wrote this 10 year ago about my son!! But mines was a horror now he's not an angel by any means but he's 99% better and has loads of friends

wasabipeanut · 23/08/2013 22:01

Are you me? I'm ALWAYS telling DS1 (just coming up for 6) to calm down, be quiet, play nicely etc. He has been through a couple of phases where he's been really wild and drove me mad but then he calmed back down after a few weeks. Well, relatively calm. He is well behaved at school but turns into a shouty, hyper nightmare on exit. The holiday club staff have commented on his "beautiful manners" but he is really hard work for me.

I am always the mother bellowing down the street on the school run telling him to stop/slow down etc.

Bizarrely he does have a lot of friends (all quieter although mainly boys) and is happy at school. I figure it's just how it is. He's always been hard work but he has a sunny, kind, sweet personality too. He looks out for others and is really protective. He is wonderful but I do struggle with his energy. He needs to be outside a lot!

stubbornstains · 24/08/2013 07:38

I am always the mother bellowing down the street on the school run telling him to stop/slow down etc.

Oh yes. I too am The Shouty Mum

BarbarianMum · 24/08/2013 11:40

So probably not a good fit there, right?

I have 2 ds, both closer to the 'quiet' end of the boisterous boys spectrum and they would both have rather chewed their own legs off than 'sit quietly colouring' in a coffee shop at that age.

See your friends without your ds. Get some new friends w boys of a similar age and meet them at the park with a picnic, preferably you need 4+ children. You will still have to do some squashing (and that's not going to hurt) but your ds will immediately fit in better and will enjoy himself more (no fun being the only child who can't sit still) and other boys will be far quicker to point out his less acceptable behaviours, if they are truely unacceptable to his peers.

I go out regularly with 'the gang of 12' - 5 families who between us have not managed to produce a single girl but have 12 boys aged 3-7. Sounds like a nightmare but it works really well, although parks and the woods are more our thing and our coffees are take -outs.

PS. He will sit nicely, in time. Just not now.

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