Top tips for lazy parenting

[spritesoright]

I'm thinking of writing a book of top tips on lazy parenting (not really, that would be too much work). Ideas include the following:

1. Teach toddler to walk asap so you don't have to push them around
2. Choose playgroups based on availability of tea and nice cakes so you can sit and relax. Avoid those that encourage 'hands on' parenting, i.e. stalking.
3. Try to make use of the fact that toddlers think helping is fun but know that ultimately it will be counterproductive. Still, it's better than having them make another mess elsewhere.
4. Baby led weaning. And get a splash mat so you don't have to wipe the whole floor afterwards.

Any other tips most welcome, cheers!

I actually think it's easier to push toddler around in the pushchair a lot of the time. No need to worry about running off, you can walk at your own pace, if they have a tantrum you just bung them in and go, no need to carry them when they get tired, etc.

Teach them that cleaning and sorting the washing is a great game.

Have a shower at bathtime with them - two birds, one stone.

If you use childcare, stress that paints/glitter/crafts are something that can only be done there (at least until they're at the age where they can do them with less stress and chaos)

Teach hem to use a computer asap

'Benign Neglect' ie. let them get on with it unless they are in mortal danger.
Eating outside.

breast feed and co sleep in the early days. Because then you can just latch them on and go back to sleep

Convince child that a sweeping brush is a toy.

Youcan get dusters for their knees to help while they are crawling

Put them to bed in the clothes you want them to wear tomorrow. Job done.

Better yet buy a child size sweeping brush then visitors don't look at you funny.

Tell people you don't believe in stifling your child creativity and you like to nurture their independence while letting them wreak havoc better yet give it a name eg 'independent parenting' and no one will say anything because thats your 'style'

Teenagers are best left to fester in their pits.
Don't wake them up and close the bloody doors on their rooms.
Paper plates.
Get them on normal milk ASAP saves all that pesky powder scoop counting.

Refuse to get involved in arguments unless bloods involved.
Let Dcs play out if safe

Yep. Teach them to walk by taking a pushchair at all times so that when they start to run off or go in the wrong direction you can put them in it. And buy one with a ginormous shopping basket and strong handles - no more carrying endless bags!

YY to not attempting paint or anything resembling craft until they are at least 4 unless it is Not At Home.

Don't stress about them watching TV. It's a great thing to threaten to withdraw when they get to the tiny arsehole serious boundary pushing stage, and if they've never been limited, they're basically bored of it anyway so they will entertain themselves quite happily without it, but act as though you've just told them their entire bedroom is about to be demolished. Also! It is useful when they can't tell the time, to use "when Peppa Pig has finished" as a time marker.

Allow at least 3 times as long as anything should take, then you don't get all stressed about it taking 3 times as long as you think it should take.

Push or sling toddlers for as long as possible
Use jars for babies
Use ready milk not powder
Breastfeeding and co-sleep for 6 months or so
Children clean their own rooms

Bribe them into learning patience by saying "I will come and do X if you can wait quietly for 5 minutes without asking" (To be fair usually reserved for yes, I will come and sit on your bed if you lie quietly in bed for 5 minutes first and hopefully fall asleep before I get there)

Co sleep until they are big enough for a bed - who the fuck designed cots with massive deep sides that you have to lower them precariously into?? Ever tried dangling a boob over a baby in a cot? Not me, nope, never

Accept your toddlers are wild 90% of the time when you are out the house - buggy and rein them as long as possible.

--must stop trying to kid myself that ds isn't sooo hyper when out.

Ensure that you put all your efforts into teaching DC your partners name first so that when the night crying starts you can legitimately say they aren't crying for you and roll over.

Use the last ten minutes of every play date as tidy up time with regular threats that people who don't help tidy won't be invited back.

Alternatively arrange for your DCs to meet their friends out and about so there is no mess to tidy up at home.

Get a dog to clean food mess off the floor.

Cook big meals and reheat the second half for dinner the next day.

Put your oldest in charge of clearing away after dinner. Put your youngest in charge of a selection of irritating small tasks like replacing the toilet roll.

Don't wash your kitchen floor because it makes it too slippery.

Get child 1 to read reading book to child 2 as bedtime story.

Goldmandra Your last two are genius.

Picturing small children sticking to the floor and a young one enthralled by their elder sibling's not-quite-right rendition of Biff, Chip and Kipper's latest exploits.

Picturing small children sticking to the floor

If I played that one right I could then roll them around the carpeted areas and save vacuuming too

Teach them the really fun game of bringing mummy a towel when you're finished in the shower :-)

Wash them in the kitchen sink until too big to fit in.
Dress them in patterned clothes that don't show stains.
Everyone on house has one type and colour of sock, bought in bulk.
Take DC swimming a lot. It gets them clean, hungry and exhausted.

Young children can be kept amused and entertained for hours with a large cardboard box.

I am taking one glamping with us.

Ah, brilliant. Thanks for all the tips. Glad to see I'm not the only lazy parent out there. 'Attachment parenting'? I think not.
I particularly love teaching them partner's name first, sticking kids to the floor and the adoption of 'independent parenting.' LOL. I am of Yoni's walking persuasion. Buggy is of use for all of DD's stuff and she can walk until she runs off one too many times.

DC learning "Daddeeeee" about three months before "Mumma" was amazing. Everyone keeps saying I must be happy now she's finally learnt to say Mumma. I'm really not.