Does anyone else just not like being a parent?

[AndHarry]

Or is it just me? I have two DC (second one unplanned before you ask...), DC1 is 3 and DC2 is 9mo. I know I'm a 'good parent' and do my absolute best for my DC but I find it so incredibly boring and wearing. Everyone else seems to love spending time with their DC and I just want some time by myself. Other mothers at baby groups and activities seem to enjoy talking on the sole subject of their DC's completely normal development for hours on end, week in, week out, with minor forays into TV shows, and I would give quite a lot to have a conversation about the world outside parenting. I feel like my entire life is now 'being a mother' with no room for anything else and I really don't like it.

Is there something wrong with me?

At the end of the day doing the same thing all the time is not healthy for anybody. Especially when that thing is spending time looking after the needs of small irrational people who wont let you sleep, with no one to talk to about anything else.

Yes, its not always great being a parent.

IS THIS NEWS?

It's news that there are other people that feel this way!

People don't like to admit that they don't want to be the full-on doting mother type. It's not socially acceptable to want to work full time when you have kids.

But it's really nice to know I'm not a freak of nature!

For the previous poster with a teeny: the first year was so so hard, when DS turned one things got easier, he got more fun. When he turned 2, we'd already had 2 years practice of his tantrums, he's still super hard work, but much much more fun! And now he's out of nappies it's even better!

But I still love my work! (I won't be saying that in November!)

I've a few friends that don't have children and they keep me sane! My DCs are older now and its easier they are not little for ever, keep that in mind.

Mintyy I started the thread because I genuinely worried that there was something wrong with my mental health so yes, news to me that I am actually not a sociopath/emotionally deficient. It's a bit of a relief TBH.

I did try talking about something else at a baby group once. Everyone looked at me as though I had started a discussion on the merits of extreme S&M. Mind you, I've never been the best at the social stuff :o

I used to hate the how much weight have they put on how many ounces do they have how much do they eat oh ffs shoot me now

Oh god the weight watchers bimbos telling everyone how many points each type of biscuit has And the thinly veiled bitchness because I'm thin and don't give a shit about fucking calories

I almost preferred the baby talk over that nonsense.

But then that's just life, Summer. I have to listen to diet nonsense at work too. (Well, for 2 days a week, then a day of moaning because they've eaten a meal, then two days of them going "fuck it, I'll eat 10 donuts now and start the diet next week, OH I'm so FAT!").

But it's ok, they can all sit an appraise my shape, and analyse my food, because I'm not fat. And that's ok.

Mintyy - er yes its news to me. I don't know anyone else who is choosing to work full time (other than for financial reasons) or who is choosing not to have a second child. So yes it does feel like 'news' when OPs post as above.

Hello, I always poke my face in on these threads. MZ here and I hate parenting a small kid. I went back to work full time at six months and I love every minute of it. I'm stopping at one child. I send boyo into nursery when I have days off.

There are quite a lot of us on here. I'm finding it all easier as he grows, but the tantrums are still very much with us, and I have a constant sore back/ neck etc from having to wrangle physically with him all the time. My SIL has two bigger kids and oh, they are a joy. She said to me the other day, I'd forgotten how much work toddlers are.

Just think, soon that will be us! Sitting, relaxed with a cuppa or a nice drinky, chatting in a civilised fashion while our offspring entertain themselves nicely and there is no shit or screaming to deal with. It will happen. It will.

My dd is my world and my time with her is precious. Hated the baby stage, went back to work when she was five and a half months. I work full time bt. Dd is now two and a half and so much more interesting.

I love my children but I HATE the first 3 years if I'm honest. I was depressed after the birth of DS1 and felt isolated and detached from everything. DS1 was a very difficult baby and I felt bored, frustrated, even resentful. I missed my freedom, I hated him crying all the time. I hated that I had nothing outside of motherhood. But then something amazing happened...DS became HUMAN!!!! He stopped being so boring, self centred and unreasonable, he stopped being a toddler and became a child. Wow! That made all the difference. He became and amazingly funny, clever, sensitive little boy and I love being his mummy. I went back to work for 20 hours a week. He started preschool. I even missed him while he was there! He's 6 and he is my best friend.

....when he was 3 and half, we decided he was so amazing, so wonderful, so interesting that we should have another baby! DS1 was 4yrs old when DS2 was born. Soooo we're right back into the baby/ toddler years with another tricky, miserable baby (who is now actually more of a toddler at 19 months!)

I think the first 2 years are sheer hell on earth. Not that I don't love DS2. to be honest, he's beautiful and sweet (although he whinges for Britain. I swear if they turned whinging into an olympic sport, he'd win a gold medal!) I find being around him hard work and boring most of the time at times. The only difference is that this time I KNOW he will grow up. He will turn human and I will feel himan again too. In another year and half he'll be at preschool. I'll be having random conversations about space rockets and he'll be explaining a game only he knows the rules to. I CAN NOT WAIT!!!! Hang in there. You're in the thick of it at the moment. It gets better!...BUT I won't be having another baby!

Love your post Bubbleboy - think you've summed it up perfectly! My first year of parenting was very lonely and over whelming and I felt bored and inadequate pretty much all the time and although I love my daughter there were lots of things I missed desperately. Even now I feel exhausted every day and she consumes all my thoughts bug as she turns into an amazing little person I find myself having more of the better days!

OP please please please if you find yourself jobless, don't just slip into staying at home if it's not something that fulfils you! If your DH 'expects' it then he needs to open his eyes (and maybe you should help him)! Any income coming into your household is JOINT income and if you are made redundant, maybe you and DH will have to rebudget and tighten belts or downsize or whatever so you can still afford some childcare to do some volunteering, retraining, whatever to get you back to work, if that's where you want to be. Full-time parenting is absolutely not everybody's cup of tea, whether they're male or female (it would kill me!). More power to whoever wants to do it, in my book. And equal power to whoever wants to earn money for the household. Whichever gender they happen to be.

It's not ' just the way it is' that mums slip happily into full-time parenting, if they get made redundant.Also if your DH genuinely thinks he'd prefer being a SAHD then the two of you can make a plan where that is the outcome.

I'm with you OP, it's tough, keep checking in here for some adult converstation ( wish I had had MN when mine were toddlers!). I used to feel totally trapped some days and I often look at other mums and think 'FFS sake were you ever a teenager, were you ever into music, films, books, current affairs, did you ever have a life pre children?'

But then I suppose they look at me and feel the same?

Please don't feel odd, you are not alone!

I went back to studying (psychology and behavioural science) when DS was 6mo. Currently, am still on summer holidays for the next 2 weeks. I am counting the days till I go back. I love my DS to bits but I find being a sahm lonely and draining and I don't enjoy mum and baby groups at all.

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. My 8 year old is awesome to parent, he's great company, funny, he can look after himself in terms of going to the toilet, working the tv, putting DVDs on, reading, writing, getting a drink, snack etc. He loves museums, so off we went to London the other day (without little sister) and had the most brilliant day! Not a moan out of him! Dd who is 4 is high maintenance. We often say she's only happy when she's got something to moan about! But it does get easier and she will become more independent! The stage your at is mega tough, toddler and baby... Not easy. Hang in there....

Thanks for putting this into words; I've had a vague uncomfortable feeling lately that something is terribly wrong with me.

I love my children.... But I hate, hate, hate parenting! THERE! I'VE SAID IT!

(2 year old and 10 week old,BTW)

I'm the same. Love my girls but I'm so bored of 'just' being a parent. I do wonder if I'm a bit depressed as I'm exhausted all the time, so negative about everything and scared of doing anything I don't have complete control over.
How on earth does anyone get the energy and brainpower to study?

These threads are so cheering! Now that I am feeling a bit better and less guilty and desperate I am trying to be more honest in real life - e.g. saying that DS is at a lovely interactive age now (8.5 months) but that I found it a lot easier and enjoyable once I was back at work and that I didn't really enjoy the early months (massive understatement!). It is so hard to say this out loud BUT I think it is really helpful for other women to hear someone saying it.

I'm always surprised when people say they enjoy spending all day with a baby or toddler. DD is 9 months and while it's a lot more fun now than it was in the early days, it's still SO BORING and I need two outings in the diary (ideally meeting other adults) every day to have a reasonable time.

The benefit of feeling this way is that I have no guilt at all about leaving DD with a nanny when I go back to work. Our future nanny loves looking after babies and small children (at least she says she does!) and so, in that sense, she is probably going to be better suited to looking after DD than me.

I think to make being a sahm work you have to treat it like a job. I enjoy it but only because my days are quite busy and full. I get up every morning with dh and he dresses the kids while i shower so everyone is dressed and ready to go by 8. We either walk to the shop or i get some housework done (it's a good time for it as both children are fed and not tired) and by 9/9.30 we're doing something - toddler group twice a week, friends over twice a week,soft play/day out once week. The weeks fly by. I'm lucky that my local toddler group is fantastic and people rarely talk about their kids! I don't play with my kids much tbh i just make sure they're occupie

Sorry meant to say some days are crap but that's true of any job. If i stayed at home every day i would go mental. I can definitely get that it doesn't suit everyone again just like any job.

It makes you wish you could have them in shifts! I loved the newborn part, struggled with 4-18 months, loved 18 months - 3, struggling again from 3 - now (almost 5). Seems like the next stage where it calms down starts at 5 or 6 so hoping that will be one I'm good at.

I definitely like them being more independent I think and being able to relate/understand them. Newborns are fine because they are basically little animals. (Not sure how I'd cope with a newborn + older child though, haven't done that yet) Difficult when they are babies because they don't really do much but are quite demanding and seem to spend a lot of the time crying or squawking frustratedly at something they want but they can't speak or tell you in any other way what it is. Toddlers are just cute and I can cope with standard toddler tantrums. Plus, they still nap and generally that happens on a somewhat predictable timescale. Preschoolers are horrible because they drop the mildly amusing tantrums in favour of utter meltdowns about ridiculous irritating shit, plus they develop a will of steel, but get too big to manhandle easily when you need to. Especially if you are as small and weedy as me, anyway. In addition, they are obsessed with stuff which is usually really boring and/or annoying to adults. You thought Peppa Pig was bad? Oh no, here comes another level of awful with BEN 10. At least Peppa Pig was sometimes funny.

However the learning stuff that preschoolers do is awesome and I'm definitely enjoying him being a bit more independent and able to occupy himself. The stuff that he comes out with sometimes is great, too!

I think Cailin is right about treating it like a job. I work part time and tend to loll on my days off, nursing a coffee and letting DS potter/watch TV until almost lunchtime and then it's too late to do anything in the mornings. Sometimes we just end up drifting for days in a row and it drags and we get on each others' nerves.

Yes tbh, I have two DS's who I adore aged 6 and 3. In some ways find the 6 year old easier, he is great company when on his own, is starting to enjoy books that I quite enjoy. eg Horrid Henry, Roal Dahl, but he is still diffiult, quite demanding, switches between being a toddler and being a teenager if that makes sense. Love my 3 year old to bits, but tbh I am so done with the pre-school stage, playgroups etc. Starting doing more part time work last September and he went to nursery 4 mornings a week which helped, this year he starts school nursery and I will be using a childminder for a few hours a week too. I find being needed so much so hard and also feel that I get the least thanks, definately get the raw deal. Would much rather be a Dad than be a Mum, find that my DH and I don't get much time together, he works shifts, kids not great at going to bed. Also I'm not patient, not very good at playing, hope I have more strengths as a parent than I realise. Feel guilty and upset with myself that I don't enjoy being a Mum more, have on a couple of occasions told my DH recently that I feel like running away. But, I think for me I will come into my own when they are older (she says). Also was very lucky that I didn't mind the toddler groups etc and that I managed to meet like minded people. Another one who likes the bear hunt sentiment. I think looking back and realising how much you have survived/achieved with your LO's can help, I look back and I don't know how I got through the first year with two DS's, a year of not a full nights sleep (although I apprecite that to some people this is nothing, a year without a night out, I was a frazzled wreck bythe end of that but it did get easier.