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Parenting

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Original poster

Cry it out failed. Any ideas?

43 replies

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 17:54

I have just tried the camp out method with my son being told it was better than crying out. The first night he screamed like he was constantly getting his vaccinations non stop for 2 hrs then threw up like I have never seen before. He cried at each nap. The second night he screamed for 2 hrs then lost his voice. The 3rd night he cried through each nap then fell asleep at night but now he has no naps. We need him to sleep in his own cot all night, and fall asleep without breastfeeding to sleep as I have been quite ill and he can now roll. We have made sure his days are regimented and have 3 hrs of allotted naps. Does anyone have any ideas? Surely there must be a. Better way. We have seen no improvement in 4 days just endless crying and a despondent, sad baby. I can't have my baby cry endlessly and losing his voice i feel is dangerous.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

noblegiraffe · 04/08/2013 17:59

That sounds horrible. The book The No Cry Sleep Solution has some gentler methods. How old is your baby? Crying methods are not usually recommended under 12 months I think.

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 04/08/2013 17:59

How old is he? I had to sit it out last night with my dd of 22 mths who is usually a great sleeper / goer to bed - feel your pain. It is hard to sit and listen - i shut the door in the end and turned the tv up. It took an hour but she fell asleep eventually. The rafters seemed to be trembling!! She was fed, watered, warm, loved and nothing wrong but just objection I feel.

JollyHolidayGiant · 04/08/2013 18:05

This method?

m.raisingchildren.net.au/articles/camping_out.html

How old is he and what were you doing before?

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AcrylicPlexiglass · 04/08/2013 18:16

You poor thing, Sitting in the same room listening to him wail like that must have been awful. How old is he?

I think that for some unsettled non-sleepers it's more overstimulating for them to have you in the room. I'd try controlled crying, where you leave the room and come back and say shh at agreed intervals but only is he's at least 6 or 7 months old.

MortifiedAdams · 04/08/2013 18:19

Soubds to me as though he is under one. I dont think there are aby sleep training methods recommended for an under one year old.

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:28

He is 5months only. We know this is early but as I have been sick it is safest for him to always be in his own bed to avoid risk of me not being awake and aware enough and to stop him rolling out. The consultant said it was a ifne method for babies over 3 months as you never leave their side. Since he was born he has hated being in his crib or on his back but was slowly getting better. I have tried trying to make his crib a "happy" place to be, but he still wakes screaming. I don't really mind 1 or two feeds a night, but do need him to be able to sleep for more than 3 hrs without feeding and get to sleep without always feeding in case I am away. He now rejects dummies and bottles, but has a sleep toy and we use music/whitenoise. I also see him becoming more clingy during the day, and we had worked hard after he came out of NICU to get him to trust the environment around him and trust being alone or on his back.. Hearing him so hysterical makes you feel like the worlds worst parent and my husband and I have decided we won't continue and there must be a safer option.

Overall he is just a baby that is generally very good at communicating through different types of noises and even cries, and hates to be bored and I don't think sleeps much. Is that abnormal? I don't want him to stop communicating bc we stop listening. I know his bored/can't rollover/my nappy leaked cries and they are all different. This one is "I'm petrified and I need reassurance", not just "I'm being fussy". So we are seeking a more gradual approach that teaches rather than shocks or fatigues his system into working. Thanks for the links. Will look at these.

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Nicknamefail · 04/08/2013 18:29

There are plenty of methods for an under one. You can try a very slow gradual retreat which starts cuddling to sleep on arms, then you cuddle them with them lying on the cot. I bought a zip up side travel cot for this. Now my dd cries for tenons when put in cot and sleeps through. well actually till 5 but compared to one she used to do that is amazing

Nicknamefail · 04/08/2013 18:30

Tenons=ten minutes

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:30

Essentially, he needs to sleep in his cot for his own safety. He is so perceptive no matter how asleep he is the moment you put him down in his cot he is awake within minutes!

OP posts:

Rooners · 04/08/2013 18:32

Oh Jesus who the fuck told you to do this to a 5mo?

Please don't continue, it's so so wrong.

I hope you find another way.

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:32

Thanks nickname fail. We were made to feel bad by the consultant, as if we weren't giving him his proper sleep by not carrying through the method. We had decided a gradual and "hug it out" approach would be the bet. Glad to hear it worked!!

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Rooners · 04/08/2013 18:33

Oh thank God you have decided not to.

I have three children and not one of them has ever been left to cry - it's not necessary. And I'm a single parent, and have always had no one around, I have been single each time/

You do not need to do this...sleep comes, to all of them in the end.

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:34

Rooners. Exactly what we have thought and what I needed to hear. Thank you for some sanity. We sat next to his crib while he cried (and I bawled) and held his head/hands/sang/whispered so he wasn't abandoned but didn't nurse him or pick him up. No more!!!! I have never felt more guilty in my life!

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Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:36

Thank you rooners! I feel better already (with my son who i just nursed to sleep in my arms). I told my husband that since my son was born I have been my happiest ever, but the saddest these last few days. That cannot be right. So glad for some advice from experience. Is it terrible to nurse him to sleep? I just need to get him used to and happy in his cot, but I hope hug and put down/pick up works.

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noblegiraffe · 04/08/2013 18:39

If you need to be able to get him to sleep without feeding, could your DH rock him to sleep?

We had a sleep fighter too, he wouldn't have taken kindly to this method either. We went from rocking to sleep to shush-patting to sleep in his cot (much later, maybe 8 months old) then just shushing. A very gradual retreat if you must. But there was no way he would fall asleep without help at 5 months old.

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 18:54

Thanks noble giraffe. Good to know. I was feeling like every 5mo was sleeping through the night with no help. Will try that too when he is home.

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Rooners · 04/08/2013 19:15

No, it's not - who told you it was??!

I have nursed all of mine to sleep, my eldest is 10, my middle one 6 (and he breastfed at bedtime till he started school, actually - though not many people know that)

It was the only way they would sleep and is COMPLETELY natural for them to do that. Especially as you want to, as well.

Please trust your own instincts and give that little creature as much love as he can possibly hold. You sound like a great mum.

Rooners · 04/08/2013 19:16

Ps my youngest is 7mo so we're not far off the same stage! He feeds all the time. Just whenever he wants to basically. It works for us.

Cat98 · 04/08/2013 19:17

Please don't listen to the awful advice from people telling you he should be sleeping through.
He still needs milk regularly throughout the night at his age.
Good advice from noblegiraffe et al.

PurplePidjin · 04/08/2013 19:30

My 8 mo still hasn't slept through, it's completely normal. I'm currently night weaning him, but only because he really really doesn't need feeding at night - evidenced by his ability to be back asleep in my arms within a minute of being picked up when woken (unless his teeth are bothering him)

Have you considered that he might just not like sleeping on his back? Mine is a tummy sleeper, has been since 4-5 weeks. He screams blue murder on his back but goes up to 9 1/2 hours (and gradually increasing, apart from the blasted teeth!) on his front :)

PurplePidjin · 04/08/2013 19:31

Oh, and please avoid crying methods - the most important thing you can teach him is that mummy comes when he's upset :)

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 19:34

I don't doubt this is the first of many times in our life as parents where people will be telling us things are good for our son that we know in our hearts aren't right. So glad to hear all the stories from experienced parents. Now watching my son contentedly asleep, after 3 attempts of nurse, put down, pick straight up at the first cry and repeat... Now in his cot asleep. Until he wakes and we will happily keep doing that all again slowly, the same way we'll teach him to walk and eat. Secretly glad I won't lose some of my night cuddles, but very hopeful he will learn to sleep in his own crib. Without tears. Thanks for the advice and reassurance we are doing the right thing by stopping this method now.

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PurplePidjin · 04/08/2013 19:36

Fab result! :o

Original poster

Hugo123 · 04/08/2013 19:37

Purplepidjin - yes! Very much a no back sleeper. We used to hold him on his side when younger then roll him onto his back once he was well and truly asleep and before we slept! He now rolls everywhere and goes straight onto his side when put down but wakes up if he rolls back onto his back.

OP posts:

Nexus6 · 04/08/2013 19:37

you mentioned that he doesnt like sleeping on his back would it help if he was on his side? sounds like a small thing but it may help to keep him asleep?

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