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Parenting

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Original poster

Making the leap from 1dc to two, how did you find it?

49 replies

babysaurus · 03/08/2013 21:39

Me and DH have decided to start ttc No 2 when DS is 18 months in December. I was wondering, as you've already made the leap into parenthood, it's not as big a shock (for want of a better word!) the second time round. Am a bit nervous that it will actually leave me as a permanent shadow of my former self for the first few years, so am interested to hear other viewpoints and experiences.
Thanks!

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MrsHelsBels74 · 03/08/2013 21:42

It's hard work. Even being pregnant with a toddler is harder work than first time around. Saying that, I wouldn't have it any other way. At the moment my boys (3.5 & 0.10) adore each other & it's do much fun to watch them interact. I'm not sure I'd get that if there was a bigger age gap.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 03/08/2013 21:42

It was bloody hard work the first few weeks but I bounced back from the birth etc much more quickly second time around. I feel less like a shadow of myself too I am divorced though

chattychattyboomba · 03/08/2013 21:43

Marking place out of interest!
DD is 27 months. Will TTC next month... I think

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Original poster

babysaurus · 03/08/2013 21:46

I was wondering if it was twice the work, or less than twice as its already been done before (if that makes sense!)
I like the idea of them being close enough in age to play a lot but not sure if doing it sooner than, if we were successful immediately, what would be a 2.4 yr age gap would be bonkers. I realise it may pay off big time in 3 or 4 years but that's a long time!

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MrsHelsBels74 · 03/08/2013 21:53

At the moment it feels like more than double the work but I am suffering from PND so obviously that's affecting my ability to cope. I think I'm a lot more relaxed with DS2 in that I don't sweat the small stuff so much (e.g when weaning DS1 I wouldn't let him have anything that wasn't marked suitable for his age, DS2 eats anything & everything regardless!). But 2 together is relentless, there's rarely, if ever, a moment's peace! And we're lucky as we've had very little jealousy to deal with.

naomilpeb · 03/08/2013 21:55

Mine are 22 months apart, so nearer than your will be. Physically, I recovered much more quickly (and lost weight much faster!). I didn't have as many anxieties with feeding, weaning etc. But the sleep deprivation was killing, a whole year of managing an active toddler and a baby who started crawling at 5 months on about four hours of broken sleep was ... interesting! Mine and DP's relationship suffered a lot, but we've made it through. I used to get really upset about not paying them each the amount of attention I felt I 'shiuld', but i think that was often the tiredness talking.

I'd say muster up as much support as you can possibly find, paying for it if you can, and be kind to yourself and one another .

I honestly wouldn't have it any other way though. Almost three years later they are best friends and a joy to be with.

Good luck!

takeaway2 · 03/08/2013 21:55

I think a 2.4 year gap is pretty common. Ours is 2.7 year gap. Our friends we know from NCT and nursery - 2.3, 2.1 (x2), 2.7 (us), a couple of 3 years... Other people I know had them at 18-22 months apart - that I think is way hard.

I think it's harder with two. Definitely. With one, there was 2 of you. So tantrums, eating out, shopping, driving is all easier. Even activities like swimming etc. one carries the bag the other carries the child.

With two there's suddenly one adult per child and when they gang up on you.... Plus many times there'll just be one adult and two kids... That's knackering especially when they kick off or when they both have to have the same thing... And you stupidly thought that having different toy/food was a great idea...

I've been told by friends with 3 that 3 is a doddle. It's 2 that's the leap...! But I'm not testing that theory out!!!!

Original poster

babysaurus · 03/08/2013 21:59

Am feeling a bit reluctant now!

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shallweshop · 03/08/2013 22:04

There is exactly 2 years between my DD and DS and, for me, the 'worst' part was the guilt I piled on myself at inflicting a sibling on my precious first born. Of course that was completely unfounded and they are as thick as thieves. I was 40 when I had DD and found motherhood a huge shock at first but honestly, having another one was fine and I was a lot more laid back.

Pleasenomorepeppa · 03/08/2013 22:06

There's 3.8 years between my DCs & I'm really enjoying them both.
My birth experience with DD2 was much better than DD1 & I recovered so quickly.
I have flashes of guilt that I don't do enough with DD1 & guilt that I'm actually enjoying DD2s babyhood a bit more. I think it's because I know that all the rubbish bits do end & that it all goes so much faster so I savour it more. .

shallweshop · 03/08/2013 22:07

oh, and having just read takeaways post, never ever get the other one something different!

takeaway2 · 03/08/2013 22:07

It isn't all bad though. I felt a more confident mother (no freaking out over random coughs and cries), more relaxed (choc, sweets - which isn't great but if the older one is getting them the little one sees too.. Ironically my older one doesn't really like sweet stuff or crisps and yet the little one goes for them..).

But there's no denying the hard work. Both mine didn't sleep through till past 2 years .. And I returned to ft work at 6 months. Bonkers.

takeaway2 · 03/08/2013 22:10

Shallwe - oh yeah.. Definitely the same thing... Or you pay for it again and again. One gets a book the other gets a book too. One has a drink of juice the other has to too. Even though the older one likes only water, I have been known to carry two packs of juice (both apple or both orange - god forbid one of each...), 2
Packs of the same crisps, choc, fruit ....

Doitnow · 03/08/2013 22:19

Don't feel reluctant. It's amazing. Yes, it is bloody hard work but seeing your two children interacting and making each other laugh is incredible.

My youngest is 10m and my oldest is 2y10m and I feel like I'm just coming through the fog. For me, there being 4 of us really feels right. I guess I knew that when we were just 3, it wasn't complete.

naomilpeb · 03/08/2013 22:21

Absolutely always get them the same thing - we have two copies of every bleeding CBeebies magazine going... I have even bought DS a dress like DD's favourite one... seriously!

But really, don't be scared! Forewarned is fore-armed and all that. I reckon the age gap you're going for is a good one. I was in a bit of a hurry... The feeling of 'completeness' I have - had since really early on actually - is amazing, I always knew I'd want two.

debbie1412 · 03/08/2013 22:26

It's no way as much of a shock 2nd time round. I've found coping with 2 easier than having 1. The only thing that's tricky is getting used to the nap routine again. Dv2 likes 3 naps aday preferably in her cot so it makes taking dc1 out for play dates difficult but at worst it's only for 12-15 months. Seeing dv2 laugh at dc1 and dc1 doing it all the more to make her laugh. I do not regret a second !

PogoBob · 03/08/2013 22:27

We've got that gap, DD is 3 next week, DS was 7 months last Monday.

It's been challenging at times but not impossible. They ate already interacting well now and DS adores his big sister!

We're now discussing no. 3 having always said 1 was my maximum so can't be that bad!

debbie1412 · 03/08/2013 22:31

Dc2 even !

SupermansBigRedPants · 03/08/2013 22:40

I've an 8 year old and a 21 month old - that gap was great but the oldest is easily frazzled from getting her hair and glasses pulled 40 times a day.

They will have a sister in around 9 days - the gap between dc2 & 3 worries the poop out of me but I have friends with smaller gaps who have survived sort of I think it's very much a case of lower your standards, loosen up and try to be organised and get out as much as possible from the advice I've seen/been given.

Good luck when the time comes :)

Locketjuice · 03/08/2013 22:54

I have a 18 month old and due in 10 days so watching the thread.. Although obviously I have already made the leap but will let you know how it goes

MortifiedAdams · 03/08/2013 23:01

DC2 is due in March and DD will be 2.3. Thank you for starting this thread! I will hopefully get some.hints and tips.

mamamidwife · 03/08/2013 23:03

I have 23 month gap between DS and youngest DD, the first yr was such hard work, thank goodness I wasn't working! But now it pays dividends as DD is 18 months and interacts and plays well, they are becoming such good pals. Al though it was hard in the beginning I'm so glad I did it this way.

tankflybosswalkjamnittygritty · 04/08/2013 07:04

Ds1 is 3 and Ds2 is nearly 2. Two is more then twice the work and the last few years have been exhausting but we are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and life is getting easier. Watching them play together is amazing and overall no regrets here. Go for it!

vix206 · 04/08/2013 07:15

Marking my place as I'm 16 weeks pregnant with DC2. DS is nearly 3. So far this pregnancy has been easier, even with nausea (although I got off very lightly). I think because I've totally changed my outlook since becoming a mother and I accept that (for me) sleep is a priority so I'm in bed after DS at 8pm every night. Then up at 6-7 usually feeling refreshed and happy. When I was pregnant with DS I was exhausted and nauseated and I think it was just because I refused to give up my late nights working.

So, very early days but the pregnancy so far has been better. Will watch this thread with interest as I'm nervous about when the baby actually arrives

CreatureRetorts · 04/08/2013 07:19

The hardest bit is the first few months when you're shattered and feeling guilty for ruining PFB's life (yes really!).

Then number 2 can be left for a few mins to "play" so easier but then starts grabbing number 1's stuff so DC1 gets incredible jealous.

By about 12 months they start to "play" together.

Now at 20 months in, they are great together - hilarious in fact (26 month gap).

It is logistically hard but I had system, mainly involving bribery, which helps. Also a routine to keep as all sane - which was based around DS's routine (the eldest) so life was relatively stable for him.

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