Making the leap from 1dc to two, how did you find it?

[babysaurus]

Me and DH have decided to start ttc No 2 when DS is 18 months in December. I was wondering, as you've already made the leap into parenthood, it's not as big a shock (for want of a better word!) the second time round. Am a bit nervous that it will actually leave me as a permanent shadow of my former self for the first few years, so am interested to hear other viewpoints and experiences.
Thanks!

Ours was good. We have a small gap though (16 months), so never really left te baby stage before starting again. Also as close they were in same routine. Both still napped etc.

Now 2 and 3 they are great playmates and I think we have it easier because of it. Ie they will play with each other for hours at home/ in parks without I having to find another playmate

I have a 20 month gap and both DH and I found the first few months very very hard. Our toddler stopped sleeping when the baby was born and woke every 2 hours at night for months. It was a killer with both children not sleep

Arh pressed post too soon! Was trying to say was a killer with both children not slwep

Mine are 22 months apart- ds is 2.10 and dd was 1 last Friday. I didn't find the leap as bad as I expected. Ironically the fact I went back to work when dd was. 3 mo ( I work 3 days/ week) helped because I got away from the madness for a bit each week. dd was an early walker ( 10 mo) which also helped as means they can do more together. I went for a smallish gap as I knew that if I left it till ds was out of nappies and in pre- school we'd never have another as wouldn't want to go back to the baby stage. They get on well which is nice. For me, 1 to 2 was definitely easier than going from being childless to having ds.

The things that you found really hard the first time (changing a nappy, removing a poo laden baby grow, weaning etc) are much easier, generally you have made your decisions with the first one and so you do the same with the second. The tiredness and occupying children of different ages is hard, but I still think that it is worse going from 0 to 1. It's all the little things like realising that you can't just pop out for a loaf of bread without bringing a changing bag, the favourite pink mug - but the one with the picture half rubbed out, not the identical one with the picture still intact which you brought as a spare, some wellies and a peppa pig umbrella which is now broken - not that it matters because you're in the longest heatwave in living memory with no rain forecast for weeks. Look on it as just prolonging that bit of your life!

Oh for goodness sake bloody phone! Was a killer with no sleep, was very easy to get very ratty with DH and we did argue a lot more than normal. Everything seemed so much harder with two, going out etc took forever. They are now 2.3 yo and 6 months and is starting to get easier. Toddler now sleeps again and baby only wakes once in the night. Toddler loves playing with the baby and I think once the baby can move around they will have loads of fun. I found it very hard but was lucky in support we had from parents and PIL as otherwise I am really not sure how we would have managed as the sleep deprevation was awful. But hopefully your older one wont do what mine did!

I won't lie, the first year of ds2's life was my least favourite - I verged on pnd as he cried a lot and ds1 was only 2 and didn't listen very well! They are 3 and 5 now and are such good friends, just laugh and giggle all the time. Some tips: go out a lot in the day, little one in a sling, and lower your standards eg what you make for tea- sometimes you have to accept y

Ou are in survival mode! Good luck on ttc!

One month into a 2y5m age gap here and to buck the trend I definitely haven't found it twice the work. In fact, despite my fears, I am really enjoying it. No. 2 has slotted really easily into our lives. However it helps that she is an incredibly chilled little thing - totally the opposite of her big brother as a newborn!

Second birth and baby easier, I think as you have more confidence in your self but my DC2 is a worse sleeper than DC1 so the sleep deprivation has been hard so have to take turns to have a lie in and use grandparents where you can. Mine are now 4 and 2 and are lovely together, glad I had them reasonably close. No idea how people do 3 though, I would probably self combust!

Bucking trend here too. 20-month gap, younger now 8mo. Yes, it's probably more than twice the actual physical work, but think back - how much is there with a young baby? Other than enforced sofa sitting for marathon feeds (which is where CBeebies comes in).

For me, the challenge was the shock, the anxiety, and keeping PFB entertained. None of that has been an issue with PSB - the first two don't feature, and PFB and his routine sort out the third.

Heavily pregnant with a toddler though - that's a killer.

Just to say also, it also depends very much on the temperament and developmental stage of your oldest as well as the newborn. Which is unfortunately an unknown when you start TTC! We are lucky that DS1 is very articulate, mostly fairly biddable and pretty independent. He also sleeps through reliably, having taken 15 killer months to do so. A friend with the same gap has a largely non-verbal very physical bolter (utterly gorgeous and charming), who is a very poor sleeper, and has found it much harder work. Unfortunately you just have to take a gamble!

8 weeks in to being a parent of two and appreciating the varying perspectives from posters further down the road here! It's better than I expected, two years ago I would not have expected I would say that being home alone with an infant (DH takes ds1 out on a Sunday morning when he pursues a hobby) is one of the most restful times of my week!

I'd agree with the posts that say you've already made the adjustment to having to run your life around the child/children, and learned that a lot of the agonising first time round on feeding, weaning, sleeping etc simply isn't there. I have the confidence in my practical skills and systems to know DS2 will be ok.

My big learning so far though sounds contradictory but it's that i must remember to check my assumptions that just because I've done it before, everything will be the same. Pregnancy was different (harder this time with more risk & monitoring), birth different, I'm different now and DS2 is a different person to DS1 so won't always need/want what I might "expect".

Five months in. Ds almost 3, dd almost 5 months.

Love it, and fighting urge for a third. Both Dh and I enjoy more than one. Firstly because we have our beautiful girl in our family, secondly, because one child is quite.intense. Whereas with two, I relaxed. A lot. Almost as though I became more aware of what I can and can't do.

On the other thread here, about having a toddler and newborn and being Mary poppins, yesterday I wrote some tips about what helped me.

In a nutshell, if you enjoyed one child, your relationship with dh didn't take too much of a battering, and you didn't suffer from , then pnd,.then chances are you will be fine with a second!

Having 2 Dcs is wonderful. I can really say that but in all honesty , I found the change much much harder than I expected.

I thought I'd benefit from experience which i did a bit but I'd forgotten the key stuff ( gap of 3.5 yrs) like importance of sleep and established rituals around it.

I went in thinking it would be easy and was massively derailed. Though as someone up thread said, it depends on the temperament of the children. My Dc2 was much more demanding re sleep and feeding. Plus I had PND. All the stuff about dc2 just having to fit in just didn't apply as dc2 would never wait!!

I'd say factors that are important are age gap, temperament of kids, your expectations probably a lot based on previous experience. I hadn't realised what an easy child my first was !

Not saying that stuff to be annoying. A lot of people said it to me when I was pregnant and I secretly wanted to tell them to fuck off.

I'd just say go into it expecting challenge and you will fly through it!

Expectations are key - very true! I was expecting another screamy can't-be-put-down constantly-feeding high needs type newborn, so anything "better" than that has been a huge pleasant surprise!

Don't know why I've chosen to read this thread... 39+4 today and dd turns 2 tomorrow, bit late to make a decision about it now! Marking place though to read in more detail and refer back to later

I found the hardest jump was from having none to one.
So 1 to 2 wasn't bad. I knew what to expect, all my baby free days had already gone, I already had a lot of baby stuff so it was fine.

placemarking, as I need to have a proper think about this :S I like my cosy world of one baby, it all worked well, got a feeling of doom about a second!

I have a 2.6yo and a 6 week old. Already it is harder work with cleaning tidying etx, but I am astonished how much more relaxed I am. With DS1 I was always worried je was ill, now I'm much less anxious. I do feel guilty about DS1 but know this is normal.

My standards have slipped though, we are on two Disney films daily while I adjust

I said a couple of posts ago tht I found it a lot easier thn I expected and the hardest adjustment from me was none to. One.
However I did worry that I wouldn't love baby number two as much as baby one ( 3 years 2 months between them)

I was so wrong. It's like your heart grows to have extra love in it. I know tht sounds really corny and cheesy but it true.
I just wish I had gone for two more.....but that's another story!

25 month gap and it had been muh easier than I expected. I read lots of these type of threads before hand and thought what am I doing! But it has really been ok.

We have had our moments where it has been difficult of course but on the whole not bad I am so much more relaxed than I was with dd1 I think it has helped. I also recovered from my birth within days as opposed to what seemed like weeks with dd1, me and dp are also both used to functioning on little sleep.

Dd2 is the easy part, I have found as long as I keep dd1 entertained it is okay we go out daily (if not a few hours in the garden) and I have relaxed over dvd's and tv.

They are really interacting now at 4.5 months in, dd1 has ben ill the past few days so quiet and not too close to dd2 and every time dd1 came over to dd2 today there was squeals of excitment. I am loving having two so far.

Not quite 2.7yr gap between my DD & DS. I found the birth much easier, establishing breastfeeding a walk in the park, and the whole 'baby' thing easy. But I missed my DD. Fewer cuddles, fewer mummy & daughter moments, & feeling like I had to split myself in 2. My DH wasn't exactly the most helpful at times to say the least and challenges that arose tested our relationship.

I would say that the darkest time was around 10wks until about 4mths. DS started needing me more, DD was coming up 3yo & also needed more attention & a birthday party planned and DH was being a bit of a dick unhelpful at times. However, now DS is nearly 9mo, I love it, although him being on the move brings its own challenges.

It makes it so worthwhile when DS crawls up to DD, or gazes lovingly at her, or she does something sweet, like dismiss him ripping her drawing up with "I can always draw a new one" or insists on kissing him goodnight every night. The peekaboo games and giggles from both make your heart melt.

I would recommend reading "The Second Baby Survival Guide" by naia Edwards. Some hints & tips, & lots of 'its not just me!!' moments.