Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Ex-P and car seats - WWYD?

40 replies

Inamess1 · 02/08/2013 16:42

Hi, I've posted about a similar issue before.

I just need dome help and clarification.

My ex is due to pick up the kids today according to a court order. I asked him to take my cars eats as they are the ones with back and neck support and suitable for a long 2 hour journey. He is flatly refusing and instead is using booster seats which don't have much protection at all. How do I get through to him about this and is it as big an issue to everyone else as it is to me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inamess1 · 02/08/2013 16:46

I'm saying use mine and he's just telling me to not involve myself in what he does with the children. Surely he should want the safer seats.

OP posts:
mummy2benji · 02/08/2013 17:53

Safety would be a massive issue for me too, and rightly so. Are his booster seats inappropriate for the children's ages? If they are age-appropriate but just not as good quality as yours, but not actually against safety guidelines, then maybe you need to let him use his own if he is insistent. But if they don't adhere to safety guidelines about what seats your children should be in, I would flatly refuse to let him take them out. He could have one of two issues - 1) he wants to do his bit and have involvement and he sees his own car seats as being more independent than using your stuff, or 2) he's just being an awkward b**r to annoy you.

Original poster
Inamess1 · 02/08/2013 21:09

Yes definitely number 2, but he's taken the kids now in his own seats. To top matters he doesn't have a drivers licence so transports children illegally. But there's nothing I can say or do so just have to put up and shut up.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Original poster
Inamess1 · 02/08/2013 21:14

In answer to your question the seats are ok for the ages but I've read many reviews by organisations such as Which! Stating that in an impact or collision it is very likely that a child's head would smack against a window with just boosters. But with child seats with back and neck/ head support they would cushion the blow of any accident. I ait to being a very cautious mother. But he could just take my seats forthe safety of our children.
Also I don't think it's anything to do with responsibilities or independence from me because he doesn't feel he should give any maintenance to his children.

OP posts:
Tigglettchic · 02/08/2013 21:26

um, hello, you knowingly let him drive them when he doesn't have a license? You need to report him. There could be repercussions.

I also think you are right about the car seats. I he is careless enough to drive without a license, what else would he do??

Woopdedo · 02/08/2013 21:45

I can't believe that anyone would actually let their children get into a car with someone (dad or not) with no licence.

mummy2benji · 02/08/2013 21:50

Hmm if you are going through the courts, as it sounded like you mentioned above, I think it might be best to mention these issues and have them back you up. Then he can only take them out with appropriate safety measures. And he should be paying maintenance. It doesn't sound amicable between you anyway so I would involve the official people and let them help you liaise with him and set down some rules.

CreatureRetorts · 02/08/2013 21:52

WTF are you doing letting someone drive your children without a license? Shock

I would not allow it.

CreatureRetorts · 02/08/2013 21:53

There's plenty you can do. Refuse to let your children go in the car. Report him to the police.

inallmydays · 02/08/2013 23:47

your worried about a car seat but your allowing a non driver to drive them around . that is a bit more unsafe than the seats tbh .

Original poster
Inamess1 · 04/08/2013 21:18

Appreciate all your comments.

I have no choice but to allow him to take the children because he brings his mum with him and says she is driving. Obviously that is not the case but if In doubt the kids tell me. Now he has started to ask my daughter to lie to me about it. If I do report it police won't go anything. I will mention it next time we go to court but like I said he has a strong alibi. I don't think I have grounds to refuse to let him take the children?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inamess1 · 04/08/2013 23:43

Anyone?!

OP posts:
CreatureRetorts · 05/08/2013 09:43

The thing is you haven't actually tried telling the police? Or mentioning it in court? So how do you know that nothing will happen?

At the end of the day if he has an accident - you would ask yourself whether or not you had done everything you could and would feel awful if you hadn't.

Original poster
Inamess1 · 05/08/2013 19:12

I agree with you creatureretorts but I think I didn't want to damage our relationship any more as its so bad as it is. He will see it as I'm preventing him from seeing the children and that will have repercussions for me.

He's not the easiest person to get along with.

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 05/08/2013 22:30

can I ask why he doesn't have a licence? Never passed his test? or driving ban? Why doesn't his mum do the driving. You do have grounds to refuse him seeing them if he's driving them. you'd never forgive yourself if he had an accident x

LucyTheLittlestLioness · 05/08/2013 23:41

If he is driving with no licence presumably he is also driving with no insurance.

I would be far more concerned about those points than whether he was using the correct carseats tbh Confused

Original poster
Inamess1 · 06/08/2013 00:23

He has lost his licence due to drink driving then subsequently had his conviction extended at least 3 times for driving whilst banned and without insurance.

His mum doesn't drive because she is an older lady now and the 1.30/2hour distance is too much for her.
Do I have grounds to stop him taking the children? I suspect I would have to raise the matter in court and I will have no proof.

OP posts:
Droflove · 06/08/2013 07:41

If the seats are within the legal requirement for the kids then you have no ground to stand on there. However, the licence thing is a real issue so you need to consult your solicitor about this.

cloudskitchen · 06/08/2013 08:37

You probably don't have a right to stop him seeing them but you do have a right to stop him transporting illegally. Driving whilst on a ban is illegal. The drink driving also raises a red flag for me. If hes carried on driving whilst banned perhaps hes still drink driving to... FYI www.drivingban.co.uk/drivingban/drivingonabanwhilstdisqualified.htm sorry I can't link properly on my phone.

Original poster
Inamess1 · 06/08/2013 09:05

The prob is even though I know he is driving because the kids say so, his mum is with him pretending to drive so I can't prove any concerns. He will just think I'm trying to create problems.

OP posts:
LucyTheLittlestLioness · 06/08/2013 09:17

Surely it's still worth reporting though. Otherwise you will feel awful if he has an accident.

MNHQ
OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 06/08/2013 09:18

Hello there

Let us know if you'd like us to add a thread title to this won't you?

cloudskitchen · 06/08/2013 14:01

I see what you mean. you only know he's driving because the kids say so? thats tricky for you. trouble is if he keeps getting caught they might make him serve some time but I guess thats his problem..

Original poster
Inamess1 · 06/08/2013 20:17

Cloudskitchen my mind is all over the place at the moment, I should have said he's already served time for driving whilst banned repeatedly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inamess1 · 06/08/2013 20:19

Mumsnet hq a title would be great!

OP posts: