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Parenting

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Original poster

Ex-P and car seats - WWYD?

40 replies

Inamess1 · 02/08/2013 16:42

Hi, I've posted about a similar issue before.

I just need dome help and clarification.

My ex is due to pick up the kids today according to a court order. I asked him to take my cars eats as they are the ones with back and neck support and suitable for a long 2 hour journey. He is flatly refusing and instead is using booster seats which don't have much protection at all. How do I get through to him about this and is it as big an issue to everyone else as it is to me?

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MNHQ

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 07/08/2013 11:27

Have added one now - hope it's okay.
Hope you can sort it out with him too, sounds stressful.

zipzap · 07/08/2013 11:40

Depending on how worried you are - could you tip off your local police or his local police so they are at your house to catch him arriving or arriving back at his house.

Do your kids get to talk to the judge when you are in court for sorting out access ever (sorry, not done this myself to know)? Could you get one of them to say that they don't like being in the car with him driving because they are worried that he will be arrested again and see how it kicks off from there?

I think you're in a horrible situation - you poor thing - you're dammed if you do let them go with him and you're dammed if you don't

Could your kids tell him that they are uncomfortable in his car seats and want to use their ones that you have?

I think you need to talk to somebody who can give you better advice - maybe ring your local 101 number and see if they can give advice. Or is there anybody that you can talk to in relation to the court order? Ooh. And film them driving off if dh is driving (and/or if you can catch them arriving too) so that at least you have proof so it isn't down to your dc having to dob their father in or lie like he tells them too

specialsubject · 07/08/2013 11:49

please contact the police. There is an uninsured driver who doesn't give a stuff about the law.

please, please contact the cops and report him before he kills someone.

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frogwatcher42 · 07/08/2013 11:54

I agree with contacting the police. Also do you have a car - could you follow and take a picture on your phone of them changing from MIL driving to him driving (I assume they would do it quickly after leaving yours) as proof (I know it sounds a bit daft and detectivey but I think I would try). Or get kids to take a picture of him driving somehow.

He should seriously be stopped driving if he is banned. Surely you have grounds for not letting kids go with him if they say he drives while banned.

solarbright · 07/08/2013 12:00

So who is driving as they pull away from your home? Does his DM drive down the block and then switch when out of sight? You do have witnesses: the kids, and her. And I'd say the courts are very likely to believe you given his previous!

Original poster

Inamess1 · 07/08/2013 19:08

Thanks for replies

They swap down the road from my house. Luckily he has changed the seats now but the issue of him driving still remains. I can contact police but how they would catch him is beyond me. He doesn't drive in his home town as he is well known by the police.

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Original poster

Inamess1 · 07/08/2013 19:09

Oh and they are too young to have their say in court.

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3birthdaybunnies · 07/08/2013 19:18

Well you know when he is likely to be leaving your house, you know the direction he is likely to be going and presumably you know the reg number of the car or could note it down next time. I'm sure the police would be interested in the information. If he has been caught in that car driving before then they might have pulled it over anyway because they know that a banned driver has driven it. I would be much more concerned about him driving without licence or insurance than the car seats although they do sound young to be in booster seats. His driving is obviously not good, he persists to drive without a licence, he's a danger to his family and to other drivers.

nameequality · 07/08/2013 19:36

OP police catch habitual drink drivers like this. They obtain a report and will then wait and catch them. You must report it so the info is on record. Do you ever talk to your MIL?!

ihearsounds · 07/08/2013 19:46

You report him each time. Police do have ways of catching people driving illegally. But if you remain complacent and do nothing, then they have nothing to start with.

zipzap · 07/08/2013 20:10

I would ring the police on 101 and tell them each time. Do you reckon that they swap just before they arrive at tours too?

Figure out where they swap and tell the police each time it happens; at least that way you know that you have done your part. Once you have told the police it is up to them how and when they act on the information. But if he does have an accident you won't have the guilt of knowing that you could have done something but didnt and not knowing that that could have made a difference to the outcomes...

ScariestFairyByFar · 07/08/2013 20:22

Tell the police tell them where they swap and let them decide what to do

Earthworms · 07/08/2013 20:29

It's not your job to work out hoe to catch him. It's the polices job. Tell them, let them worry about how to catch him.

If they won't do anything, then you get the spy camera out.

Wringing our hands at home won't help.

Sorry, but I get very cross about unlicensed uninsured knobheads, and so should you. He is risking your kids lives.

Original poster

Inamess1 · 07/08/2013 21:15

I agree with you Earthworms completely.

Mil and I rarely talk, if I say to her don't let him drive she will think I'm per steering and giving her precious son a hard time. She is already resentful that she has to accompany him every other weekend on a 2hr journey to mine and 2 hrs back. She will always take his side and even turned up with the police toy house one day at 10pm because I wouldn't hand over the children as per court order because they didn't have car seats.

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wilkos · 07/08/2013 21:26

Oh FFS, call the police. Stop making excuses and do it. You are allowing your kids to be driven by an uninsured, unlicensed drink driver in unsatisfactory car seats. DO SOMETHING.

I have an awkward bully for a STBExH too, so I understand how hard it can be to stand up to them, but if your kids are involved in an accident you will never ever forgive yourself. Do it now.

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