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Original poster

am I overreacting?? (thread no 5000)

28 replies

morocco · 09/06/2006 22:21

I work evenings and dh puts the kids to bed a few nights a week. I do the other nights while he is working so we very rarely put the kids to bed as a team iyswim? BUt when we do, I get seriously p####d off by his bath time routine. No matter what I say (or scream, yell, get hysterical etc) there is always something just as bad the next time. Am I over reacting - go on - you can be honest! How can I get dh to see sense???
eg he leaves the 2 year old (and this goes back a few months so he was under 2 the first time) in the bath alone then goes downstairs to do the dishes and tidy up. I admit, I don't sit right next to him myself, but I stay in earshot at least.
tonight he put ds1 who is 3 in the bath and started running the bath while ds1 was in it (hot and cold at same time) then again went downstairs to tidy up. I had to come and rescue ds1 from rather hot bath. do you think he would have had the sense to get out if it got too hot?? I just know I wouldn't have done it.
Every time, it seems to be something like this that just does my head in. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. dh won't admit there is anything wrong with what he does.
So - should I take a chill pill or how can I get him to see sense.
Over to you

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liath · 09/06/2006 22:25

Not over-reacting at all!

I'd be fuming. I'd not let dh bath a child if he left them unsupervised at such a young age.

emkana · 09/06/2006 22:27

I agree with liath.

You're absolutely right to be angry and he has to stop this.

Original poster

morocco · 09/06/2006 22:31

ok, that's looking good for my instincts so far then, but the big problem I have is in getting dh to stop doing it. He completely refuses to accept that it is not on to do the bath routine like he does. I even wonder if he is deliberately making it worse than normal to wind me up. Like I said, I hardly ever get to see what he does so when I do it really shocks me (like tonight).

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liath · 09/06/2006 22:35

TBH I'd be tempted to try & find a news report about a child drowning in a bath to shock him. DH would never do anything so bl**dy silly as he's worked in a children's A&E and has seen the results of people "just popping off" to do something......

KateF · 09/06/2006 22:38

This is awful morocco! He musn't leave a 3 year old alone in the bath. Friends of a friend of mine lost their 2 year old through an accident in the bath. Maybe this has made me paranoid but I sit in the bathroom while mine are in the bath and my eldest is 6. Could you print this thread and show him that it's not just you that thinks he's being careless.

edam · 09/06/2006 22:43

He's barking. And putting your children in danger. By drowning, or scalding. I think it's RoSPA who keep the stats for childhood accidents, but if not them, there must be somewhere you can find them onllne to print out and show him.

hunkermunker · 09/06/2006 22:43

He's endangering the life of your children. I would stop him from bathing them if he can't stay in the room. If DH did this, I would be livid and probably violent towards him.

Lact8 · 09/06/2006 22:45

Morocco please tell him he has to stop this. I'm not trying to scare you but my Aunt left my cousin, 3 at the time, in the bath to answer the front door. She was only gone for a few minutes but my cousin managd to turn the hot tap on and suffered really bad scolds and spent years having skin grafts. She is fine now, 20 odd years after the event but had to endure lots of operations throughout her childhood and teens

Please show him the responses on here. Its just not worth risking it IMO

juuule · 09/06/2006 22:46

Sit in the bathroom with my 2yo and 6yo. Wouldn't leave them on their own. Still shout in frequently to the 8 and 9 year olds to make sure all okay - and they leave the door slightly open.
Too much of a risk.

brimfull · 09/06/2006 22:48

totally irresponsible imo.
My dh bathes my ds 3yrs most nights,he does not leave him to come downstairs he may pop into the next room to fetch something but wouldn't dream of leaving him for any length of time at all.
As for running a bath with the child in it ....I'm shocked! Childrens skin is much thinner than adults so what seems only mildy hot to us could seriously burn a child.

LeahE · 09/06/2006 22:48

You're not overreacting. I don't know how you get him to wake up, though. Where does one get hold of those old Jimmy Saville safety films they used to show when we were kids? Maybe you could be constructive and book both of you onto a children's first aid / safety course? Or can you dredge up a friend from somewhere who's worked in children's A&E and can give him the lowdown?

Original poster

morocco · 09/06/2006 22:53

I'm trying to work out how I can talk to dh about it without it ending with me screaming hysterically and making lots of threats (yes, I know what you mean hunker cos violent is how I feel about it). I guess I could threaten to give up my job unless he sorts himself out but I think if I go round making threats, he's going to dig his heels in more and make less of an effort to change his ways
perhaps I will print off some scary stories and give them to him to read. where can I get some from do you think?
those are terrible stories, lact8 and kateF - just what I imagine in my head actually, when I see what dh is up to.

OP posts:

emkana · 09/06/2006 22:56

Dh can be a bit careless at times (just a little bit) but the way I've made him see sense is by trying to tell him (as calmly as I could manage)that even though things might work out okay his way, would he ever be able to forgive himself if something did go wrong and he could have prevented it through simple measures?

Do you think your dh might be open to that train of thought?

KateF · 09/06/2006 22:57

Sorry if I have upset you morocco but it haunts me even after several years . Can you say to your dh " Please read this because I am really upset about the way you deal with bath-time and we need to talk about it". Then leave him to read through the thread and come back to you. TBH if he doesn't take it on board I would rather have a grubby toddler than let him carry on with this.

LeahE · 09/06/2006 23:01

You could start with

CAPT factsheets on bath scalds and drowning (www.capt.org.uk/FAQ/default.htm) -- every year in the UK around 450 children under five are admitted to hospital with a severe scald caused by bath water and 2,000 suffer less severe scald injuries. 20 of these children will die as a result of the scalds and many more will need lengthy and painful treatments and be left with permanent scarring. Many accidents happen when children are unsupervised – often just for a few seconds. They may play with the hot tap or may climb and fall in to a hot bath. Constant adult supervision is therefore vital to prevent scald accidents happening [...] A further 14 children under five will die each year from drowning in the bath.

liath · 09/06/2006 23:11

Print {http://www.cpsc.gov/library/drwnstat.pdf\this pdf} and let him read it.

liath · 09/06/2006 23:12

Rats.

\link{http://www.cpsc.gov/library/drwnstat.pdf\try again}

Lact8 · 09/06/2006 23:16

If I were you I'd speak to dh and try to stay calm. say you've been thinking about it and was wondering how he would feel if you started to let the children not wear their seatbelts/car seats? Surely he would think you were taking a huge risk with your children's safety and would expect you to use the belts and respect his opinion that they must be used. Say bathtime is an area where you feel really strongly that their safety has got to come first. Get the factsheets that LeahE posted about so you can back up what you're saying to him

fattiemumma · 09/06/2006 23:18

yeap he is being irrespsonsible....BUT dont go in too heavy handed, he is washing the kids putting them to bed and doing the dishes...if you kick off he may well stop altogether and then where will you be?

You do need to explain to him in a way that will sink in that what he is doing is potentially dangerous...but dont scream and shout.

Tortington · 09/06/2006 23:42

the mans a fuckwit.

cant you say " are you a fuckwit. you stand in the bath whilst i run it shit for brains. - only you cant tell me if its too hot becuase you havent got the verbal communication skills - instead you can cry. but i will ignore you becuase you always cry.

how are you going to feel when you DEVESTATE my whole existance for being you selfish cunt. if one of them DIES.

think he might get the message?

threebob · 10/06/2006 01:05

Why not just start by telling him to leave the dishes and the tidying up, and play with his children while they are in the bath, they are young for such a short time etc.

Try to solve the "needing to tidy up" problem, rather than the more emotional one of "leaving children unattended in the bath you fwit" problem.

Shorter more hands on bathing time, (with dishes before they have the bath). Could they help with the dishes now they are a little older?

Do you have a shower?

Caligula · 10/06/2006 07:21

No you are not over-reacting, children drown and get scalded in baths because of behaviour like your husband's.

Could you tell him that you'll ask the HV whether he's right or not? I suspect he knows he's wrong (though why he wants to endanger his children I can't guess) and will not be keen on having a lecture from her.

Why is he doing this though? Why would anyone want to put their children in danger? I'd hate anyone who treated my children like this.

wanderingstar · 10/06/2006 13:36

Shocking ! The most I'd do when my 2.5 yo is in the bath is nip next door for his PJ's if I've forgotten them. might tidy other corner of bathroom, but that's it. I'm basically in the room with him, if not actually scrubbing him down. A child that age will climb, might slip underwater and gulp in water in a panic...all in seconds. And I'd never leave him in the bath with the tap running .

BTW I'm busy too; if I've not tidied bombsite of a kitchen before his bath, it waits till he's out ! I have 4 children and the evenings are madly busy, but you have to be careful fgs !

Please show him these replies...

hunkermunker · 24/06/2006 00:23

Morocco, has DH altered his opinion yet?

cheesecakelover · 24/06/2006 00:42

Oh my god! I have just read this thread, and I am shocked, not just by your dh but also by the fact that my dp thinks along the same lines. This is why I DO NOT LET HIM BATH MY DS ALONE!! I don't know if it's all men or just the ones in my family, but they just do not see dangers as readily as us ladies. Maybe it's because we carried our children for 9 months or because of our maternal instinct. You are certainly not over reacting and are definitely right to be worried about this. My ds is nearly 2 and I sit with him everytime he has a bath, even then he has gone to get a toy and slipped round on to his front with his face going in the water! I think you need to sit your dh down and calmly explain to him how devestated you would be if anything ever happened to your children, and if tears are needed then so be it! My dp kept on leaving empty coke cans lying around, so if my ds got a cut, however minor, I would make a point of phoning my dp to let him know that ds had just cut his finger "on one of his cans", so far so good, no more empty cans! If this still does not work, then a severe beating is in order to get thru to him!!

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