What causes a baby to be able to self soothe?

[weeblueberry]

My antenatal buddy and I were talking about our 10 week olds bedtime schedules earlier. I told her that our wee one gets swaddled after her bath and feed and is just put in the bassinet in the living room where she falls asleep (usually without crying/moaning about it). Friend seemed shocked that she could self soothe at that age and said her baby generally needs to be held as she goes to sleep.

Which begs the question of what causes a baby to be able to self soothe? Is it routine? Attachment? Just a generally more independent baby?

I admit we are pretty schedule orientated but always go to her if she cries/feed her if she is hungry between 3 hourly feeds etc.

It made me curious :)

I have no idea, but whatever you're doing will you come and do it for my 7 month old?! Cheers.

It's the baby. It's what they're like. It's not because you have better 'attachment' than your friend.

Personality.

Dd1 awesome at self settling from early on, sleeping through at 14 weeks.

Dd2 brought me to my knees.

Same routine with both (apart from feeding but that's another CNN of worms :) )

Its just the baby and just because your baby can self settle now doesn't mean they will still be able to in a week or a month from now.

The swaddling may well be helping the baby to settle. I swaddled my daughter, its great but do make sure you don't swaddle babies hips/legs tightly, they need to be in the 'froggy' position. Swaddling arms is fine but its important not to swaddle legs/hips tightly :)

Just the temperament of the baby you get.

Judy I didn't mean to suggest that I did - in fact DP suggested it might be a factor but I told him I didn't think it was that. :)

It's pratice

I think its just the baby my lo has self settled since 8 weeks (nearly 7 months old now) and only because he doesn't like to be held or cuddled while going to sleep however now separation anxiety has kicked in in the last month he wants me to lie on bed with him while he rolls around to sleep but screams at me if i try to touch or cuddle him while he is going to sleep! He used to sleep half 8 till 5 bottle then back to sleep till 8 but he has also started waking up every hour wanting to know im there but screams if i try n cuddle him bk to sleep again he just wants me to lie there! If anyone has any advice how to help me let me know?(sorry for hijack)

Baby's temperament I think. But also, at that young age, they do like background noise IME which imagine your lo is getting if sleeping in the living room

My baby has done this since birth and it's luck of the draw as far as I'm aware!

Definitely temperament
Mine have all varied and the more antsy ones are the same when awake too

Definitely the baby - my 2 have been treated exactly the same but are polar opposites in terms of settling in to a routine and learning to self soothe.

Luck. 3mo DD is really good at self-soothing but we can't put it down to anything we do. She's just that kind of baby. I'm under no illusions - if we have another they'll most likely be a totally different kettle of fish!

My lol self settled from three Weeks. He lost the ability to do do around seven months when he developed separation anxiety. I think.I was just.lucky and then unlucky.

My DS self-soothed from 6-12 weeks. He's now 9 months and just starting to learn to do this again. I don't think there's a magic formula, babies are different and they go through different phases.

Definitely luck, my DSs are completely different. DS1 wouldn't self-soothe and was a nightmare till about 16 weeks when he finally cracked it and since then we've never had a problem.

DS2 is up and down - some days we can put him down wide awake and go back in 10 mins later and he's zonked, other days he'll scream as soon as you leave the room (he's 13 wks).

I believe there's also an element of; babies who are always cuddled to sleep are unlikely to learn to self sooth, they don't get opportunity to learn. Those babies who are regularly put Down awake and left to grumble for a bit, learn very quickly to self sooth. It is a learned skill to some degree, but yes I agree a lot is down temperament. Certainly how hard it is to 'teach' a baby to self sooth is also at all down to temperament, rather then parenting skills.

I believe there's also an element of; babies who are always cuddled to sleep are unlikely to learn to self sooth, they don't get opportunity to learn. Those babies who are regularly put Down awake and left to grumble for a bit, learn very quickly to self sooth. It is a learned skill to some degree, but yes I agree a lot is down temperament. Certainly how hard it is to 'teach' a baby to self sooth is also at all down to temperament, rather then parenting skills.

Temperament based on my experience of parenting 3 x DC. DD1 pretty much self-settled from birth. DS struggles to self settle now at age 4.5.

My DD2 is only six weeks and self settles in her cot at 7pm.

I don't agree with the cuddling thing resulting in not self settling as with DD2 I generally cuddle her to sleep at other times as during day or night. I have never specifically put my babies down awake so they learn to self settle it has just become evident whether or not they can when I have happened to put them down awake.

Self-soothing is a myth, even the researcher who invented the term says so! Just because it is oft-repeated, does to make something a fact.

This is not to say. That babies don't learn to go to sleep alone, or that. They won't get a response for crying. Those things definitely happen. However, there is no evidence that babies in fact learn to 'self soothe' in any way as part of this process.

Agree with what Shiraz says. It's a developmental process and the personality of the baby. Also a stage. My elder one fell asleep easily at that age, but not past 4 months.

Not entirely sure but I tend to agree with Seb - just from our own experience. We put our DS to bed at 7pm in his own room from the day we got back from hospital; it hadn't honestly occured to me to 'cuddle' him to sleep or let him sleep in the sitting room. He barely grizzled, we left him, and he went to sleep. I don't know if that is just the way he was or if he 'learned' that behaviour because he was just so easy to put down that we didn't need to fuss over him.

Equally I have a friend who's children are now 8 & 10 who still cannot get to sleep on their own, but looking at the way they are just not left 'to get on with it' I am not really surprised.

But my method is often considered heartless on Mumsnet .

I'm 3 weeks into parenting DC2 and oh wow, I hadn't really appreciated just how different newborns can be in terms of temperament. DS would never be put down, even when fast asleep. Even in a sling we had to keep moving constantly to keep him asleep. self soothing - hah, I would've just loved 5 minutes peace at any point. We co-slept out of necessity too, putting him down anywhere - asleep or awake - resulted in ear splitting "I am in agony" screams. He was like that from the word go, the MWs on the postnatal ward even remarked on it.

DD - well, she's been asleep in her carrycot for nearing 2.5 hours now.... I'll say no more before I jinx things...