What do you do to make life easier for yourself?

[shakespeare]

I'm still learning the ropes managing two (4 dd, 9m ds) and I still attempt waaaaay too much waaaay to often.

I'm finding myself in a constant state of stress, feeling like I'm never getting the things done I need (or would like) to do AND I'm a SAHM. I say that as I am shocked (and slightly embarrassed) that I didn't realise that this really IS a full time bleedin' job! I really do take my hat off to all the working mums out there.

I feel like I'm always chasing my tail and must admit to feeling a little weepy most days as its just so relentless....the laundry, the dishwasher, the cooking, the prepping for lunches, life admin, house admin, tidying, playing arrggggggg. I never feel I have my head above the water. I have a lovely, wonderful partner but of course he is out 10 hours a day so not a huge help on a day to day basis.

So what do you do to make your life easier? Hired help? One meal for the whole family? Regular takeaways? Time out every week for yourself? Exercise? Would love to hear how other manage....

I have only ever done one meal for the whole family - slightly adapting things if ds really doesn't like a dish.

I used the slow cooker a LOT in the early days and froze lots of meals too.

We ALWAYS went out for a couple of hours every single day come rain, shine or snow, I did that with ds and with my charges when I was a nanny. It helped keep me sane, the kids burned off energy and then when we got home it was nap time or some quiet time in front of the telly/with a book so I could get jobs done.

When ds was 2.5 he went to a friend who was a childminder for mon, weds and thurs for 3 hours. I had crippling PND and it meant I could have some time to myself ten if it was just a bath. I WISH I had done that earlier on and not left it so long as it really helped.

Dh worked relentlessly and had a 4.5 hr commute plus shift work so I was pretty much on my own, so I went to lots of play clubs and met many people that are still good friends. Thank GOD for Sure Start becasue I honestly don't think I would have been here still without it - I don't say that flippantly either!

If a cleaner would help and you can afford it, get one!

ten=even

Older DS was at preschool a fair bit, now they are 3.11 and 2 they both go on one of the days I don't work so that I can have some time to do stuff / run errands / relax / drink tea. We do have cleaner. We meal plan for the week and the days that they are home for tea we all eat the same. On the days I work, DH and I are out of the house for 12 hours so when the kids are in bed we do as little as poss - we have to be up at six.
TV is not evil - especially Cbeebies which is less repetitive that Nick Jr.
Your 4yo is old enough to play a little with the baby, stacking cups, rolling a ball etc.
Park, Soft Play, toddler groups - whatever you can to avoid being cooped up in the house for hours.
Beds don't get changed every week, ironing gets done in one big pile over a 2hr period in front of the TV
At the weekends, DH and I often "relay" being on duty with the kids and the other gets jobs done.
HTH

Would a routine and lists help you so your not constanly running from one job to the next? Daily jobs/weekly jobs/monthly jobs, planned play time/me time/activities etc

I'm not a mum yet so maybe not as practical at home with kids as it is at work but I love a routine and list to tick off

A routine definitely helped me.

Get outdoors, you cannot make a mess in the house if you are not in it. Try and confine toys to one room and have something to store them in so you can throw them in at the end of the day easily.
Batch cook.
Give fingers foods and let LO eat breakfast whilst you prepare lunch and eat lunch whilst you prepare dinner.
Buy them "Mum" toys. My Lo only lets me dry my hair if he can use his pretend hair dryer too and same for ironing.
Lower your standards.

I work full time, but when I do look after dc1 (am 33+3 ph with dc2), all day I find the following helps:

Write a list of what you're doing am and pm (eg: 8am breakfast, 9-10am free play, 10am get dressed, 11-12 --sensory play etc)

I get everything ready for bedtime as soon as I'm up - I out bath towel and sleepsuits out, and out the toothbrush and toothpaste upstairs and lay everything out.

I also lay out clothes for the next day the night before

I write a meal planner for lunches and/or dinner, and re dinner I use the leftovers from our meal as lunch etc for the next day

It sounds like you're doing a greatbjob, don't beat yourself up over not being perfect. It's tough and sometimes being at work feels like a rest!

Mine are 3yo and 8mo, I'm still on mat leave, and I feel exactly the same! It's relentless. Things which help are:

Keeping the freezer stocked with meals that we can take out for dinners. We'll cook big batches of food eg bolognese, and freeze enough for a couple of meals. That way I don't have to cook from scratch every day.

Meal planning in general. Between dp and I we generally know what we're having for dinner for the next few days. We freeze meat and fish and take out what we need to make dinner in the morning.

If possible, preparing dinner in the morning, as completely as possible. The baby is usually asleep for his longest nap, and neither kid is tired or cranky.

Everybody eating the same thing, so I'm not doing separate meals for me/the baby/dd. One lunchtime after ds went onto solids I realised I was doing three different lunches- bloody ridiculous!

Making lunchtime a spread of finger food- pitta, hummus, crudite, avocado slices, ham, cheese etc. minimal prep and the baby can feed himself. Blimey, a lot of these are about food!

Dd (3) goes to playgroup two mornings a week, and that has been a sanity saver. It's free.

Although dd doesn't nap any more, we have quiet time after lunch. Hopefully ds is napping at this time, though that doesn't always happen. She watches a tv prog, listens to a story cd, or looks at books. The understanding is that I sit down and have a cup of tea and it is MY quiet time too. She is pretty good about it.

It really helps to prepare for the next trip out, as soon as we get in from the last one- ie sort out changing bag etc. The theory is that we can then just leave the house easily. I hardly ever actually do this though!

Oh, I also get us all dressed as soon as we get up. I don't know if it's just a psychological thing that helps me to feel more in control, but if we are not dressed promptly the rest of the day tends to unravel!

I had 3 under 3 and am only just feeling like I've got it under control now my youngest is 2!

Lots of snacks everywhere - in the baby bag, in the car with juice cartons. Eat little and often, very often.
I had a very strict routine and was very, very lucky that all 3 had an afternoon nap for 2hrs so I could get a quick snooze on the sofa as well. When the oldest dropped their afternoon nap then they got to watch t.v while I put my feet up.
I go out to exercise 3 times a week. The thing I've found that really, really works for me starts at 7pm so I get to skip out of the bedtime mayhem 2 nights a week !
Get DH to cook the night before once the dc's are in bed, have at least one emergency dinner in the freezer like pizza that can be ready in 10mins.
I had a cleaner once a week, put the washing on as we went out in the morning, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen after lunch, cleaned the bathroom while dc's were in the bath.

My dh also works long hrs so I get what its like!

I also make sure we're all dressed and washed first thing before we come downstairs.

Only make one meal a day and try to make it a one pot/ one oven tray meal if you can. Bbcgoodfood have some fab recipes.

Try to make one thing during the week that can be batch cooked and frozen eg bolognaise, curry

go out as much as you can. Go for long walks. Even if its raining. Have lunch in the park if its a nice day. Meet up with friends.

Do one load of laundry every day and put the previous days away.

Tidy the living room and clean the kitchen every evening so you're not playing catch up the next day.

Make sure your dh helps out with some jobs especially with a blitz in the evenings.

Deal with admin as soon as you can. We have a 'file it or bin it' rule.

I also try not to cook on the weekends. We often get a take away on Saturdays and dh might cook on Sundays or we get something out of the freezer. I'm also aiming to use my slow cooker for Sundays as I want it to be downtime for everyone.
I also try to have something to look forward to for the weekends as the monotony and drudgery of every day life can be draining!
It might just be a walk somewhere local, visiting family or a day out.

I make sure I get some time for myself too. Gym, hairdressers, facial, book club, going out with friends.

Agree only one meal. Picnic style lunches (ie: cheese & crackers/fruit/yogurt - easy stuff).

Try to get out of the house as much as possible - free/cheap activities - going to the park/toddler group/library session etc. We used to do an hour and a half walk every single day (sometimes twice if nothing more organised to do) - added bonus that I was much fitter then.

Also shared responsibilities at weekend, rather than always doing something 'as a family' (boak ), DH would take charge so that I could go out and do my own thing.

Strict bedtime (not popular on Mumsnet but worked for us) from Day 1.

Failing all else make sure you have chilled wine ready for the evening or earlier .

Lower standards - I can't believe some of the threads on mumsnet where people vacuum every day .

Absolutely lower your standards.

If you can't manage everything you're trying to achieve, you need to try to achieve less! This is easier to control than being more organised with small children.

So:

Iron less/stop altogether
Stop cleaning as regularly (note - I don't mean the kitchen, but things like dusting can wait!)
Wear clothes more than once before washing (particularly pjs)
Cook one meal for everyone (even if this means you and DH get fishfingers, chips and beans once a week)

And YY to going out everyday. Even just for a cheap lunch in a community cafe. You don't create mess when you're not in.

Good god, who washes their PJ's every day?

Anyone who is menopausal.

I take anti depressants, they're fab. Once a week I neck a valium too, sends me off on a blissful duvet of sleepy softness. I keep chocolate in the house at all times, but I lie about it. The lies make me feel a bit powerful. Enjoy as much pretending to be asleep as possible.

Just do whatever you need to do to survive.

Chocolate and valium are never wrong

morriszapp that's probaby the best advice I've ever read on here.

You're welcome :)

If your doc won't play ball re the Valium, go to the oldest GP in your practice. They're much more sensible and kind and give them out like sweeties

Don't share the chocolate. It is not theirs, the fuckers. It is yours and yours alone. Try to have other secrets too, harmless ones are probably best. When out and about, hide in Starbucks then say you're knackered from all the work and errands.

Whenever I have a hard week my dh reminds me that his impression as a child was all his friend,s mums were on Valium or anti depressants....
The truth is once you go beyond one child it is knackering, wearing and hard work.
Do not be in awe of the working mothers..whilst they work some one else does the child rearing for them and their house stays as they left it.i am quite clear that most jobs are less hard work than stay at home parenting.

Lower standards.
Get dh to take them out at the weekend and do a weekly tidy up then.
Go to bed by 10 pm.
They will grow. It will get easier.

I have two about the same as OP
My average day goes:
7-9 get up, breakfast for all, I tidy up kitchen and start other jobs such as putting a load of washing on while kids play.
9-10 eldest gets TV, baby goes for nap, I have shower, get ready also tidy upstairs a bit.
10 Once back downstairs I get Dd to get her toys out or send outside to garden to play. I get bag ready with snacks etc so we can go out ASAP when baby is up.
11 usually out by this time, walk to local shops or park or head off to a farm, pool or something like that.
12-1 if home lunchtime - I clean up before I sit down to eat
1-2 play in house/garden
2-3.30 baby naps Dd1 gets more tv or we do something together like art - I also this time make a start on dinner/ deal with washing etc
3.30-5 once baby is up we usually go out again to a local park.
5-6 dinner, when the kids are finishing up I pop into the kitchen and do washing up etc, also tidy toys away for 5 mins after dinner.
6.30 bath
After bath I stay upstairs to put baby to bed dd1 goes downstairs again to play and wait for stories.
Aim for 7 bedtime.

I clean bathrooms, dust/Hoover once per week (unless a room really needs it) kitchen gets done as I use it. Do one big day of washing per week - everything gets tumble dried and no ironing ever.

Do one big shop a week (often at weekend with no kids) and mostly plan meals, usually eat out or get takeaway once a week. Sometimes have the same dinner two nights in a row if I have made a big stew.

I expect my kids to amuse themselves enough so I can get on with mummy jobs, after 7.30 I am done for the day and like to relax - might catch up on emails etc though.

My Dd was in school 3 days per week but we are on 8 weeks of holiday here so busier than normal. She is full time from sept so that will help me a lot.

Hope some of this helps

Having survived raising two to adulthood and one Ds aged 11, my top tips with hindsight would be :
Don't sweat the small stuff. An untidy house won't kill anyone.
TV is your friend
Slow cook and freeze
Oven chips are good.
Stick them in a bubble bath at any time. of day and you can slump on the bathroom floor with a cup of tea/bottle of gin just grunting at them from time to time
stop ironing stuff. All of it
Clothes are meant to get dirty.unless they are going to a party/school/fussy elderly relative don't bother putting clean clothes on them.
PJs can be worn for at least a week
Forget a balanced diet. If they are eating something and are still alive, they will be fine.

Online grocery shopping. You can start it at any time of day, go back to amend it again and again, get dh to check and add stuff etc. etc.

Some great ideas here and one thing I'd add is to do a meal plan. We've only got one (so far) but I'm abut to start working and recently did a 4 week meal plan. Sounds boring but it's easy to do, and we don't necessarily stick to it every evening, but it means no more 'argh, what shall we have for dinner!' Moments :)

And def lower standards!

I would completely agree with the not ironing thing. Why would you? Small children are always creased. Also online shopping and having a routine that helps you feel in control.