Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH is giving DS the silent treatment

45 replies

schroedingersdodo · 30/06/2013 11:26

DS1 is 3yo and hit DS2, 7mo. DH got very angry. We put DS1 in time out, but DH is now refusing to talk to DS1, saying "he has to see that I'm angry and he must learn to control his impulses". It's been about two hous now.

I'd like to know what people think about not talking to your 3yo.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CalamityKate · 30/06/2013 11:29

Bit mean and unpleasant. He's probably forgotten what he did by now and is bewildered by daddy being cold towards him. Poor little boy.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2013 11:29

Perhaps your DH needs to learn to control his impulses too. Is he 3 as well?

OneStepCloser · 30/06/2013 11:30

Blindly, that's a bit extreme, they do wrong, you tell off and move on, I'm not sure a three year old can understand being sent to Coventry.

Bit mean and childish of your Dh I think, I would not like Dh to do that with DS.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

dreamingbohemian · 30/06/2013 11:32

He's 3! Your husband is being ridiculous.

Picturepuncture · 30/06/2013 11:32

I agree mean of DH, your 3yo hasn't got a clue why daddy's upset with him.

HouseAtreides · 30/06/2013 11:33

Very wrong and unkind. A petty desire to punish a toddler. It will be a huge thing for your DS. He does an impulsive wrong thing but the punishment goes on and on.

readyforno2 · 30/06/2013 11:33

I agree with the other posters. Your dh is not teaching your ds anything. He will not understand getting the silent treatment.

pictish · 30/06/2013 11:34

Bit sadistic. Wanker.

isitsnowingyet · 30/06/2013 11:34

A bit pathetic. DH should get a grip and lead by example

aboutagirl · 30/06/2013 11:35

You need to put a stop to this now.

noddyholder · 30/06/2013 11:37

Wrong on so many levels

lottieandmia · 30/06/2013 11:37

this is awful imo. A grown adult acting like a child and having a passive aggressive sulk with his own child for hours? Not healthy.

WitchOfEndor · 30/06/2013 11:39

DH needs to grow up and possibly read some parenting books. Intervene and discipline at the time something happens is fine, silent treatment is pointless. It's like rubbing a puppies nose in wee three hours after it widdled!

lottieandmia · 30/06/2013 11:39

When parents do this kind of thing it's manipulative and toxic, sorry. Your DH is withdrawing his love for a child who should be allowed to make the mistakes a child does. This is conditional parenting.

whiteandyellowiris · 30/06/2013 11:41

hes doing that to a 3 year old

eurozammo · 30/06/2013 11:43

What a valuable lesson to be teaching him.

lottieandmia · 30/06/2013 11:45

The time out was the consequence, and after that it should have been forgotten.

Sparklysilversequins · 30/06/2013 11:45

I'd be getting furious if I were you and he'd be told to sort himself out pronto. It's worth a big row imo. Twat!

fanoftheinvisibleman · 30/06/2013 11:45

your DH needs to bloody grow up to be honest. I can't imagine a 3 year old is going to continue to mentally connect the two events hours later.

It is not okay for a toddler to hit a baby and it needs consequences which you gave at the time but is is fairly standard toddler behaviour.

pictish · 30/06/2013 11:47

I know who needs to learn to control his impulses, and it's not your three year old.

Original poster

schroedingersdodo · 30/06/2013 11:47

I just showed the thread to him, hope somethink has sunk in... thanks for all the replies.

OP posts:

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 30/06/2013 11:48

I don't think there is anything wrong with being cross with a 3 year old for a prolonged period of time, they are old enough to understand it. So for example if he asked to go to the park I would be fine with DH saying 'No, I am still very cross with you for hitting DS2, that was very naughty', but I do take issue with the silent treatment - from anyone and to anyone of any age. It's pointless & pathetic.

If it was a 'one off hit' I think the prolonged anger is a bit much anyway. I guess it depends what the build up has been.

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 30/06/2013 11:48

A 3yo won't even know why his daddy is ignoring him after an hour or so! That's really awful and your 3yo won't learn a thing. He had his consequences already, immediately after the event. Carrying it on for hours is cruel imo.

Madamecastafiore · 30/06/2013 11:50

Sorry but your husband is a fucking idiot.

What does he think he is teaching your son?

Not tolerance, forgiveness and learning from his actions and mistakes that's for sure.

Reprimand, punish, talk it over, kiss and hug and finished. Life continues.

Your poor son is going to grow up doing as he is told to avoid his dick of a father ignoring him rather than doing as he is told because he knows what is right and wrong. He will be growing up surrounded by anger and oppression and he himself will have strange extreme reactions to others actions.

CharmingCats · 30/06/2013 11:51

Ignoring is a good technique for low level undesirable behaviour, like humming loudly in a restaurant, if you find that annoying. You can say, 'I'm ignoring you until you stop humming.'. When they stop, you reward with attention and maybe mention that you're pleased they've stopped. Ignoring is extreme for anything else and can make things bigger than they need to be. Your ds has had time out, he knows what he did was wrong, you'll do that same thing again if he does that again so he will learn to control his impulses that way. He has been told off, now you both have to move on.
My dad used to do the silent treatment a lot and I spent most of my childhood bewildered and frightened as I often didn't know what I'd done to deserve it. He once didn't speak to me for a whole weekend because I'd got 14 out of 20 for a spelling test. I was 7 yo. It's emotional abuse, try to talk to DH about it when he's feeling calmer and more reasonable. A good book is 'the incredible years' by Webster-Stratton. Google it, if you want, it's also a parenting course/approach adopted by most local authorities.

Flip

1 2