3 week old newborn will only sleep if bf. Help please!

[Confused40]

Hi
My 3 week old DD won't sleep unless I breast feed her to sleep. This can sometimes take hours and I'm at my wits end. Last night during a night feed she took almost 3 hours to get back to sleep.
What am I doing wrong? How can I break this habit? I'm so tired and my arms are beginning to ache even with using pillows.
Please help?

Umm this is completely normal

It's not a habit - it's just what she needs. It won't be like this for long I promise.

Also - is she maybe having some wind? Sometimes they like to suck when they actually need to do a big burp, and that's all that's stopping them from sleeping.

You're not doing anything wrong, she's doing what babies do.
Can you feed her lying down?

Congratulations!

Hi no advice really, but just wanted to let you know my breasted 13wo dd will mostly only fall asleep while feeding. A few times she will go to sleep in her swing or in someone else's arms, but feeding her to sleep has gotten shorter and at night from waking up to back to sleep in her cot can take half an hour or less so it will get easier.

Your baby is very young still and she will get better at getting the milk out quicker so it won't be such a chore for long.

Yes I think this is just how it is. Get yourself settled with supplies within reach. Magazines, telly, drinks, snacks. I'm dreading this bit when dc 2 comes and I have a 2 yr old to entertain at the same time!

Completely normal, but isn't it annoying that nobody tells you when you're pregnant what it's really like?
Do try to feed lying down and snooze. Winding well does also help.

I wind her during feeds and she does burp. Quite loudly sometimes bless her lol.
It's reassuring hearing this is normal. I'm feeding her now as she bf till she was sleeping, I put her down and she woke up. Guess she likes lying in my arms or co sleeping.
I feel totally exhausted today and really need to sleep.
I am reassured though that bf her to sleep is normal.
I tried her with two different types of dummies and she didn't like it.
Loving being a mummy again. DS just turned 18, and boy have I forgotten what life with a newborn is like

Oh you are doing fine

Mine have all been BF and none could suck a dummy. I don't think it comes naturally HOWEVER this one happily sucks and chews one of our fingers. You could try that.

also it could be a growth spurt...trying to increase your supply by increasing the demand. Is your supply ok/ her latch Ok?

Sorry, I seem to have presumed it was your first! Congratulations and how lovely. Enjoy her. Hope you can manage to get some sleep. I always loved my baths alone in the early weeks while baby slept on DP or sucked his finger :)

No worries FaddyPeony I feel like a first time mum again lol. I'd forgotten how tiring, even though I'm loving it, it is as being a mother of a newborn.
I've been feeding LO almost constantly today, and am really feeling tired today, but very very happy.
I feel totally blessed to have my DD in my life, and even though its tough, I'm loving it. My DS loves her too and its very sweet seeing them together

Congratulations on your lovely new DD! My DD is 7 months old and I still bf her to sleep. I have a DS who is almost 17 and I remember him being the same all those years ago but it doesn't last forever so I'm making the most of the lovely bedtime cuddles while they last.

Thank you Madamejosephine. Your message has really inspired me. I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm so tired at the moment.
I really love my dd but sleep deprivation is really getting me down. All I seem to be doing is feeding her. Last night I was bf her for over two hours until she fell asleep. She'll fall asleep, I put her down and then she wakes up again.
Sorry if I'm going on but I'm concerned I'm doing ok with her. It's been a while since I had experience of newborns.
Just need to know I'm not doing the wrong thing

Congratulations you are doing brilliabtly. Honestly this sounds very normal. Can you feed lying down on your side with her lying next to you?

When you say she wakes on putting down. Try putting a hot water bottle in the Moses basket/cot to warm it and then whip it out just as you put her in. Also you could use a blanket rolled up and then circle it like a horseshoe to make a nest she lies in. This might give her comfort. If you have a dp about will she sleep on him for a while so you can get some rest?

It is hard the first few weeks and the sleep deprivation is tough but you will get through it. She will get much faster at feeding and then will conk out more easily!

DD was like this. YY to feeding lying down if you can. If it helps I think weeks 3-4 were definitely the toughest for us, started to get easier after that x

Yes it is really hard. I'm feeding her again now lol. I just about had time to so the dishes, change my bed clothes, put some washing away and have a shower. Phew!
My dd father unfortunately ended the r/s when I first told him about being pregnant so I don't have that support. My DS is wonderful and now he's finished his A Level exams is more than willing to watch her for a little while. I try not to ask him too much though. He loves her to bits.
I know the first few weeks is hard and I was married when I had my ds so am not used to doing this alone.
I'm crying as I'm typing this as I'm so tired and feeling quite emotional.

I am so sympathetic about the tiredness. I remember it very well

Congratulations on your lovely baby, and please don't worry about the feeding, and feeding, and feeding. That's what happens, It is totally normal, and you know she won't do it forever, even if I feels like it now.

You are doing a fantastic thing, looking after a brand new person alone, and trying to care for your adult child's needs as well. I know it is easy to say, but please say YES to every single offer of help, whoever offers it. Most people love babies, many people have had babies and remember how exhausting they are, most people are genuinely kind.

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight

You are doing a brilliant job! You should feel so proud of yourself. Must be v. hard without a DP. Your DS sounds gorgeous though, you have obviously brought him up very well! Can he make you a cup of tea and a biscuit?

I watched loads of box sets on I-player and Netflix the first couple of months it was the only thing that kept me sane x

Completely normal. Feed her lying down. Make sure you read co sleeping guidelines first in case you fall asleep. I do feel for you - I have never known tiredness like when DD was a difficult baby and was a total zombie until someone mentioned feeding lying down.

Does baby have lots of wet and dirty nappies? Is she starting to gain weight ok?

I'm so touched by all your replies. I do feed her lying down and this definately helps.
My ds is such a great help. I'm so very proud of him and he's a great help. He cooked spaghetti bolognase for dinner tonight. I'm totally blessed.
I've never watched so much crap on TV since I had dd. Is this what's on TV during the day? Wow! I've got Netflix so I think I'll be taking advantage of that from tomorrow lol.
Dd has plenty of wet and dirty nappies and midwife is happy with her weight gain. Bf her and knowing she is gaining weight is very rewarding.
Seeing midwife for last time tomorrow then it'll be health visitor.
I'm planning on staying at home and taking it really easy for the next few weeks. I need to rest my body and get used to dd being on my life.

Sounds like she has a good attachment then. No harm in getting mw and / or hv to check attachment again though, just incase she's not feeding as effectively as she could be. Are there any bfing support groups in your area, or peer supporters? Your mw / hv should know. It's is totally normal for baby to feed for what seems like all time though, 3 weeks is one of the toughest ages for this IMO. The kellymom site has good info, look up cluster feeding. It will get easier I promise. In the meantime make yourself comfy, have everything you need to hand, tv remote, phone, drink, snack etc and try to enjoy these early weeks as much as you can (and forgot the housework etc). Your doing great.

I feel like my heart is breaking! Midwife just visited and said dd only gained 30grams. She said I need to eat more. I'm gutted as I thought I was doing ok with feeding her. I feel so guilty.
God this is so hard :(

confused she is only 3 weeks old and they've been happy with her weight gain so far so as long as she has gained and not lost 30g is fine. If she's attached well, feeding well, having plenty of wet and dirty nappies then I don't think you've got anything to worry about (btw I am a midwife as well as a mum) Try not to be too hard on yourself, you and your DS sound like you are doing a grand job

DD was the same and it was very hard. Try to go with the flow (I appreciate it's not easy if you are on your own and other things need to get done!). I found ways to bf all the time, e.g. she would bf on a pillow on my knees in front of the computer ('talking' to other adults on line was a life saver), bf in a sling so I could walk about and get some things done and I gave in at 2 weeks old and co-slept with her (the only thing that allowed me to get any sleep at all). Read up on the guidelines for safe co-sleeping and see if that is something you are willing to try.