3 week old newborn will only sleep if bf. Help please!

[Confused40]

Hi
My 3 week old DD won't sleep unless I breast feed her to sleep. This can sometimes take hours and I'm at my wits end. Last night during a night feed she took almost 3 hours to get back to sleep.
What am I doing wrong? How can I break this habit? I'm so tired and my arms are beginning to ache even with using pillows.
Please help?

Am having macaroni cheese with mash for dinner. Really topping up on my carbs. Have just eaten loads of yoghurt from the big pot. Plan on eating loads more food. I'm known amongst friends and family for how much food I eat. So the midwife saying dd needs to gain more weight and I need to eat more is really a big punch in the stomach for me.
I've been co sleeping with dd for a while now. She sleeps in her Moses basket during the day, unless I'm having a sleep with her. We cuddled up earlier and I just cried. Feel gutted about her weight gain and feel so terrible.
Dd is so active, alert, plenty of wet and dirty nappies and seems very settled and content.
Friend is visiting tomorrow and we'll be going out for lunch. Umm Italian food yummy.
I'll do this and dd will gain lots of weight. Got weighing again on Friday. Feeling quite childish thinking about appointment and saying 'in your face' when they see she's gained weight lol

Don't feel disheartened! Sounds like you are doing so well.

Not sure if this is completely off the mark but has tongue tie been eliminated? DD wanted to feed constantly too and it turned out she had a posterior tongue tie.

It got missed until she was 11ish weeks because, like your DD, she was alert, happy, had lots of wet/dirty nappies and was gaining weight albeit slightly slowly. I just thought I had a 'sucky baby'.

My latch was observed by about loads of different midwives/health visitors who all thought it was fine. I didn't think I was in any pain but there was a huge difference to my comfort/her feeding once it was cut.

Anyway may not be the case for you but thought I'd mention just in case as everything you post chimes such a chord with me.

Enjoy your macaroni cheese and Italian food

tongue tie link.

I was told off by the HV for DS not gaining enough weight. I had to rest more, as I wasn't producing enough milk. I was really upset, but I did what she said, and by the time he was 4 months, he was ludicrously fat! So, rest, eat plenty, and make sure she is feeding lots, and I'm sure she'll be fine.

The amount you eat does not affect the amount of milk you produce. Your midwife is talking bolleaux

Enjoy your lovely newborn

Did the mw check attachment and baby for tongue tie? You May find a bfing helpline helpful or a local Breastfeeding group. Try not to get to hung up on weight gain though, all babies are different.

Oh, that does bring me back too, Confused, feeling so upset when my DD hadn't gained much weight, and taking to my bed with her and crying! She had a posterior tongue tie as it happened - hard to spot. Her latch was very good though and like Gunpowder's DD she had good nappies and just gained weight very slowly. Might be worth ruling out just for your own peace of mind.

But in general I think you're just at the hardest time and the fact that you don't have a DP to lean on must make everything 10 times harder! Your DS sounds amazing but I'm sure you are feeling like you don't want to rely on him for everything! I'm delighted you're seeing a friend tomorrow - if she offers to do anything for you please say YES won't you? She might be more than happy to bring along something for your freezer?

Could you stretch to getting a cleaner or mother's help in for a couple of hours a week? Just for a few weeks, just to tide you through this hardest part. Can't imagine you have much energy for changing bedclothes and doing the washing up and cooking at the end of the day. It might make all the difference to how overwhelmed you're feeling. Everyone needs help when they've a newborn and no-one minds helping, so ask, ask, ask...

I found drinking more had more effect on milk supply than eating more.

You have had loads of lovely messages of support on here... Isn't mn lovely!

You'll get through this phase, and beyond into other difficulties! Wishing you confidence in your abilities, and hoping you crack sleep- feeding soon, as that saved me!

I drink over a litre of water a day so I think I'm drinking enough. I felt so inadequate when the midwife said I needed to do more. There is so much pressure for women to bf but not much support in doing so.
I do feel very lucky to have had so many messages of support from lovely mn's. thank you all so much.

As for getting a cleaner I really can't afford it. I unfortunately was the victim of a serious attack just before I fell pregnant and had to leave my job due to getting PTSD. I'm claiming maternity pay which isn't much. In addition I've just finished a uni course which I somehow have to pay for by next June.
There are some days when I feel totally overwhelmed and very sorry for myself. Before the attack I had a great job, good money and a great life. Now I'm seeing a counsellor once a week, have no money and feel I wish I could have my old life back.
Sorry to vent or wallow in self pity it just gets me down sometimes and midwife saying what she did just made me feel awful.

That's horrible :( Am so sorry to hear that you suffered an attack. I think you've got a hell of a lot on your plate right now and you're doing bloody amazingly well. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Your DD is so lucky to have you. Just take each day at a time, everytime you feed your DD or feed yourself or change a nappy or whatever stop for a second and take stock of it - another job done, something achieved. It's all important.

I do absolutely know that heartstabbing feeling of being told the baby hasn't gained enough weight (in my case she had LOST a lot of weight - too much). It is hard to handle when you're just picking yourself up after the birth and are full of hormones. It's very true that RL support for breastfeeding can so often fall short. Have you seen the Breast and Bottle Feeding board on MN? You can get help there for any possible breastfeeding question, it's brilliant!

Please do send your friend a text and ask her to bring some food with her when she comes to visit! Having something in the fridge or freezer makes all the difference, doesn't it.

So sorry last year was hard for you, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of turning things around. Hope today is easier than yesterday for you.

Try not to worry too much.

I managed to bf a mahoosive baby and I am short, thin person. DD went from 2.8kg to 12kg in one year, 6 months of which were EBF and the rest BF and gradual solids. She was born on the 50th percentile for both weight and height but shot up to miles above the 98th percentile in her first year. This all seems to have turned into height now she is two years old, as she is on the 97th percentile for height and 75th for weight. So I suppose what I am saying is that some babies have not read the books on curves!

At the newborn stage if the baby has just gone to the toilet you can get a completely different weight reading so I wouldn't stress about it, just enjoy your baby!

DS1 was the same OP. He had to be fed to sleep & he loved to comfort suck to the point he was full to the brim and would vomit it back up. I just put up with it as he was PFB.
With DS2 I fed then gave a dummy. It was only to get him off to sleep & then I would take it out. He had it only for a few weeks then didn't seem to need it after that.

Something that helped me was using a soft sling (like the moby/hugabub, though I made my own) - you can BF the baby while they're in there, and then once they're asleep it's easy to get up and about with the baby nuzzled in asleep. DS also now goes to sleep in the sling of his own accord, which is very handy too!

Feeding DD to sleep right now and was thinking of you OP. how did you get on with the midwife today? Hope it was a more positive experience this time

Hi MadameJosephine. Thank you so much for asking!
Am very happy today. DD has gained 50 grams in 3 days!! whoop whoop so im being signed off midwives books on Monday. I'm so happy. I've also found out that there is a breast feed support group five minutes away from where I live, so I'm going there on Thursday. Hopefully I'll be able to get lots of advice etc.
I do feel much more upbeat today though. DD has been difficult to get off to sleep the last couple of nights, but as I'm resting at home and not really going anywhere I'm coping ok with it. I'm also in total awe of dd and loving being a mummy.
I just fed DD to sleep and she slept for about half an hour before waking up to bf again, and I don't actually mind.
Maybe the bag of crunchie bites (for £1 in tesco) helped me lol.

Wonderful news. Haven't you done well!

Thank you FaddyPeony. I still have the picture of the midwife with a big 'failure' look on her face, and me now being very childish and poking my tongue out at her he he. How childish is that. She's only doing her job, but I really took it personally. Might not help that I'm quite sleep deprived and more emotional at the moment. My friend keeps saying to me to not be so hard on myself and her catch phrase is 'you've just had a baby you know' and 'looking after a little one is hard work'. Love her x

I was going to suggest tongue tie too. My ds had bouts of very long feeding spells (no tongue tie) whereas dd fed for ages all the time and was very unsettled (tongue tie)

Dd has been bf now since 11. She falls asleep feeding with me lying down and wakes up again 5 minutes later. I'm exhausted and really want to go to sleep
Any suggestions gratefully accepted. Can see myself sleeping the whole weekend to make up for such a lack of sleep. 3 nights in a row now she's taken a couple of hours to fall asleep.

Totally normal and totally knackering in my experience! When DD was that age i would feed her on and off for about 3 hours before she would sleep, she gradually got better though and since she was about 8 weeks. I have fed her at 6-6.30 and she's out for the count by 7 at the latest, dreamfeed at 11, wakes about 3 and then up at 6 so there is light at the end of the tunnel
Well done with the weight gain, you should be very proud. It's tough in the beginning even with a supportive partner so to do it without is a great achievement.
Catch up on some sleep when you can during the day and look after yourself (am I allowed to put hugs here, this is mumsnet after all! Oh stuff it (((((((hugs)))))))

Thank you madamejosephine. My ds came home from his 6th form prom at around 2.30 and dd had just fallen asleep. Think I must have dozed off. Had a chat with ds for 10 mins then slept. Dd woke up at 6.30 and went back down at 7.50 and then woke up again at 11.00. I was awakened by postman at 10.30 grrr lol.
Huge reality check that I need to start thinking about going back to work soon :(
I just finished a course and need to make up some placement hours by next may in order to pass, oh and I have to pay £1500 for it too!! Oh joys lol.
Am feeding dd now and eating porridge with chopped bananas, now cold, washed down with cold tea. Yummy lol.
Even though I've not had much sleep you still can't take away the absolute utter pleasure of cuddling dd. she's utterly adorable. Dark brown hair, big brown eyes and just gorgeous.

Had a fantastic nights sleep with dd. it's all down to my new friend 'mr dummy'!
Said I'd never have one but its been a lifesaver it really has. Really wonderful. Dd has just woken up and went back to sleep really quickly after being fed. Long may it last!
Friend was here last night and she rocked her to sleep after I'd fed her. It was lovely to have a break. Feeling good today

So glad you've had a good night confused. All of this could be totally normal but I think it would be worth asking the bfc at the bfing support group to group to observe a complete feed and to check for tongue tie. Did you get chance to look at the link?

Hope you are getting on ok OP.

Just so as you know - what you eat and drink will not affect the quality/quantity of your milk - I've heard other HV's spout this before though :(

Eat when you are hungry, drink when you're thirsty - but it's just to look after you :)

Glad you are feeling better.