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Original poster

Aw Shit. Just thoroughly put my foot in it with DD :(

32 replies

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:04

DD's sport's day has been postponed from when we were on holiday a couple of weeks ago, to tomorrow, due to bad weather.

I have just had spinal surgery, feel really good. I promised her this morning that I would go tomorrow, as she is really nervous, hasn't practised as much as she would have as she was not originally going to be there. She is fretting about it.

She is such a wonderful 6, about to turn 7 year old girl and has been very worried about my surgery, her emotions have been up and down and it's all good as I promised her I would be fine, and I am. It has however been a tough week, emotionally for her, she has been looked after by other people, her routine has been out (that throughs her, she likes things to be 'right'). She is a very sensitive, loving, home and family girl and the thought of no-one being there at sports day fills her and me with dread.

DS also happens to be in it, but he is 3.5 (his pre-school is linked to school) and I don't think he really gets it, although, it IS his first ever ever sports day and so I would love to be there for that too. I feel awful that I will miss his sports day too, but chances are he won't remember it, and he might not even run.

So, I thought, it's only an hour. I can manage that! I might not be able to stay for lunch, but I can certainly cheer her on, and I can grab a chair from staff room to sit on I'm sure!

So, DD told daddy/DH this morning that I was going tomorrow and daddy said 'no mummy can't, she has had surgery poppet she won't be able to do that just yet, it's too soon'. Cue wailing, crying, desperation from her. I thought DH is just being over-cautious 'I'll sort it sweety' I said 'it'll be fine'. I will talk to DH when he gets home from school run shortly.

And, sitting here. I just realised. DH is working tomorrow. He wasn't going to be working, as we didn't know how long I would need more 1:1 care for, so he was not working this week. However, his boss asked him if he could do a couple of shifts due to being understaffed and he said he could do tomorrow day time as kids are in school/nursery. So, that's why I can't do it! I can't even get there, I won't be able to go on my own firstly, and secondly I can't drive.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am now in tears. I will see if there is anyone who might be able to come and get me, but, most people are working.

I should not have promised her I would be there.

feel like an awful mummy. Not helped by the fact that her best friend can't come to her birthday celebration on monday as she has a hospital appointment, and DD can't go to her best friend's party a few days later as we are not here. These are such big things for such a little girl to deal with all at once.

OP posts:

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Primrose123 · 24/06/2013 09:13

Can anyone give you a lift? Friend, neighbour, or another parent? Would a taxi be too expensive?

Where are you? I'd give you a lift if I was nearby!

olgaga · 24/06/2013 09:14

You sound very low, that's understandable! If you can't get a lift, what about a cab?

Sometimes there are very good reasons why plans don't fall into place and there's nothing you can do.

That doesn't make you a bad mum!

Moomoomie · 24/06/2013 09:16

Ask a friend to give you a lift, I am sure no one would mind.
I certainly wouldn't mind helping out a friend. We often do.

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HerrenaHarridan · 24/06/2013 09:18

Oh poor lamb!

Don't feel to bad children have to learn to cope with a bit of disappointment.

Have a ring round for a lift, raid your piggy bank for a taxi. If you can't do it make it up to her in another way

qme · 24/06/2013 09:18

perhaps call school and ask to be seated somewhere where you can manage

call a cab/ask someone to give you a lift
there will be many people going there just for an hour or two

PensAndPencils · 24/06/2013 09:25

Could you ask another parent to 'watch' her? I sometimes do this with a friend, even though I'd be there anyway cheering on my dc, I make a fuss and cheer her dc on too (and she does the same if I can't make it). They are just happy to have someone there for them.

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:26

I can get a cab no problem in terms of money. The problem is not being on my own, in case I trip, fall etc. I am sure that won't even be a problem as I feel fine.

DH has said he can drop me at the school while doing the school run. Maybe I can go back with one of the parents for a coffee until it starts at 10:30am).

I think I can sort it. I just panicked, and felt very very upset! I saw my little one's face and imagined her at the start line without me there!

Normally, I would accept that this is one of those things, we can't always be there for every single thing, but, she has been through a lot, coped so well, didn't want one more thing for her to have to deal with.

I have sent a message to some of the parents to see if anyone can give me a lift there and back, if not, I will get DH to take me and just identify a sucker to be my unofficial carer for the morning

Thank you for all calming me down!

OP posts:

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:28

I am really bad at asking for help. I like to be self-sufficient. I don't ask often. Not sure why? possibly people saying no? being seen as not coping? relying on others? imposing? probably a little of all of it.

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Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:30

and I know 10 mins in the car is not far, but, there is a sort of division of towns, or rather, I am in 'the city' and her school is in a sub-division of it 'not-city' and there is a river which is almost like a barrier that prevents those in the 'not-city' from entering, unless they have a plan to go into the city. That sounds daft i know! So, it's not as simple as nipping down the road to get me, it involves 'going into the city'

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 24/06/2013 09:33

You wouldn't be asking for help for you, you're asking it for your DD really.

But you know, if you really can't go - it won't be the end of the world for her.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/06/2013 09:35

Have you thought about speaking to the school? If no one can have you back for a coffee until it starts, the school might be happy for you to sit in a corner with a book somewhere for an hour. I know how hard it is to ask for help, but I think it's worth laying on the surgery card quite thick!

Hope you manage ok.

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:39

amanda i'm sure they will be fine if I did just sit in the corner for an hour! But, unfortunately, I can't sit for that long, so I will sit, then stand, and walk about a bit, and generally be a right pain!

I can't even help them get ready, as I can't lift anything, or bend, or twist! (well, I can, i'm just not allowed to right now).

OP posts:

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/06/2013 09:42

Ah yes, forgot that about back surgery. But schools have loads of different areas. Isn't there some sort of foyer near the school office where you could pace, sit, etc? Or maybe the staff room if it is empty?

youarewinning · 24/06/2013 09:42

Yes, go with what amandapand has said. I'm sure as one off the school won't mind.

Glad your surgery went well.

youarewinning · 24/06/2013 09:43

Or not (x posts)

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:44

ok, I have asked some people. If they can't do it, I will get a cab. I can't really wait around for an hour as by the time I have done that I will be ready to go home (and so will the school ;) ) so, I shall get a cab in, and home again if no lift around. The school will be fine with me getting the cab right into the grounds, they let me use the disabled space when I can't walk no problem.

But, it's really silly stuff that I can't do that is worrying me now - our front door is heavy, I have to pull it quite hard to open it, and again to close it. Once will be ok.

Right. I'm doing it. I have had back surgery not heart surgery. DH is bound to come up with some obstacles. But, people have managed more serious things than this.

OP posts:

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 24/06/2013 09:46

amanda the foyer is by the receptionists, and RIGHT next DDs classroom, they will love that, me distracting her! But, the staff room is a good idea. I will call them and ask them if that's ok. It's a lovely little school, very supportive so I am sure they will be fine with that.

See, you lot always know how to sort problems out! I feel calmer. Bit daft that I have to rely on people so much right now, but happy that I will get to go to sports day.

I might even have had a shower by then, as I can go in the shower as of tomorrow! So I won't stink out the staffroom

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/06/2013 09:48

Definitely tell school and they will keep an eye on you. Good luck!

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/06/2013 10:01

Not daft at all. Totally normal to be a bit overwhelmed at a time like this. Surgery takes it out of you in more ways than we acknowledge.

Alanna1 · 24/06/2013 20:54

Could you hire someone to help you? Eg a mother's help? Or a nurse?!

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 25/06/2013 13:54

I did it!!! DH dropped me off with a friend/parent of another children at school, she drove us both to local coffee shop for coffee/tea cake, then back to school for sports day event. Staff/students got me a chair, checked I had what I needed, other parents checked I was ok lots! I sat with a bunch of parents. I had a walk to get a coffee provided and saw the school liason officer, who offered to get me two comfy sofas to put together if I needed to lay down!

Had a moment when my boy felt unwell, and almost had to call DH to come and take him home. I think he really was unwell for a moment, as he went pale, said his belly and legs hurt; I was expecting him to need the loo quickly. But, he sat with me and his sister for their lunch and was then fine and went back into nursery. Everyone around made sure he didn't climb on me/entertained him!

Friend then drove me home to my door and I am now tucked up in bed with lots of painkillers!

OP posts:

Original poster

PavlovtheCat · 25/06/2013 13:55

It was a LOT to do. And I won't be doing anything again for a little while.

OP posts:

youarewinning · 25/06/2013 13:58

yay Glad you all had a lovely morning.

Emsmaman · 25/06/2013 13:58

yay well done! Now enjoy the rest supermummy!

valiumredhead · 25/06/2013 14:07

Oh well done you!

I had a terrible accident when ds was about 6.5, and had something similar when ds was in an assembly and I want able to watch. A friend went in my place an clapped for me.

Getting teary just thinking about it and it was 6 years ago!

Hope you are feeling better very soon

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