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Original poster

My daughter has run away

83 replies

ggglimpopo · 31/05/2006 20:52

Thats it really. If she's not back by ten we will contact the police.

Shite.

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wrinklytum · 31/05/2006 22:12

Read your .hope you find her soon safe and well.Big hugs

wrinklytum · 31/05/2006 22:13

Read your message .hope you find her soon safe and well.Big hugs

kama · 31/05/2006 22:13

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fattiemumma · 31/05/2006 22:15

Oh wow GGG.

i dont really know what to say.
i hope that a few days with her freind and without her home comforts will be enought o send her home.
as for her behaviour....my younger sister is 12 and is just about as horrible so i am assuming its just an age thing(im sure iw as perfect at that age so not sure)

please keep us informed. i have everything crossed that you find her and that she is where you think she is.

LGJ- soo true. im really worried for someone whose name i dont even know!

LadySherlockofLGJ · 31/05/2006 23:09

I have to go to bed.

I hope you are OK, in an upset sort of way.

Elibean · 31/05/2006 23:09

Oh crap, ggg....good luck tonight, thinking of you.

frumpygrumpy · 31/05/2006 23:15

Best of luck sweetheart. I hope it turns out well and that you and she can find a happier way. Crap words, sincerely meant.

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 31/05/2006 23:24

She turned up as we were on our way out to the police station. She is insouciant, defiant and incredibly blasé. She has even given her mobile away to afriend "becuase I knew that it was just like you to take it off me..."

Shock

I am totally lost here at how to deal with all this

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 31/05/2006 23:36

Glad she's safe, but it won't solve the long term. I don't know the history but have you tried the reverse psychology? i.e. being completely loving, completely supportive, never raising an eyebrow or voice. It is the hardest thing in the world to do but I was not the happiest teenager and my mum did this. It meant (a) I never got the reaction I was gunning for and (b) I felt loved constantly and so less likely to want to hurt her (which was what the general aim seemed to be - I don't know WHY I was like that, I blame crazy hormones).

I remember watching a Robert Winston programme once and he explained that very young children (I think 4 years) are capable of more compassion than teenagers. Physically teenagers do not have the chemical balance to feel compassion and very young children do.

I'm very close to my mum now. Take care.

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 31/05/2006 23:39

We were midst reverse psychology attempt when we found she had, without blinking an eye, still nicked my dhs bloody phone.....

But that quote is a very interesting one

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 31/05/2006 23:46

Hope you all sleep well x.

Californifrau · 31/05/2006 23:48

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LadySherlockofLGJ · 01/06/2006 07:03

Hope things are better in the GGG household today.

FloatingOnTheMed · 01/06/2006 07:53

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FioFio · 01/06/2006 07:55

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mistressmiggins · 01/06/2006 08:03

glad shes OK ggg
threads like these make me dread my children growing up !!
Teenagers are much scarier than babies & toddlers

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 01/06/2006 08:10

My dh is her stepfather - how he puts up with her shit and still "fathers" her as opposed to going apeshit (like me Blush), I just don't know.

She is stealing, big time. Going through our things whenever we are out - money, a new conditioner I had just bought, that new YSL mascara we spoke about on a thread recently, you name it, she fancies it and jsut takes, and takes and takes. And can look us in the eye and say she hasn't done it, then goes on to either keep using whatever it is or put it back half used or dirty or whatever.

How the hell she thought she could get away with the phone I just dont know. She rushed into her room when she got in and I folloowed her and found the back of it on her floor and the other half in her duvet - she had only had it hours but it was already covered in stickers!! Wtf.

She came back with this sly "fuck you" grin and just played with her hair and hummed gangsta rap when we were talking to her. She has given her sim away and is totally defiant and almost jolly - as if she is enjoying the challenge.

It is unbearable - feel under siege as everytime we go out and she is here I wonder what will be missing when we come home. We are out a lot in the evenings. Do I stop that?

She should have a good income (pocket money), a lovely bedroom, a phone, tv, access to a computer, goes to a private school, has lots of friends, we ski in the the winter and sea in the summer - but she is ruining all of this for herself - she is constantly having her pm docked (I tried the reverse psyc and gave her some more money last week and let her out till midnight to see a concert on Tuesday, and she blithely nicked more money from my purse Tuesday and dhs phone), she has had to change bedrooms as we have had probs of the romeo/juliet balcony kind, but far less romantic, with the boys in the house opposite, she whinged skiing because she hated her salopett'es etc, she is now no longer going to the UK for the summer as I daren't let her go and also feel that she has lost the privilege, and we have had to stop her computer access after seeing her porno blog and also because she was on msn for hours and hours and hours per day - and when we took the internet key out, she wen tuplstarirs and took mine out of the study, smashed it in doing so, then hid it.....AAAAAARGH etc etc

I am going to see professional help. She needs it and so do I?

She is under all this a lovely and muich loved girl. But the situation is impossible and cannot go on.

Apols for the rant.

Feel bit better now Smile

OP posts:
sassy · 01/06/2006 08:17

Hi ggg, glad she is safe. I guess thats the main thing.

She sounds like a mare at the moment though. Is she about 15? She is clearly doing everything she can to challenge and upset you both.

Is her dad in the picture - could he help at all - support, maybe take her away to give you and dh a break for a few days?

Sounds like proff help is a good idea though.

Good luck xx

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 01/06/2006 08:24

She is sweet sixteen. Seventeen August.

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wilbur · 01/06/2006 08:38

I've just seen this ggg - I'm so sorry you're having such a nightmare. FWIW, I think your instinct to get some professional help for her, and for you perhaps, is a good one. When I was a little younger than your dd, I also stole a lot (I also set fire to things, but that's probably another thread!) and when confronted with it by my school, my parents reacted by sweeping it all swiftly under the carpet as they just couldn't cope with the idea that I was a thief. I think some low key, supportive counselling would have helped me a lot. I did sort it out myself, eventually, and am now v committed to honesty in all forms, but I still think I should have been able to talk to someone about it at the time. Take care.

chenin · 01/06/2006 08:40

Hi ggg! So sorry to hear the probs you are going through - its very hard isn't it. Have you tried to force yourself on her and make her spend time with you? I'm sure you have but it was just a thought. I have two DDs 17 and 14 and the eldest is difficult.
If ever she is vile, it is attention seeking for her and if I spend some time with her - taking her somewhere in the car, maybe for something to eat at a pub just her and me, she just sort of calms down. (Half the time, I really don't want to, because she is being vile, but it sort of works).
I'm sure you have tried that, but it was just a thought. You have my sympathies - its not easy being a parent to teenage Ds.!!

tigermoth · 01/06/2006 08:48

oh, what a lot of worry. I'm so glad you found her - or she found you. She has no respect for your possessions has she? I would find that extremely hard to live with - and as you say, if she behaved, she'd have a nice life.

What does she want out of life? what does she want to do - can you get it out of her? Bet it's difficult. Is she going through loads of angst because she has can't make up her mind about what she wants to do with her life? If you can find out if she has ideas (or is totally floundering) then that should give a clue about what to do next.

I remember getting very confused around the age of 16, realising there were lots of decisions coming up that only I could make in the end. My parents could not make them for me, so I had the potential to really mess up my own life. What A levels to go for, whether to leave school, go to college, what to study. I remember really feeling the pressure when I was 15/16 and feeling I just was not up to making decisions. I really wanted to be successful, show my friends I could do it, but had no idea how I was going to achieve this. And some of my friends sounded so sure of themselves. Anyway, I backed away and started missing days at school. A minor dishonesty. In my experience, dishonesty can be a way of relieving stress, backing away from life, not facing up to decisions - could your dd be doing something similar?

Original poster
ggglimpopo · 01/06/2006 08:48

Have tried the "time out and alone with me" - she doesn't talk to me, or if she does, it is just asking for stuff. Being with me = buying her stuff. Or she is pleasant just until we get home, then it all starts again.

Wilbur, can you remember why you stole?

It is not just the stealing - it is the thought of her always going through our stuff, as my dh says "the invasion of privacy and intimacy" that is difficult.

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Blackduck · 01/06/2006 08:57

ggg no help as mind is a long way off this age - but lived with a friend and her 16 year old and it was HELL! I don't even think she knew why she did things - but it was as you describe - stealing, lying all that and no (apparent) remorse. I was a typical teenager and was fairly vile and know that a lot of the time I felt horrible about what I was doing, but it was almost a compulsion - and couldn't say sorry ever!

tigermoth · 01/06/2006 09:03

just a another thought about her going through your stuff - do you think she is desperate to find out what it's like to be you - all grown up, life sorted, successful, know what direction you are going in etc. I do remember rifling though my own mother possessions, trying to uncover her secrets. It was when I didn't feel that adult myself - but very much wanted to.