I'm sleep deprived, bitter, resentful..

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

I need to vent.

I'm on my second non-sleeping baby who is now 5 months (DS is 2.5 and poorly and therefore hard work) I haven't had sex with DH in over a year thanks to an awful pregnancy and now I'm too exhausted. We are bickering like a couple of children.

A friend has just had her first baby a few weeks ago and I've just had to endure a sickening converstsuon about what a fucking 'pro' she is at motherhood. How she's fucking ironing muslins, making cakes and cant believe how well her baby sleeps. OH FUCK OFF.

I'm a flabby, haggard old frump. I want to be pleased for her. I would like some decent sleep.

I know I'm a vile person for feeling this way.
Agh.

Thank heaven for being able to post anonymously on here.

Your perfect-mum friend's day will come....there are sooooo many hurdles in this motherhood mullarkey - teething, training, talking...and that's only the T's!!!

I've had to limit the amount of time I spend with certain friends who are perfect parents as they can be so negative and make me feel quite inadequate. What I've come to realise is we just have very different children, one friend in particular thinks all personality traits are down to parenting and that I have a rabid biting, strong willed non sleeping child is my fault, really good friends keep a close eye on him, make me cups of tea and ask how I am...

At jim

Sure I read on here somewhere that HVs keep a particular eye out for women with spotless show homes who claim everything is going perfectly as they are often the ones who later find that they can't keep up with their own self imposed standards and go totally doolally. Hopefully that doesn't apply to your friend but remember, people who are really finding things effortless don't usually go on and in about it.

Btw OP, if it makes you feel better, DH & I haven't dtd for a very long time either.

I'm starting to realise that us mums who have the non-sleeping, non-self settling-willonlysleeponmumsboob babies are actually the "normal" ones. Just as its normal to have a difficult pregnancy/childbirth. Unfortunately nobody talks about these things & you certainly won't find these stories in parenting mags/books or films.

I wouldn't mind betting that behind closed doors 'pro mum' is actually a shell shocked, flabby wreck. No question about it, she will have her down moments and 'what the fuck have I done to my life' moments. Her baby might be less demanding now but with kids it's all swings and roundabouts.

If it's any consolation, my cousin (who is actually lovely) was quite a smug mum. My eldest was 13 months and still a screaming, sleep fighting nightmare. Her newborn breastfed like a dream, slept 5-6 hours between feeds at night, fell asleep wherever he was, rarely cried. I wanted to claw her face off.

Thing is, my DS got to be 2yrs and gradually grew into this amazing, funny, chatty, lovely little boy who I could take anywhere and would sleep ALL night. Her little boy morphed into a tantrumming, non talking, screaming, non sleeping nightmare. Then I got to be smug mum....

I can guarantee, even if she seems to be doing well, she probably isn't. Also her baby is not going to stay a sleepy, easy newborn for long.

Not to sound too bitchy. I am not wishing difficult times on people but just remember that we all struggle, just at different times and different people cope with different phases better than others.

I personally am not a baby person at all (not after my 2 horrors little darlings) but LOVE older toddlers. My cousin is all about the newborn phase and cute little babies but struggles with the toddler bit. Swings and roundabouts.

Life is far too short to iron muslims; in fact life is far too short to iron anything at all with or without children. TBH if that is what your friend is doing when baby is asleep then she sounds like a sad case and you sound normal.

Muslins people! Can we all agree that Muslims should not be ironed under any circumstances

Oh I could have written this post! As a mum of a still not sleeping 5 year old and a 10 week old I feel your pain! I too have friends who have babies who are bottle fed and sleep through the night ( so bloody what!) maybe I like looking like a zombie and falling asleep in my pasta! I hate people bragging about their perfect lives with their babies. No babies are perfect and we are only human, sometimes makes you want to scream!
I'm just happy to get the school run over and try and get some rest at some point during the day! F* the house work ( ironing Muslims who would even bother they only get vomited on!) having a glass of wine now (even tho breeding) don't care now!

Gosh, I feel your pain. I felt extremely bitter about the fact that I got no sleep whilst my SIL got LOADS of sleep, and obviously considered it due to her management of her child. I remember conversations word for word as if they are carved on my brain.

Hang on people, the thing is you might not know you are being smug. If you've been expecting hell on earth, and then you get an 'easy' baby, you might just be saying 'wow, it's not as bad as I imagined'. Forgetting/not knowing that others might be finding it a tad harder.

I could have written the op... sigh. And wtf about ironed muslin?

The annoying friend who claims her baby is so chilled out 'because I am' - ie "you are a bag of nervous energy and that is why you have a feral baby"

Shoot me now!!

She's gonna get such a shock when her dream pfb morphs into the toddler/preschooler from hell.

At least you're already totally in the s**t. It can't get any worse and probably will get better.

My DS (second child) didn't sleep through till he was 17 mths. He's nearly 20 mths now and the last three months have been so lovely! Sleep deprivation is torture.

Chin up love . It wont be like this forever (even tho I'm sure it feels that way).

PS any woman who considers herself a "pro" at motherhood with one pfb of a few weeks old only is in for a rude awakening ....

She's lying.

Oh OP hugs. I had a friend with a very chilled, non crawling 7 Month PFB 'advising' me how to manage two kids recently. I kept my mouth shut and laughed inwardly. I have done my share of sleepless nights but DC1 wasnt bad at all. She's a much harder work than the average and its exhausting. DC2 is an utter dream (5 months) and I'm completely terrified as to my payback.

Chin up

Ironing muslins? This girl is lying about her perfect sleeper. This is a cry for help. Send her to the GP.

If her baby is only a few weeks old then she's a bit premature in bragging about how easy it is. Babies change.

Oh, and pmsl at all the ironed muslins out there!

Bloody hell, actually wanted to write Muslim on my pp and failed. I am not a pro at typing or motherhood.

I am long past that stage but it still brings makes me shiver to remember it. Poor you. You are not vile. You are tired. You are not a flabby, haggard old frump. You are tired. Get some sleep. Beg, steal or bother whatever it takes to get some sleep.

My dd is a crap sleeper and a bottle refuser. One if my pro friends recently confessed to me that she thought the bottle refusing was my fault. Then she started weaning and her dd was a spoon refuser. HA! She apologised with that new kevel if understanding. There are many stages of baby/toddlerhood where her baby can be the victim of her bad parenting!

Exactly what OddBodd said.

I hated the first few months - even now that DD is nearly 9 I sometimes wish I could go back and do it again, but actually enjoy it.

But she also morphed into a fantastic older baby/toddler.

As for ironing muslins - that's not a sign that she's a 'pro' - it's a sign that she needs to get a life.