What surprised you most about becoming a parent?

[Keztrel]

Or did your expectations turn out to be pretty accurate?

Relentlessness - of everything both good and bad: that you have ultimate responsibility for everything to do with a little life, that the only time you think about nipping down the shops is when they've finally fallen asleep and you can't, and absolutely how completely you adore the little thing, the pain at their first real tear (even though it won't be your fault), how you will stay up for hours if they're sick and all you can be is worried, and suddenly things like zombie or disaster movies, or the informational bits in Comic Relief are almost impossible to watch because you keep thinking about your child in those terrible situations.

Oh yes, the absolute awe as you look at your little burbling 6 month old and realise that he is still entirely made of you, but in a separate body - that you grew him, then fed him on milk you produced until you had a being sitting there grinning at you.

Made me sit down in shock when I first realised how crazy that was to think about

How much I could love. Really didn't expect that!

How much I changed - I was imagining I'd be desperate to get back to the job I loved within a few months and on the look out for babysitters so I could have a night off after a few weeks - in fact, I agonised over wanting to be a stay at home mum and took a longer maternity leave than I'd planned and couldn't bear to be apart from her for months - before the first night out I had (at 6months) my DH had to force me out the door!

The impact it would have on my relationship with my DH - for better and worse.

How backbreakingly physical it is: lifting, carrying, arranging, strapping in, attaching, etc: baby, buggy, shopping, luggage, sometimes all at once and trying to manoeuvre in awkward spaces, onto bus, etc. just KNACKERING. But I am a lone parent which makes this aspect harder.

I thought I was a patient person before I had children but now I realise its an area that I'm seriously lacking in.

I had no idea that they would accumulate so much stuff

I didn't realise that becoming a parent would mean that people would automatically assume that you want to look after their children too.

I didn't realise just how beautiful they would be and squishy.

I didn't realise that the most beautiful smell in the world is a wee filled nappy and I really miss the nappies now we are past that stage.

How maternal I actually am. I used to be the hardest nosed person, lacking in empathy, that I knew and I spent my pregnancy terrified that I wouldn't know what to do, I wouldn't bond, I wouldn't like being a Mum. Then DD arrived, it turns out I'm not that awful, I love being her Mummy, and I'm pretty good at it too I think

that sometimes things don't work out how you think they will and this was not what I opted in for

Definitely the feeling of overwhelming love and complete pfb ness that came over me. I've surprised myself by the type of parent I've turned out to be. I'm still bf at 8 months and have no intention of stopping, we co sleep from about 4 every night- earlier if needs be. I've had about 4 evenings out since she's been born- and it bothers me not a jot, I can't IMAGINE leaving her overnight.

I'll be the first to admit I've judged many people for lesser decisions!

And I don't give two hoots! I bloody love the bones of her :)

I had convinced that having a baby was going to be such such hard work, and it was! But I hadn't realised how quickly it would pass within a few weeks the incessant feeding had slowed down and DS knew when it was night time so even though he was still feeding every 2-3 hours it was a feed then straight back to sleep. Now, at six months, he is happy to play on his own for a while, usually only has 2 feeds in the night and it only takes 5-10 minutes for a bf. So, in a lot of ways is it lot easier than I had been expecting. Although, that it just a baby. I appreciate toddlers are a lot of hard work.

My expectations were pretty spot on. The guilt was a surprise though!

Oh definitely the Fear. How they become the single most important thing to you (sorry DP :))

that after waiting years & years that on a particular afternoon I met my DS who was 4 & having only seen a couple of not very clear pictures of him up til then in the adoption process he looked at me & his first words were "you're My Mummy" & my heart went into boom boom overdrive & I fell completely & utterly in love ....& I am more than surprised when I'm with him that I'm his Mummy - I have to pinch myself - I'm so proud of him & we are lucky to have him even though those lego pieces everywhere are the bain of my feet !

That's amazing Bea, I just welled up!

Man I'm in a soppy mood today.

How much it changed my other relationships. I love my husband/mum/dad etc before. But I love them more now because of watching them be a Dad / Grandparent.

That I would find the lack of outcome associated with a day quite difficult for me personally, that my identity changing would affect me so much, my relationships with friend, family and DP all changed...
How little support you get from some, and so much from others. The judgements associated with being the mothe of a biter... Hoe much a birth can still haunt you over a year down the line and despte all of this that you love them, with a fierce protection that you didn't think you were capable of...

The bit when I sat up after having DS and my organs went 'shloop!' Back into place. That was a surprise.
Also that I should be able to create such an amazing, beautiful, funny, clever human. An actual human! Me!
That still surprises me.

The sense of worry and panic. About everything they do. Always.

And the lack of sleep. And any real me time. Ever.

Yes yes yes to the Fear. I hate the Fear. I was never like that before. I remember taking two day old DD out for a short walk and being stricken by how dangerous the world was. Someone walked near me when I had her in the sling and I panicked in case they bashed her head with their elbow (they'd have had to be trying pretty hard, really). Now it's different Fears. But they will probably never go away. My mum is on holiday and has sent me five emails in three days about a mild allergic reaction I've had. I am absolutely fine. But she's in Tenerife where she is meant to be having fun and instead panicking about someone who is 44 and perfectly capable of arranging a doctor's appointment.

DS1 - how hard and challenging the motherhood is.
DS2 - that motherhood can be enjoyable, too.

Not very original but the lack of sleep and the bone achi g tiredness it causes. Seriously I've had five and each time I'm shocked.
The other thing is that heart flipping feeling you get when they just look soooo sweet ad adorable.

The relentlessness and just how boring it can be early on.

I think the loss if self is rarely talked about compared to all the gushy stuff. I almost mourned by old life.

On the flip side, I'm totally and utterly proud of everything my DD does and am terrified that for some reason, one day, someone won't like her.

That it requires a degree in something or other (physics? engineering?) to put up a cot/pushchair/high chair

Oh the love. I'd heard about it but I didn't expect to be so totally changed by it. When my DD looks at me if feels like my heart will explode. She is the most amazing little person, changing everyday.

I thought I'd carry on with life, work, etc and she would slot in, but my life revolves round her for now. And I'm fine with that.