What surprised you most about becoming a parent?

[Keztrel]

Or did your expectations turn out to be pretty accurate?

Oh, not a good one from me - the frustration.

I was really surprised that I could see why someone would shake a baby.

I didn't, and I'm over all that now, so I guess the world's babies are safe - but, I can totally see why someone can be driven over the edge of sanity and can hurt a tiny, defenceless person whom they love with all your heart.

But, then, I had rampant PND which was undiagnosed as I was very good at pretending everything was fine.

But, yep, that's my worst thing - and, if you get the slightest inkling that you identify with what I'm saying then, please, tell someone. I eventually did, and it was all smashing after that.

Though, I STILL wouldn't mind having enough peace and quiet to enjoy a shit without "muuu-uuuuum"

I didn't mind the loss of self. I didn't really notice it. For ages, I couldn't really remember what I'd done before DD arrived.

Oh yeah, the loo thing. I still get DD coming into the loo to tell me things and I am all 'why can we not wait FIVE MINUTES until I have finished my poo'. She is six.

How little my DD slept.

How much stuff she has/needs.

How easy I found it to change shitty nappies I can't change anyone else's baby

How long it takes to get ready and out the house in the morning, I'm almost 8m in and I'm still always late.

How much I love her. The feeling of overwhelming love is the best feeling ever. She can be such hard work but totally worth it. She's amazing

How relentless the early months are.

How utterly boring it can be at times

How utterly I loved them both (and still do of course!)

Re "the loo thing" Why do none of you lock the loo door. I never ever once took a child into the loo - hard luck if they cried or had to wait two minutes to tell me something.

An overwhelming feeling of responsibility. We've got to teach her how to survive in this big scary world. To eat, to read, to write, to socialise etc etc She's only 22 months so the next 16 years we're busy being parents- huge responsibility which requires so many different skills.

People say 'oh I can't wait to have a baby' but they're not babies for long. You're having a little person.

I was also surprised at how natural I was. I didn't need books despite reading them Nor did I realise I'd be more of an attachment-parent. I was doing things that were normal to me and fitted my family only to be told there was a name for it

The sleep and baby stage was as I expected. The toddler stage is not

I was shocked at how much I had relied on work for friendships - I knew very few people outside my workplace as I had moved to the town to work there. Made me make an effort to get out and meet people...

Agreeing on the frustration, dc2 really tested my patience with constant screaming

Also - how soon all the pain and drama of labour becomes irrelevant

Why do none of you lock the loo door.

Because they are only little for a short time and it doesn't matter that much. But it is a surprise to anyone who hasn't had a child, I think. Unless you lock them out and let them cry, of course.

"Why do none of you lock the loo door"

Because the battering at the door, the sobbing and wailing the other side, is distinctly off-putting. I can't do the job while that's going on so I leave the door openable.

DS1 hasn't been in while we've been doing a poo since he was about 3; and he won't let me stay in the room while he's doing one either! DS2 is still only
8mo so not an issue yet.

Bealola - that made me tear up as well, how lovely!

*How all consuming it is.

How much I love them.*

^^This perfectly summed up by Angry Feet

Why do none of you lock the loo door?

my baby and my toddler cannot be left alone together for even a minute for safety reasons....thus one or the other always has to come with me to the loo. I miss having a good private pee that is for sure.

The HORMONES. Just when I think I am emotionally approaching normal again, a new batch comes in (DD is 17 weeks and bf so I'm not back to normal periods etc yet). I remember reading a description on here of the 'day 3' hormones where one MNer said she cried because her DP made her tea in the wrong mug. That could have been me

How fast she grows out of nappies/clothes/Moses basket

How much laundry there is to do!

Oh yes, the "baby blues" - hit me at Day 4/5 - I just cried and cried. No idea why at the time but then a friend told me she was exactly the same - it was the hormones, the "baby blues" (NOT to be confused with PND).

Definitely the fear. Anne Lamott once said of having her son "you may have the greatest joy you ever dreamed of, but you will never again draw an untroubled breath." I'm not much of a worrier but in the back of my mind is always the thought that something could happen to the DC. I know who I am as a person would not survive it.

How much I would cry! I have a lullabye station on Pandora and I have to fast forward Baby Mine (from Dumbo) every time it comes on or I will cry and cry.

How hard it is with two! DS is almost 6 and DD is three weeks and dear God it's a challenge. I'm hoping it'll get a bit easier when DD is out of the very very tiny stage.

How physically I love them. My heart actually aches sometimes. I didn't grow up in a touchy feely family at all, but I can't seem to ever stop hugging and kissing them. :)

But also the frustration, the absolute red mist that descends sometimes. I actually just put "Choosing Peace" on my kitchen chalk board as it's been my mantra since DD was born. I have to keep it my head not to go utterly fishwife on DS sometimes. I am shocked at how angry they can make me! (Well, pretty much not "they" yet, DD's too little to cause much ruckus. :o)

Give it a few months, CY! DS2 is starting to cause me to lose it slightly as well - mostly when he chooses to spit food everywhere instead of swallowing, or when he bites me when feeding - and I'm not being as calm and serene as I was with DS1 about it! Probably because I'm already on a higher level of irritation as a start point...

Sorry, I do realise that probably wasn't very helpful!

I would say it WILL get easier when your DD is a little bit older and not into the feeding every 2* hours day and night thing. xx

*or more, that could just have been me of course.

I'm not that surprised by the loo thing because I remember sitting on the floor of the bathroom when I was about 3 asking my mum what her sanitary towels were!

I was surprised by how much other people suddenly felt that my business was theirs.

I was pleasantly surprised at how amazing my mother and father in law took to being kind and happy grandparents.

I was surprised at just how much I want for my little man and how I hold my breath when he tries new things, and how I wish for him to be the best at everything, because, in my mind at least, of course he is!

I was surprised at how much a child galvanised my relationship with my husband.

The absence of tactile contact with dh. We used to hug and cuddle and hand hold a lot. We hardly ever do now as one of us is usually holding ds. I really miss that contact with dh.

That I would have time for a new hobby but only if that hobby is laundry.

I had to leave one of mine in SCBU for several weeks, and go home without him.
Never realised how dreadful that is.
Still remember that awful time.
It was like trying to be in two places at once.

That small children don't simply sleep when they are tired, or eat when they are hungry, but often have to be coaxed into doing it.

And heaven help you when they are too hungry to sleep and too tired to eat.

Actually DH and I now know the solution to that one 99% of the time-Weetabix.

Oh, god, Eldritch, I remember when DD was only a few weeks old and was too hungry to sleep, too tired to eat. Absolutely nightmarish. I remember DP turning to me and saying, "yeah, I think I've changed my mind, can we send her back?"

That I really am a crashing great softy.
We had her cot set up in her room, swing in the lounge. We brought her home, and I realised I didn't want her more than two inches from me.
She slept in her baby bath on two dining chairs, right next to the bed for weeks until we had the money for a Moses basket.
At two, she's still cosleeping. I don't see this changing.

How much I hurt when she hurts.

How intensely frustrating it all is.