Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is this selfish?

61 replies

alexw · 30/05/2006 09:19

I am a teacher and dd goes to nursery when I'm at work. I have taken her there today so I can go shopping. Am justifying it by saying it's unfair to drag a 17 month old around the shops (which I believe it is). I don't often get the chance to get out alone. So, am I a bad mum?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

moondog · 30/05/2006 09:20

I don't work and my 23 mth old goes to nursery 2 1/2 days a week precisely in order for me to shop,go to the gym and think.

Am a devoted mother.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2006 09:21

No. Why would you be? She wouldn't enjoy being dragged around to the shops and neither would you. But she enjoys playing w/toys and other little kids and you need to get stuff done. Win win situation as far as I'm concerned.

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 09:22

Not selfish in the slightest.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Carmenere · 30/05/2006 09:22

Hardly, we all need a bit of me time, you are just being sensible, enjoy

Twiglett · 30/05/2006 09:22

I used to put DS in childcare one day a week to have time to myself

wish I could afford to do that with DD whilst DS is at school .. but I can't

NotQuiteCockney · 30/05/2006 09:23

I use part-time childcare, and don't work.

I would say it is selfish. But there's nothing wrong with being selfish!

Original poster

alexw · 30/05/2006 09:25

Thanks everyone. I think I will enjoy day more now. Silly, I know, but sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way.

OP posts:

FlameBoo · 30/05/2006 09:26

I'd quite happily send DD to nursery today

Not selfish at all.

Marina · 30/05/2006 09:27

Goodness no!
Does she love nursery? Yes, I expect.
Will she loathe shopping and drive you nuts?
I am often off in the school hols with ds but still send dd to her nursery at least one day a week so that I can blitz the house while ds gets to read or watch Raven unmolested.
Dd will be three this summer so I think our days of pulling this stunt are over now, so make the most of it while you can alex.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2006 09:27

dd1 WANTS to go to nursery. she can't wait.

she'll be 3 next month and has a place for Autumn, but everytime we pass the school she's all 'I go to nursery!'

blueshoes · 30/05/2006 09:32

I only have time to do one big supermarket shop a week, working pt. It would take 3 times as long with dd and lots of aggro if I took her along. Of course, I leave her in nursery. Then when I pick her up, she gets my full attention.

Selfish? I am doing dd a favour!

BagelBird · 30/05/2006 09:37

I am a SAHM - do part time work flex hours (eve from home) but stay at home with DD2, DD1 at school. DD2 goes to a childminder on an ad hoc, few hours a week basis. She loves gettign out and being with others away from me, I enjoy the headspace/get on with shopping/cleaning etc. I think it makes me a better mum as I am calmer and more rational with those few hours off! Also means that the boring jobs are out of the way and I can play with DD2 more when she comes home.
Of course you aren’t a bad mum for taking a little time out. In fact, you are probably a better mum for taking a break now and again. Thoroughly recommend it :)

Rhubarb · 30/05/2006 09:39

Let's see, what would a toddler want to do the most, be dragged around shops looking at the same things, or taken to a nursery where there are other children and lots of toys to play with?

CaptainDippy · 30/05/2006 10:49

Not selfish at all - You need time for you, to be yourself and to get stuff done without a bored screaming toddler harrassing you (and can you blame them, shopping is very boring!!) Especially as you are going out to work and being a teacher isn't exactly the least stressful job in the world. Do not feel guilty - enjoy your "me" time - and you will defintely be a better mummy because of it .....

Like alexw I don't work (I am job hunting) and my 2 go to nursery 2 afternoons a week and boy do I need the break - It is just soooo nice to get the housework and little jobs done (no way I can do then while they are in the house) - and to be able to have a cuppa and a quiet read of my book for an hour or so - Very liberating!!

Do not feel guilty - enjoy yourself - My children love nursery anyway, it is really good for them as they get to learn stuff and interact with other children and have a break from bloomin' boring mummy too!!!!!

CaptainDippy · 30/05/2006 10:50

when I referred to alexw - I meant moondog - Sorry!!

draggedthrooabush · 02/06/2006 23:52

Who are you all trying to convince?
Can't believe anyone would put their young toddler into nursery just to go shopping! Sure I can believe that 3 or 4 year olds enjoy going to nursery and look forward to it but surely a young child this age would rather be a bit bored at the shops with their mum than be cared for by nursery nurses/childminders. I can understand that depending on circumstances some children have to be in childcare to allow their parents to work but being put there to allow yourself shopping/housework time? Yes I do think you are being selfish. Can't you go at the weekend or have your partner or relative babysit to give you some 'me' time? I'm a nursery nurse and know from experience that children this age prefer to be with their parents regardless of what you may say about them enjoying nursery. Childcare through necessity yes but for shopping to my mind is pure self indulgance.

edam · 02/06/2006 23:59

Heaven forbid any mother should ever imagine she could get away with indulging herself for once. Oh no sirree. Put on the sackcloth and ashes and beg forgiveness for even thinking about it...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/06/2006 23:59

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/06/2006 00:02

Clearly you are projecting your own anxieties on here dtab.

If the child goes to nursery anyway when the mother is working, what difference does it make if for one of those "usual" nursery days, the mother does shopping instead?

Honestly.....mothers dont have to be martyrs.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 03/06/2006 00:14

draggedthrooabush on Sunday, 28 May, 2006 11:06:50 PM

Ever since having ds2(7months) I feel guilty about the lack of time I have to spend with ds1(2yr 10mnth) I feel he is watching far too much tv especially in the morning when there is so much to do!

I know probably every mother has this guilty feeling but I didnt expect to feel like this all the time. If i'm doing things with the baby i worry he's feeling left out and if i'm spending time with him I worry about the baby as i'm sure no1 got much more attention at the same age. Then theres the housework debate How do you fit it all in!

When i have to do housework during the day I feel guilty about neglecting them both! But i'm fed up doing loads in the evening and not sitting down until 9ish. Does anyone have any tips about being a mum of 2? When do you stop feeling guilty? How can you keep them occupied without resorting to the tv without which my eldests constant warcry is "Mummy can you play with me please?"

LadySherlockofLGJ · 03/06/2006 00:16

Toddler...........shopping.........Nursery

Toddler.............TV............

No competition ................

Twiglett · 03/06/2006 00:26

and the award for martyr of the year goes to....

twinsetandpearls · 03/06/2006 00:30

My dd goes to nursery both while I am working - also a part time teacher and while I have me time. Over the school holidays when I do not work at all dd will still got to nursery , not all day but for a session so I can recharge my batteries. Happy Mum = Happy child.

KristinaM · 03/06/2006 00:39

DTAB - I can't believe anyone would put their young toddler in front of the TV for hours just to do housework! Do you care about your furniture more than your child? I am sure that he enjoys TV and looks forward to it but surely a young child this age would rather play with his mother? I can understand that depending on circumstances some children have to be in front of the TV to allow their parents to work but being put there to allow yourself housework time? That's just selfish. Can't you do it at night or at the weekend or have your partner or relative babysit while you clean the house? I'm a mother and know from experience that children this age prefer to be with their parents regardless of what you may say about them enjoying TV. TV through necessity yes but for housework to my mind is pure self indulgence.

draggedthrooabush · 03/06/2006 01:23

Ruffled a few feathers have I? ha ha

Just for the record my toddler does not spend hours in front of the t.v and I dont have a love affair with my furniture. I'm just a normal mum who lets her child watch some t.v while I tidy up breakfast mess, unload dishwasher, put washing on etc. I'm just adjusting to having 2 children and feel guilty that he watches more telly than he used to - and by more I dont mean hours. When d.s1 was a baby he was used to having all my attention and I feel bad for him that he now doesnt and that d.s2 will never have that. My thread was more about sharing myself between everything than just the t.v issue.

And no matter what anyone says I still can't imagine why anyone who has to put their child into nusery through necessity would then just put them in to go shopping? Just my opinion though and I am entitled to it.

Thread was titled am I selfish? Just answered her question, Yes I think you are.

Don't really care if anyone thinks I'm a martyr.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread