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Has parenting affected your mental health?

999 replies

NutsinMay · 26/05/2013 15:13

There seems to be a lot of links about Mental Health affecting your ability to parent but nothing about parenting affecting your mental health(beyond post natal depression).

Yet although there have been times in my life when I've felt low, anxious, possibly more than that, I've never felt as anxious, stressed, neurotic, controlling, irritable, occasionally close to the edge as I have had since having children. I have no desire to have a relationship or go out (beyond doing stuff with the children as they are always much easier when out).

I do work part-time and that provides some relief but I wish weekends were something to look forward to like they used to be pre-children. Now they are the most tiring shifts of the week.

Having one was fine and didn't change me or my life that much (and I had a high needs baby) but having two for me is a whole another level.

I am tired very tired. I've not had an uninterupted night's sleep for about 5 years so I think that might be a major contributor but I find the fighting between siblings, the noise, the whining, the whinging- the demands of "mummy" shrieked in stereo are occasionally just too much to bear. I sobbed in front of them this morning because I just wanted them to leave each other alone. I sometimes fear picking up by daughter from school as I just don't the energy to cope with the afterschool grumpiness/meltdown/rudeness.

I know parenting isn't easy and I'm full of admiration for those who have more than two, do it alone or unsupported or have children with complex needs.

I do hear stories of women locking themselves in the bathroom to escape their kids and I know a lot of women got by on valium in the 70s and laudenum in the 1870s(or earlier) so I know it's not uncommon.

But I'm wondering why there isn't more written about this? Is the stress etc actually doing damage to my physical health? Is it normal? Does anyone else think they are going mad?

Thankfully, they are out with DP this afternoon as I've been on the go since 6.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Feelingood · 19/06/2013 09:50

Ledkr ys I've just stocked my freezer with (tesco value actually) with broccoli, cauliflower, mixed veg and fruit salad. Frozen is supposed to be nearly just a good a freshly bought items (? thinks/hopes) Yes i think it no great loss if I cook breaded cod fillets from freezer with a baked pot and salad. I try to double up i.e. cook a big pot of something that will last two days e.g. chilli n rice/baked pots.

Our gym has an outdoor pool - I too have a bag with sun cream etc in, I go mental if the towels get used!

However that said I feel a bit odd this am. This weather is very close and muggy. Been up and down with DD.

After a few good days of clearing out cupboards I still have random piles of clutter stacked up on table/side and bedroom floor.

Mountain of laundry - I shall have to give in and use a laundry service to help get back on top. When I went into kitchen my heart sank.

IS THIS IT? - I just want to grab my gym bag, go for a swim and faff about with hairs etc after, have a coffee and sit undisturbed to do my uni work (DH has said I can do this on Saturday so i shouldn't complain?)

I am going to another playgroup now...rather be out than in tbh.

Feelingood · 19/06/2013 09:53

I bloody loves you all too - that alone brought a smile to my face, speaks volumes

greencolorpack · 19/06/2013 09:56

I had post natal depression.

I had panic attacks for a while when getting my ds from nursery as I dreaded the nursery teacher telling me about all the terrible things he hd done today. I got counselling, it was helpful, cognitive behaviour therapy.

Children are per teens and I am feeling mentally healthy.

I would say the biggest threat to my mental health comes from how my parents treat me, not how my children affect me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Meglet · 19/06/2013 10:14

Just checking in. I've got a week off work this week so I don't feel so wretched.

curry I'm a bit Hmm about attachment parenting, although I didn't do it full stop. I'm sure I read somewhere that yes, in some countries babies are carried all the time but the mother isn't doing all of it. Relatives also carry the baby around. I think we take too many snippets of 'ideal' parenting methods but fail to realise they don't work in our society when many parents are on their own in the day.

curryeater · 19/06/2013 10:14

Right, on the subject of partners and menfolk in general, I was very mean this week to an academic who started a thread seeking information about men on mn, and I felt guilty later and apologised and she quite reasonably ignored me. But it really stirred up a lot of stuff in me that, despite my meanness, I really did not fully express, and I really want to, so I am going to put it here, and it is related to the stuff that some of you lot are talking about wrt to your partners.

It actually made me so angry I still feel slightly bonkers about it.

The questions she was asking were about male users of mn. Apparently research shows that men have a strong desire for parenting information; they are treated as secondary parents by hcps, etc; so are sites like mn good places for them to express their parental identities? And how do they find posting here, given that they sometimes get a rough ride?

I queried whether this was likely to yield interesting or useful results, given that there are so few men on mn that the main conclusion you could reasonably draw is that they don't, on the whole, want to be here. And I was told that the research is a continuation from other papers that have explored how women are treated in male online spaces. This in itself made me foam at the mouth: a. as if there is ANY equivalence, as if it makes any sense to ask the same sorts of questions; and b. what a useless, lazy, fucking boring jumping off point for anything like this. Sometimes I just loathe social "scientists" and their mindless jumping through hoops, the next one along and very similar to the one they got funding for last time. It just reinforces lazy, unanalytic thinking. No vision, no creativity, no point of view. Just a bunch of pointless questions and their boring answers that always serve to promote the status quo.

There is a sort of knee-jerk "balance" or "kindness" which is completely inappropriate here. I mean if you sit down with some men and interview them, kindly, with a head-tilt, about how they feel about being treated as a secondary parent by the GP or the HV, of course they will moan and whine and say they wish their parenting was taken seriously. Well who the fuck made the world like this? If they want to keep all the appointments and remember where the red book is and deal with constipation and potty training and diarrhoea, they bloody well can. Women don't sit in business and parliament decreeing that they INSIST on dealing with all the child-shit while their husbands go to nice business lunches.

Also, the implication that men don't post on mn much because there is some sort of exclusionary mafia really fucked me off. When men post reasonably, they get treated reasonably. When dickheads like our chum upthread barge into a support thread, and talk crap, they get short shrift. Only here. only here does ANYONE get it. And I really fucking resent the implication that we are being somehow unkind in having this female space.

And when I pointed out one motivation for men to come to mn - to annoy women - the researcher treated it as a side issue (which it is not on the fwr threads) - and all the men got very angry that I had even mentioned it. As if you you can't point out that some men are arseholes without all of them putting you in your place.

Finally, the thing that really interests me about the mn view of male / female relationships, will never be explored, while clod-hopping eejits like this hold jobs that allow them to do this sort of pointless guff. I resent this, I resent the fact that this pedestrian, data-entry approach is all that there is about some issues that are very important, and I resent that fact that STUPID people are ALLOWED to be academics.

The thing - the thing that really interests me - I won't write now as I have posted too long already

But anyway thanks for letting me rant. It is tenuously relevant I suppose because it is about a self-serving "oh but I am a parent too" attitude that has NOTHING to do with being at the shit-face

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 10:16

My days.
I go to bed with the children at 8pm.
Ds2 (4) does not yet sleep through.
I get up at 7am and do the morning routine, school and pre school run.
Go and see my mother.
Do any shopping that needs doing.
Home.
Cleaning/tidying/washing/ironing/any phone calls/e mails/MN.
Pick up ds2 from pre school at noon.
Lunch
Keep ds2 occupied. Playing/colouring etc
Pick up ds1 at 3pm
Home.
Try and get them to play nicely together whilst I make dinner.
Dh home at some point.
Dinner.
Any homework sorted.
Baths
Bedtime.
And repeat x 5
I am utterly miserable.
We are supposed to go on holiday to Northumberland in 3 weeks.
I can't bear the thought of it :(

curryeater · 19/06/2013 10:31

Oh Badvoc. Feeling your pain about the "holiday". Insult to injury that the bastard things are called "holidays".
Will it be better when ds2 goes to school? Not long.
Do you want to talk about his sleeping?

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 10:38

I honestly don't know.
It will mean more free time for me in theory, but free time, to do what? More cleaning?
No jobs around and nothing that would fit in with the dc and Dhs jb anyway.
It's been such a shirty few months...money pit of a house, illness x 1000 and lots of stress.
I am beng investigated for a heart condition which I am pretty sure is stress and anxiety related.
Need to address ds2s sleeping. Just dont have the energy ATM.
Got both dc starti new schools in sept. it wii. Be very stressful I am sure.
Have just given up my voluntary work as I just can't manage anything but the basics ATM.
I am sat here on MN. There is ironing to do, the dishwasher to unload (Dhs job but he "forgot") and tidying to do.
I also need a shower. I couldn't have one yesterday as I had a heart monitor on.
Just want to go to bed.

vladthedisorganised · 19/06/2013 10:41

I think one of the really interesting things is the pressure there is - and I'm never entirely sure where it comes from - to do lots for our small children. From babyhood we're bombarded with heaps of instructions on what we 'really ought' to be doing for them, and crucially, how wonderful we should feel while we're doing it.
So, instead of 'You might find breastfeeding boring, painful or uncomfortable - or you might find it OK. All of these things are perfectly OK and it won't last for ever', we get 'Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience for both mother and baby. It helps establish a strong bond. You may feel sad when it's time to give up, but remember, Baby is growing up strong because of you! If for some reason you're finding it hard, you are probably eating something you shouldn't!'.

I felt awful for ages because I wasn't finding breastfeeding a beautiful experience. My back hurt, I was bored out of my mind, and frankly I was counting the seconds until I could give it up. And I felt terribly guilty because there must be something 'wrong' with me to feel this way - the HV was nonplussed that it wasn't the most magical thing I'd ever experienced and told me to give up eating onions. Hmm

I am constantly assaulted by 'the evils of television' stuff from a friend with a newborn (he'll learn) and got incredibly guilty when, while caring for my mother who was dying of cancer, I was so exhausted I had to plank DD in front of the television for a while. I actually felt so guilty I cried because I didn't have the energy to create a collage with my three-year old.

And then a friend told me the most sensible thing anyone had told me for the last three years..
"You know what? It won't kill her. If she was sat in front of the TV day in, day out, with nobody talking to her ever, or if you made her watch TV instead of doing anything else ever, that would be a problem. As it is, she might realise you're tired. She's happy. And when she gets to university she'll be able to reminisce about Abney and Teal while drunk in the same way we did about Sesame Street. And contrary to the scare stories, we ended up reasonably well-adjusted, creative people. Kids are a lot more adaptable than we give them credit for. So if she's pestering for TV and you're shattered, why the hell not?"

Just thought I'd share that one Grin

curryeater · 19/06/2013 10:43

Badvoc: do it. Go to bed. Leave the tidying etc for the afternoon, or evening for dh to do, get an hour's rest before it is time to get ds2. It is so so so worth it. Please. I so would if I were you.
Sorry to hear about the illness.
"more free time to do what?"you see, you are too exhausted to be able to even imagine enjoying anything. That is why you need to sleep NOW. please.

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 10:45

God, I can't even bear to think about how much tv my kids watch!
Ds2 learnt all his letter sounds from Alphablocks!
Ds1 loves his DVDs and spends hours watching them...nature docs, dinsosaur programmes, world war 2 etc.
They also both have tablets but I limit time on those as I know how addictive they can be!
I think for me, ATM, it's the total lack of anything to look forward to that I find hard.
I just see the same thing, day after day, for eternity.
I know logically that won't happen.
But that's how it feels :(

curryeater · 19/06/2013 10:51

Yes I know what you mean. That is exhaustion.
Things will change even before you have the energy to actively change them, they will change of their own accord. then with just a little more energy, you could think about ways of things you could do. But don't worry about that yet. Just think about what will definitely change: ds2 will go to school, you could have a two hour nap every day Sep - Dec if you wanted. (you needn't tell anyone!). Eventually he will sleep through. These things will happen whatever you do or don't do. So go to BED and DON'T WORRY FOR ONE HOUR

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 10:51

Thank you.
It's good to talk to people who understand x

elizadoolittle · 19/06/2013 11:36

In many ways my mental health improved: in the early days I used to say to myself 'I can either lie awake worrying or sleep. Sleep is more important. If this thing is still a worry in the morning, I'm allowed to worry about it then.' Invariably it wasn't. So sleep was had and worry went away. Pre-children I was prone to depression and inertia.

However... early years over, DD is 7 and day-to-day life is of course much easier, hang in there if you have pre-schoolers.

Having said that, over the years I have worked part-time, very full-time, had huge promotion, collapsed from 60 hour weeks, commuting, doing EVERYTHING domestically. I have had 2 years off, still do EVERYTHING at home and I don't know what to do about it. I have been raging internally for years at DH and all I do is beat myself up for moaning when I have a good life, only one child etc etc. The loneliness of supporting his extra study, long hours, weekend working, total lack of his getting it... I ended up doing completely the wrong thing, looked to someone else for emotional support and now DH's rage is all too apparent and we're having to move house to get away from OM (let's call him that, I didn't have sex with him). So we'll start again where I know absolutely no one, DH will be out of the house 12 hours a day and I'll still be doing everything at home while finishing an MA and trying to rebuild my career...

Outwardly I bet people think I cope, do loads of voluntary work, know loads of people, lost 2 stone last year etc but inwardly it's a huge bloody mess. Mental health status: not sure... could do better.

Sorry, that's a self-indulgent rant but I empathise with everyone on this thread, esp those in far more challenging situations than my own. Curryeater, you have made me laugh so much!

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 11:52

Eliza...I'm so sorry.
Thing is, people would say the same about me I am sure.
I am a sahm and have been for a decade. Easy life, right? .)
I have my own car and a nice (albeit money pit of a) house.
2 lovely ds's.
Dhs job means that he now regularly works away - other side of the world, not Europe - and I find it very hard.
I get so frustrated at having to do everything
Just once for him to take control and do the bedtime routine for example...that would be so nice!
I need support ATM and he is just not capable of giving it :(
I have an appt at the gp in a couple of weeks that I made ages ago to discuss my test results...should I mention how I am feeling?

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 11:53

...and people keep asking me what I am going to "do" inc both kids are at school.
I don't know what to say to that tbh.
I would quite like a rest, really.
If anyone knows of a job that's fits round 2 different school hours, dh working away and term times do let me know, won't you?

elizadoolittle · 19/06/2013 12:12

Thanks Badvoc, that's sweet. I don't deserve sympathy!

I think this thread shows that thousands of women are in the same boat grappling with the same issues, in the 50th anniversary year of The Feminine Mystique Hmm

Re bedtime. Can you start with one day a week saying you are going to be out of the house 6-8? (When DH is in the country.) Just go anywhere and don't come back till they're asleep? Your health is the most important thing - if you feel the stress is exacerbating it, absolutely do mention it to the GP. They are trained, some of them can be really sympathetic, sometimes just having said it out loud is a help.

Curry is right. Come September, schedule a sleep every day. Go out, walk, swim, read, rest till Christmas at least, then see. Don;t do more than 1 hour's housework a day. I remember pre-DD asking my SIL what she would do when the second went to school. I blush now at how that came across. Do your best to ignore everyone who asks this silly question! Or give them an exhaustive list of all the things you already do, that'll shut them up!

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 12:19

Of course you deserve sympathy!
You are unhappy ergo you deserve sympathy. And you are spot on...so many of us feel this way. Bit depressing, really.
Thanks for your comments. I can see the sense of them.
I feel like I am wishing my children's lives away ATM which makes me feel very very guilty.
They deserve better.

Feelingood · 19/06/2013 12:30

green I had PND with DS who is now 7, Im glad you are feeling healthier now, but I have to say I find my 16 month old easier to care for than him at the moment, he is very demanding. I suppose that perspective will change when my DD starts to talk!

Re my age, first birth and general history I was high risk from getting PND again, but I didn't, I felt I was more proactive as I had learnt a few things from the first time but also I didn't have stress at home or work this time round.

meglet I hope you are able to plan something in for yourself that you enjoy. I think its a good point re what suits one culture is not necessarily good for another, I think this also works at family level within a culture. If we all did the same thing then we wouldn't be individuals, it's what makes our race so diverse! We are not BORG (star trek)

curry so the men folk who largely shaped the societal system are now complaining about how they set it up re them being secondary parents! - I suspect it suits a self serving bias at times. My DH makes me laugh (bitterly cynical mechanically) as since he started working for his posh new firm they provide seminars every so often about parenting issues and how to maintain a work life balance etc - Oh really I say - lets just say i say a lot under my breath, through gritted teeth with sweaty words.

badvoc BE SELFISH - do get that rest, don't do housework every day nothing bad happens honest (though not to the extent i have left mine TBH!)

eliza hats me at hoe trying to retrain with another degree through OU whilst Dh is out 12 hours a day, inc his trip to the gym.

Well I've moaned a bit on this thread but Im trying to see how I can turn this around to be constructive:

  1. The health visitor were doing a survey at playgroup this AM I told them about this thread and suggested a drop in session should be available, you don't always want to chat at weigh or playgroup etc. She agreed and started to share her difficulties with her eldest not sleeping.
  1. Use the good enough principle - is everyone fed, clean and clothed? - good job done then! It's ok if we haven't done a craft activity followed by home made houmous by 11 am with a 'hello' style clean house and nails done.
  1. No one is going to knock no the door and do an inspection!
Emsmaman · 19/06/2013 12:44

Badvoc Re the doctors, well I can tell you I took the leap this morning of booking a GP appointment for next week. Ostensibly because I am tired ALL THE TIME and DH suggested maybe I have a deficiency in something. Right so nothing to do with the fact that DD wakes up every night and has done for 2 years...Anyway I am going to brace myself to ask about the possibility of depression. Hopefully I have a kind and understanding GP for this visit. I'm a little afraid that if they do diagnose it, DH will brush it off, I think he is one of those "depression isn't real" people. Most probably the GP will just tell me that I'm doing too much and I need a rest, haha that'll be the day.

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 13:01

Good luck ems x

OddBodd · 19/06/2013 13:34

Just wanted to check in again and offer you all my support and thank you all for the honesty on here. I think the OP has really tapped into something here and it's becomming a bit of a lifeline.

What has amazed me over the last week or so has not only been the huge number of mums all feeling exactly like me but also the massive amount of support and warmth you've all given to complete strangers which is really beautiful. You are all lovely and deserve all the support and recognition in the world.

Anyway, DS2 has whinged and clung to my leg all morning. He's having a nap now but I can hear him stirring. Anyone elses heat sink the moment they hear their baby/ toddler waking up??? Ahhh, I feel exhausted yet both boys slept through so I have no excuse. I'm another one who stays up late just for the quiet time but then pays the price for it by being shattered all the time.

DS1 (5) has started being tearful in the mornings as he goes into school. I have no idea why, he's in year 1 and it's nearly the end of the school year so it's not as if he's new to it. He's been at that school since nursery when he was 3. When I talk to him about it he just says he misses me and wants to be at home. I can't seem to get to the bottom of it. He's not sobbing but just has little tears in his eyes and cuddles me for ages before I have to almost peel him off me to go into the classroom. The awful thing is that I just don't have energy or sympathy to deal with it. I adore DS1. HE knows this but after getting both the boys up, breakfasted, cleaned, clothed and out the door, I really just need him to go into school nicely. I feel so guilty as I walk down the school path (with DS2 whinging in the pushchair) but I've spoke to his teachers who say he's fine at school and isn't tearful in the day so I'm hoping it's nothing serious. Just seems to have come from nowhere and adding to my feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I just want my children to be happy well adjusted boys but I seem to be fucking it all up.

DS2 is crying, got to go but will write more later.

Badvoc · 19/06/2013 13:42

You aren't fucking it up odd.
Perhaps try and have a quiet (ha!) 10 mins with your ds and ask why he is upset?
It could be something really easy to fix.
On my eldest boys case it was bullying, sadly, but it isn't always.
Could it be end-of-termitis as I call it?
Both mine get it...get grumpy, more tired, upset over silly things.

OddBodd · 19/06/2013 15:07

Thanks Badvoc. We've tried having a little chat with DS1 on a few occassions. We always have a little chat before bedtime and usually this is when he'll tell me if somethings bothering him but he's just saying he misses me, he'd rather be at home with me and DS2 etc etc. Could be the end of term thing, thank you! He seems very tired at the moment despite going to bed at 7:30pm and not waking up til 7:15am ish, I am sure he's getting adequate sleep but he seems so lathargic and miserable on school mornings. Yet at weekends he's fab, full of joy and energy. Maybe he's just had enough and is ready for summer.

DS2 is being a grumpy so and so...nothing new there though but I seem to crash when they're both miserable. Just feels like I am not doing my job and all my efforts are pointless.

Stripedmum · 19/06/2013 15:40

Oh dear God. What a day.

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