Going back to work - what I need to do/know...

[mumtosp]

Hi all,

I have decided to go back to work part time (4 days a week) in the beginning of August when DS will be almost 10 mo. Childcare is sorted - my parents will be looking after him for the first few months (after that it'll be a childminder)
I have just over 2 months to get everything sorted - but I have no idea what I need to sort out !!??

Here are some questions...

1. DS has a pretty good nap schedule during the day, but needs to feed to sleep - I need to break this habit right? Or else how will be nap when I'm at work...

2. He has 3 meals a day (sometimes 2) but still feeds on demand atleast 4-5 times a day (including feeding for nap times) - should I start offering more solids and bring down the feeds to twice a day (morning and bedtime) ??

3. If he still needs to feed during the day, should I start building up a store of breast milk in the freezer? Should I be pumping at work ?

4. Even though he is good with his day time naps, he isn't sleeping through the night :( Sometimes he up every 2 hours for a feed. I need to sleep train him right?? I can't see myself going to work if I don't have a good night's sleep. Also, we co-sleep... so I guess I should move him to a cot before I go back?

5. And finally, any tips on how I can manage work and house??!! DH is very helpful but also has a very demanding job. I used to have a very demanding job and I won't be surprised if I am expected to do the same amount of work even though I'll be working only 4 days.... I am worried about how I'll manage everything :(

Sorry this has been a bit long... but now that I have written it all down it is starting to really stress me out.... so all advice is welcome :)
Thanks !!

Right-I went back to work 3 days a week when DS was 11mo, he goes to a lovely cm two days a week and is with grandparents one day a week.

I ebf until he was 6mo and then moved onto cups of formula during the day and bf first and last thing (he NEVER took a bottle) I completely stopped bf when he was 10mo. I forced him onto more of a schedule when I knew I was returning to work. His day looks like this:
6.30-wake up cup of milk
7.30-breakfast
9-nap
10.00-milk
12.00-lunch
13.00-nap
14.30-milk
16.30-tea
17.45-milk and snack
18.15-bath and bed

He now drinks normal milk or formula depending on whichever I grab first, but doesn't drink a huge amount at a time, probably only 4oz.

I started getting him to self settle at bedtime when he was about 5mo because feeding to sleep stopped working, and I stopped offering bf during the day when he was about 8mo. Once he could self settle at bedtime I stopped offering at naptime, which worked well.

With regards to housework, we do blitzes. I have Mondays and Thursdays off, so I do all the washing and food shopping on those days. DH does hoovering, we clean the kitchen everyday and we do bathrooms when we remember! Luckily DS is up with the lark so I try to get loads done before his first nap then we can get on with the day.

Good luck!

1) DS has a pretty good nap schedule during the day, but needs to feed to sleep - I need to break this habit right? Or else how will be nap when I'm at work.... He will nap while you're at work. The schedule will stick. He will obv not seek breastfeeding from GPs and they will find their own way to out him down - cuddle, forehead stroking etc. you don't have to think that just because you feed him to sleep that is the only way he will sleep.

2) He has 3 meals a day (sometimes 2) but still feeds on demand atleast 4-5 times a day (including feeding for nap times) - should I start offering more solids and bring down the feeds to twice a day (morning and bedtime) ?? I think you should start offering more solids, perhaps increase frequency and amount and see what effect that has on his milk feeding

3) If he still needs to feed during the day, should I start building up a store of breast milk in the freezer? Should I be pumping at work ? my honest answer: no. Enjoy the last couple of months with your baby without introducing a pumping schedule, don't put yourself under that pressure. Same goes for work...it's hard enough reintroducing yourself to the workplace without that too. Disclaimer - this isn't to knock the idea or those who do, just my opinion on getting a bit of separation and compartmentalising your life.

4) Even though he is good with his day time naps, he isn't sleeping through the night Sometimes he up every 2 hours for a feed. I need to sleep train him right?? I can't see myself going to work if I don't have a good night's sleep. Also, we co-sleep... so I guess I should move him to a cot before I go back? yes, a slow transiton to cot sounds like a good thing, and dropping night feeds definitely a good thing, but don't do too much all at once. You'll be amazed at how little sleep you can function on....I work full time and do not have amazing sleeping DDs, you just muddle through. I decided I was not going to make every sleepless night worse by being super hard line about no co-sleeping

5) And finally, any tips on how I can manage work and house??!! DH is very helpful but also has a very demanding job. I used to have a very demanding job and I won't be surprised if I am expected to do the same amount of work even though I'll be working only 4 days.... I am worried about how I'll manage everything. Any chance of getting a cleaner? My saviour is a twice a week housekeeper who keeps everything together.

Hiya. my DD is 17months old now. I went back to work 30 hours a week in January but I work shifts. 7-5pm days few days off, 5-3am lates few days off then 10pm-7am night shifts, 5 days off. My daughter is extremely clingy, tantrum prone and had never been left with anyone but her dad before i went back to work. I was worried.

My DD was 12months old and Breast feeding 9 TIMES A DAY!!! and EVERY HOUR through the night co sleeping and never spent a night in a cot in her life when I returned to work and i made no preparation at all apart from worry myself sick about how we would all cope.

I wish I hadn't worried so much. It was harder for me than it was for her. These babies are much more adaptable than we give them credit for. I left her with my parents or her dad and was allowed to come back to feed her when i had chance or could express at work but I threw it. She wouldn't take it from a bottle anyway.

It did us both a favour. Naturally and gradually the day feeds reduced and because I wasn't there at night, DD just had to get used to daddy re settling her in her cot without boob. She didn't put him through the same trauma because he hasn't got milk and she knew I wasn't coming. Her sleep has improved a lot. I still night feed when i bring her to bed after 3am when I am home.

coping with the house, well, have a bake day, freeze little tubs for baby to have handy for child carers. plenty of fruit to snack on etc. Get a slow cooker and prepare dinner in the morning on days off or before you go to work. do house work between you in dribs and drabs, just keep on top of it so you dont have a big clean up.

Naps - !! mine would only have her nap in the pram or the car - my parents and partner just take her in the pram/car when she is due because i STILL feed her to sleep for her nap and we both sleep together in the day when I am off (bliss). As someone said above, they realise that the carers havent got your boob milk and will go to sleep for them in other ways. DONT worry about their naps, if they are tired, they WILL sleep. (might not be for as long as when you are there but they get used to it).

Try not to worry too much, it all fits into place in the end. If only i had known this before I made myself ill with worry about returning to work and carrying on the breast feeding etc. You cope, you adapt and you will be surprised and in awe of your little one coping without you.

Thanks all for the detailed replies !! :) (I love mumsnet )

teacher123 Thanks for sharing your DS's schsdule. Any tips on how I can get my DS to follow a routine/schedule...

HandMini We've always had a cleaner but she only comes every other week - that was fine for me and DH as we used to do some cleaning ourselves in the week she didn't come... with DS around, I guess we need to get a cleaner every week...
Even with a cleaner, I still have loads of other things to do !! Laundry seems to take so much of my time .. plus DS is in cloth nappies so that's another load to wash.
Does your housekeeper do laundry? Does she also change bed sheets and duvet covers? (just curious)

GEM33 I'll take your advice and try not to worry too much... right now I seem to have random panic episodes !!

Yes,make does two wash loads on each of her two visits (and that's enough to see us through the week) and then I do a bit of hanging and folding as necessary to fit in with what she's done. She does all the ironing (there isn't much, just a few shirts)

I read Gina and followed the timings in there-and I always get him up by 6.30/6.45 in the morning to try and keep to the schedule. The early bedtime works for us as I have rehearsals in the evening and its easier for babysitters if bath/bed is already done. Once he was on 3 meals a day I just sorted out the timings from there and wiggled them accordingly. He doesn't always settle for both naps-but I stick him in his cot and he has a quiet play in the dark which seems to calm him down even if he doesn't sleep for both of them.

If you can get the cleaner to come weekly that should take care of most of the big jobs. I went back when DD was 8mo and I found the first few months a struggle, but with hindsight that was because she wasn't mobile. Once they can start crawling and then walking, I've found housework much easier. For example, they can play with something on the floor while you sort the washing and change the sheets. Now she is walking, we've turned a lot of the housework into games - most kids love helping to fill and empty the washing machine. I find if you do ten minutes here, ten minutes there while they are in a good mood it helps loads, for example run the duster around while they are playing with something in the living room. But it is about managing what needs to be done - if you have a cleaner, then it really is just laundry and tidying, isn't it?

We also stick to the CM's routine a lot of the time, so DD eats her tea much earlier than we do. This is great as she eats in her highchair in the kitchen while we do washing up or dinner prep and chat away with her.

Oh, and get your bathroom safe for a baby, so if you do need to shower etc in the morning while they are awake, they can play on the floor for a few minutes while you have a speedy shower.

Nap times - they kind of just get in to a new rhythm with their new carer. Hard to believe beforehand, but they do.

Sleep training sounds like a good idea, and I'd say start now so you have 2 months to do it slowly.

One thing I would suggest is learning to take a bit of a step back from his day-to-day routine when he is with your parents. This is much easier said than done, as I still fret sometimes about what my DH is doing with DD when he has her all day, in a way I don't fret about the CM. If they are going to have him 3 days a week then it will help everyone to trust them (obviously I'm not saying that you don't, it's just easier to get very descriptive with your parents than a CM about what you want them to do all day)

Good luck! It really isn't as bad as it seems beforehand. Just give yourself a few months to settle back in to it. Most mums I know struggled for a few months and then got their rhythm back.

I've just gone back to work so I get up before the morning feed, shower, dry hair and do make up before waking my 7 month old for a feed. She gets fed again at 6pm, refuses milk during the day but that's a whole other thread.
If you have an 8 m.o. then you should probably be working to three bf/bottle feeds a day 7, 2.30/3pm and 6/7pm. Other milk/water coming from a cup. If you are doing much more milk than that then your sons solid intake will suffer.
You can express at work or supplement with formula for the mid-day feed. I stick to the same two feeds at weekends otherwise it would be too confusing for DD and screw up things for the CM on Monday. Plus I don't want to end up with mastitis.
Gina Ford gets a lot of flack but it's useful to flip through her weaning book as to how to progressively work towards 3 meals a day and to reduce the milk. There are lots of case studies about how to deal with sudden early wakenings etc. I haven't read the baby whisperer or other sources but I found this website quite useful. The Gina Ford schedule worked better for us as we have a toddler to take into account too. Perhaps talk to your CM and see what she is likely to do and use that as your target ?
noobmommy.com/2012/02/e-a-s-y-schedules-cheat-sheet-4-sample-baby-schedules-from-4-weeks-1-yr.html

Feeding to sleep is a tricky habit to break, especially in the middle of the night. I did this with DD1 but not deliberately with DD2 and she will self settle which is fabulous. DD1 had a tough time when I went back to work so I would start now if you can. Perhaps for the 9/9.30 nap - so no boob after breakfast if you currently do that? I would get him into his cot avoid the pram for a few days if you can as that doesn't fix the problem about 2/2.5 hrs after he wakes and before he even looks tired. He can wind down by himself with a few soft toys and a mobile music thing. DD2 seems to take the music going on as her cue that it's nap time.
They can be very overtired by 1pm and much more likely to turn hysterical which is no fun for everyone.

Middle of the night wake ups - this will kill you when you are back at work. The only thing that worked for me was to send DH in to settle DD1 back down for a few weeks and then she would settle for me when she got out of the habit of being fed back to sleep. I'd start that sooner rather than later if you can, on a Friday night so everyone can take a daytime nap if it becomes necessary.

thanks all !! :)

Another question I had is: how do you cope with leaving your lo with a carer... or the fact that you will not be seeing them during the day !
I know this sounds stupid, but I had to be out yesterday and I couldn't take DS with me. So left him behind with DH... but I couldn't stop thinking about him... that's when I realised that the hardest part of going back to work won't be all the extra work, but how much I'll miss him...
Is it too selfish of me to just want to win the lottery and never have to go to work again !?! :(

I find that I fuss a lot more when DD is with DH or her grandparents, because in that situation I know I can call and badger and have more involvement. With the childminder, I am more relaxed.

It is hard, it really is. The first few weeks can feel absolutely awful. Keep yourself busy at work so that the time flies. One thing someone on MN said when I was going back to work myself was that, if you feel sad or miss them, just stop and picture how much fun they will be having with their carer or the other kids that they are with. This really helps, I promise - yes, you miss them, but they're having an amazing time bonding with your parents.

The big thing is not to make any snap reactions to how you feel leaving your DS. Just like people say to treat the first 3 months of having your baby as a fourth trimester, you need to treat those first few months back at work as an adjustment period. Most of my friends have all struggled the first three or four months. You may hate it and think that you just want to jack it all in and be at home with your son, but that might not be the right decision (obviously there are wider points to consider, such as maintaining your career/earning ability, financial need etc). If in 6 months time you still think you want to cut down your hours or quit your job, that's fine. But don't rush in to it while you are still adjusting.

• get a cleaner. Ours just comes fortnightly, so its only £20 a fortnight. But it is the best £20 I've ever spent and wish we did it earlier.

• agree with previous comments about taking your time in deciding what's 'right' for you

• remember that ALL kids freak out at nursery initially, not just yours.

• it is okay to ENJOY work, to enjoy not having to change nappies, to enjoy the change of scene. Does you husband feel guilty? Probably not. So you don't have to either.

• ensure your daycare is near your house, rather than near your work

• online grocery shopping.

Thanks PPP. I do have one question... won't a day care close to work be easier ?? In case I need to get to DS quickly or end up working a bit late ??

I'd always go for childcare near your home. It means that other people can do drop-offs and pick-ups, and you can still take them in if you are ill. And looking at the long-term picture, if you have any more DC or you change jobs, your childcare is still in place.

In terms of illness, it's well over an hour until either DP or I can pick up DD. Anything that is too ill to last an hour or so with Calpol and cuddles probably requires medical intervention, in which case the nursery/CM would be taking them to the GP or the hospital anyway.

Yes agree childcare closer to home is better for all the reasons above and even longer term they may end up going to the same school as other children..

Didn't get to finish typing damn work interrupting! but tour said it too. Especially if you are using a CM, then in an ideal world you could use the same CM for the next 12 years if everyone is happy.

Agree about childcare near home. Just imagine an hours car journey with an overtired toddler while stuck in traffic....

Ok, so brutal honesty about the rest, and only IMO:

1. Yes you need to break this habit. I know it's hard because I did the same with DS. When I went back to work I hoped to continue bf to settle him in the evening and overnight. A couple of late finishes whee DH had to manage a screaming +++ baby for an hour or more (yes he'd take a cup well so not hungry, but not settle) and I gave up bf and sorted his ability to sleep without. No need to give up bf if you're going to be home but he still needs to learn to self settle (this may be why he's up so much in the night).

1. I'd work towards 3 full meals a day and I'd cup feed in the day, expressed or formula. It's essential he'll take the cup feed consistently before you go back or you'll be giving your dparents a hard job.

1. By law you should be able to express and store at work. In my job it's completely unfeasible. Personally I wouldn't have bothered anyway, by 12 he can just have cows milk.

1. Yes for your own sanity you need to work on sleep and into own cot. I say this as a co sleeper when young myself. It may not work but I'd try. It sounds like its all associated with his needing to learn to self settle. There are gentle ways.

1. Cleaner who irons every week if at all feasible. Lower your standards!

It's really tough going back. Took me 3months to feel properly back and I never recovered my previous ambition. But I do value the adult company and the time to just do one thing rather than juggle, and occasionally have a lunch break where you can actually sit and eat lunch with 2 hands!!

Oh and my tip would be to start the back to work schedule a week before you go back, so your DS is used to the timings and you now how long it'll take you to get out of the house/through traffic/do drop off etc and still get to work on time. Then just drive home and have a bit of time to yourself while knowing you're available if your DS needs you. Then pick up at lunchtime (after trip to hairdressers/nice shopping.....).

Hello I went back to work 3 days a week when my dd was 7months and from about 5 months i started introducing a bottle in the day. I also had a routine so there were fairly set times for food/milk/naps.

This made life a lot easier in terms of leaving her with a cm as I gave the cm a printed out copy of what she normally did and when. Dd settled in really quickly and I also knew roughly what she needed in terms of food and milk to go through the day.

Roughly at 8 months I think the routine was;

7am - bf
8.00 - breakfast (cereal or toast)
8.45 - drop off at cm
10.00 - snack and bottle - at cm
10.30 - quick nap for 30 to 45mins
12.00 - lunch
14.00 - bottle and snack
14.30 - long nap for 1-2 hours
17.00 - tea
17.30 - collect from cm
18.30 - bf before bed.

So this roughly meant that in a normal day I knew she would need 2 bottles, food for lunch and tea and some snacks.

If you feed to sleep - will he take a dummy?

At night from 6 months I would only offer water if dd woke between 10pm and 5am and I suppose I did some cc in that I would reassure and cuddle then put back down, leave for 10mins and then repeat until she settled.

I think encouraging him to sleep in a cot is probably a good idea as well.

Thanks all - all this is very helpful.

Any recommendations of which cups/bottles did your lo take easily ?? Mine sometimes takes expressed milk from the Madela Calma bottles when I'm out and DH is looking after him... is it OK to continue with Calma bottles or should I move on to something different.

I need to sort out the cot this week !!

girliefriend what sort of snacks did your dd take? Mine doesn't snack apart from taking breast milk. He doesn't do BLW ... will put everything in his mouth except for food !!

snacks would be things like fruit (soft fruit cut up like strawberries, grapes, banana etc) breadsticks, rice cakes, sometimes a biscuit or small cake. I also embraced things like Ellas kitchen pouches and other baby food as made life eaiser but obv they are not for everyone!

From about a year dd was having a cooked dinner and sandwiches or similar for lunch, I found before then a bit more tricky and so she would normally have whatever I had for dinner mushed up a bit and maybe a jar or pasta for lunch.

I didn't do babyled weaning but just what I consider traditional weaning ie a bit of both!!

HTH.

We used the basic tommee tippee sippy cup. It goes in the dishwasher and is free flow, both of which are essential IMO. DS has only just finished using them and he's nearly 3.

Hi all,

Thanks again for all your helpful advice !! DS now has a proper schedule, breastfeeds only morning and evening and has started having formula during the day. His sleep has also improved a lot (thanks to another sleep support thread on MN :) )

Yesterday I did a trial run where I left home at 7 am and came back only at 6 pm... DS was with GPs the entire day. He did well :)
But I didn't !! :( I suddenly realised that the only time I get with DS is when I feed him before leaving and by the time I come back all we do is another feed, bath, story and bed (DS had dinner before I came home)
Is this the kind of time that everyone else also had when they first went back to work ?? I know things will improve when DS is slightly older and doesn't need to sleep by 7 pm.... but for now I really feel I'm missing out on him :(
I guess it's just guilt associated with going back to work...

Thanks again :)

Hi, i went back to work full time when my DS was 9 months old and DD was 5 months old (there is only 16 mnths between them and while i was on maternity with DD kept DS in nursery)

With regard your last post, there were times when i would pick my children up from nursery around 5.30, drive home, bath and feed and literally put to bed at 6.30. I found that for a few months around the age of about 12 months they seemed to need to be in bed by 6.30. My natural instinct was to want to keep them up longer so i could see them, but actually soon realised that that was pretty selfish on my behalf and wasn;t fair to them.

It doesn;t last long though I promise you. As they got older bedtimes got a little later so pretty soon it was 8pm rather than 6.30 -7. I feel that extra hour really helps. I found that the needing to be in bed at 6.30/7 only lasted a few months

Mine are 6 and 5 now, both at school. I usually pick up at 5.30, come home, homework, cuddle, stories, tv, play etc and in bed at 8 (no later than 8.30) so i actually get around 3 hours with them.....and i dont think they are any the worse for not spending loads of time with me when they were babies.

PS dont feel guilty about returning to work. He will be well cared for, well provided for and if you are happy so will he be.!

I get back at ten to seven most days, DD straight in the bath, then generally up in her room by 7.30 for a story so the same as you, very little time together on the work day. We used to have a good hour together in the morning but now her sleep has shifted slightly so she wants a good 12 hours, so we now get a rushed half an hour of getting her ready before we leave.

The first few weeks are very hard - you are so used to spending so much time with them that it is awful to only see them for flying visits. But you do settle down to it after a while. I find it helps to focus on a few things

• They will start going to bed later as they get older

• This might not be the job you're in forever, you might find something more local or with better hours

• And just focus on the quality time you have together when you're not at work. As DD is getting older I'm finding this one a real positive. She's now a budding toddler and I know that if I spent all day, every day with her the tantrums etc would be so grating and tiring, whereas when it is only 2-3 days a week I have much more tolerance and patience to cope with them (and also do spend an hour strapping her into and out of her car seat because it's apparently 'fun' )

You might find once you're settled in you can start juggling around bedtimes and wake ups. You might be able to sacrifice time in the morning - so, like we do, DD is up, bottle, nappy, dressed and out the door, no faffing around - for time in the evening. Just let things settle down for a few weeks and then start experimenting. (Also, letting DC sleep in a bit later in the morning can mean you get to shower alone easily, ah the bliss!)