OK, so twice in the last couple of weeks I've been reminded why I don't like putting young babies into routines

[hunkercaribou]

Twice, I have seen babies screaming for a feed and their mothers "trying to make them wait for it" because "it's not time for a feed yet".

[heart breaks]

What would you do in this situation?

I have always fed my babies on demand... my babies have both been very sicky, puking after every feed.

If my DD pukes and is still hungry I try and get her to wait up to 2 hours before giving her another, even if she is crying, because I know the second one will bounce back just like the 1st

I dont think it is right tho, if you know your baby is hungry to deny them food, eliminate all other possible reasons for crying and food is the only thing left.

I am always surprised that people draw such firm distinction between a "need" for food and a "need" for comfort. in a baby - especially a newborn - I would have said that those needs are equally valid. Also, don't they overlap hugely? I mean, if a newborn is shouting to be put to the breast [hate that expression btw] then I think it probable that, at least some of the time, they want the warm squishy cuddliness of it (and poss the oral gratification) as well as the milk. but it seems utterly ludicrous to make those distinctions. Newborn babies want what they need and need what they want.
I am not saying that if you don't pick up a baby the second they start to cry then they will be damaged. Other things and needs go into the balance of course - the mother's needs and those of other children for a start. But if you dh asked you for a cuddle you wouldn;t say "NO! you only want it for comfort. You must learn to WAIT until an abitrary time when i decide you may be comforted...."

bluejelly I remember mine screaming, and I know it wasn't for food, in fact she would pull away from me, this used to happen most days for 1 or 2 hrs a day. All I am saying if you were distressed, think how the mother was feeling!! NOT being able to comfort the poor mite as I am sure she didn't want to take it out in that state.

Totally agree HC. I think I tried to say that earlier but failed to get my point across!

I had a screamy baby first time round too
sometimes I felt like putting a big sign on the pram saying - contrary to all appearances, I am NOT sticking pins in this baby

mine used to screech on cue in Asda (obv wanted Waitroise or somewhere higher).

Lots of people used to say ooooh what's up with her and I felt like saying HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW???????????????????????????

Or, 'is she tired?' grrrrrrrrr

i have told my children to 'wait' for a feed before now when out (and they were all younger) mainly due to trying to find somewhere suitable to feed. i like to have my conforts when b/f, that means a drink. and now i have 3, that means making sure we are somewhere safe so dd1+2 will also be safe and not run off. my favourite place in town is the 'muffin break' place, we get tea/milk and cakes, and the older 2 get a ride of one of those silly machines.

my 6 month old still isnt in a routine! Admittedly not BF but still no routine, she feeds when she wants to around 2 meals a day!

If a baby wants fed - FEED IT.

Routines are for wimps! (IMHO)

Absolutely Harpsi. Needing a feed and needing a cuddle are the same when you're two weeks old.

oh and btw, to answser the original post, in this situation, I sometimes say something like - gosh what a hungry baby! shall I get you a cup of tea if you want to feed?
If they say that sh CAN'T be hungry, she's only just been fed, sometimes Imight say - well maybe she's thirsty, it is very hot in here
or sometimes, if I think the mother is self conscious about feeding, then I might feed dd2 - whether it is time or not

In a similar situation I once said ( in a non-patronising voice) " god when my dd was that age she just wanted to feed all the time"...

Harpsi, didn't want to introduce a tit/teat element to this, but both babies bottlefed - choice mind not no support to bfeed (although one was "always hungry" so was on bottles by four weeks as she "didn't like feeding him so much" - not judging, just quoting, btw).

So I have the additional "I'm bfeeding, you're not, I think you should be feeding the poor screaming baby, you want to stick to your clock-led routine" stuff to contend with, plus comments like "you're so lucky, having your content baby" from these mums (neither of whom I see particularly regularly, btw - both friends of friends).

but even from the bottle-fed side, i could NEVER let a child of mine cry for a feed. Becky has just had 4oz milk when only 2hrs ago she had 7oz!

JARM, exactly - this is why I purposefully didn't put anything about bfeeding or bottlefeeding in the OP since I don't think it's important - it's about not giving your baby what they're desperate for.

ah that's more tricky then hunker. maybe you could just say - could you eed your baby please because his cries of hunger are making my milk squirt out that might clear the area

ROFL! Yes, could say that...

It is tricky though. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't like "making people feel bad" about their feeding choices. But I mind when their feeding choices are upsetting their babies!

Feed as and when child requires - still do it now with jess at 22 months - if she's hungry she tells me, if she isnt, she wont eat!

I remember when DS was a couple of months old. He wasn't very well, feeding was difficult, he wasn't sleeping very well, I was severely sleep deprived, it was hot, we were in Sainsbury's, it had been a long day, I was tired, DS was tired, everything was just crap basically. We'd been queueing at the till for what seemed like ages, DS started crying, I wanted to start crying, and the well meanig till assistant says to me "ooh, I think he's hungry" and I just wanted to reply "will you please f* off!". So I've never been keen on people making judgement calls about my baby's needs.

I don't like that either, PP. But I really don't see how I'm making a judgement call when the mother is rocking her crying baby in the car seat, looking at her watch and saying "I can't feed you yet, it's not time"?

but didnt you know HM - babies can tell the time!!!

Oh yes, silly me. Mind you, they do seem to know when it's MY dinner time. Hmm.

hunker, thats so true, my ds always knew it was feeding time, the very minute my bum met a chair with something to eat.

Think there born with it.

My MIL was always insistent about the 4 hour feeds. Apparenbtly it worked for her. Apart from her son who cried constantly, but that was just him of course, nothing to do with being hungry. And all this business about not weaning until 6 months to help protect against allergies etc. Load of rubbish. She weaned at 3 months with no problems. And my husband's hayfever, SIL's shellfish allergy and BIL's excema are irrelevant and I cannot possibly say there is a history of allergy in the family.

Smile and nod, smile and nod...

Oh that awful live by the clock thing.

I can't be doing with overly strict routines as people have said on here they let you know when they're hungry so you feed them, same with tiredness. There's nothing wrong with a loose routine that is adapatable but other than that i've always followed my childrens lead and that works for me.