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Parenting

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Original poster

Mums of 3 or more - heeeeelllllllpppppp!!!!!!

47 replies

KerryJ · 13/05/2006 14:45

Just had a very unexpected and dare I say 'unplanned' BFP. I've got 2 lovely ds's, one of almost 5 and another of just 13 months. I know I'm only in the early stages of pregnancy but I feel completely panic stricken at the thought of how a 3rd child will impact on our family (ds2 will be 21 months when the new baby arrives).

PLEASE - any tips, feedback from people with similar age gaps, etc? My main concerns are how this will effect ds2 (middle child syndrome?) and of course how it will effect us logistically - what car will I need to transport 3 kids on the school run each day?!

I hate feeling negatively about this pregnancy :(

OP posts:

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Freckle · 13/05/2006 14:49

3 is a lovely number. Get a people carrier. It won't be only your own children you end up ferrying everywhere. Don't worry about middle child syndrome - it's very similar to second child syndrome which yours will have anyway.

If it's another boy, then just think of the wear you will get out of clothes, etc. I've just been looking in DS3's wardrobe and am astounded at the number of clothes he has - and they are almost all hand-me-downs.

Don't feel sad. What's done is done. Enjoy your pregnancy.

zephyrcat · 13/05/2006 14:57

Hiya KerryJ - You sound exactly like me! I had my dd and ds when I fell unexpectly pregnant with number 3. I completely panicked and wondered how it would all work and what would happen to ds as he was still only a baby himself. It took me right up until the last few weeks of pregnancy to 'accept' having another baby and I think I had ante-natal depression through worrying myself stupid!

Well, dd2 is now 5 weeks old. DS is 22 months and dd is 4 and a half and thy absolutely love her to bits!!! I was more worried about ds only being 21 months when she was born but he is completely taken with her :) I do worry about middle child syndrome too as he is now the only boy and is a quiet little thing whereas dd1 is very outgoing, so I'm a bit worried about the girls ganging up on him!!

My biggest problem is going out because I don't drive so that is hard as ds still needs his pushchair and I carry dd2 - but you drive so you will be fine.

It really is easier than you imagine and as soon as your new baby is here it will all fit into place - you'll be fine :)

SoupDragon · 13/05/2006 15:10

Although planned, I paniced when I found out I was pregnant with BabyDragon. DS1 and 2 were 7 and 5 when she arrived and she's fitted in well although the school run is a challenge and you can't fit 3 seats across the back of a Laguna!

DS2 was clearly born to be a middle child rather than youngest as he loves his little sister and loves being Little Big Brother.

Agree that the baby jsut fits in much like the second one had to. The oldest ones adjust an mine liked having specific jobs assigned to them (nappy fetching and blanket adjustment!)

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GDG · 13/05/2006 15:13

Awww, KerryJ, don't worry!! I have 3 boys - 5, 3.5 and 19 months. When ds3 was born ds2 was 21 months and ds1 was 3. It really was not bad at all. Takes a while to work out fitting in baby feeds etc with your current 'schedule' but you find your way and it's fine.

Regarding a car - for the last 19 months we've had all our 3 in the back of a mondeo and they fit fine. We have just bought a Grand Voyager which is deffo better, particularly as ds1 brings friends home from school. But you can manage with a regular car so don't worry.

Middle child syndrome? Just don't think about it, it's not an issue, you'll love them all equally - if you think it's an issue it will be.

Honestly, enjoy your pg, I can imagine the shock and the worry but take it from me, it will be fine and you'll love it!!

LadyTophamHatt · 13/05/2006 15:17

Ohhhh 3's a piece of pi$$.....(say's LTH after her shock BFP for no4)

we didn't cahnge our car (nissan primera estate). I sat in the back between ds1+2 when Ds3 was in the first size car seat, then when he moved to the forward facing seat I used the lap belt fastener on the carseat, so all 3 ds's were in the back.

LadyTophamHatt · 13/05/2006 15:17

oh and IME middle child syndrome is a myth.

(mine are all 2 yrs apart BTW)

Original poster

KerryJ · 13/05/2006 15:40

You're all wonderful - I feel soooo much better already...lol :)

One of our main problems I guess is the size of our house - we've only got 2 bedrooms! The ds's share a room and I suppose we can always invest in bunkbeds once no. 3 is ready to leave our room (ds2 was in with us for almost a year, so not something we have to stress about just yet).

zephyrcat - can't believe how similar our circumstances are, and your post has really helped make me realise I will survive. Thanks!!

Thanks everyone :o

OP posts:

Helenemjay · 13/05/2006 16:04

Hiya kerry i had my 3rd baby 8months ago when my ds1 was 5 and my ds2 was 2.5 and we had a lovely dd! its not nearly as scary or hard as you think it will be, i wouldnt change my 3 for all the world infact if i had the time and money i would have millions more! (this is coming from a girl who was DEFINATELY NEVER EVER having any kids ever!! lol congratulations hun! it is GREAT news!

KateF · 13/05/2006 16:19

Congratulations Kerry . I had a surprise dd3 when the others were 4.9 and 3.2. She is now 21 months and it really hasn't been bad at all, she's very loving and the others love her dearly. I do have problems with dd2 but I don't think they're related to being the middle one. The only thing that broke my heart was having to swap my Mini for a bigger car but I manage perfectly well with an old Nissan Sunny and they all fit in the back.

AngelaD · 13/05/2006 16:38

My 3 DD's are all exactly 22 months apart and it is hard work but they play beautifully together, other people always comment on how lovely they are and that makes me so proud.

Nikkinoo · 13/05/2006 16:42

been there with an unplanned third child. She is an absolute joy to be with v easy going. My other 2 love her.

Im never late for school on a morning and other mums always comment on how do i manage to have the children looking so smart. (mind you they never say i look smart!)

You can do it, also i dont believe in middle child syndrome, siblings relationships are down to parenting, in my humble opinion.

Congratulations

poppiesinaline · 13/05/2006 16:49

Another one here with an unexpected third! Had DS2 just over a year ago. I remember crying for weeks when I discovered I was pregnant. My 2nd child had just started full time school when I discovered I was pregnant with no 3 and I was planning on going back to work and feeling a little bit of freedom again.

A year on, I cant imagine life without him. We have a small car and cant afford to buy a new one and we all squeeze in. Cant ferry other children around but hey! theres worse problems to have

PeachyClair · 13/05/2006 17:05

I have three boys, 6, 5 and three in July. The third has been by far the easiest and therefore, esiest to enjoy (which isn't to say he is rpeferred!). it's experience, I think, really helps.

We're still using a 'normal' five seater family cat, but we're painfully aware that we will have to upgrade soon. DH wants a Fiat MultiPla, the childminder swears by her Zafira. It's just what suits you.

Three is great, I'd love another in the future , when I graduate. The only thing I could do with is an extra hand, as they do all fight to hold my hand shopping. But you know, when I had ds2 I thought, only thng I could do with is an extra lap.

poppiesinaline · 13/05/2006 18:26

does the family 'cat' mind!? LOL

PeachyClair · 13/05/2006 18:33

No the family 'cat' is half stuid anyhow

EmmyLou · 13/05/2006 18:52

Don't worry about middle child syndrome - they're all individuals. I've got 3 dds but with big age gaps (3 and 4 years) which makes some things easier but its the fighting and feeling guilty because eldest can't do what she wants as there are two younger sisters to consider(and a dog that needs walking and a husband who works abroad a lot...)well i do sometimes think it might have been easier in the long run if they were closer in age like yours will be. Positives and negatives to every situation. Enjoy!

beety · 13/05/2006 19:09

I found going from 2 to 3 far easier than going form 1 to 2.

Also gethelp in the early days if you can...

rosiesmumof4 · 13/05/2006 20:06

me too beety, my third boy just slipped in to his place in the family. Had a normal car when I just had 3 children, but did upgrade to a MPV with the 4th. it was so lovely with 3 we added another

Original poster

KerryJ · 13/05/2006 20:33

Awww just wanted to say thanks again for all your kind words and congrats :) I am having such big mood swings at the moment, one second I feel quite excited, the next I'm petrified. Normal things to feel in early pregnancy, I guess. Mind you, the fact I'm worried this won't be a 'sticky' one goes to show I really do want it, regardless of the worry! I think we'll find out the sex at 20 weeks (if we get that far) - we have had surprises with both ds's, but think this time around I'd rather be prepared.

OP posts:

Original poster

KerryJ · 13/05/2006 20:35

Oh and also meant to say, I'm DREADING the 'are you trying for a girl' comments, and the inevitable pitying looks if we have another boy (which I wouldn't mind in the slightest - I love little boys!). That's another reason for trying to discover the sex, I think - I can deal with those issues before the baby arrives provided I tell all and sundry that we've found out!

OP posts:

PeachyClair · 13/05/2006 20:49

Ah, just say 'well i was actually hoping for a kitten, but Dh is more of a dog man, you know?'- confuses them no end LOL

niceglasses · 13/05/2006 20:51

OOOh I have three - I had 2 boys exactly the same age as yours and then a 3rd pregnancy (planned) and had a girl.

I did get lots of 'are you trying for a girl' comments , but tbh I wasn't. If anything I was trying to fill a hole left by a miscarriage. There isn't the amount of congratulation with a 3rd but who cares really. 3 is a lovely number. Its hard at first, yes - esp the 1st year. But its lovely now - she is 2. Don't worry you'll be fine. There is loads of love to go around........

bubblepop · 13/05/2006 21:17

kerryj, congratulations! i know your probably wondering how your gonna cope, but you will i promise! . its amazing how little ones soon adapt to having a younger sibling around! don't really believe in the middle child syndrome, actually my eldest is the most trouble in our house at the moment(he's 9).did you ever think to yourself when you were having your second, how you might cope? well you survived didn't you? and you will with three! i must admit, when i was pg with my third, i got a lot of comments from people saying "aww, do you want a girl now?" used to drive me nuts! i already had two boys and really was'nt bothered what the new baby would be, but people always have to make comments..same with the house situation, "oh dear..you'll have to move now , won't you? where are you going to put them all? you'll have to go back to work now, surely?" AAAAGH!!!nosey old gits!!! anyway, i actually went on to have no4 and there is an 18month gap between the younger two. the biggest problem i found was in the early days, trying to get the bf going.it was quite hard because the baby was unsettled inbetween feeds and wanted to be on constantly(as they often do), but my toddler was forever climbing on me when i was trying to nurse, and if she wasn't doing that she was up to mischeif somewhere else around the house. it was quite tough being pg because i was ill a lot but still had to see to her. its all clicked into place now though, we've got a little routine going, and so will you. i wish you all the luck in the world, there is never a dull moment with a larger family, and once your there you'll enjoy it. ps we had a renault scenic when there was five of us and i loved that car! a friend of mine has a peugot saloon with three kids and manages just fine.

AngelaD · 13/05/2006 21:39

We got the "i bet you want a boy" comments from day one and indeed when freya was born my mil asked dh if he wasn't too dissapointed I could have chinned her

Jasnem · 13/05/2006 21:52

I've given up trying to correct people who for some reason think I had my 3rd because dp wanted a boy (I have dds aged 6 &5). Not helped by the fact that I did get a boy this time ( almost 3 months.
We have kept the family car, but the girls are older, and ver tall so only have booster seats.
We do have two bedrooms, and are planning on doing some kind of building work to make space for ds to have his own room eventually. We're happy to have him in with us for a year, though, and if he has to go in with the girls, they will love it (for another year or so!)
My first two are very close in age and it was hard when they were small, but you get through it, and it gets alot easier.
I also think that middle child syndrome is a myth.... unless dd2 knew she was always destined to be a middle child.

Congratulations

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