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Parenting

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Original poster

Why do people not believe I'm happy with boys?

50 replies

chickling · 05/04/2013 13:53

Has anyone else experienced this? I am a very proud and happy mum to DS1 (3) and DS2 (4months). Lots of people said "oh, you'll go again for your girl" when ds2 was born-even the midwives! When I was 6 months preg, v close friend asked if we knew what we were having. I said yes and that we were very happy. Friend said " you must be having a girl then because everyone wants one of each and why would you be happy with another boy." maybe it's because I had 2 mc before ds1, also I'm 36 now and don't want to push my luck having another one. If I did get pregnant again however, it would be to have a third baby- not necessarily a girl. How awful for families with 3 or 4 or more of one gender where parents are disappointed. Rant over. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this kind of attitude/ comment. I'm not trying to convince myself btw! Just after ds2 was born I had lovely warm feeling of pure happiness wash over me. I truly appreciate how lucky I am.

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Allegrogirl · 05/04/2013 14:56

I get the same having two girls. 'Better luck next time' and 'daddy must be disappointed' were common remarks when DD2 was born. My mum sounded very deflated when I rang from the hospital with the happy news. My dad has asked if we're planning a third when we have always said two would be our limit.

I have a brother and assumed we would have one of each but now my girls are growing up together so happily it seems we have the perfect combination for our family. Boy/boy and girl/boy would also have been wonderful.

I still get slighltley niggled with the extra special congratulations heaped on couples who managed to produce the opposite sex second time around. My family is just as fabulous as the perfect one of each.

Original poster

chickling · 05/04/2013 15:06

@Allegro I know what you mean about people seeming to congratulate women more who have 'one of each'. When a colleague gave birth to a daughter after 2 sons, people said things like " I'm so happy for X. She's finally got her wee girl." would they have said 'better luck next time' if she'd had a third boy?! I agree that people seem to think women want girls and men want boys. People say some daft things.

OP posts:

Titsalinabumsquash · 05/04/2013 15:07

I have 3 boys, on finding out DS3 was a boy I got lots of sympathy, condolences and comments about how I'll be 'outnumbered' and how long before we try again because we have to have a girl too....

I was people setting my sons up to be disappointments and failures before they are even born.

What makes it worse is we would like another eventually but I'm terrified that since it will be a last baby we will be deemed ultimate failures if we dare produce another boy.

Some people are idiots plain and simple.

For what it's worth, I love my boys to bits and I can't wait to have 3 lovely men around me when they're older and if I have a girl next that will be great, just as a great as another boy.

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Owllady · 05/04/2013 15:10

I think people have a downer on boys in general tbh but reading this thread it appears it an go either way. I know my dad was not a man in his family's eyes until he had a son

it's a load of outdated shit. people need to get and grip and grow up

Catchingmockingbirds · 05/04/2013 15:15

With the exception of your friend who made that strange comment to you, I think the other comments are just one of those daft things that people say when they're making conversation. I've a son already and would love another little boy, I'm pregnant just now and we found out it's a little girl which I'm obviously still overjoyed but have had lots of comments saying things like 'oh is that you done now you've got one of each?' . Then the other day I actually caught myself saying to my cousin who has two boys and said he didn't want more 'oh do you not want to try for a little sister' .

hambo · 05/04/2013 15:20

I have two boys and was at a checkout. The girl could see my toddler boy but not the baby....she asked if it were a girl or boy. When she heard it was a boy she said ' better luck next time'!!!!!! I nearly collapsed!

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 05/04/2013 15:21

I got it a lot as I have four boys, then we had a bonus baby... Dd and she is now 27mths and I am still getting comments on how I finally got my ngirl and a must be so pleased yadda yada yadda.

I totally assumed I would have a5th boy and had no preference.

I think people are just trying to make conversation....

Owllady · 05/04/2013 15:28

I think people don't think before they open their mouths tbh. I have an older girl and two boys but my daughter is severely disabled and I have had complete strangers ask me 'does it only affects girls' or only affect your girls

LexyMa · 05/04/2013 15:29

My parents have a neighbour in his 70s who has two daughters and a son (no idea what order). He said to them once he was disappointed about not having grandchildren, as his son had spent a 20 year career in the Royal Marines and never married, didn't look like he would now. A little later, it transpired that both the daughters have children, but they "didn't count" for some reason?? Find that really sad.

weebarra · 05/04/2013 15:31

I'm pregnant with DC3 and already have two boys. I'd be very happy with either sex although people don't seem to believe me!

Startail · 05/04/2013 15:33

Two the same sex is far easier and a bit cheaper.
Despite being very very different, my two DDs do muck about with hair, make up and discussions of twilight together. They also sometimes go to the same clubs.

They rub along with each others friends in a way, I suspect b/g siblings don't.

The mixed sex siblings I know do their best to ignore each other.

MrsRadicchio · 05/04/2013 15:44

I had midwives saying it to me in hospital after ds2 was born. I was in post birth fog but now I think it's so rude! It feels v dismissive of poor ds2.

ToomuchWaternotWine · 05/04/2013 15:45

I have one boy, now 6, and most people know I am happy with my boy. But when he was around 2/3 I got a LOT of comments/questions like "but don't you want a girl, you know for YOU" or "won't you be trying for a girl soon?" Er no, thanks, I really don't need some kind of matching set like salt and pepper shakers, cheers. And I was a tomboy myself so am much happier playing Lego and dinosaurs than attempting to fake interest in pink barbies, if I had ended up with a "girly" girl. But I still get lots of comments of "oh JUST the one child?" As if people can't believe I automatically wanted two, as if its a natural given.

OP Yanbu.

ToomuchWaternotWine · 05/04/2013 15:46

Believe I havent sorry and no it's not a Freudian slip, just autocorrect!

Worriedaboutapal · 05/04/2013 15:49

yanbu

I always reply: i always imagined myself with two boys (its true)

LegoAcupuncture · 05/04/2013 15:51

I have three boys. I adore them. I would adore the if they had been girls.

I was told last year (by a mother of 4 girls) that my life would not be complete unless I had a girl.

Ignore ignorant comments.

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 05/04/2013 15:56

I think people are being very thoughtless and rude if they are telling you that you must be dissapointed with having all boys or all girls. I wouldn't dream of saying something like that. The same goes for people who have no kids or only one kid.

That said, I have two boys and a girl and, had the third been a boy, I would have gone on to 'try' for a girl. however, I would not have been dissapointed if a forth child was a boy too IYSWIM

There are advantages and is advantages to each and every combination so it's not worth worrying about.

redandyellowbits · 05/04/2013 15:56

I have 3DDs, and people are always asking if we are going to try for a boy. I say no, we always wanted three and are happy thank you.

I think it's mostly just well-meaning people trying to make not very polite conversation.

skratta · 05/04/2013 16:00

I have three girls and one boy, in that order.

DTDs were 8, nearly 9 however, when he was born, and DD3 was three nearly four.

The comments about how we could stop now we had a boy were really hurtful and upsetting, and how finally DH could be a 'proper' dad and how I would 'have the special mother-son relationship at last' and how 'boys love their mum best, I bet you were so excited to finally have a boy!'

The DTDs were in hearing (DD3 has mild SN and is hearing impaired, how fixed surgically, so didn't know/hear/get it with the mouthing) and they knew what was being said and I know they hurt.

I would have stopped at four anyway, and I'd love four girls, four boys, or whatever combination.

When e midwives said it I wanted to cry for dd3 especially. I mean, if you have four kids they expect you to want two of each or something, and it just felt like they thought I wanted dd3 to be a boy and I love her for being her, girl, boy, whatever.

flatmum · 05/04/2013 16:03

I believe you boys are great!

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 05/04/2013 16:03

I'm 26 weeks with DS2 and I have had a few people in my family say "that's a shame" and another one who said he was gutted. :(

Areyoumadorisitme · 05/04/2013 16:05

Sorry haven't had a chance to read all replies but I got this too, DSs are now 12 and 9 so we're largely past it but it really pissed me off for a long while. Somehow there seems to be a holy grail of a girl, not quite sure why personally but hey ho. Don't take it to heart.

GreenShadow · 05/04/2013 16:12

I have 3 boys yet have never, ever had this (well, at least not to my face).

Yet, when I was a child my DB's best friends was one of three and I remember feeling sorry for their mum, surrounded by all those boys... Just seems the most natural thing in the world now.

tilder · 05/04/2013 17:49

For most people its just chat, others seem genuinely to feel that one of each is a complete package and anything else is deficient. The former are rude, the latter deluded. I've had both sorts of comments, they really piss me off tbo.

VitoCorleone · 05/04/2013 17:54

Ive got 2 boys and ive had a couple of people ask me if im going to try for a girl, i usually tell them that actually i always wanted boys, and would be very happy if i had another boy

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