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Original poster

How long would you leave a 9 week old baby to cry before picking them up?

58 replies

Pinkflipflop · 04/04/2013 11:17

Just that really. We don't leave him to cry at all at the minute but dh and I wonder if a few moments to have a little whimper would do him any harm.

I'm not talking distressed howling as obviously I would be strait over. However I have noticed that baby has different sorts of cries.

Do I sound like a dreadful mum? It's my first and I don't have anyone I could feel comfortable to ask this q! I'm older, 33, so I think people just assume I know these things!

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/04/2013 23:25

Boo - how fucking ridiculous Grin

OP - I wouldn't have left DS1 more than about a minute, but DS2 used to sometimes get left for about 5 minutes while I sorted DS1/had a v.quick shower or whatever I had to do. Needs must.

If you have nothing that you must do instead, then pick him up and have a snuffle :) There is nothing to be gained from leaving them when they are so little.

TerrysNo2 · 04/04/2013 23:25

go with what you think your baby needs and not necessarily wants. I didn't leave DS to cry as at that age he would fall asleep in the buggy or the sling. When DD came along, after the first few weeks she wouldn't sleep in her buggy or sling or on me so we decided to reach her top self settle in her cot. We would leave her for 2 mins at a time and then go in and say shh and put a hand on her chest. If she got really upset we would give her a cuddle. She was usually asleep within 10 minutes.

It's not for every baby but I don't regret it, DD is an awesome sleeper and was happily going down for naps within a few weeks.

Aspiemum2 · 04/04/2013 23:27

Dc1 & 2 never got left, they were both pretty placid babies but I was a cuddler so would jump straight up if they so much as whimpered Blush
Now I have twins, they have to wait their turn. One is patient, the other one not so much but I alternate who waits

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Beatrixpotty · 05/04/2013 08:58

When I just had one,wouldn't have left them ,but now I've got 3,crying baby may have to wait a little bit longer depending on what's happening with the other 2.But I don't like hearing them cry so never more than 5minutes!

WaitingForMe · 05/04/2013 09:14

From seven weeks DS cried for 6-7 minutes each morning when I had a shower. I believe it is good for us to leave the house each day (which requires a shower in my book) and never found a way around it. He stopped around 15 weeks and now we have a little routine where he plays with a particular teddy while I wash.

Maybe that makes me a terrible mother but we both get lots of fresh air, I get plenty of exercise, we do baby massage and swimming lessons, we meet friends and get our errands done.

shartsi · 05/04/2013 10:32

My daughter is 16 months and i do not leave her to cry.

MintyyAeroEgg · 05/04/2013 10:38

I would leave him for a couple of minutes because he might "cry down" and go to sleep, which is an extremely useful life skill to learn Smile.

If he starts to "cry up" then you've got no chance and you might as well pick him up as soon as you can sense he's getting worked up.

So, in summary, 2 or 3 minutes max.

MintyyAeroEgg · 05/04/2013 10:40

Agree that the people who never leave their babies to cry for a minute are the ones with a pfb!

Bananasinfadedpjs · 05/04/2013 10:44

I don't think you should really "time" it.

It depends on the sound of the cry - if it's a stressed sound - which usually will make parents feel highly stressed too, then pick up asap. To be honest, I can't imagine being able to ignore that sort of cry in any case.

If it's a grumbly sound, then imo you can leave it a bit in the hope it settles down, or you can just chat to them to see if that calms them without picking up etc etc.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 05/04/2013 10:45

Mintty - not in my case, don't just dismiss people's opinions like that just because you don't agree.

MintyyAeroEgg · 05/04/2013 10:47

So, you've got a toddler who has fallen over and hurt herself or been sick or something, and a baby crying in their cot, and you'd go and pick the baby up first? I don't think so ...

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 05/04/2013 10:54

But the op isn't talking about that scenario is she? She is talking about leaving the baby intentionally not because of another child crying and being higher priority. So what is the relevance of your point?

duchesse · 05/04/2013 10:55

About 30 seconds. And I have 4 children, each of them pfb apparently. The older 3 are in their mid to late teens and are all happy well-adjusted individuals if that helps with the long-term view.

MintyyAeroEgg · 05/04/2013 10:59

The relevance of my point is that I am addressing the several people who have said they would "never" leave their 9 week old to cry.

In other words, I am being just as nit-picky as you! TEDIOUS isn't it?

MandragoraWurzelstock · 05/04/2013 11:01

Straight away. You're doing fine.

If it's unavoidable, like he's crying and you're driving then of course a few minutes cannot be helped.

But it's painful to do it!

So my answer is unless there's a reason you cannot, like you're driving, or on the loo, or your other child is in need, then yes go to them straight away.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 05/04/2013 11:02

Maybe, but it is only you making sneery comments about 'pfb' etc. sometimes I think sneery posts need to be answered.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 05/04/2013 11:03

wasn't there some research that said babies who were responded to quickest in the first 6 months, cried less in the second 6 months?

MintyyAeroEgg · 05/04/2013 11:03

It was not a sneery comment!

FFS!

BlueFishWonder · 05/04/2013 11:03

I will always respond to a crying baby as soon as I physically can. I still apply the same principle to my toddler and will do to my DC2 due in the next few weeks. I accept there will be times when I can't respond immediately but it will always be my intention to do so. I have a very happy, secure and emotionally healthy toddler so whether people think pfb or not I will apply the same principles to DS2.
I do accept that in toddler years however there is a difference between crying, whinging and tantrums each which I respond to appropriately, but I never differentiated before 18mths at least.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 05/04/2013 11:04

Dismissing other people's comments is sneery. IMO.

seeker · 05/04/2013 11:04

Instantly. Unless I was actually in mid poo.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 05/04/2013 11:05

Also by the time a child cries at this sort of age, they may well have already attempted to register discontent for a while and it's gone unnoticed or ignored.

Mine will fuss a little, call out a little, before escalating to a cry if I don't come. Sometimes when I go to him before he's even wriggled, or said anything, like for instance when he is in his swing - he will LOOK at me, intently, like he wants to say 'pick me up please', and so I do.

He wriggles when he is lying down and wants to be lifted up. He sort of tries to push his tummy towards me, lifts his hands etc. It's lovely.

seeker · 05/04/2013 11:09

I was worried one evening about the fact that I picked ds up every time he cried, and thought I might be neglecting his big sister, so I deliberately didn't get him when he started to cry. DD looked at me really sternly and said "Go and get him- he needs us!"

TomDudgeon · 05/04/2013 11:11

I couldn't leave mine to cry

And I have 4 so no pfb theory fits me

I also couldn't be apart from them for an hour at 8 weeks like in another thread

BlueFishWonder · 05/04/2013 11:30

Agree Mandragora, and you're right it is lovely! These precious moments of our children needing us, wanting us and seeing us their total support, their whole wide world don't last long, make the most of it and enjoy it! I would bet there are very few mothers in the world who think back to those early days and think 'wow wish I hadn't met my child's needs so much, or wish I hadn't spent so much time with them.'