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Original poster

would you ever

60 replies

katkoala · 03/04/2013 23:04

put a newborn to sleep in their own room straight away? ? due ds in 5 weeks and had never considered this until a work colleague told me her twins went into their own room from day 1.
my house isn't massive and I have s video monitor and plan to have a sensor mat.
just wondering if anyone has done this? ?

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wigglesrock · 04/04/2013 07:28

I moved my daughters into their own room when they grew out of the Moses basket. We couldn't fit a cot into our bedroom. I explained my worries to Health visitor and she suggested swapping the listening and receiving bits of the baby monitor around when we went to bed, so the baby could hear us sleeping through the monitor.

JourneyThroughLife · 04/04/2013 07:41

I tried having my first baby in the same room as us but I couldn't sleep at all, soon put him in a room to himself. Second baby didn't worry, straight into the nursery without a thought. When they were tiny babies I'd put the moses basket into the cot, when they grew bigger they slept directly in the cot. Room was next to mine so not a huge walk for night feeds.
In my parents' day most babies were in their own rooms, and when I had my babies (some time ago) sleeping in the same room (or even bed-sharing) was frowned upon by 'experts' and health visitors alike, so these things come and go as the fashion trend takes them. Babies weren't in any greater risk of cot death in my day than now.... And human babies have been learning to breathe themselves, instinctively, for centuries, the idea that they might not because they can't hear their parent breathe is plain daft...

waterrat · 04/04/2013 07:56

Journey - humans evolved over tens of thousands of years - that is the time scale over which babies learnt to breathe - the fads of the last 50 years have no relevance whatsoever on newborn breathing patterns.

It is a biological fact that babies - in a way scientist is Dont yet fully understand - regulate their breathing by being close to an adult - this is understandable as many other aspects of newborn behaviour and hormone changes are linked to that of their mother ie through feeding

The information available on cot death has changed in a generation because of greater scientific understanding - the reason you can trust science is because it does change not because it doesn't!

Do what you want to but please don't use illogical reasoning!

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mummy2benji · 04/04/2013 09:08

Dd2 is now 5 months and for the first 3 months she would wake repeatedly during the night, settling if I just repositioned her. She settled very quickly which was great but I still had to get up loads of times to go to her - not too much of an effort in a bassinet 2 metres away, but would have been rough in another room. She now sleeps beautifully, still in with us. I'll move her into her own room in a month or so but although dh is already relishing the freedom, I will miss my baby in with me! I love knowing she is nearby and safe and sleeping happily.

Springsister · 04/04/2013 09:24

No. Had mine beside me for first few months. Lovely memories

sjupes · 04/04/2013 09:46

Dd was in with me for 6 months then in her own room then partly co-slept until she was 4 (every night around 2 am ''mummy me awake now'' aaargh!)

Ds was 8 months when he went into his own room and doesn't even do morning cuddles in bed anymore.

I personally couldn't put the baby in another room away from me and i know dp wouldn't either he'd still have ds in with us now if he could

waterrat · 04/04/2013 10:21

Also - as others say its such a lovely precious time looking over and seeing your snuffling sleeping baby !

hippo123 · 04/04/2013 10:25

journey rates of cot deaths have dramatically decreased since it Has been recommended that babies sleep on their backs in the same room as the parents for the first 6 months, in a smoke free environment. Do what you wish but please don't give wrong information.
In response to op, no I keep my dc in with me for at least the first 6 months or until their sleeping though. I simply wouldn't be able to live with myself if I put my baby in their own room and they died of cot death, knowing that I dramatically increased their risk by doing so. Same as I woulldn't smoke when pregnant etc, why increase the risk of the unthinkable happening?

DialMforMummy · 04/04/2013 10:25

What I really dislike here is the implication that if you DC is not sleeping in the same room as you, then you are somewhat deliberately putting your DC at risk of SIDS.
No wonder a shed load of new mums feel so friggin' guilty.

BumpingFuglies · 04/04/2013 10:38

I put ds in his own room from the second night. He was across the landing. He slept in Moses basket for a few weeks. We didn't have a monitor even. It felt right and ds was just fine

hippo123 · 04/04/2013 11:01

Sorry to be blunt dialmformummy but you are, in just the same way that smoking or drinking whilst pregant increases the risk of low birth weight, prematurity, still birth etc. that's not to say that sleeping in a separate room / smoking / drinking is the only cause of such things but by doing so you are dramatically increasing the chances of such a thing occurring. If you feel thats a risk worth taking then that's fine. For me though it's not.

NaturalBaby · 04/04/2013 11:08

I wouldn't judge or base your choices on what a parent with twins has done.

I would also be very careful with an Amby nest - babies have suffocated in them. I really wanted one but didn't have the space and got a smaller Koala hammock instead of a moses basket for day time naps downstairs. Ds1 loved it, ds2 hated it!

DialMforMummy · 04/04/2013 11:16

Well that's what I find quite sad for new mums: a plethora of advices and guidelines designed to reduce all sort of risks but then parents branded as negligent (at best) or abusive (at worst) for not following every piece of advice to the letter.
I am not suggesting that people should ignore the information out there, but I just find that some people are a bit too full on in their views and I don't think that's helpful to anyone.

Pinkflipflop · 04/04/2013 11:24

I have my baby in my room as I know about these guidelines however I didn't know it was because newborns need to hear their parents breathing to regulate their own.

Can my baby hear mine or DH's breathing if their crib is at the foot of the bed? I don't think my breathing is that loud?

whoopwhoopbib · 04/04/2013 11:26

Dd slept in our room until she outgrew her moses basket then I slept in her room with her until she was 7 months old as the risk of SIDS was too great for me to have left her.

We did have an Amby nest but I only used it for naps a few times as I could never get her head higher than her feet. I really wanted one instead of a cot but am really glad I didn't just need to use that.

Also going back to SIDS the guidlines apply to ALL sleeps so whenever baby is asleep you should be in the same room - might be considered a bit extreme for some but again it wasn't worth taking the risk to me.

MrsHoarder · 04/04/2013 11:29

Dial would it not be worse to say "mamma knows what bubs needs best" given the thousand of women who read this site? If they are universally told the evidence is rubbish then this could cause a baby or two to die out of the thousands.

Fwiw for nearly 6 months ds was rarely in a room by himself for more than 5-10 minutes, let alone overnight, but I know other people will find that to much. He's still in our room at 11 months but that's mostly because we cba haven't yet taken his cot apart and it won't go into his room in one piece.

abbyfromoz · 04/04/2013 12:25

I mentioned i had DD in her own room but we had a bed in there for me. I slept in there for 6 months whilst bfing. DH found it hard hearing us wake up for feeds and then going to work the next day. I would put her in there at the start of the night and then come to her with first feed and spend the rest of the night in there with her.

SFry · 04/04/2013 13:50

No, had a scare with my son when he is was a newborn in that it was so violently sick with gasteroenteritis that he stopped breathing on us. If he'd been in next room would have wasted some precious seconds. Don't want to even think of what would have happened if we hadn't heard.

Also, not having to do the half asleep walk to another room how many times in the night has massive benefits. We ended up with a co-sleeping cot and I miss those nights when he would sleep next to me. Learning how to breastfeed lying down meant that I hardly had to move too. Now he's 8 months however he's better off next door as he's not tempted to play a midnight game of crawl over Mummy. Also, I sleep better as I am not waking up to his ever toss and turn.

That being said I know others that have done it with no problems! You have to choose whatever way you think best suits you and your little one's habits.

waterrat · 04/04/2013 14:01

DialM - these are facts! We can't hide them away because they might not always be convenient - we are all grown ups and yes it's tough being a parent, constant worry etc, but personally I want to know the truth and the research so I can make informed decisions.

I think there is a modern culture of saying 'oh happy mum happy baby' and not wanting to look the truth in the eye - I read/see it with breastfeeding too - make the choice that is right for you, but do it with your facts straight, that way you are the one weighing up all the evidence and making the right decision for you and your child.

Bibs123 · 04/04/2013 14:38

No way, I would have been gutted. Apart from the cot death advise, it would have gone against all of my instincts as I wanted her near me all the time for the first few months. I don't think I could have slept with her in another room. I imagine a tiny vulnerable little person in a giant room, they are too little and need protecting!

DialMforMummy · 04/04/2013 15:35

Waterrat, I am not suggesting for one minute that the information is wrong; I guess what I am trying to say is that all this information can make some parents feel guilty and inadequate because they are not following all the guidelines all the time.
Yes, it is important to know facts to make balanced decisions, but this culture of minimising risk(s) can turn some of us into control freaks to avoid certain risks.
The reality is that SIDS is thankfully very rare and that sleeping in the same bedroom is just one of the factors that can reduce the risk of SIDS.

MrsHoarder · 04/04/2013 15:53

DialM: parents will be inundated with advice whatever. I was advised I should be putting DS at the end of the for naps, start giving him baby rice at 6 weeks etc. If that isn't countered with safe advice then as a nation we won't keep making health improvements.

notnowbernard · 04/04/2013 15:55

No way

I wouldn't have wanted them more than a few feet from me in the early days! It would have felt like I'd lost a limb or something

attheendoftheday · 04/04/2013 16:37

No I wouldn't, it increases the risk of SIDS and isn't worth it.

Rororowmeboat · 04/04/2013 17:23

DS was in his own room at 3 weeks, I slept in that room until 8 weeks. My generation was often put straight in there own room. They had nurserys in post natal hospital where babies were taken to after they were born (unbelievable - but that's a whole different tangent)

The reduction in risks of SIDS over the recent decades is to do with a multitude of factors and it is not clear how much room sharing has to do with that. Looking at the research behind the guideline it is actually pretty poor and should be taken with a pinch of salt and i believe people should take them into account but not break your back following them religiously if it is not best for you, baby or your family.

For example the research behind the 'guideline' that all naps should be in the same room until 6 months actually showed that in most of the deaths that occurred during the day in a separate room the babies had been left on side and rolled prone or were found with blankets over the heads - two other factors which there is much more research about the increased risk of SIDS.

Guidelines are guidelines, often not based on great research but are often taken as black and white rules by many on mumsnet. Actually if people dissected the research behind them you would see the very very often just made up by a bunch of experts reviewing the the data and where the research isn't strong assumptions and best guesses are made. (I've been on a guideline development group!)

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