Newborns, Bfing, Toddlers and Tantrums

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

A carry on from the Pregnant and Overdue - 37/38 weeks thread in Pregnancy.

For those of us who have finally met our bundles of joy!

Come here to share birth stories, newborn issues, feeding, tips on how to deal with toddler siblings, or just general gripes and chit chat.

DS was born on Saturday and just sleeps and eats. I have a 2.5 yo DD who is being a bit of a monkey (understandably) with the new addition.

DS looks like he has a posterior tongue tie which is making latching incredibly painful. Have sent DH out for nipple shields - anyone used these?

3.5 weeks?! Beanz you're a saint. Unless of course she's actually helpful in which case could you send her my way?!

Ok so 5 hours sleep would be amazing for me. I'm getting 3 max in increments of about 45 mins.

What's really pissing me off is that DH basically gets nights off - DD is asleep 7-7 and he can't bf, so he gets to sleep the whole fucking night while I'm up feeding DS. And yet in the mornings he's all bleary eyed and yawning and complaining he's tired. I might punch him.

I am not in a good place today.

I hate bfing. DS is not latching on at all well and while he bobs on and off and screams and turns his head away, my milk squirts everywhere and soaks me, him, the bed, everything. Everything smells of sour milk. It still hurts when he's feeding. It's not magical or close, it's just fucking annoying. I hate my massive floppy breasts that don't fit in his mouth. I hate the fact that I have super fast let down which means DS chokes and gasps and gets even windier.

I HATE THIS.

A bad night here too, although the first out of 8 we have had so far so I cannot complain too much as some of you seen to have it far worse! Dd was awake from 12 til 3.30 during which she had 2 dirty bums, 4 oz of milk and was sick on me and my bed! She took another oz and fell asleep until 6. Had another 3 oz and a wet nappy and was asleep again by 7. Still sleeping now.
Saycool I hope you don't mind my saying but you sound quite down about bf, have you spoken to mw or anyone? I just wonder if its worth it if its such a struggle? I know breast milk is best for baby and ill probably get jumped on for saying I ff through choice but I wouldn't wanna put myself through that if it made my time with lo so frustrating. These days formula milks are so advanced and I've never had a problem, my elder two thrived well and so far dd is doing the same! Just a thought, hate to think of someone beating theirself up over it xx

Aw saycool. You are normally the one cheering everyone else up. I agree with num, come over to the dark side where the bad, bottle feeding mamas reside my DP is also driving me nuts. I am so angry with him for the most irrational things. Mostly because the bastard keeps walking out the door at 7am to go to work despite me begging him not to. Don't what is up with me. Not normally so needy.

Say cool that's rubbish. I have to be honest I felt the same at that point, I still am not loving breastfeeding but its got loads better.

I got told a technique for breastfeeding lying down and it's meant a few more zzzzz and ds lies in the crook of my arm.

If your still wanting to carry on could you express and use bottles here and there to make life a bit easier?

And your other half could do a night feed - you need some rest.

So sorry you are having a shitty time SayCool.

Sleep deprivation is fucking awful. My DH is awake in the night too as he winds DS2 for me after I feed him. He also changes DS2. I am crap at winding and I am so so so tired that I need him to do this to survive. Once DS2 is a bit bigger and can wind himself, we can co-sleep and then DH will get more shut eye as only I will be required to wake up. Despite the fact that DH is not a dick and shares the burden, I shouted at him the other morning as he got to go and sleep in bed with DS1, thereby getting some time off winding/feeding/changing DS2. You know you're mental when you say the words:

"It's so unfair, all you had to do last night was cuddle DS1 back to sleep three or four times and then you got to go to work! You are being SO selfish!!!!"

Um, whoops.

Re: breastfeeding. Is that just how you feel today or all the time? You have had a tough time with the tongue tie and so on, so it hasn't been the easiest bf experience so far.

I can sympathise as I feel the same way sometimes. My top has milk stains, my jeans smell a bit of puke and I spent five hours feeding DS2 last night who had a mega cluster feed after I put DS1 to bed. I told DH to take DS2 away and rock him to sleep in the end as my nipples were raw.

But the rest of the time, I am happy breastfeeding. I'm lucky that DS2 has gained weight extremely well (no bloody wonder, given his 22 feeds yesterday!!!). And I know this is the most intense time in terms of feeds as I've been here before with DS1. I also like the convenience of no bottles (I am lazy) and the comfort factor when DCs are ill. So I can ride out the bad times with this in mind and some heavy swearing.

But if it isn't just an exhausted moment and you really do hate it, do talk to a midwife/La Leche League if you want to carry on breastfeeding and need some support. And if you don't want to carry on, well, the most important thing is for you to retain your sanity! If one way of feeding makes you miserable, you don't have to do it. It is after all, just a way of eating and not worth being truly miserable about.

Big hugs. X

Oh SayCool it sounds like you're having a rotten stretch. Can you swathe everything in towels before you start feeding (muslins are totally inadequate IMO) so at least you can just sweep anything milk-soaked out of the way? Also, if DS isn't latching well yet, don't be afraid to pump a bottle for him (especially if you get a four-hour sleep like you did yesterday and your milk's had a chance to build up) and use that occasionally - he'll find it easier to take milk from a bottle and get a full feed and give you a rest. The likelihood of nipple confusion is vastly overrated. I have a friend who loathed bf-ing the second time around - so every day she told herself 'just one more day of this'. And kept that up for six months. Sometimes if you give yourself permission to stop, it's easier to carry on.

Feeding leaning back can also help with the superfast let-down. I agree breastfeeding isn't magical - I've never understood the 'spiritual experience' type feeling some people get. It's just food - I like it/do it because I find it the most practical solution.

And tell your DH from all of us here that He Has No Idea What TIRED Is!

Also I'm very impressed at everyone who does middle-of-the-night nappy-changes. I have to confess I never bother!

How do you escape night time changes? Dd does between 6 and 10 soiled nappies in 24 hours lol! One night last week she did 7 just between 10pm and 8am!

Ah it's only the really explosive stinky nappies that go all over the babygro that we change, Zuleika! They tend to wake up DS2 and make his bum sore. I wouldn't bother with changing wet nappies....but sadly he still does a couple of the nuclear poos each night at the moment.

Sorry about the whinge, all, and thanks for the support. Not sure if I'm just having a moment or not.... I told myself at the beginning that I would do at least 2 weeks, and then no pressure for anything more. I don't want to express yet as I already have an oversupply with this fast letdown so am engorged a lot - if I express then my supply will shoot up even more. It's what I did last time and I was in sooooo much pain with my rock hard boobs.

Anyway, sorry again for the whinge. I have eaten an entire Easter egg and feeling a bit better!

Hope we all have some better nights. Dirty, hope your cough is better soon.

I was aiming to get to 6 weeks and I've made 7. I had to ff ds1 and I suppose it's what I'm used to so I'm always tempted.

Dirty, am not sure if I'm a saint or insane for agreeing that MIL come for so long. It was originally going to be 10 days then somehow morphed into 3.5wks for reasons I couldn't really object to. I'm hoping she'll be super helpful with DD - especially n the mornings & evenings. From experience 1st time around she's really hesitant with babies.

It will be great for DD to get to spend so much time with her grandmother though & for them to get to know each other better.

Saycool, so sorry you had such a rubbish night. I hope today has been good & tonight is much better all round

Hugs for those going through a bad time

Midwife came today good thing the place was clean I had no bloody idea, I forgot baby twinkles has gained weight :D so the formulas definitely working. So glad. I was worried she had lost again or stayed at the low weight. Phew

Breastfeeding not going good, she's had so many bottles think she can't be bothered to suck on the boob anymore. :( fed her once today successfully, 20 min on boob. The other times she's just sucked for a second and spat out and screamed so loud until I gave up and gave her the bottle :(

Twinkles that's great that your lo has put on weight. I wouldn't worry about the bottles - clearly it's what she needs.

I have turned to the magic of dummies... DS had serious wind pain this evening and I remember with my DD that sucking really helped. So popped the dummy in and instantly the screaming stopped. He is now snoring on my lap.

Still undecided about feeding.... As well as the latching issues his wind is getting worse and I'm sure it's my gassy breast milk - too much foremilk and not enough hind. But formula might make him just as windy....

Taking him to cranial osteopath tomorrow to see if that helps.

Hey everyone, ditto to hugs for everyone having a bad time.

We have had our ups and downs the past few days. The dinner/bed time is certinly interesting, we have had two bad, one okay. Dd2 slept nearly 7 hours straight last night! After feeding all afternoon though she went to sleep before dd1 and I woke up in the night an hour before her with exploding breasts so didn't get any more sleep than usual. We also went to clinic today and have had the first good weight gain, so my niggles over bf have gone.

I have fast letdown/ oversupply and find feeding in bed very reclined the best for us I can hear far less wind going down this way.

My tip for today: don't eat very spicy chickpea and spinach curry if you're breastfeeding.

DS2 was also up in the night with very bad wind as well as his usual zillion feeds. Am totally knackered.

Hoping to go back to sleep for a bit as DS1 is at nursery today but have my mum and stepdad leaving in a couple of hours (they were here last night) as my dad and his girlfriend are visiting for two days.

Although the ongoing grandparent visiting rotation is very entertaining for DS1, I am hoping my dad (useless at anything practical) will be more helpful than on previous visits. Otherwise he may not make it home alive.

Boring life update over and out!

Also, is anyone else on this thread a working (out of home) mum normally? I am finding the change of pace of maternity leave quite hard to adjust to.

It's not the childcare aspect. I am really enjoying having more time with DS1 - although it's hard work - and happy feeding/cuddling DS2 ever two minutes. I love the kids and entertaining them (except obviously for toddler whining, but that comes with the territory ).

I suppose I just find it hard that sometimes my main goal for a day is achieving three loads of washing and making it outside at all. I feel a bit cooped up staying inside and I don't really enjoy cooking/cleaning at all (ironically DH really does). I miss adult conversation.

I suppose that normally DH and I share all the chores because we both work. So it doesn't feel like my whole life. And when on maternity leave with DS1, I had an NCT group to meet up with almost every day, so it felt very social, fun and less domestic. This time, I haven't yet developed a baby-related social life as it's early days but I seem to be very impatient!!!!

It's not that I really miss work itself or want to go back early or anything. I'm just finding it a very big readjustment of my expectations. (And I am tired and grumpy so seeing the worst in everything.)

Anyone else feel similar? If not, tell me good tips for keeping a house running and not getting bogged down by it all. Or is that too much to expect with a toddler and newborn?

Ruby yes I work normally albeit 4 days a week and one at home generally. Are your Nct group not about anymore? Mine are generally on second babies. One girl had dc2 same time as me, we have found a group of new mums through local Nct boards to hang with also. Anything like that in your area or mn local groups?
Think I'm appreciating being at home but I can see I will eventually want to go back (planning on returning in December) . I know what you mean about not achieving much. We've stopped having a cleaner to try and save money so house feels like tip. I have no magic tips on that front although have started leaving packs of wipes in bathrooms to go over quickly when needed. Big jobs like hoovering - I guess I'll be able to dothat when ds2 doesn't need tone attached to boob so much!

Ruby I work 3 days a week and I miss it! I have done my job for a long time and love that I know exactly what I'm doing, as opposed to parenting where I have absolutely no idea plus I negotiated my way into a branch just five minutes from my house after ds1 so I get a whole hour alone in my home 3 times a week which is bliss. Roll on 3rd January!

I'm usually an AH mum - was made redundant a few weeks before I was due to start maternity leave with DD at the beginning of 2010 (company closed the department I was working in) and so although I was seriously contemplating not going back from mat leave, my choice in that was erased.

Anyway, I'm lucky that I've really enjoyed being AH with DD and had a good nct group to boot. Prior to now though I never really considered myself 'homemaker' material.

I guess I try & keep on top of the chores, etc by trying to get things done as I go. And getting DD to tidy up after herself! Oddly enough she's become fairly proprietorial about tidying up 'her mess'

In terms of getting out & being social - there's the girls from my nct group from 1st time around, and now DD is at nursery I'm making an effort to get to know the other mums & to organise playdates with DD's nursery friends. Fortunately DD seems to be pretty good at making friends, and their mums are all good value company . Could be so much worse now that we're in the phase of life where our kids start choosing our friends for us!

Thanks Where, Dirty and Beanz!

I managed to make it out to the shop (ten minutes walk away) today with DS2 alone by leaving DS1 with my visiting dad and his girlfriend, who were forced to watch Disney DVDs on repeat. The 20 minutes away from juggling toddler/baby needs gave me a bit of sanity back.

And now it's the weekend and DH is around too. Hurrah.

How is everyone doing?

DD was 1 month on Thursday. I'm pretty tired.

SayCool has the feeding got any better? I am not enjoying it so much this time either. After the mastitis I now worry we have thrush, or if we don't, it certainly hurts my nipple when I feed from the left boob. Plus she often cries and fusses at the breast.

Sleeping not going too badly-some v promising signs. On Monday she did 7-7 with only one wake up at 3am! I thought all my Christmases had come at once, but it's not yet been repeated... I am exhausted though from having to get up in the morning with DD1. I keep falling asleep sitting up in bed while feeding the baby at night. Not ideal.

Ruby yes I work (when not on mat leave) 4 days a week I've tried to stay in touch with my colleagues - went and met a few of them last week. Nice to talk about work and not babies (you get all consumed by baby talk don't you). I too haven't got much of a baby related social life yet and am impatient. Last time we did .nCT and I had a nice group of friends/ support network, now we have moved 80miles away so don't know many other mums. Went to the local NCT baby group the other week on my own and found it pretty cliquey.

I don't enjoy cooking or cleaning either so my tips would be to get a cleaner and do some meal planning. I am the most disorganised person going but had a go at planning all the meals for the week the other week and it did seem to make life easier. If your other half loves cooking/ cleaning get him to help!!

DS is 9 days old now. It seems impossibly difficult to try and get the tongue-tie sorted, given that it's such a simple procedure. A three-week waiting list or more at the hospital and only one other person in Oxfordshire who does it! He is feeding ok, though, with lots of patience and persistence (and not a small amount of painful nipple action) - he's putting on weight. The sleeping's fairly nightmarish because he can only feed for about three minutes at a time before getting tired, and then wakes up again 20 minutes later for another go. Fine during the day, less good at 3am. Not looking forward to the next three weeks.

DH back to work on Tuesday, and not really looking forward to triple-wrangling.

What a nightmare ZuleikaD :-(