do you have funny "principles"?

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

that are actually pathetic attempts to assuage your overall guilt about your lack of parenting prowess? I was thinking about dds' upcoming birthdays. Every year so far (5 for dd1 3 for dd2) I have made their birthday cakes. I come from a family where food was always home-made and bought cakes were considered devil's work, a waste of money, and generally lacking in wholesomeness and flavour. (now that we've all left home mum contents herself with making cakes for WI events and stocking up the freezer for our visits - you get the picture). I could never reach my mother's dizzy maternal now grandmotherly standards but 5 years ago I decided birthday cakes were non-negotiable. A random choice, but something I felt I could do. I wondered if anyone else does this and if so what about and why?

CAm - find that weird - gud luk 2 u

Cust stop buying yoghurt'sssssssss aggghhhhh (they aremy friend) weight watchers n all they are my chocolate!!!!!!

No I must go further hpow can you not want to watch Harry P over n over n things like Dirty Dancing n The Lost Boys (You must have watched afilm where it wasn't enough????)

very time I watch Harry P I notice something different and i lke to watch BTB 'Women of Subsrtance' now n then s pick me up oooo c'om you must have a need for such like??????

And while having a 4mth DS Am no crtazy about Play St i do know I spent many fun hour doing 'Mario' with my Brother and playing RAYMAN perfectly cartoonified. oooohhh nooooo......

bbe - there are lots of films I don't mind seeing more than once but HP and DD are not among them

What I find most strange is when people buy the DVD without having seen the film at the cinema

After years of shameful photographs of me with wonky fringe, I vowed I would never cut my own children's hair.

No televisions in bedrooms.Not even ours.

No commercial TV for the boys (and still just CBeebies though dreading the thought that he may be graduating to CBBC when we return to the UK and he's 6). Fighting my own war with ads and violent progs (that includes batman, spiderman etc).

No TVs in the bedroom here either (especially not ours) on principle.

Bedrooms are for sleeping in or peaceful activities like reading/homework.

I hope I can continue to be strong and overrule dh about this when ds1 gets older. If he wants a games console/TV/dvd player/won computer etc he can have them in another room (maybe in a corner of the dining room with a comfy chair) just not the bedroom.

no pseudo-military/skate/surf/graffitti/urban/mini drug baron clothing

no weaponry/violence-related toys or books or TV

no computer games apart from VERY childish innocent PC ones very occasionally, with me

no junk food

no luridly coloured sweets and muck

no crisps

no fruit shoots

what a joyless old bag I am

Listen love, gone are my days of baking, none of my family have teeth left and even the birds couldnt take off after eating any cake or pastry I made. Oh how I wish I could bake. I tried everyones suggested recipes to the letter and still I am no good.

defo 2 no tvs in bedrooms

I love making my kids birthday cakes. The trouble is in my head they are perfect but when I actually make them they're a bit amatuerish! Sometimes my girls want a cake from a shop though, if they've seen one they like at another party. So I figure it's their birthday so I let them, however I do a homemade cake for eating at home too. Just to make myself happy.

Regarding TVs we have just one. I don't believe in TVs in bedrooms for adults or children. My eldest daughter sulks if she can't watch what she wants on TV. I think it's good for her to realise, firstly that we have to share and negotiate what we want and secondly the TV is not that important and if we miss something we won't die.

All this talk of cake has made me hungry so I'm off to do some baking!

cam, I can't even remember the last time I went to the cinema. It's overpriced, too loud and the total darkness virtually guarantees I'll be asleep in about 30 mins. Much more fun to watch a film at home (though I agree some films with great scenery look better on a big screen)!

I've been wracking my brains but shamefully, can't really think of any principles.

i make my kids speak proper Oldham

Aaah , Oldham, the Paris of the north ! Or so I've been told.

Chicken nuggets - No

Sausage Rolls - Yes

DS will deffo NOT have a TV in his bedroom

He is nearly 11 and we have enough TVs in the house/car for him to not need one in his bedroom

We have one in our room though

Also I always bake him a birthday cake

And I expect us all to be truthful as lies are baned in our house, would far rather he owned up to something than lie about it

have stuck to : no dummies, bf for at least 6 months, and no TV's in bedrooms (not ours either)
I do make homemade b'day cakes, but it's not really a principle more i think they are tastier and cheaper:-)
know what you mean about bought cakes being devil's work - they were referred to as shop boughten rubbish in the village i come from

No Coke ,fizzy not the white stuff (but hopefully none of that either!)

When I was 7, our teacher put a milk tooth in a glass of coke and it had dissolved by the time we had finished for the day.

Put me off (except when I have a hangover)

Do let DS have sugar in other things tho'.

No commercial tv definitely, just because I couldn't bear the incessant demands for the 'latest thing'. Mind you, DS is only 2.. I don't make birthday cake, but do buy a homemade one from our local shop and stick candles in. Def no TVs in any bedrooms, and no playstation - we go next door to play theirs! now there's hypocrisy. I didn't want cable tv either but we get no reception so had to.

How about no banging sharp pointy concorde toys on the coffee table, and no jumping off the window sill?

this thread and the other cake one made me laugh - agree with so many people about the home made birthday cake. i don't remember ever having one as a kid (although to be fair i do remember some quite good parties at a church hall, but these were always JOINT with my brother...), so have vowed to make cake for ds1 every year. i also make them for friends so have lots of practice...

Principle that didn't last :
I will not put ds in front of the TV and use it to be able to have some peace. The reality is : since ds2 was born, ds1 has been watching TV every night whils I am putting DS2 i bed ... Felt guilty about it at the start but couldn't find any other way to deal with it the nights where DH is not at home.
I will be a calm and relaxed mummy, no shouting etc ... Well, that proved to be too much for me too, even if I am getting better at it
Principle that did last :
No junk food in the house. I am not against fish fingers or baked beans (you can have home made food all the time) or the occasional rich tea biscuit. Otherwise, no chocolate sweets etc ... DS1 familiarise himself with them at the nursery anyway ...

as a first time mum to be, it's only just dawning on me quite how many extremely rigid ideas I have about childrearing (which will no doubt all go out of the window once we have our little one). Agree with a lot of the ones on here, main ones are:

• encourage honesty and talking about feelings (not bottling things up, not lying for approval)
• try and promote respect, kindness and politeness between us and the kids
• try not to be authoritarian for the sake of it but explain to kids why rules make sense, and also try not to be hypocritical (secret sweets stashes!)
• kids expected to behave reasonably including in public and do as they're told at least most of the time
• kids expected to eat their food without too much fuss, of course having preferences but it has to be something healthy
• kids encouraged to help in the house (not skivvies but making own bed etc)
• kids taught to be kind to animals and respectful to older people or anyone weaker than themselves
• eating together and not in front of TV
• no guns or other very aggressive toys
• no pressure to be either'girly' or 'masculine' for kids
• no 'sexy' clothes for little girls, e.g. bikinis, tight tops etc, not to mention makeup!
• no ready meals or junk food, and only occasional sweets/choc, not readily given at home
• no tv when under 3, then tv/computer which is limited, e.g. they choose some programmes but that's it.

-no tv in anyone's bedroom

What an old dragon I am already, eh!!

oh, yeah, a calm and relaxed mummy... forgot about that one!

Custardo, thanks for making me smile! My ma always buys b'day cake for ds and by the time its cut you only get a tiny piece anyway - everything in moderation I reckon, otherwise you run the risk of making forbidden things more appealing

I'm actually shocked at some of these responses. I'm not going mention which but needless to say... I am totally speechless. If I brought any of my kids up like some of these they'd have disowned me at the at the age of 10!! My DH would probably have left me too.
I have 5 loving respectful children all of which know right from wrong and know that when I ask them to do something, they do because mother knows best (atleast they seem to) and it just goes to show all this modern thinking about raising children is rubbish. I raised my kids the same way my mother raised me, and I'm glad to say my eldest (now at uni) has turned into a real lady and has even said she owes it all to my upbringing.

• No foul language (needless to say)
• NEVER lie, especially to the family (If you can't trust a relative, who can you trust?)
• Freedom of speech (If they have something on thier minds about anything, they tell me and we talk about it)
• Relationships are a good thing approached correctly in the right state of mind (Only applies to the oldest 2)
• T.V is an image projection device, not reality. I discourage watching the news but encourage the distinction between image and reality. Things like "Power Rangers" wasn't to be reenacted but could be watched.
• Toy guns ect were frowned upon and still are... but the ones which have a variety of noises are a fantastic way of making sure you kid is still by yourside even if the noises are driving you insane.
• Dolls were encouraged. Toys dolls (ones that keep their clothes ON) help the imagination and also somehow helps solcial skills. My eldest girl never had dolls (we never had money) and she thinks she really missed out
• Junk food. Not to be used as a treat but not all the time. If it's given as a treat it gets demanded all the time and the kids will grow up thinking its good apparently, so my lot are given it during cinema trips ect as to fill their minds with the film and off the fact that there's cavities and god knows what else in their hands disguised as "goodness".
• and lastly reading. My eldest boy is actually writing a novel now (he's only 20!). I have them reading from the moment their eyes are open! But not just "Tales of Winnie the Pooh" and so on, all kinds of books that I could find. Especially if there was a spark of interest in a subject. For example my eldest dd when she was 11 showed some interest in weather and such like, now she's in USA studying Meteorology!

Not once did they call me "unfair" or "Strict" although my first son has made a few comments in jest in reference to "Kevin and Perry" with the shrugging of shoulders and slamming of hands saying "God! You're so unfair!"... good impression too.
Just by being myself and enjoying what they enjoy but helping teach them the difference between right and wrong, good and bad and image and reality they're growing up and grown up to be smart, funny loyal respectful and loving children (more than I can say for the DH... smart? NO! funny? maybe looking the rest he is... cept loving, only when he's been in the sun too long)