Disappointment at not taking to motherhood as easily as I thought

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I gave birth to my first just over 2 weeks ago & the whole time I was pregnant I truly believed that being a mum would come naturally to me & that it would be the one thing I might actually be good at.

However I am massively disappointed to find that I feel motherhood is not coming as naturally as I'd hoped. I constantly feel clueless & also because my DS goes from zero to HUNGRY (with major crying) without any feeding cues to tip us off it makes me feel neglectful like I can't even get such a basic thing right. I am not breastfeeding at the moment either (and have huge concerns that I won't be able to in the long run - various reasons) so that just compounds my disappointment as I had no intention to bottle feed.

Anyone else ever felt like this? Or did I just have naive expectations of being a first time mum? OR (and I really hope this is the case) is it just early days & things will get better & I'll feel differently in a few weeks??

NORMAL!!!!! It takes time to know what your baby wants, and it's never foolproof as a lot of it is trial and error or process of elimination (fed? dry? pain? wind? tired?).

Eventually you might start to see a pattern or spot some cues. Usually at that point the contrary wee creatures change again .

Really, at this stage it's a plan to just do whatever makes things easiest for you and your wee one. Don't worry about bad habits or what you think you should be doing - you've got a whole lifetime ahead of you

I felt like this - I think many, many people do. I felt like DS was a bomb that might go off at any minute. NOTHING came naturally.

I can guarantee you will feel better soon. It all starts to feel normal and natural after a bit.

Sweetie, it's not easy! Cut yourself a break, you're doing fine xx

Oh goodness, I doubt there is anyone who didn't feel like this. Give yourself a break. You have a huge adjustment to make, becoming a mother is a huge huge thing and it takes time. Take it easy on yourself and it will come. UnMumsnetty ((hugs))

Seriously, being a parent is bloody hard work. It's not like on TV or in books - it doesn't stop, there's no manual and you're effectively being held captive by someone who speaks a different language to you, can't feed themselves, can't play, can't smile, can't use the loo, can't move anywhere but only wants you to look after them 24/7. Your body is battered, you've had about 3 hours sleep in one go (if you're lucky) for at least a fortnight - go easy on yourself. It is hard. It does get better. Don't worry about BF or FF. It's not the end of the world. If your baby is fed, clean, warm and dry, you're doing well. If you're fed and clean, you're doing very well!

Nrnnnntn

Totally normal IME. I found it helped to be completely honest with DH and make jokes about how I wished we could return DS to the shop for a version that didn't cry!

Really, don't try to pretend - that way lies PND. Be honest with people, they can be surprisingly sympathetic.

I had trouble BFing as well and gave up after 8 weeks with both of mine (not twins, two singletons). Emotionally I do still feel a bit upset that I didn't manage to 'crack it', but rationally I know that you have to do what's best for your kids at the time and for both of my kids that meant having to give them formula. Hopefully you will be able to BF a bit - it doesn't have to be exclusively BF or nothing. Every little helps

Lol, am currently in bed with a wriggly, poorly 2yo - no idea what the last line there is about

Welcome to motherhood and if course welcome genuinely to motherhood.

Don't worry you will get into the swing of it soon enough. Guilt and worry are a natural part of it so in that respect you have taken to it naturally but in time you will 'learn' your baby and become confident.
Motherhood has so many stages. some mums take to babies easily but cannot deal with toddlers or teenagers so well
And vice versa. the good thing is you learn as you go along. babies definitely get easier.

And you have also fallen victim to the conspiracy of silence. other mum won't admit first few weeks are hard until after you have kids -they don't want to put you off so you assume they found it easy and were singing like doris day all day. They may have told you how wonderful babies are, best thing they ever did etc. etc. this is a) rose tinted hindsight unless they really were v lucky and b) a coping mechanism.

good luck. keep going. i am sure you are doing it just fine and pretty much no matter what you do they all grow up anaway and in a few years you will look back remember this as a magical time and then want another one

You know the thing is, when you're imagining motherhood you have complete control over how things go. Then baby comes along and they just don't obey the rules, they don't do what you want or expect, they have no rationale or logic they just please themselves. So if you expect any kind of control over the situation you're doomed to be disappointed. The only thing you can do is go with the flow. They're the boss, the sooner you give in to that the happier you'll be.

so normal to feel like this. take it easy and try not to think too much right now. things will feel morenatural and normal soon. just hug and cuddle your baby as much as you can and try to enjoy every moment as they change from day to day at this stage. congratulations.

gaelicsheep excellent point

Shame it took me a good 5 months and PND to realise it myself.

And that was on the second one, so you'd think I'd have learned, but nothing could have prepared anyone for her!

OP - if you have one of those (any parent who has had one would know what I mean) I am sending even more ((hugs))!

Completely, completely normal. Please believe this, this isn't just some people on the internet being nice. We have been there, and it is dreadful.

Be kind to yourself - get as much sleep as you can. Remember your DH/DP has no idea of the profound degree of change you are going through if he has been off and now returned to work. Therefore it's your duty to make sure he can experience all that new parenthood has to offer, preferably whilst you chill out and watch a good film.

Sooooo normal. When my DS was born (child #1) I didn't feel like I was waving not drowning until he was at least 5 months weeks old. (And from a fellow failed BFer - do not beat yourself up about it. That Is An Order.)

And if it's any consolation, I was just as clueless with DD (child #2) because she does everything differently, the little bugger.

And now DS is 3, I'm into a whole new realm of being clueless about a toddler.

So you're quite normal - and likely doing just fine!

Remember crying is just communication - and your baby sounds as if he's really very good at it! You don't need to beat yourself up over crying - he's just telling you what he needs.

I totally thought I would be a fabulously earthy, natural mother and I still look in wonder at the fact that I've got a teenager and two more children and still don't think I've got the hang of things. Just about the only thing I understand about having children is that they come with such a HUGE side order of maternal guilt that you will never feel you are getting it right. Enjoy the little moments of loveliness, don't fret about BF it will work or it won't, either way your child will be fine and in all likelihood adore you like you are queen of everything as long as you potter along doing your best.

Oh and just get through the first three weeks and you will feel slightly more in control, I think that's the minimum it takes to get used to having a newborn, even if you have already had a couple of the things before.

totally normal!
you'll be fine.

dd is 14months and still goes from fibe to Hungry sometimes without warning.

I was just saying the other day, I think I've got it all worked out and she goes "nah you don't"
the reply I got was "well, she's still learning how to be a baby too"
that made me feel a lot less stressdd

I just want to echo what everyone else is saying. I thought I could control everything and that I could sit around reading a book whilst the baby slept. How wrong was I? For the first good few weeks I honestly couldn't remember whether I had even brushed my teeth and couldn't envisage being out of the house before 3.30pm - it was inconceivable to me.

But it does get better, most mums feel like this (but very few admit it) and you are not alone. Best of luck.

2 week old babies do go from 0 to starving with no warning. They don't realise they're hungry until they're HUNGRY as they don't really know what hunger stages feel like to begin with.
If you were really doing a bad job you wouldn't be on here worrying about it.
Keep doing what you're doing, it sounds just fine
And don't feel guilty about using bottles if you have to. As long as your baby is fed when hungry is all that matters.

Two weeks feels like an age, doesn't it? We are at the mercy of nature and however much you try to be rational, we are, I think, designed to worry about the baby and our ability as a mum. So, paradoxically, you are doing good! The new baby has also just had a massive surprise, i.e. being born, so will probably be a bit pissed off and cry about it. And your own baby's cry is so different to another baby's, it's designed to strike home immediately!

Don't put a time frame / deadline as to when you will feel maternal. I kept doing this and I think it actively sabotaged me bonding with DD. Incidentally, I don't think I REALLY feel totallly into motherhood until about seven months in due to a really shitty birth.

Do get yourself over to the Breast and Bottle Feeding forum for fabulous advice.

And most importantly, give yourself a break.