Disappointment at not taking to motherhood as easily as I thought

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I gave birth to my first just over 2 weeks ago & the whole time I was pregnant I truly believed that being a mum would come naturally to me & that it would be the one thing I might actually be good at.

However I am massively disappointed to find that I feel motherhood is not coming as naturally as I'd hoped. I constantly feel clueless & also because my DS goes from zero to HUNGRY (with major crying) without any feeding cues to tip us off it makes me feel neglectful like I can't even get such a basic thing right. I am not breastfeeding at the moment either (and have huge concerns that I won't be able to in the long run - various reasons) so that just compounds my disappointment as I had no intention to bottle feed.

Anyone else ever felt like this? Or did I just have naive expectations of being a first time mum? OR (and I really hope this is the case) is it just early days & things will get better & I'll feel differently in a few weeks??

Sweetie, motherhood hasn't eve started yet! You are still in the just-been-hit-by-a-train stage

Seriously, the early weeks for me were fucking hideous. I just cried all the time. I felt like I had died in the hospital and this little baby had got my life instead (or something...I was a bit of a mess). The sleep deprivation and the crying nearly killed me. I remember thinking "something isn't right, it can't be this hard for everyone"

It was better with ds2 but still pretty horrific. And such a rollercoaster - one minute I was dissolving into tears because he was so beautiful, the next I was sobbing with pain on the loo, hearing him cry and thinking "I can't even shit in peace"

Definitely go and get some feeding advice on the breast/bottle section. But my main suggestion is slow down - there's no award ceremony for getting this bit right, you just get through it, and enjoy the cuddles and baby smell as much as possible. Before you know it he'll be sitting at the table eating a cheese sandwich

Greensleeves - that is pretty much me!! I think I have cried more in the last 2 weeks than in the last 2yrs! And both happy & sad tears too.

Really grateful for all the replies, thanks. So glad to hear that what I'm feeling is normal. I thought it was just me being crap at things. Thank goodness my DH is so wonderfully supportive or I may have gone nutso by now.

As someone on here said, I'll try to just take it day by day. Also, to not give too much of a rats ass about whether I've managed to brush my teeth or not haha! Hopefully each day will be a day where I am just a teeny bit less clueless than the day before.

ooh yes, going to the toilet. blood pouring everywhere and using 80 baby wipes to clean up afterwards because I couldn't bear the roughness of the toilet paper, wanting to be as clean as possible before going back to bed and hearing this helpless, abandoned cry from the moses basket not understanding why mummy had dumped her.

I wrote on here something to the effect that i'd "stand" (still half doubled over as not daring to stand fully) over the toilet calling gently "yes, darling, mummy's on her way. she can't help you when she's still looking after herself. mummy has to have a wee. she'll be back soon"

Wow it's all just flooding back to me about my dd (1st child) and how hard I found it.
If I was dressed by tea time then it was an achievement, ate before 3pm it was a miracle and slept for more than an hour was lucky.
It is horrendous in the first few weeks. So much so I didn't really leave my front room, slept there with dd and all. The house suddenly seemed to big...weird really.
1 particular time I can vividly remember slumping down the wall asking dh what the hell have we done when dd was crying for 3 hrs solid!
BUT it does get easier, will be enjoyable and you will feel incredible soon. When ds came along I was so much more confident and enjoyed the newborn stage so much more.
However if anyone has any clues on how to deal with a stroppy 6 year old girl, that'd be great because I'm totally clueless again...

I hadn't a clue when my first DC was born. I had barely even held a baby before let alone be responsible for one. I can remember feeling amazed that so many Mums the whole over were doing the same thing. Why hadn't anyone told me it was soooooo hard.

It all worked out fine although, i wish i had realised earlier that you need to clean behind babies ears and I went on to have some more.

OP,
I am actually AMAZED you have found the energy to post on MN? Very Impressive

Hope it all gets better soon. (it will get better, I promise)

Congrats on your new baby, enjoy you new little DS.

Its just a massive shock to the system physically, emotionally and mentally, I really did feel like I'd been run over by a train and I thought I'd never get my life back. Ffwd almost 2 years, and although I feel more in control, I do still feel exhausted if he's not slept well due to a cold or something. But he is brilliant and kind and wonderful and gorgeous, so its all worth it really! Just give yourself a break, get to know your baby, and sleep WHENEVER you can :)

ha! blatant, yoy'd have been well impressed with me then. ittook more energy than I have ever had and my poor swollen underbeneathsies ached but I got alk the way across the landing at under a week.
I couldn't post much though because just getting to the computer was like climbing a mountain.
god I wish i'd had my tablet then...

I remember saying to DP "WHY aren't I ecstatic?? X said she was ecstatic" through my tears and he, thank heavens, just said "X was probably lying". I know some women take to the first bit brilliantly...I just felt my life had been ruined. Along with my body.

It gets better. Really it does.

Just wanted to add that I found the first six months with my first baby incredibly hard. And the first 3 months were the hardest. I really beat myself up about the fact that I felt I didn't love her enough. It will all come right. Give it time and look after yourself.

Wow I could have written your first paragraph. And the subsequent ones.

I'm at 16 weeks and I won't lie it's hard work. But there are highs and lows every day and as another poster said you never quite work things out. Sometimes I feel like a Mum and other times I feel like a person transported to another dimension.

MN has been great though, loads of brilliant supportive people. Just reading this thread has made me smile (and sigh with relief) so I hope it has you too.

I felt exactly the same and now I know that I no my daughter better then anyone else

I remember sobbing on the phone to my DM when ds1 was a month old and saying to her that no one told me it was this hard. DM reply was would you have believed us though? After that I accepted that this was normal and probably most first time mothers were going through the same thing and feeling the same way. Don't worry about the bf versus ff you tried and for whatever reason it wasn't to be as others have said as long as your ds is fed, clean and warm you're doing fine. I found the first year the hardest as they change so much and so quickly when you think you've cracked the routine they have a growth/ developmental spurt and it changes again.

didn't want to read and run my pfb is nearing up to 6 mo and its only now im starting to feel yes it does get easier and im not doing a bad job. echo other posters that if you and your baby are fed and watered and clean thats all that matters sack the housework, sleep when your baby does and dont be afraid to ask for help fwiw just got over struggling with pnd and if you even suspect you have it ask for help via health visitor or gp you wont be the first or last (although it can feel that way) Hugs to you and enjoy your newborn

if there was any way of actually really explaining to women what its like, the human race would have died out by now It doesn't matter how prepared you are, either financially, practically, emotionally, physically etc, there is just no way of knowing what its going to be like so of course it comes as a huge shock. If you handed a newborn to a perfectly fit and healthy woman she would it find it incredibly hard. hand one to a woman who has just gone through labour, birth, the fear, hormonal surges and sleep deprivation that go with that and really?? Of course you feel this way. It is true that some people do generally seem to do okay, nice easy home-birth, generally compliant baby that seems to have read at least one of the books and so on, but on the whole, people just cope until they regain some equilibrium, which is usually around the 6 week mark which is also when it does start to get a little easier - it starts to sink in that this is actually your life now, not just a stint of something. As to the feeding thing, if you really feel you want to try to bf then do seek help from the HV, ask for details of bf drop in centres (ours was fab, lots of women, like me, all sitting there with a boob out, crying ) but honestly, its just milk, it's only a few months and then everyone will be on about weaning and you won't remember what all the angst was about. Go cuddle your baby, get your DH to get you a thermal mug so your tea stays hot, and just wait..it does get better x

Promise you there'll be another woman posting this same sentiment very soon and in a few weeks or months, you'll be posting replies saying, Funny you should say this! You're not the only one, chin up, you're better at this than you think .

Big hug.
It really does get better. But the beginning is a total arse kicking, and it's one day at a time.
One of the most helpful things anyone said to me, when DS was about 3 weeks old, was that hating it and feeling like your life is ruined is totally normal and anyone who denies feeling that way (at least for a moment) is lying. True or not, it made me feel better!
Things get better at 6 weeks - they smile! And they get better again at 3 months. And things are starting to feel much, much better for me at 6 months.
Give yourself a break. You are a good Mum.