When will I start enjoying my baby??

[Maddy06]

I am a first time mum to a 6 week old girl - and am gutted to find that I'm not enjoying the whole experience at all!! I also feel horribly guilty about this. She is quiet when feeding and sleeping, but if awake she is invariably crying. Is this normal? Will it stop? Can anyone offer me some hope?? I thought we'd be having at least a few happy times making eye contact and bonding, but if she's always got her eyes shut while she's wailing how can this happen?! And the books say she might be smiling by this age, but if she is always miserable it doesn't seem likely! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore her, but I feel like she is so unhappy and I can't make her better. I don't expect motherhood to be easy, but I'm shocked by how little of it is enjoyable so far. Help!!

Sometimes babies cry if you had some food which doesn't agree with them (in case you're breastfeeding her). Babies often like gentle music and you might find that a tape recorder might do the trick. Singing and chatting to her might help as well. Fresh air is really good. Sometimes changing the room helps. They do get fed up being in some places. It could be teething or she might be too hot or too cold, she also might feel that you are stressed, try to relax. I know it's easy to say but it does work. Best of luck! By the way, it's difficult to imagine but this time will pass quickly and you will start to enjoy your little girl more and more. One smile will melt your heart.

I am sorry to say that I loved my babies from the moment they were born, just smelling their newness and holding them in my arms was the most wonderful experience of my life. However, now one is 16 and the other is still in the throes of terrible two's (at four) well what can I say okay I still love them, but just give me some peace and quiet! ooh! also I do remember bursting into tears about five minutes after getting my DD (16 year old) home and wondering what the hell I had done!:)

Haven't read the whole thread but your experience sounds v like my own. Something I found really cheering was reading a book called "A Life's Work" by Rachel Cusk.

Its describes the first year of her daughter's life with all the horrors that it entailed including some very funny descriptions of trying to breastfeed, constant crying, not sleeping etc.

Suffice to say she too falls in love with her DD at it all ends up happy.

I read over and over again the most angst ridden passsages and found it really comforting that this eloquent and intelligent woman had felt exactly the same as me. It really made me laugh & gave me some hope that it would all come right (& it did).

Maybe it will help. Good luck.

Sorry my post makes it sound as if first year is just horrors - of course its not but sometimes it seems that way and then Ms Cusk was the perfect read.

i remember when my ds was 2 months old and i had him at a breastfeeding group for the first time and a girl i knew from aquanatal asked me if i was enjoying being a mum. although i said "sometimes", i really wanted to say no!! i loved him but it was hard, constant work. but we fell in love and he got past his crying colicky stage at about 3 months.( although my friends son cried for 6 months , but after that he was great!!)

also! dont worry if you're thinking things like, "if i threw my baby against the wall he would stop crying" (mine) and "if i dropped my baby out this first floor window he would stop crying" (my friends). no one talks about these feelings, i presume because people think its bad to even verbalise them. but you cant help your feelings! its what you do with them that counts. its very taboo, but the darker side of parenting is hardly even spoken about.

we also found putting ds in his tummy tub would quieten him instantly. we used to carry it everywhere!

When my DS cried a lot (and he did) we used to take him into our bedroom, make it dark and quiet and just gently stroke him and say his name to him and tell him we loved him in very hushed tones, also he seemed to like having his knees stroked, after a time he stopped crying. I think we got this from a library book. I think it was called 'Crying baby', anyway the library had a lot of books on crying babies.

a tummy tub is like a see through bucket for babies to bath in. the idea is that it mimics the womb and calms them down. the water also stays warm for longer as there is less surface area for it to cool, and the baby is totally submerged in it (apart from their head!!!) again giving a womb like feeling (allegedly...)

when they're 31, married and have their own home/kids/car/bank account.