When will I start enjoying my baby??

[Maddy06]

I am a first time mum to a 6 week old girl - and am gutted to find that I'm not enjoying the whole experience at all!! I also feel horribly guilty about this. She is quiet when feeding and sleeping, but if awake she is invariably crying. Is this normal? Will it stop? Can anyone offer me some hope?? I thought we'd be having at least a few happy times making eye contact and bonding, but if she's always got her eyes shut while she's wailing how can this happen?! And the books say she might be smiling by this age, but if she is always miserable it doesn't seem likely! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore her, but I feel like she is so unhappy and I can't make her better. I don't expect motherhood to be easy, but I'm shocked by how little of it is enjoyable so far. Help!!

Also I think what makes it hard is you see so many adverts & products with Mums & babies on! The Mums always look fab - slim, hair washed, glowing and their babies are smiling & gurgling! Ha!

Hi Maddy

I remember when dd was 3 weeks old, both of us crying at the same time! A friend told me it would get better at about 3 months and I just wailed "I won't last that long". It really felt like that. But she was right.

Have you got an NCT group (National Childbirth Trust) near you? I found their "bumps and babies" groups really good. It's for pregnant women and parents with babies up to a year. It was so good to meet up for coffee in someone's house and just be able to talk to other people in the same boat. Mumsnet is great, but sometimes you just need to get out of the house and talk to real people!

I didn't enjoy DS until he was 18 months old. I just didn't 'get' the whole baby thing at all.

Hi Maddy

God I really do sympathise. I found it all such a huge shock. Lived in a state of anxiety with a screaming refluxy baby for what felt like forever. Remember DH going to work and thinking 'only 10 hours to go til he gets home'! I felt like a terrible mum, really really did not 'get it' at all. In a way I loved him so much that it overwhelmed me and I was scared that he seemed so unhappy.

10 months in he is just wonderful. Happy, cute as hell, bright and funny. But I couldn't imagine that in those first few weeks.

You are completely normal! Another vote for osteopathy. DS never slept in the day. After first session he came home and slept for 4 straight hours in the afternoon. Was just a bit happier after that.

Enjoy the sunshine. Find some other new mums to help you understand that you're not alone in the way you feel. Drink wine. Sleep as much as possible. Best advice I ever got was that with newborns/babies, just when you think you can't cope any more, they learn a new skill/change in some way, and things improve.

Good luck!

Just a few words to tell you, as everyone is doing, that it's normal to feel like that. My babies were quiet and smiley. I was the problem. I was so depressed that it was until the antidepressants started to work that I could see for the 1st time how beautiful my 2 month old was.

This thread's bringing back all my supressed memories from when ds2 was a newborn - I've just remembered walking up and down our pavement holding ds2 in my arms when he was screaming and screaming - only because the noise seemed less outside! I remember being a bit worried that if I dropped him it would be awful because I was outside - but part of me didn't care... And I didn't have PND - was just sooooooooo tired and fed up with screaming baby. The neighbour used to come out - he was that loud - and tell me to give me some food - he was about 6 weeks old at this stage!

Anyway, just to say again that there's so many of us that have felt like this - but honestly it will get better. My ds2 now doesn't stop singing and laughing the whole day - he's the happiest child I've ever known - is completely content in himself and has a wonderful sunny soul, so please don't be worried that this is how it's always going to be!

I always tell people that it takes 2-3 months to get to really know your baby and begin to get into a routine and bond and i really believe that is true for most people. Best wishes. xxx

Haven't read all the thread but you WILL start enjoying your baby, honestly. I found the first few weeks hard with both of mine.

Have a chat with some other mothers or maybe your GP if you want reassurance re the crying. It's sometimes hard to know what's normal and what's not, particularly in the fog of new motherhood. I tried cranial osteopathy with dd - nothing miraculous happened but she did sleep well afterwards :)

Hope things improve soon! I'm sure they will.

I was on holiday when ds was 6 weeks old and it was still a pretty miserable week.

Try to get out of the house each day, buy or borrow a sling or front pack and carry her around with you, which should help with the crying.

Just tell yourself another 6 weeks and you will have a baby who smiles and makes eye contact - honestly.

Sing her songs, it's a good stress preventer for you and a lovely experience for her.

I run classes for mums and babies and I don't start them until the baby is 10 weeks. Before then the mums would be disappointed because their babies response would not be noticable and they would all leave me!

I agree with getting out and about as much as you can, kept me sane. I've got Dd3and Ds 10 months, and we go somewhere each morning/afternoon, even if it's just half an hour to a shopping center with rides if its pissing down with rain.....just have to get out the house. Dd was really windy and grizzly, and nothing seemed to help, she just improved with age, Ds has been much easier..we haven't done anything different. It's a huge shock to the system, childbirth is horrendous, really fucking painful, and you just don't get a chance to recover. I don't think I felt like I had even a portion of my brain back till they were about 3 months, too tired. I think they start to get more interesting at 4 months...and it just improves from there. Good luck!

Another one for the sling. My baby cried and cried, but had more calm periods if carried around. She did not like the cradle hold much, preferred to be upright on my shoulder or held upright facing outwards (leaning back slightly because of her then floppy head). Show her things outside the window, sparkly lights (not too much stimulation though, otherwise that is another problem), just go out and about alot in a buggy or sling.

Unlike other babies, she would never allow herself to be put down awake lying flat for more than 5 minutes. So baby gyms were a no-no for a long time. The doctor who was examining dd on her back asked if she was alright, crying hysterically as she did. I just said it was normal.

I read somewhere that crying peaks at 6 weeks, not sure why but it certainly seemed to be true for mine.

By 9 months they are truly bundles of joy...:)

mine's a cheeky two and a half yr old now so it seems sooooo long ago and i can't remember when i begain to "enjoy" him.

I do remember standing next to the front window hugging a screaming baby waiting for my DP to get home so I could hand ds over even for just a half an hour.

So i'd say i started to enjoy him at 6:o8 each evening.

as all the otheres have said, it does get better. And before you know it you'll be missing the tiny one.

that should read 6:08, not 6:o8

When my first was born, my partner and myself enjoyed him so much. 15 months later we had Faith and i feel we don't have the time to enjoy her. She seems to be aging a month everyday! Also with Tyler i feel as tho he doesnt thrive as much because we can't give him as much attention as before. Does anyone else feel this way?

I had the same thing with my son and he was finally diagnosed with having Reflux. This is apparently really common as the valve in the stomach is quite weak for the first year an therefore allows acid to rise causing heartburn. This doesn't bother some babies but certainly did mine!!! I now put gaviscon infant (prescibed by the doctor) into each bottle and he completely changed. It took about 4 days to take effect. Might be worth asking your doctor

If she seems generally unhappy but you can't seem to see any obvious reason for it, I would definitely try the osteopath. I didn't personally need it with my DD, but a number of friends with very unhappy newborns did and they noticed an obvious improvement. It's non-invasive and safe, so what have you got to lose?
Must say that I didn't enjoy my DD at all until about 8 weeks. Found the whole experience very overwhelming and exhausting. But things do get better and luckily you tend to forget the bad times very quickly. Hang in there. You have some wonderful moments to look forward to, I promise you. And I agree, try and get out a lot, and find a mums and babies group to join. The day's are unbearably long otherwise.

sorry haven't read entire thread but saw some mentioning slings. I had a baby bjorn baby carrier and found it absolutely invaluable with ds2. Both of my sons were coliky babies and it always used to kick in around 6pm. With ds2 this was hard as I was invariably trying to get ds1 bathed and bedded, once I put ds2 in the baby carrier to do all this it almost instantly settled him, so I started using it more during the day and when we were out and about. I do sympathise and remember vividly the fog of early motherhood. It does seem like a bit of an ordeal at the moment but it will get easier as you and your baby get used to each other and you become more confident in your capabilities as her mummy. I'm another advocate of nice long walks, I just felt so much more relaxed and able to cope after just getting out and getting some much needed space, fresh air and perspective.

The Happiest baby On The Block (Harvey karp) sorted DS out from that awful purple crying. Basically just swaddling, white noise and making sure he wasn't on his back when screaming.

As he got older (3 months-ish) he loved being carted around in his baby Bjorn. He practicaly lived in it. It's wierd to think that that he always wanted to be with me (screamed when I put him down) and as soon as he started to walk he became Mr Totally Independant!

Remember this well! I found going out for a walk every day, with DD in the pushchair preferably so that I could stop and have a cup of tea / glass of wine (depending on how poor the night before had been)was a real sanity saver. I read lots about mums who didn't bond with their babies and felt guilty as I identified so much with them. By the time she was about 10 weeks old, I'd made a few friends at my local playgroup, got a bit more sleep and a few smiles from DD which made me feel much more positive. The summer helps too - lots of sunshine and picnics with new mummy friends.

I think you will feel much better in a while but that's difficult when you are in the situation. Hang on in there and go to every group / cafe / library to meet a few people, as that changed my maternity leave completely! Take care and let us know how you get on

I enjoyed my baby form day 1. When he cried (and all babies do!) I noticed that if i held him close to me it would calm him down. I also made up some songs for my baby and he liked listening to them. he would stop crying as soon as i started singing and it was like magic to me. by the way, my voice is not nice at all but it didn't matter, babies are tuned to their mums.

Oh God, it's so good to see all these messages!! My daughter is just 2 and a half weeks and she's great during the day but just on and off cranky from 8 till 2am! and my partnet and I are sooo tired. And I cry. Really good to know there is some light at the end of the tunnel and that my baby is not the only one!

You are right, there is some light at the end of the tunnel. My tip for not being overtired is to sleep when your baby is sleeping. Babies often sleep well during the day and not so well during the night, so have your rest when you have a chance. Best of luck!

I had been waiting for 12 years for a baby, and yet I absolutely hated pretty much every single minute of the first 3 months of my ds's life!!! I could have quite happily opened the front door and pushed him into the arms of any passing stranger. I just felt like I had made this terrible mistake and wanted it all to go back to just being me and my dh. I had a lovely pg but then an absolutely horrible 3 days of prep up to a horrible birth, and somehow never quite got things back. I had no confidence in myself as a mother, and could never tell what it was he wanted/needed. However all of that said, once he began to respond and smile, and I began to realise that I was the MUM and that nobody else quite knew what was right for my baby except for me, I began to get some confidence. Now, my ds is 6 months old, and although some days can be tough (as it is still extremely hard work!!!) I love it (and him) big stylie. I would say that things began to really change around 4 months, so hang in there. And in the mean time try to get as much help as you can, and although it's a bummer, coz you want a life, sleep when dd sleeping. It really does help. The best is yet to come. .