How much do you expect your 11 year old to do?

[Wallace]

Dd reckons I'm so mean, and all her friends' mums don't make then do anything.

Things like putting her clean clothes in her drawers and changing her bed are ones she especially complains about.

She does a few other jobs too like walking the dog.

I reckon there is a whole lot more she should be doing.

Ds is responsible for taking recycling out and sorting, putting bins out on bin day, walking the dog before school, putting his ironing away, putting his underwear away (I sort it), cleaning his footy boots.
I will then ask for help generally as the week goes on.

dd ( 11 - and in Yr6 if that matters ? But she's been doing all these for a couple of years)
Supposed to put her clean clothes away - she really hates this mind
Makes our evening meal one night a week
Gets breakfast on the 2 mornings she's not at brek club
Clears place after meal

All of them are expected to do odd random jobs when asked... eg

• make a cuppa or
• go and get the washing out the tumble drier, or
• collect the washing from the baskets, or
• collect the rubbish from bins around the house on rubbish day
• help when we have a 'splurge' on cleaning occasionally (about 4 times a year)

Takes turns (I've 3 dc, so don't all have to do every night)

• to unload dishwasher

-to load dishwasher -to lay table -to get everyone drinks to have with the meal

Thanks. She does get the wheelie bins in (once a week) and lay the table, and clear and wipe it. Always gets own breakfast, and clears place at table at mealtimes

Even the basics at the moment end with us with our horns locked. Like putting shoes away and hanging up her jacket, which she should know to do without even being asked.

Ah.... you didn't ask if she was naturally tidy, without being nagged.. ... that's a different story.

Mine does everything that Backforgood had listed including to same dishwasher rota with her two siblings. She will also Hoover, mop, clean hob, clean windows.

None of these jobs are done because she wants to help or is naturally tidy, they're done for cold hard cash. No jobs, no pocket money.

I've also been told that other Mums don't do this, not by my Dc's but by visiting children when they see my dc's clearing the table etc. My dc's think this is wrong and although they don't like doing jobs they've all said it shouldn't all be done to Mum and Dad.

Oh yes, I get the regular "Nobody else's Mum makes them......"

That said, ds, who is now in the 6th Form, is I think finally appreciating why we've made them all cook and clean up after themselves... he's been stunned at how incapable some of his peers are at looking after themselves, cooking in particular.

Thanks you are cheering me up :)

I feel like a right nag most of the time. She would love to cook once a week and I probably should let her. She also asks to mop the floors, which to my shame I usually don't let her.

I think I will sit down and make a rota with her and other 3 dc.

Nothing, but DS goes to school 15miles away, very long day plus homework and clubs. I don't work so I don't get him to help.

Lay the table and side the dishes, and help with the washing / drying (we have a rota).

Put clothes away and help with meal prep (but only if they're interested).

To be honest, it'd probably be easier not to get them to do it, as it does take some reminding / nagging, but it is important that they learn to do these things before they leave home. (11 & 13 here).

Oh dear
I think I need to get my 2 boys doing more

2!! Meant 3

at MrsTomHardy forgetting her 3rd child ~ thought that was just me did things like that.

I find mine are FAR more amenable when they can see the others are being made to do things as well - so when I used to just ask one of them if they'd make the tea, for example, I'd get the big (Kevin) "It's not fair... ds / dd1 / dd2 isn't doing anything", so a couple of years ago I made a decision that everyone would make a meal one evening a week.... once I've done the shopping, I stick a list on the fridge and they can sign up for what they want to cook... so might say Mon: dd2: mince / Tues: ds: chicken breast / etc. They seem to see it as being equitable as they can see that the others aren't doing any less than them. Don't know if that will help ?
An unexpected bonus of it is I no longer get the moans as the food goes on the table ~ they all appreciate that if they want something else, they are welcome to cook it on their night, and also, that it's not noce to have everyone moan when you've been slaving away preparing the meal. I'd not predicted that, but it's very nice.

Thank you some great ideas here. I think I will copy the meal idea.

Mine will also all do more stuff for money, dd will help with ds2's homework.

"To be honest, it'd probably be easier not to get them to do it, as it does take some reminding / nagging"

That exactly. My oldest two are 13 and 11 too.

Dd reckons ...all her friends' mums don't make then do anything.

I had an epiphany one day & retorted:

"That's weird. Because when I was your age all me and my friends did when we got together was moan about how awful our parents were, how they made us do all sorts of annoying chores, constantly nagged and wouldn't let us do anything fun."

By Jove that instantly shut my teen up. I can't imagine why.

Well mine isn't eleven yet she's 7 but this is what she does.
Sweep kitchen floor.
Wipe down the kitchen table after a meal.
Put her toys away.
Make her bed.
Put her clothes in draws after I've folded them for her. She knows were they go.
Pour her and dd2 drink for dinner
Help lay table
Help wash and dry up and put things away
If like her to Hoover but the hovers the same size as her so she struggles with that one.

Ds is 9 and doesn't have a list of jobs - I usually have more of a problem stopping him finding jobs.

His bedroom is so immaculate it would just about pass an army inspection, everything is sided as soon as he is finished with it or when placed in his room (clean clothes etc). He also sets the table and helps with anything he can get to before me...unless it involves glass (which he won't touch - includes drinking glasses, windows mirrors etc).

There's history and issues! I'd be happy with a tidy bedroom and help as requested elsewhere.

Well, I'll go against the grain and say my nearly 12 year old doesn't do most of this and certainly doesn't have regular jobs.

"far more effort going into the moaning and refusing that into the actual chores"

Absolutely! I got DD to help me make risotto once (the kids were both expected to help with the cooking a couple of times a week). Oh, the moaning, "I don't much like risotto, it's not fair, why should I help make something I don't really like, whinge, whinge!"

I pointed out that I had just been sorting out the toilet that had been blocked with some unidentified person's poo, and if she cooking risotto was just too horrid I could soon find her some other job to do... Sudden silence.

Ive got a newly (yesterday!) 11 yo ds, and also dds of 9 and 13.

They are responsible for loading and unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table, bringing their laundry down, putting clean laundry away keeping rooms tidy, taking out recycling.

This is IMO just part of being in a family, we all do things for each other.

They can sometimes be bribed persuaded to do more for cash or extra screen-time. Extras they do are hoovering, hanging up wet laundry, dusting, and helping in the garden in the summer.

They're also responsible for their animals, but I always always double check on them as I wouldn't want the animals to suffer at all!

The regular jobs must take about 20 mins or so a day. All I have to do is yell "dishy" or "washing" and it's done! Well, sometimes mostly

Agree maryz

My 10 year old dd feeds dog and cat, tidies room and makes brews for myself and her dad. Ds 12 nips to the shops for milk, pet food, sugar etc. Tidies his room and when he went through a stage of wanting to be a chef, we got our tea made a few times, that didn't last. Does anyone else find that their dcs do such a shit job of chores that you have to redo them any way?

Well, this is a historic moment for me - first time ever I think I've disagreed with the very wise MaryZ!

Mine don't do half the housework. Mine are hopeless at keeping their rooms tidy although they will all make us a cuppa, and certainly they don't go through life without moaning, but they still do all the jobs they are expected to do (that I put above). Usually after being nagged reminded. Room tidying is the one that - it's their job, and if they don't do it, it doesn't get done, so for a lot of the time they live in squalor, but it's their rooms, so it's not done by anyone else. Things like clearing the table they don't think of as a job, it's what everyone does, automatically when they leave the table when it's finished. Cooking the meals, they all actually quite enjoy.