How much do you expect your 11 year old to do?

[Wallace]

Dd reckons I'm so mean, and all her friends' mums don't make then do anything.

Things like putting her clean clothes in her drawers and changing her bed are ones she especially complains about.

She does a few other jobs too like walking the dog.

I reckon there is a whole lot more she should be doing.

[NotGoodNotBad]

A word of advice on what not to say though - I accidentally let slip in front of my 11 year old that her "help" was not always a time-saver for us...

(Note to self, engage brain before opening mouth!)

[valiumredhead]

Ds is 11 - he generally mucks in with what needs doing but 'his' jobs are -

dirty washing in the basket
makes bed
strips bed for the wash
puts clean clothes away
lays and clears the table
makes tea/coffee and breakfast
empties dishwasher

but really he does anything that needs doing, as we all do.

[BackforGood]

Excellent

As others have said, mine don't do chores to save me doing work (it took longer to clean the kitchen after ds when he first started cooking, than it would have done for me to make the meal), but to both teach them the skills, and also to help them understand that's how any community works - by people all chipping in what they can. Not many of the population are able to afford servants after all.

[Wallace]

It is the skewed answers I want to show dd how everyone else does MORE housework than her

She cooked spaghetti bolognaise tonight :)

[Lilyloo]

Notmost I agree, I often have to nag, rehang clothes put away etc but I believe we should all help each other.
Dp is also of the same school of thought so the dc's are used to seeing dad doing chores to.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

[HousewifeFromHeaven]

threebee if my almost 11 year old had done that I would say

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?"

[NotMostPeople]

I have a very domesticated DH and I regularly thank my MIL for her part in that. I don't ask my DC's to do jobs to make my life easier, they don't always do the job well and they do sometimes have to be nagged. However I see it as much a part of raising them as teaching them to read and write.

It's now second nature to them to do a lot of jobs and whilst some of the newer ones ie. mopping aren't usually done very well, they will learn in time.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

Today DS2 (nearly 11) cleared the table after dinner, wiped the kitchen surfaces, swept the kitchen floor and fed the cat. The whole thing took him less than five minutes. He did it all to a high standard, but only because he's had so much practice!

[HousewifeFromHeaven]

I just find it easier and less sressful to do it myself. Putting their clothes away and making tea are the only enforced chores around here. They will do things if I ask beg but to be honest I can't be bothered.

They'll learn soon enough when they get their own place, and then oh how I will rejoice!!

[BackforGood]

Maryz - Mine are 16, 14, and 11 at the moment
Fair point about whoever cooks doesn't clean up - that's generally how we work here, but I what I mean is, if everyone takes their plate and cutlery and glass over to the dishwasher, then it's a much easier job than if one person has got to start collecting stuff, then I leave said dishwasher open, and say "You might as well put it in the dishwasher, as put it on the side - it's not further to reach"
purrpurr - I have no idea, I can't imagine choosing to live with a partner like that.

[purrpurr]

Hmm, how does this work with those that have partners that will not clean or tidy? Is it just the mum and the kids cleaning house whilst dad sits around picking his nose?

[Andro]

Maryz - in my house, whoever cooks doesn't clean up (unless they've only prepared food for his/herself for whatever reason).

[Skivvytomany]

My elder two have to tidy own rooms
Take turns at
Doing dishes
Weekly hoovering
Emptying bin
Sweeping floor
Sometimes hang up washing
Clean bathroom sometimes.
Strip and make their own beds.

I don't think their friends help out much at home but it doesn't take them long to do and it's their mess too so I shouldn't have to clean it all [ grin]

[Ragwort]

I'll own up and say that my DS (nearly 12) is very lazy and unhelpful .

I am just as guilty for not enforcing more help. (And yes shebang - I do find I used to re-do the jobs but maybe that's just part of the 'learning' process). I particularly hate the mess after DS attempts to clean muddy rugby/football boots - must admit I tend to them which I know is not helping in the long run ).

His room is reasonably tidy, but that's not really any effort on his part, just that he is not a hoarder. I don't tidy it up myself or clean very often.

This thread has reminded me to be a lot stricter about helping around the house, I would hate him to end up like some of the DHs you read about on Mumsnet.

[BackforGood]

Well, this is a historic moment for me - first time ever I think I've disagreed with the very wise MaryZ!

Mine don't do half the housework. Mine are hopeless at keeping their rooms tidy although they will all make us a cuppa, and certainly they don't go through life without moaning, but they still do all the jobs they are expected to do (that I put above). Usually after being nagged reminded. Room tidying is the one that - it's their job, and if they don't do it, it doesn't get done, so for a lot of the time they live in squalor, but it's their rooms, so it's not done by anyone else. Things like clearing the table they don't think of as a job, it's what everyone does, automatically when they leave the table when it's finished. Cooking the meals, they all actually quite enjoy.

[shebangsthedrum]

My 10 year old dd feeds dog and cat, tidies room and makes brews for myself and her dad. Ds 12 nips to the shops for milk, pet food, sugar etc. Tidies his room and when he went through a stage of wanting to be a chef, we got our tea made a few times, that didn't last. Does anyone else find that their dcs do such a shit job of chores that you have to redo them any way?

[HousewifeFromHeaven]

Agree maryz

[weegiemum]

Ive got a newly (yesterday!) 11 yo ds, and also dds of 9 and 13.

They are responsible for loading and unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table, bringing their laundry down, putting clean laundry away keeping rooms tidy, taking out recycling.

This is IMO just part of being in a family, we all do things for each other.

They can sometimes be bribed persuaded to do more for cash or extra screen-time. Extras they do are hoovering, hanging up wet laundry, dusting, and helping in the garden in the summer.

They're also responsible for their animals, but I always always double check on them as I wouldn't want the animals to suffer at all!

The regular jobs must take about 20 mins or so a day. All I have to do is yell "dishy" or "washing" and it's done! Well, sometimes mostly

[NotGoodNotBad]

"far more effort going into the moaning and refusing that into the actual chores"

Absolutely! I got DD to help me make risotto once (the kids were both expected to help with the cooking a couple of times a week). Oh, the moaning, "I don't much like risotto, it's not fair, why should I help make something I don't really like, whinge, whinge!"

I pointed out that I had just been sorting out the toilet that had been blocked with some unidentified person's poo, and if she cooking risotto was just too horrid I could soon find her some other job to do... Sudden silence.

[marialuisa]

Well, I'll go against the grain and say my nearly 12 year old doesn't do most of this and certainly doesn't have regular jobs.

[Andro]

Ds is 9 and doesn't have a list of jobs - I usually have more of a problem stopping him finding jobs.

His bedroom is so immaculate it would just about pass an army inspection, everything is sided as soon as he is finished with it or when placed in his room (clean clothes etc). He also sets the table and helps with anything he can get to before me...unless it involves glass (which he won't touch - includes drinking glasses, windows mirrors etc).

There's history and issues! I'd be happy with a tidy bedroom and help as requested elsewhere.