Breastfeeding in Bed. Do I need to get rid of the duvet

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We?re not planning to co-sleep as such, as baby will sleep in his/her cot. My DH does not want to share bed with baby, but happy for me to feed baby in bed, and understands if I fall asleep during feed, there may be cosleeping.

I may also sit up and feed baby, it depends what works for us. I?m 20 days from due date.

The plan is to put the cot next to bed, to be a barrier to stop baby falling out, when I?m feeding baby, and I?ll be feeding baby in the recovery position facing baby, so if I do fall asleep will not smother him/her.

If I do fall asleep during feed, there will potentially be some co-sleeping. At NCT sales I?ve bought five second hand grobags, all different togs and sizes, for first year. I have sheets and blankets (bought four lightweight blankets for first year, as thought would be useful for pushchair carrycot), but planned to use grobags at night. I?m concerned that we have a duvet on our bed. We are very tight for money at the moment, and I don?t want to change to blankets for us. Can I pick up baby in his/her grobag, and pull the duvet away from baby, with baby sleeping next to me, on the sheets. Is this dangerous? Do I need to get blankets for our bed?

You can't put a new born in a gro bag

You can put baby on top of the duvet with cellular blankets

There are ways to safely go sleep / learning to feed laying down will be a life saver as those night feeds are knackering

I fed my DS on top of the duvet with the duvet pushed down around my waist so that he was pretty much lying only on the bottom sheet iyswim.

You can putnewboirns in grobags as you can get small ones suitable from birth, I had some and 0-6mth ones are from 9lb in weight many newborns weight that at birth.

You can keep the duvet as long as baby doesn't go under it, you will have to find a method that suits you, we always had two single duvets as it was easier to keep them over us but off the baby.

Hi RubySlippers, I've read conflicting advice on gro bags for newborn. I've bought two cellular blankets, and two fleecy blankets.

I'd initially planned to start with cellular blankets, but then noticed one of my grobags was for newborn, and read that a grobag was fine, as long as head can't disappear and the tog is correct.

I had wondered whether to leave off using newborn grobag, till six weeks old?

Check size guide on the grobags.

But blankets fine for first few weeks until they are drf big enough for a grobag.

5madthings - we have single duvets for the spare room beds. I could move them to our bed, so one each. Not conducive to cuddling DH though.

You can still cuddle just takes a bit off fiddling, all most 14yrs Here with co-sleeping with one child or another! But yes its not as easy. I was worried about baby o erheating if they lay on a duvet, its better for them to lay on the normal bottom sheet I think.

I might do the first week with cellular sheets, and feeding sitting up, as I think I've read somewhere that feeding lying down is easier when baby is slightly bigger?

5madthings - we have a very thick duvet, and with a Feb baby, won't be changing to summer duvet, when baby is born.

I might be worrying over nothing, and always stay awake when breast feeding, but the two single duvets does sound a good idea.

Don't put the baby on top of the duvet - I see this advised a lot but it's a terrible idea if you think about it - they need to sleep on a firm surface with nothing loose around it as anything loose can be a smothering risk, also if they roll into a "dip" from soft bedding. Added to all this, duvets are designed to reflect body heat (try sleeping with one underneath you as well as on top - cosy but you'll roast!) so since a baby overheating is dangerous I'd be avoiding it for this reason too.

What I did was to put the duvet kind of on my back and over my legs but nowhere near the baby, I wore a dressing gown for my "upper" arm (you end up in a "C" shape around the baby!) and I shared the baby's cellular blanket around my tummy area.

Co-sleeping isn't really conducive to cuddling at all because (in my experience) you only really feel "aware" of the baby when you're in this curled C-shape around them. I suppose your DH could spoon you from behind? (Not in a sex sense, tut! ) XP never did, though. We only cuddled when DS was safe in his cot, which was a sidecar/co-sleeper one, because that was the only way I felt safe to lie on my back/front or facing away from DS.

When you put the cot up to the bed is it 100% flush to your mattress or are there any gaps? If there are gaps (even if they look ridiculously small) or if the cot moves easily then it's not really safe as a bed guard - it would be safer and more practical to turn it into a 3-sided co-sleeper cot if at all possible. Then you can push the cot mattress so that it's flush with your bed mattress and block the far side. Trying to block a gap in the middle doesn't usually work nearly as well as this.

Breastfeeding produces sleepy-hormones - you're supposed to go to sleep :)

I found feeding lying down much easier than sitting up at first. Get a midwife to show you the lying down feeding in hospital, because it's such a help when you're tired.

In the early days there really won't be much cuddling - not of the sort that requires you to be under the same duvet!

The thing with grobags, is that you have to be sure that they can't wiggle down inside it. So they have to be big enough.
Some grobags have extra poppers under the arms where you can make them narrower which means you can use them sooner.
My boys were both big babies - DS1 just under 9lbs and DS2 9lbs9oz. I couldn't use grobags with them until they were about 3 weeks old, because newborns take a while to uncurl - and they were long but not actually that chubby.

With the set up you have, I would have duvet round waist and a cellular blanket over the baby.
Do you have a nice snuggly top to feed in in bed? I had one from mothercare that was a hoody so nice and warm even on cold nights.

Bertie am glad you said that re duvet, I see it recomendeda lot but I wasn't sure it wasok and never felt comfortable with the idea of it so we use two single duvets with baby in between or over against the wall then me, then dp. Bed pushed up to the wall so baby can't fall out!

Yes you are meant to sleep - that is part of the lovely thing of doing it. No rushing downstairs in the middle of the night to sort out bottles :)

Have you got some baby bundlers/baby nightgowns? Fab for night time nappy changes, no poppers! John Lewis sell them.

It's recommended a lot on forums I should clarify - if you look at any official safety advice it always states a firm surface with nothing loose and adult bedding away from the baby.

I co sleep with my little boy after comin home from hospital and him not liking his moses basket.I spoke to my hv about it she gave me advice.Push ur bed up to wall put baby near the wall make sure your bottom sheet ain't loose! U lie in between baby and ur partner.As for duvet I use 1 I put the duvet inbwteeen my legs and pull it under my arm so its safe and duvet can't come loose.I manage to get a good sleep while feeding jus prop ur head up wiv ur hand u will get use to it. Good luck

Yes I thought the official advice said that. But as you say its recommended a lot.

DS is 21mo and I still can't stand DH cuddling while I'm BFing. In the early days I was too touched out to cuddle.

We did the 2 single duvets thing but we also lived in the tropics so it wasn't really needed!

Thank you BertieBotts.

I only plan to cuddle DH when baby is in cot!

We have a moses basket and cot bed. I will need to work out how they fit against bed. I'd planned to put the moses basket in the cot bed, and hoped it would be sturdy enough not to move. Space is not an issue in our bedroom.

Both the moses basket and cotbed were my SIL's (I've bought new mattresses).

I want to be able to feed baby lying down, and to know that if I fall asleep, no harm will come to baby.

As you say, BertieBotts, when I pick up baby, I could put dressing gown, and slippers on, so not need a duvet, and might be worrying about nothing.

Re moving bed against wall, DH is a bit stubborn, and I can see him complaining that he is not under the light pull, no socket for his bedside table, we've blocked the entrance to ensuite, he can't sleep under window etc. We need to move wardrobe, dressing table, chest of drawers, TV etc.

It could be done, but will create complaining, especially when he is not pro co-sleep.

frak me neither. I can just about tolerate DS1 coming and snuggling up against my back for a cuddle while DS2 is BFing, but DH? Nooooo

P.S. I'll start with cellular blankets, and move to grobags. I'd not thought about newborns uncurling. Presumably they need to be able to stretch out under the blankets, in order to uncurl?

Cotbeds are very easy to convert to a sidecar cot, because they're designed to stand up with both sides removed (so easily cope with one side being removed). I really strongly recommend you do this - you can always put the side back on later. All you need to do is raise the mattress base to the correct height to enable the mattresses to be flush on top (or have yours slightly higher to discourage rolling into your bed if you like) and then push the cot mattress flush against yours, and block the other side.

If you're just using the cot itself as a bed guard then you need to ensure no gaps, especially when people sit on the bed, get in or out of bed, move around in the bed. Depending on how your bed is built there will probably be a "lip" of bed base which sticks out further than the mattress and means that a flush fit is impossible.

• No it happens a lot more gradually!