wwyd - ds pushed (fully clothed) in pool by other kid

[duplotractor]

we are on holiday and I'd been for a swim in the hotel pool with my ds1. After we'd finished I was tidying uo and my ds was waiting for me - quite near the edge of the pool but he is sensible and I had my eyes on him the whole time.

Suddenly a boy - aged about 6/7- raced up and pushed ds in. I rushed in fully clothed to pull him out. I wasn't out of my depth but 2yo ds most defintely was. It was horrifying seeing my child submerged in the water.

My son was not surprisingly hysterical when I pulled him out and coughing etc.

The dad of the boy picked up his son and started hurrying away sort of poking his boy in the cheek as he went. I shouted after them "you could have killed my son". But they were hurrying fast and I wasn't really trying to catch them anyway.

Lots of people from around the pool were watching and staff came hurrying forward (obviously not wanting a scene). Suggested going to the indoor changing rooms to dry off and carried our bags for us. We were both soaking wet.

I just feel really traumatised and shaken by it now. Should I have remonstrated more with the boy/his dad or conplained to the pool attendants?? They obviously knoow what happened but should I have made more of a fuss.

[courtsareadisgrace]

So, all the dad did wrong was not apologise - he appears to have given his child a ticking off, what difference would it have made if he had apologised?

Suppose the 6 year old had tripped and accidentally knocked the 2 year old into the pool? The thing is, the child would have or could have drowned regardless of whether the 6 year old did it on purpose or apologised or anything else.

And in order to prevent that potential outcome, the OP should have had the 2 year old standing beside her.

Yes the 6 or 7 year old should have been made to apologise, and if he was mine he would have been, but that does not excuse the fact that the OP had a small child inadequately supervised in a situation where he was at risk of injury.

Like I said up thread, if I take my 2 year old out in my car with no car seat, and someone else runs into us, completely their fault, my child is killed or injured, it's still the other person's fault that the accident happened, but I am partly to blame for not putting my child in a car seat and taking adequate steps to protect them from injury.

And whether or not the other party says sorry makes damn all difference to what happens to my child. IYSWIM?

[Nishky]

Kiri- I suggest you read your last post back'


' how do children learn to swim if they are not allowed to stand by the pool '

Did you really mean that? Because mine learnt to swim by going IN the pool. With an adult.

[Bugsylugs]

Not read it all.

Op am stunned that dad whether he spoke the same language or not did not stop and convey horror/remorse for son or some such similar. Hope your lo is ok.

My dc has been having lessons since 3 months buoyancy aids are not used so no he would never have had any floatations device on at the side of the pool so is not 'bad parenting'. At 4 he now uses a float (so no attached bouncy aid) or a shark fin. He is tall so but at 4 knows not to run near a pool, get in until someone he knows says it is ok and never to interfere with anyone else on the pool side. The other boy will have seen someone else doing similar I guess. I would be spitting at the dad.

[Bugsylugs]

Sorry floatations devices.
Some really ridiculous comments of course you can pack a bag and see exactly what someone is doing if in the right place. Her supervision was fine lo ok if possibly a bit traumatised

[Letmeintroducemyself]

those slating the dad, maybe he was afraid to speak to OP who was hysterical, maybe he was worried his son would be assaulted, I would have been.

The OP did say she believed the dad was about to go in after her DS, so he was hardly unconcerned.

[Letmeintroducemyself]

oh maybe he thought the op was best left alone to deal with her distraught child and planned to apologise if he saw her again.

[Remotecontrolduck]

This is crazy. While it was probably unwise to let your toddler stand by the pool as he could have slipped over, into the pool or on wet tiles etc, there is NOTHING that justifies the actions if this horrendously behaved child

I second what someone said about taking my child to a psychiatrist if they did that. Seriously, that is NOT normal behaviour at all, and my kids would have been so punished they wouldn't know what had hit them. The fact that the dad did nothing probably tells you all you need to know.

If the kid did have SN, it's up to the parents to make sure that kid is under control. There is no way this should have been allowed to happen.

[courtsareadisgrace]

I would hope that a psychiatrist would have a titter of wot and laugh you out of his office of you landed with a 6 year old and said "he pushed a two year old into the poplin holiday. Once. "

FFS.

[courtsareadisgrace]

*pool on

[Thisisaeuphemism]

I didn't catch the op saying the dad was going to go in the pool?

Courts, an apology makes a massive difference. To everyone.

[courtsareadisgrace]

But it wouldn't have made any difference to whether the child was injured or not is what I'm saying. I get that the dad should have apologised I have said that already, the point I am making is that if the toddler had been hurt an apology wouldn't make a difference to whether or not he was hurt.

[JenaiMorris]

If parents honestly believe that their children have never done anything impulsive, potentially dangerous (my own ds running into the road) and/or downright stupid they are either blinkered (there are a few of them), naive or only have very small children (it'll happen).

I don't mean as extreme as pushing a random toddler into a pool, but just read the thread on here about the worst things children have done to a sibling, for example. A one off moment of utter idiocy does not warrant a trip to a psych!

[JenaiMorris]

Oh Hothead that wasn't addressed to you btw. Sorry.

[larrygrylls]

I am seriously amazed at what passes for normal on MN. I take my children out for soft play at least once a week. There are frequently 5-8 year olds there as well as the little ones. They are normally playing the table football or the video games etc or reading the books provided. When they play with the little ones, they are normally very sweet and helpful. I have NEVER seen a 6 year old hit a two year old or push one down a slide or anything like that.

Where I have seen children with impulse control, this normally affects their interactions with peers (for instance, at pre school) and siblings. Mostly the impulsive behaviour is driven by a rational idea such as wanting a toy or overreacting to mild provocation. Where does the impulse come from to push a completely unrelated 2 year old minding his own business into a swimming pool? If my 3.7 year old did that, I would be SERIOUSLY shocked and, yes, he would be paying a visit to a psychiatrist who, I am sure, would take me seriously. At 6 a combination of knowledge about the dangers of drowning and empathy should prevent this kind of "impulse". If it is normal, how many parents on this board would actually say their children had done something causing clear (and obvious) risk to another child's life? I am not really sure I see the difference between this and a 6 year old "impulsively" shashing a hard object on a toddler's head. They are both impulsive actions in that the idea may have only occurred to the child a fraction of a second before perforning the action.

If I had been the father, I would have stayed, apologised, asked if I could help, got my child to apologise profusely and then offered to pay for any cleaning costs or to replace any damaged articles. The idea that he might have been frightened of his son being assaulted by the mother of a two year old is ridiculous.

[courtsareadisgrace]

How the heck can anyone say from one incident at the side of a pool on holiday whether it's a pattern or not?

[duplotractor]

Thanks everyone who encouraged me to complain to the hotel because I feel better for having done so.

They said the boy and dad were there for brunch, so not resident guests - they shouldn't even have been wandering around the pool. Though they had eaten at the hotel several times and the boy was "notorious". I asked if that meant he'd done it to other children and the manager said no, so not sure what other stuff the boys been up to.

Anyway the manager said after the incident the boy and dad went to the restaurant, the staff obviously not aware of what had happened. THe manager (by the pool) said that he called security who ejected the boy and man from the hotel before they had eaten and that they would not be welcome back in the hotel.

The manager then said that the father had beaten the boy quite badly later :(
although the hotel obviously did not approve of such things. (not sure how hotel would know anyway - unless it happened on way out

It's possible the manager was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear - I don't know. He was also a doctor and thought ds seemed fine.

[LadyMargolotta]

Thanks for the update at 'The manager then said that the father had beaten the boy quite badly later'

[bringmeroses]

Try and forget about it for DS sake. The 6yo may have troubled home life or just have a mean streak. Either way you're better off forgetting about it as much as poss and dwelling on all the positive things about the holiday. Hopefully in DS"s mind it'll be no worse than say falling off a swing at the park.

[Yfronts]

My 6 year old would have never done that. What awful behavior.

[DreamsTurnToGoldDust]

An hotel Manager who was also a doctor who saw the father beat the boy? Really?

[lljkk]

Small community in foreign country where corporal punishment is the norm, manager didn't need to see it, it will be the gossip of the community.

(I live in a small gossipy town in a parochial gossipy local authority area where everybody knows everybody else's business).