wwyd - ds pushed (fully clothed) in pool by other kid

[duplotractor]

we are on holiday and I'd been for a swim in the hotel pool with my ds1. After we'd finished I was tidying uo and my ds was waiting for me - quite near the edge of the pool but he is sensible and I had my eyes on him the whole time.

Suddenly a boy - aged about 6/7- raced up and pushed ds in. I rushed in fully clothed to pull him out. I wasn't out of my depth but 2yo ds most defintely was. It was horrifying seeing my child submerged in the water.

My son was not surprisingly hysterical when I pulled him out and coughing etc.

The dad of the boy picked up his son and started hurrying away sort of poking his boy in the cheek as he went. I shouted after them "you could have killed my son". But they were hurrying fast and I wasn't really trying to catch them anyway.

Lots of people from around the pool were watching and staff came hurrying forward (obviously not wanting a scene). Suggested going to the indoor changing rooms to dry off and carried our bags for us. We were both soaking wet.

I just feel really traumatised and shaken by it now. Should I have remonstrated more with the boy/his dad or conplained to the pool attendants?? They obviously knoow what happened but should I have made more of a fuss.

[JenaiMorris]

Also most of us have been at pains to emphasise that we have all taken our eye off the ball.

[5madthings]

Even the best behaved child does stupid things occasionally, it doesn't mean that they need a professionals asessment.

Our ds2 had issues with impulse control and we did get a referral via the gp and school to camhs who decided he was a perfectly normal nine year old and we were doing all the right things in having boundaries and reinforcing them but the part of the brain that controls impulse control doesn't fully develop until late teens and so children sometimes do reckless/stupid things. They need to be disciplined and have it explained to them why it is not OK it doesn't mean that they have been badly parented or that they have problems. Its because they are children who are learning and who don't always think before acting.

[larrygrylls]

And I don't understand why the OP is being accused of doing anything dangerous. Her son DID get pushed in and he was plucked out and is fine. That demonstrates that the OP had her eye on him enough to keep him safe in the very worst case scenario.

All those who are sympathetic to the six year old. At what stage does a "random" six year old evolve into a dangerous criminal? Six year olds are old enough to empathise as well as understanding the consequences of their actions. If one of my sons ever does something like that, they will (after a very severe sanction) be discussed with their school and taken to see a psychiatrist to try to understand what happened. Even at two and three and a half they know not to endanger other children (although I appreciate that the two year old still may not fully understand).

[Kiriwawa]

Whether the 2 year old was safe standing where he was is neither here nor there.

Christ I hate MN sometimes - people are so determined to pick holes in other people's parenting that the big picture gets entirely overlooked.

[larrygrylls]

"the part of the brain that controls impulse control doesn't fully develop until late teens and so children sometimes do reckless/stupid things"

Didn't Thomson and Venables use that in their defence? I hate the "poor impulse control" excuse for bad behaviour. I appreciate that certain children do have genuine problems but it is a problem and not in the normal spectrum. For those children, it is up to their parents to keep an eye on them, not for other parents to be expected to be extra vigilant in case they get hurt by bigger children with "poor impulse control". That is the extreme end of victim blaming.

[Nishky]

Er Kiri- I think those of us commenting on the positioning of the two year Los are the ones looking at the BIGGER picture, rather than just the actions of a six year old

If my children had done that they would have the bollocking of their lives and would be banned from pool by me for a proportion of the rest of the holidays. What the child did in pushing is so abhorrent I can not imagine my children doing it and I would be horrified and devastated

None of that detracts from fact that two year old should have been sitting next to his mum while she packed the bag

[Nishky]

Two year old. What is Los ffs!

[JenaiMorris]

Exactly, Nish.

[5madthings]

What venables and co did wasn't about impulse control it was a long and sustained attack they took him and walked for miles before killing him.

But for a child to push another is a spur of the moment decision that is impulse control.

Children that commit violent acts often do have issues, poor impulse control may be one of these but there will be much more going on there.

A six year old who pushres a toddler into a pool once, is told off and then never does it again doesn't need a psychiatric assessment nor does it make them more likely to be a dangerous criminal.

We are overreacting in saying its a good idea not to let a toddler stand by the edge of a pool but you are suggesting the child who pushed him needs yo see a psychiatrist.

[5madthings]

And yes we are looking at the bigger picture, this time he was pushed, next time he may fall or just get in the pool himself given two yr olds are not sensible or predictable and the op may not be in a position to jump in so quickly or she may be distracted and not notice straight away. Hence not letting a two year old stand by the side of the pool in the first place.

[Rosa]

Father should have stopped helped you out got 6 year old to apologise or if boy had SN or whatever he should explained. OP not in the wrong she could see her child and she took action.... If my 6 yr old did this she would be in serious trouble.

[Nishky]

I agree with 5mad. A couple of years ago dh was in the pool with dd on holiday. A mum arrived with two children and was momentarily distracted. The smallest - dh reckons about 3 decided to walk down steps and was under water before her mum got to her. Blink of an eye is all it takes.

[Kiriwawa]

No, you're really not Nishky.
None of us expect to be shoved into the pool by a random stranger

The fact that the potential outcome (that he was a non-swimming toddler who could have drowned) was so serious was irrelevant to the act itself. A kid pushed another random person into the pool with no provocation, no discussion, no eye contact, no nothing.

What if the kid he'd pushed in had been 3? Or had been my DS who is 5 and has got his 10 metre swimming badge? Do you really think he would have done any better than a non swimming toddler? I very much doubt it.

That's what I mean about the bigger picture.

[seeker]

Bloody hell, no wonder people won't let their reception children go to their friends for tea if they think NT 6 year olds can't be expected not to push random babies into swimming pools! Personally I have higher expectations of my children than that.

[Nishky]

I wouldn't have allowed my children at 5 to be standing alone by a pool. I might now they are old enough to be diving in as they do in lessons. None of us expect to trip either.

I really think you are failing to see that bigger picture.

[5madthings]

I wouldn't expect my child to push a toddler into a pool either, I would (as already said) be mortified and furious and they would get a bollocking and we would apologize.

But I am aware enough to realise that my well behaved children may for some reason do something unexpected and totally out of character and that this doesn't make them a future criminal, its just that children can be unpredictable and impulsive and when they are they need to be told off and taught/reminded of how to behave and that actions have consequences.

[seeker]

It's not a bigger picture-it's a different thread!

[JenaiMorris]

I wouldn't have expected my child at that or any age to push another child, let alone a smaller one, into a pool.

But I'd still have a fireguard (or rather turn the cheesy 'real flame' gas fire off) if he'd had a friend over to play. Kids shove, push and fall over far more than adults or adolescents (such as mine is now - no danger of falling from in front of the xbox into any physical hazard!).

[HecateWhoopass]

Gosh, what a terrible shock for you and your son.

Have him checked over, as others have said but try to downplay it to him. He'll likely be more frightened if he feels you are. And you don't want him to have a fear of water.

Re the other child - he did a really silly thing. But children of that age don't think like adults. I bet it simply won't have crossed his mind. He will have thought what a funny joke to play. It may even have been an attempt to engage your child in play.

His dad should certainly have stayed, made sure your child was ok, and apologised. His reaction was possibly shock and embarrassment. That doesn't make it ok but hopefully he will have taken a lot of time to sit down with his child and explain exactly why what he did was so dangerous.

And you now know that anything can happen! And will keep your son on the other side of you (ie you between him and the water) when you are by the pool again.

Sorry that you both got such a fright. x

[ubik]

I can't believe some of the people on here blaming the op.

I would have made my six year old see the consequences of her actions if she had pushed a tot into the water fully clothed. I hope the little boy got a telling off.

I would have stuck around to see what help I could have given.
Op- how awful.

Mumsnet is nuts sometimes.

[Kiriwawa]

Nishky - how on earth do children learn to swim if you don't let them stand alone by the side of a pool?

If my 5 year old shoved a fully dressed younger kid he didn't know into the pool without any prior communication, I'd take him to see a psychiatrist. Seriously. This is not 'normal high jinks.

nb. My DS has SN

[qazxc]

if the op wasn't supervising her child she wouldn't have been able to fish him right back out, which she did. he was only a couple of feet away from her and she had her eye on him, right up to the point the other kid shoved him in the pool.
Surely a six year old (or even younger) knows not to push or hit another child. Let alone an unprovoked attack on a much smaller child (who clearly wasn't swimming as fully dressed).
Granted it does sound like the dad was giving him a right telling off, but he should have made sure op and her ds were ok and apologise, and make his kid apologise.

[sweetestB]

Clearly, having her eyes on him wasn't good enough was it?

[sweetestB]

This thread seems to surreal tbh

1. mother letting fully clothed 2Y toddler standing alone by the pool while she is busy
   
2. older kid pushing fully clothed toddler in the pool for no reason
   
3. Father's rushing away and not apologising
   
4. Hotel staff not offering medical help

[sweetestB]

AIBU to leave my 2 year old quite near the edge of the swimming pool waiting for me to pack my stuff?
He's fully clothed and have no armbands on as we already have been swimming and now I'm tyding up. The pool is out of his depth but I will have my eyes on him for the whole time and he is a very sensible boy.


YANBU. In the worst case scenario e.g. another child push him in, or bump into him by accident, or he slips in, or even if he decides to do a last jump (you know children are unpredictable sometimes) , you can always dive in and fish him out, so not a big deal.