wwyd - ds pushed (fully clothed) in pool by other kid

[duplotractor]

we are on holiday and I'd been for a swim in the hotel pool with my ds1. After we'd finished I was tidying uo and my ds was waiting for me - quite near the edge of the pool but he is sensible and I had my eyes on him the whole time.

Suddenly a boy - aged about 6/7- raced up and pushed ds in. I rushed in fully clothed to pull him out. I wasn't out of my depth but 2yo ds most defintely was. It was horrifying seeing my child submerged in the water.

My son was not surprisingly hysterical when I pulled him out and coughing etc.

The dad of the boy picked up his son and started hurrying away sort of poking his boy in the cheek as he went. I shouted after them "you could have killed my son". But they were hurrying fast and I wasn't really trying to catch them anyway.

Lots of people from around the pool were watching and staff came hurrying forward (obviously not wanting a scene). Suggested going to the indoor changing rooms to dry off and carried our bags for us. We were both soaking wet.

I just feel really traumatised and shaken by it now. Should I have remonstrated more with the boy/his dad or conplained to the pool attendants?? They obviously knoow what happened but should I have made more of a fuss.

[larrygrylls]

Nishky,

What is, excluding the most bizarre and extreme scenarios? They could fall from their own height and knock themselves on the side on the way in? Yes, but unlikely toddlers do much damage falling from their own height. And, even if they do, it is no worse than a toddler falling and hitting their head anywhere else. They still get pulled out within 10-20 seconds and are fine.

Of course, you can think up bizarre fatal scenarios. However, unless you are going to walk 1 foot behind your toddler 24/7, there will always be ways they may come to serious harm. And, against that, being too cautious really does have a cost. As I said, as they get older, they take more stupid and truly dangerous risks. And, even more to the point, they lose their excitement and inquisitiveness about life. I see so many 3-5 year olds frightened of playground equipment, swimming pools, even a walk somewhere they don't know well. That comes from somewhere.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

I would expect an apology.

[5madthings]

I don't think most of us are saying its just one of those things but we do acknowledge that children are unpredictable, can be impulsive and that even the best behaved child can act out of character and do something silly and no they won't automatically think of the consequences.

Mine would have got told off, really told off and we would apologise.

But no i wouldn't let a two or three year old stand by or wander about by near a pool. Even with five I keep the little ones right by meat a pool, if I can't hold their hands they sit down next to me. And when we get in and out I teach them to do it safely.
I don't molly coddle my children at all, far from it in fact but I do teach them ways to be safe. Particularly around water.

[courtsareadisgrace]

And I would have had the two year old over by me when I was packing up and not next to the water on his own. Plus, if you're packing up, you're bending down and lifting things and concentrating on getting stuff in the bag and not watching the toddler 100% of the time, you can't be.

[Nishky]

I suggest you look at statistics on drowning larry before you use dramatic words like bizarre.

My children are afraid of none of the things you describe. They ride horses, play football in goal, climb trees and a whole host of other things that are an injury risk- my daughters love of speed has let to two nasty bike falls one of which required stitches- she still rides her bike and is immensely proud of the scars on her knees.

So I don't think my children are wrapped in cotton wool. I wholeheartedly agree with you about children needing to be exposed to risks and learning to cope

However, I would not have let then stand near water at 2. They are not scared of water now.

I have made many errors of judgment that have given me the shivers and the what ifs. I think that is what the op did- she is not prepared to accept that however

[Catchingmockingbirds]

I think you handled the situation well, even if you were standing right next to your DS I don't think you'd be able to stop him being pushed in if the other boy was quick enough. By the sounds of it it all happened really quickly so you wouldn't have been able to prevent it.

[DreamsTurnToGoldDust]

I wouldn't have let mine to be left by a pool, but, I think that a boy of six/seven pushing a fully clothed toddler into a pool is awful, had that been my child I would have been mortified and would have definitely apologised and made my son apologise.

[notso]

larrygrylls I am by no means an over protective mother, but not allowing a two year old who is not wearing a buoyancy aid to stand at the edge of a pool is sensible. I am all for children taking risks but they need to be age/ability appropriate.

OP this must have been horrible and shocking for you and your DS and I hope that you are both ok. I don't think there is much the other parent could have done to make either of you feel better, though I think I would have stayed around to apologise and see that your son was alright, and to show my own son the consequences of his actions.

[courtsareadisgrace]

When my son was not quite 4 he was wearing aged 6 clothes. He's still tall now. How does the OP know the child who did the pushing was 6 or 7? It is very irritating when others expect more of your child because they are taller than average. This could quite easily have been a tall 4 year old. There is a very big difference in understanding between a 4 year old and a 7 year old.

[KatieScarlett2833]

The DC did not slip, jump or fall into the water. He was deliberately pushed. Other child's father should have apologised and done whatever he could to help OP afterwards. Not run away like the big feartie wuss he was.

[courtsareadisgrace]

But. The OP was packing away. If you're packing away you can't be watching your child all the time like a hawk the way you need to near water.

Yes, the other child shouldn't have pushed him into the water, but the father was, as I read the OP, quite obviously ticking him off. Unless the OP likes swimming in artic waters, she's not in the UK on holiday, so how do we know that the other family were English speakers?

[courtsareadisgrace]

how does she know the other family

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I don't understand the hysteria here either. When my non swimming 2 year old is wading around in the baby pool, shock horror, I don't hold her hand, she goes several metres away by herself. I can't believe that is that unusual, the OP was supervising her child far more closely.

You know your child. The OP knew her child wasn't going to randomly jump in the pool or mess around and slip. The OP can't be expected to make preparations for every possible event that might happen.

[courtsareadisgrace]

So the OP can't be expect to make preparations for every possible event that might happen, but the parents of the other child are expected to make preparations for every possible event that might happen?

Excited kids on holiday are unpredicatble and accidents happen.

[Nishky]

Itsall with your use if the phrase 'shock horror' the only hysteria is coming from you! We are not talking about being in a pool

[Nishky]

Of the phrase clearly, not if......

[seeker]

""I never make mine say sorry, and I really don't think I'd have hung around in this situation for long either. I'm not the sort of person to stand and take a roasting for something out of my control"

So the pusher's actions are out of his parent's control but the pushee's parent is supposed to have been completely in control of the incident? Eh?

[DoctorAnge]

Only on MN could people blame the OP in this scenario! My goodness.

[courtsareadisgrace]

Small children + swimming pools = massive potential for accidents.

I wouldn't have let a non-swimming child be within a foot of a swimming pool without armbands or something on some sort of flotation device. What's wrong with "it's time to go now come and stand by me while we pack the bags"?

[courtsareadisgrace]

If I took my child out in the car with no car seat at the age of 2. And another car crashed into us and my child was injured. It would be the other driver's fault (and they'd be an adult, not a child but whatever) but I would still be partly responsible for not adequately ensuring the safety of my child

(And yes I know a car seat is a legal requirement but it's the best example I can think of)

[JenaiMorris]

Toddlers aren't steady on their feet. They are small and easily jostled. Taking away the fact that the OP's child was pushed, there was still a risk of being accidentally knocked into the pool or of falling over something and ending up in the pool.

As I said upthread I'm not blaming the OP, but as the child was so close to the edge that she could be deliberately pushed in she was also at risk of ending up in there entirely accidentally.

courts, your car seat comparison isn't far off.

[OddBoots]

There are so many different angles to this one.

Maybe the 2 year old should have been further from the pool, without knowing the facilities we don't know if that was possible.

Maybe the older child acted in a way which couldn't have been predicted when he ran and pushed a fully clothed person, the age of the person he pushed is by the by.

Either way, the adult with the older boy taught him that when you do something very wrong you don't try to deal with the consequences you walk away instead. Yes, children do things they shouldn't but they learn right from wrong by the example they are set. No wonder we have so many adults who think nothing is ever their fault.

[lljkk]

Can't believe anyone is having a Go at OP.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone", eh?

I swear, according to MN no child should ever set foot out the door without full safety gear of every description on their body.

I hope you both recover soon, OP. I don't see how you could have done better.

If it had been my 6yo I might have been too embarrassed to approach you later. Don't try to figure them out.

[qazxc]

duplotractor to reiterate what PPT said it is in no way your fault, your child was not unsupervised as you where next to him packing up and where able to jump in and pull him out when he went in.
Maybe have a word to the hotel, if the people are also guests maybe they could have a word about supervising their children better. But other than that there isn't much else they could have done, they were just as surprised as you were and by the sounds of it did help you as much as they could.
The dad should have come over and check that you and your DC were ok and apologised (and make his DC apologise) but by the sounds of it the kid was getting a good telling off and maybe he just ran off out of instinct not wanting the situation to descend into a screaming match.
I feel for you it must have been an awful shock, but you are ok, your DS is ok, so try and forget about it and enjoy your holiday.

[JenaiMorris]

llj, at least two of us who've suggested that the child was too close to the pool have also admitted to having had situations where our judgement was wrong.

Having had those experiences doesn't mean we shouldn't comment here; quite the opposite in fact.