wwyd - ds pushed (fully clothed) in pool by other kid

[duplotractor]

we are on holiday and I'd been for a swim in the hotel pool with my ds1. After we'd finished I was tidying uo and my ds was waiting for me - quite near the edge of the pool but he is sensible and I had my eyes on him the whole time.

Suddenly a boy - aged about 6/7- raced up and pushed ds in. I rushed in fully clothed to pull him out. I wasn't out of my depth but 2yo ds most defintely was. It was horrifying seeing my child submerged in the water.

My son was not surprisingly hysterical when I pulled him out and coughing etc.

The dad of the boy picked up his son and started hurrying away sort of poking his boy in the cheek as he went. I shouted after them "you could have killed my son". But they were hurrying fast and I wasn't really trying to catch them anyway.

Lots of people from around the pool were watching and staff came hurrying forward (obviously not wanting a scene). Suggested going to the indoor changing rooms to dry off and carried our bags for us. We were both soaking wet.

I just feel really traumatised and shaken by it now. Should I have remonstrated more with the boy/his dad or conplained to the pool attendants?? They obviously knoow what happened but should I have made more of a fuss.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

What seeker said

[JenaiMorris]

It might have been a kids pool, but the OP says her ds was out of his depth. He was not safe there, even if a random big kid hadn't decided to shove him in.

[courtsareadisgrace]

Well, if he wasn't safe there then she should have had arm bands on him.

[PureQuintessence]

Of course the child should not have pushed the toddler.

But, if the toddler was not standing at the edge of the pool, it would not be possible to neither push him, nor for him to fall in by accident.

Whether the toddler would have fallen into the pool without the boy pushing him is neither here nor there, as long as the boy was standing somewhere unsafe, where he could easily trip and fall in himself, without anyone pushing.

I still dont understand why the op could not let her child wait somewhere safe while she was busy packing the bags.

[seeker]

He was not safe because somebody pushed him in. Deliberately. The op was there in second and got him out so she can't have been more than a foot or two away. But it is irrelevant where she was. The blame lies with the child who pushed him in.

[PureQuintessence]

I am afraid I disagree. If the boy was sat on a chair/sun-lounger, nobody would have been able to push him in, and it would not been possible for him to fall in himself either.

As a parent you should not place a child at the edge of the pool as he is at risk of falling in.

[seeker]

Whether or not the OP should have been closer to he child is another thread. This one is about the toddler being pushed in by an older child, and people thinking that it's a perfectly normal and understandable thing for a 6 year old to do.

[DeepRedBetty]

I don't think the judgey-panted ones are listening seeker.

[courtsareadisgrace]

Oh FGS, I already said, the blame lies with the child who did the pushing in. Yes, of course. But it was a child they do silly theings sometimes. The OP had her child without armbands right by the side of a pool where he could have tripped and fallen in all by himself. Which wasn't safe and showed a poor judgement call. Like with my car seat analogy.

[BiscuitMillionaire]

'But it was a child they do silly theings sometimes'
'Silly'?! Pushing a fully clothed unknown toddler into a pool? That is more than just 'silly'. I would be absolutely shocked and appalled if my DS had done something like this. And he would have had serious consequences.

And it's utterly ridiculous to blame the OP.

[courtsareadisgrace]

Kids do stuff without thinking through the consequences is what I meant.

Yes I would have made my child apologise and told them never ever to do such a thing again BUT if the op's small toddler hadn't been within a foot of water in which he was out of his depth it woudln't have happened.

[BiscuitMillionaire]

A friend of my DS was pushed into a pool by classmates when he was 5, and had a fear of water for about a year afterwards as a result.

[courtsareadisgrace]

My DD when she was 5 cut her hair. She got the scissors and hacked about 3 inches off her fringe. Now, she didn't think through the consequences, she did something silly/stupid - and yes she got a bollocking.

But part of the blame was mine because I had scissors in a drawer where she could get them.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

This summer, my 4 year old was on a high climbing frame/castle - I know he is capable of good climbing so I was happy with the situation. I was on a bench watching him. A bigger kid 6/7 year old deliberately shoved him off a ledge - smack about 4 metre drop to the ground below.

Was that a poor judgement call on my behalf?

When the parents of the other kid found out - they weren't there - they came to see us when we got back from the hospital and even though they didn't speak English, they apologised and they made the boy apologise to us all. It did make me feel much better about it.

I hope you are feeling ok, op, it's a real shock when something like this happens.

[MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe]

What Seeker said.

If my 6 or 4 year old did this I would be mortified and apologise profusely and give them a bollocking.

[PureQuintessence]

In general.

Where is a 2 year old safer:

A. Standing by the edge of a pool where he can fall into the water, be startled by a flying beach ball, or anything really?

B. Or a meter from the pool, with mum between him and water?

[lljkk]

Can we all agree that a 6yo pushing a stranger small child at random for no apparent reason into the pool was an utterly freak event? It's far outside my life experience.

Whether we all need to be highly prepared for utterly freak events is the only moot point.

[PureQuintessence]

True.

But, can we also agree that to take precautions around pools, and keep babies and toddlers away from the pools edge is a sensible thing to do?

[sweetestB]

the child who pushed isn't totally blameless and his father's attitude wasn't right
BUT
the OP simply didn't keep her son safe enough in this situation. Simple.
If this same 6 year old boy were running around and bumped on OP's son by mistake? and even if the child and father apologised, OP's son would still have fallen in, being at risk and scared.

[sweetestB]

Lesson learned OP?
teach your child how to keep himself safe and don't rely on other children or adults being sensible enough.
you say your 2 year old is sensible but YOU were very sensible this time

[seeker]

If your child was the pusher would you say "oh it was just a silly thing- children do silly things sometimes"?

[larrygrylls]

Well, the poor OP has scarpered and who can blame her?

The OP has acted perfectly sensibly and, even given the fact that a mini yob shoved her son into the pool, he is perfectly safe, which is proof enough that she was looking after him in a responsible way.

Six year olds do not act randomly in that manner, at least unless they have specific problems or are extraordinarily badly brought up. What the six (or four or five) year old did was very wrong. If the older child were mine, I would firstly give them the bollocking of all time and then seek professional help to try to understand what happened. It is not even close to normal behaviour.

The OP has no lesson to learn other than how unpleasant some people can be behind the cloak of anonymity.

[5madthings]

No I would tell my child off, they would get a bollocking in fact and we would apologize. Saying children do silly things is not saying they won't be punished for them.

[JenaiMorris]

No I wouldn't, although I maintain that all NT children are capable of doing bizarre, stupid and dangerous things at least once.

The thing is even if he'd not been pushed, this toddler was in danger of falling or being knocked accidentally into the water. It is not wise to let small children so close to a pool.

[poozlepants]

If my 4 year old did this I would apologise profusely, he would be made to apologise whether or not we spoke the same language as the child. Then we would tell DS in no uncertain terms how dangerous it was and then he would given some sort of punishment. Otherwise how is the child ever going to learn that what he did was dangerous. Any other reaction from the parent is just wrong IMO.
Whether it was a spur of the moment thing or not he needs to learn there are consequences to his actions.
I am interested to know what all the posters who are blaming the OP would do. Tell their DS it was the woman's stupid fault for not having armbands on a fully clothed toddler or standing him too close to the pool. Yeah that'll teach her.