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Original poster

18-rated horror movie at 11 year olds' sleepover?!

46 replies

ange8 · 24/04/2006 01:48

We've had a really upsetting night, and I'd be grateful for any advice on how to deal with this...
My dd (10 years old) went to her friend's house for a birthday sleepover last night, with a few other girls. I picked her up this morning to find that she had absolutely no sleep (as I expected, and apparently as expected by the birthday girl and parents!) and that they had spent the night watching movies including Texas Chainsaw Massacre (recent version) and Saw. My dd said that although she thought the films were scary and horrible, she felt embarassed to say she was scared, and didn't feel she could leave the room. She thought she would be OK.
She was obviously over-tired when she went to bed this evening, and I expected the usual emotional turmoil that seems to follow sleepovers, but she came downstairs after being in bed for an hour or so, and she is terrified. She has been shaking and sobbing for ages - worried that some maniac is coming to get her, will come through the ceiling/through the window/up the stairs, killing me and her dad if we try to save her ... there has been no consoling her. Finally I got in to bed with her and held her while she cried herself to sleep.
I feel disappointed that the birthday girl's parents did not supervise the sleepover more closely to check what the girls were watching, but I'm more surprised with the parents of one of the other guests who knowingly let their daughter take the movies to the party. Obviously, now I know that this is a risk, I am going to be checking the arrangements very carefully before allowing my dd to go to another sleepover (if she ever wants to). But - does anyone have any tips for helping my dd to get over her experience? I have tried explaining that the movies are just make believe, and that she doesn't have to be afraid that some maniac is out to get her. Also, that we have locked all the doors and windows, and we are safe. But she has seen the recent news about Dunblane (they said a prayer at school)and says she knows that 'maniacs' do exist, and can kill children even when the children and their parents believe they are safe. :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hannahsaunt · 24/04/2006 07:45

on your behalf. I would be furious in your position and would definitely let the mother know what was going on. The ratings are there for a reason and shouldn't be abused in the home. Hope your dd feels better soon; I really hate horror movies (in fact hate the concept and thus have never actually seen one - too vivid an imagination). As for the future, why not let your dd have a sleepover in your house where it can be controlled?

moono · 24/04/2006 08:05

I watched SAW recently and it is a very gruesome fil. I would be spitting feathers at the parents who allowed this film to be viewed by ten year olds.Are you sure they were aware of what film it was? If it were me, I would not allow my dd to go there again.

As for helping your dd over the experience, how about having your own dvd night with her? Choose a nice feelgood family film, get some popcorn in and snuggle up together on the sofa. Tell her that events such as Dunblane can happen but they are so rare and schools are very safe now with the security locks on doors and gates etc. And when she is at home she is safe with mummy and daddy. Can't think how else you could help except to ressure her when she gets spooked by things. Really sorry that she has had such a bad experience.

The other thing I would say to her, same as I tell my own dd, is that if she is ever at anyone elses house and there is ever anything that she is not comfortable with, then she should know she can phone and ask to come home.

Twiglett · 24/04/2006 08:08

I'd be totally furious at this .. and yes I would call up the host and tell them the after-effects of allowing them to watch completely unsuitable films .. I don't for a second think they didn't know about it

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ghosty · 24/04/2006 08:12

Agree with Twiglett ...
I would be absolutely FUMING about this and wouldn't hesitate to call up the parents to let them know how traumatised my child was and how upset I was ...
Your poor poor DD ...

I was 13 when I went to a sleepover and watched something awful ... 'Carrie'. I was traumatised then and like your DD made myself sit through it acting like I was OK with it - I wasn't and still am a wimp with scary movies ... I can't even watch the spoof 'Scary Movie' films ...

on your behalf ....

Radley · 24/04/2006 08:13

I would be lived I'm afraid and go round with all guns blazing, this is no way acceptable, we even veto U dvd's in this house before kids watch em

juuule · 24/04/2006 08:22

This is one reason that I don't allow sleepovers until secondary school age and even then only as an exception.

Freckle · 24/04/2006 08:24

This is totally unacceptable. The parents, if they were willing for their child to watch these films, should at the very least have contacted you to find out your views. This is a complete abuse of trust and I would make sure they were made aware of that fact.

Even I won't watch films like that and I certainly wouldn't allow any of mine to watch them.

hulababy · 24/04/2006 08:27

I'd be furious too and would have to speak to the parents of the birthday girl. These films have ratings on for a reason and they shouldn't be allowing them to be shown to a bunch of 15/16 year olds without parental consent, let along a group of 10/11 year olds!

suzywong · 24/04/2006 08:32

how utterly apalling, poor your dd

You know what you could do and this sounds silly but on those dvds there will be a "the making of" feature, could you have a look at it yourself and if there is some clip of a behind the scenes element that shows the movie is fantasy maybe that would go some way to neutralising your dd's experience.

FinnyandZooey · 24/04/2006 09:08

I would be beyond anger at this, I would be.............

incandescent with rage

I actually think this counts as abuse. It's not right. It's SOOOOOOO not right. Social services would be more than prepared to get involved with this. The boys in the James Bulger case had been exposed to horror films at an inappropriate age, do you remember?

I am so sorry this has happened ange and I am not trying to escalate what has happened. I know you are mostly concerned about how to help your dd get over this. Just wanted to express how completely shocking this is and how right you are to feel upset :(

donnie · 24/04/2006 09:14

how horrible for your dd, it is completely irresponsible as well as stupid to allow young children to watch nasty films like this. We all know how vivid their imaginations are at this age.I agree with other posters, you should definitely speak to the parents and you are NOT overreacting at all!
good idea of moono to have your own family dvd night in to redress the balance.

Stargazer · 24/04/2006 09:19

Ange8

I'd be absolutely furious, and am so on your behalf. I'd certainly speak to the girl's parents (they might not know what the children were watching) but I'd make it absolutely clear that my daughter isn't allowed to watch such films as she's far too young. I do hope your DD is feeling better now.

Regards Stargazer

Original poster

ange8 · 24/04/2006 09:24

Thank you for your replies - I was livid and upset last night, and have barely calmed down. Thought that I might be over-reacting, and that it was my fault I allowed my dd to be put in a position where I hadn't checked carefully what would happen - but she has been to birthday sleepovers before, and I just never expected anything like this. They usually watch some teenage comedy, like Freak Friday etc.

I've decided that I will speak to the birthday girl's dad at the school gates later.

Moono - thanks for your comments on how security and awareness has changed over recent years, so that schools are safer. I will share that with dd. I also found, after I did an internet search on these films, that although Texas Chainsaw Massacre claims to be based on real events, it is one of several horror films to be inspired by the life of Ed Gein, US serial killer in the 1950s. Perhaps it would drive it home to my dd just how rare these kinds of killers are that several films have had to 'share' their inspiration based on one individual more than 50 years ago.

I like the idea of a family sleepover night - dd has wanted to play some of her board games with us for a while, and I think it would be nice to have a movie and board games evening (in a week or so, after she has caught up on some sleep!)

Thanks all, I'll try to simmer down now!

OP posts:

satine · 24/04/2006 09:32

I think I'd go round to the parents' house, rather than just speaking to the dad at the school gates, just to emphasise how furious you are. That the girls were allowed to watch more than one awful film just shows how little supervision they had. It may be that the birthday girl is allowed to watch stuff like this - in which case at least you know not to let your dd go to her house any more. I really feel for your dd, those films are just dreadful.

willow2 · 24/04/2006 09:34

I would be f'ing livid. The words whack and brick spring to mind.

NotActuallyAMum · 24/04/2006 09:43

My DP will never believe me tonight when I tell him I was speechless, but I am. Truly, totally, absolutely speechless. Don't know what else to say except I hope your poor dd is OK very soon

Give her an extra hug tonight from all of us on herre

NotActuallyAMum · 24/04/2006 09:43

here

Flamesparrow · 24/04/2006 09:48

Saw upset me!!! Its all very well letting your own children watch what you want, but not other peoples!!!

I hope your DD is ok soon... I remember the nightmares as a child after I saw Thriller (I was a delicate child )

mum2sam · 24/04/2006 09:51

I watched Texas Chainsaw and had to walk out of the cinema as i was sooo scared and im 24

fairyjay · 24/04/2006 10:16

After a particularly traumatic experience, I slept in dd's bed with her for a week or so - she is 12. She asked to sleep on her own after about a week, when she had settled down.

Maybe it would help your dd to know that you were there to 'protect' her.

Don't know the films - I don't watch such horrors myself, because I know I would dwell on them.

lanismum · 24/04/2006 10:43

saw is a nasty film! only things i can think of is things already suggested, im sure she understands the actual films are made up, but that does not help in the middle of the night! would leaving a hallway light on outside her room help? or a nightlight? i used to have awful nightmares as a kid, and always slept with a light on.

lanismum · 24/04/2006 10:43

still do sleep with a hallway light on

Enid · 24/04/2006 10:47

your poor dd!

I would be bellowing with rage and would have no compunction in contacting the parents and losing it utterly.

IamBlossom · 24/04/2006 10:48

omigod Saw of all films! i couldn't get it out of my head after seeing it and i am 31! Your poor DD, I think that is TOTALLY out of order, and bordering on neglect from the hosting parents.

Enid · 24/04/2006 10:49

in fact dh would have already rung them

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