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Original poster

Dealing with a competitive mum their baby was the best - help

29 replies

zcos · 24/01/2013 22:43

The mum in question makes it sound like she had the perfect baby / was the perfect mum.
According to her annecdotes that she repeats over and over and I have heard for years. Her baby slept through from 6 weeks ... Shortly after would sleep 12 hours if she wanted a lie in baby would go down at 9pm and would sleep til 9. Baby started on solids at 4 months... Crawled at 9 months and was talking and walking at a year. Not sure if all this is true but want advice on how to deal with it my baby is 7 weeks so think it may get worse as she gets older if she isn't on solids at 4 months etc ... I won't be pushing my baby just to compete.
Worse thing her baby is now 30 years old...and it's me!
So yes how do I deal with my mum who wants to advise but seemingly had the perfect baby (it must have been true I'm perfect now!) ... Help!

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dizzy77 · 24/01/2013 22:45

I deal with competitiveness through reminding myself it often covers insecurities. Not sure how that applies to your DM though: a helpful approach is often smile and nod.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 00:07

Totally agree, smile and nod then do your own thing. Babies should wake in the night anyway, they're programmed to do it Smile

sleepyhead · 25/01/2013 00:19

I think lots of mums do this. It's because

a) they've been boasting about their babies for 30 years and even though you're their dc they can't stop themselves

b) they've not dealt with a newborn for 30 years and time has put a warm fuzzy glow over the whole experience and seriously deluded them.

It actually gets a lot better after the newborn stage (until you get to potty training which you will no doubt have accomplished as an infant at about 6 months). Just smile and nod in the certain knowledge that she loves you and your dc and is trying to be helpful, and that it's fine to ignore everything she says.

I get my grandmother doing it as well, so anecdotes from 70 years ago, and from 40 years ago. Bliss Grin

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Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 00:29

Sleepyhead re potty training I pooed every morn like clockwork so was put on potty at very early age every morning... Probably 6 months! Ridiculous isn't it ? find it v hard not to discuss these things when she is bragging and explains how good I was because of the relationship we have probably to open...my family doesn't do smile and nodd when I'm with her I revert back to this too.
Have only realised how crazy these anecdotes are having baby myself and reading what happens when.

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ceeveebee · 25/01/2013 00:29

Giving baby solids at 4 months nowadays is nothing to be proud of. Tell her you prefer to follow NHS and WHO guidelines and wait until 6 months. If you want to be contrary then do baby led weaning just to annoy her Grin

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 00:31

Don't forget too that the advice she was given 30 years ago was probably to wean at 4 months, so might just think she is passing on good advice she was given at the time. Luckily there has been lots of research done in the intervening years Smile

Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 00:32

Ceeveebee she was doing baby led weaning... I was reaching for their food etc... (Or so the story goes).

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monsterchild · 25/01/2013 00:32

just tell her that you'd kike your child to not need all that therapy when she's older... Grin

monsterchild · 25/01/2013 00:34

like, no slur intended! stupid finger Blush

CaseyShraeger · 25/01/2013 00:36

An interested-but-noncommital "Mmmm?" is your friend. Backed up if necessary by a mild "Well, I'm finding this works well for us at the moment."

Repeat a variant on these two phrases until your child grows up.

Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 00:45

Grin Monster ... Almost laughed out loud glad I didn't DH would be very confused if it woke him!
No therapy I'm perfect remember!!
Strange how she never talks like this about my teenage years Smile
... I was quite late when my periods started for example be weird wouldn't it if mums bragged about that sort of stuff .. His voice broke before all the others in his class etc Grin
I'm going to try my hard to do the nodding thing cos it's me Until i had my own D it was good to hear she was just telling me how brilliant I was now its the same stories over and over.

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Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 00:47

Oh ps she doesn't say how she did the me managing to sleep walking or talking early think it was mainly all,me not forced. I should have been in the guineas book of records

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Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 00:49

Guinness not guineas that sounds like a book about guinea pig feats ... Really must try to get some sleep sure that wash as funny as I thought it was!
BiscuitIs this emoticon sushi?

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monsterchild · 25/01/2013 00:56

guineas was pretty good! But I'm not sure having a daughter who was much better than guinea pigs is really something your mom should be bragging about!

monsterchild · 25/01/2013 00:58

If it's any consolation, my Mom has the same memory of me. That I was simply a quite, watchful child, no problem. I was 5 of 6. What she DOESN'T tell people is that I was also forgotten a lot. As in, left at a garage sale, not picked up numerous times until an older brother remembered I was supposed to be home. I called home once after not being picked up and Mom asked me where I was!!!

Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 07:27

yeah I'm sure she is seeing things through rose tinted specs and I don't want to destroy those memories for her. not so bad if she just thinks my dd isn't as easy as by all accounts my sister wasn't ... she is also probably sick of these stories!

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Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 07:28

just hope she doesn't start telling me how to change dd to make her more like I was!

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CaseyShraeger · 25/01/2013 08:15

Walking at a year isn't particularly early/odd (although also normal not to be walking at that age). Also crawling at 9 months not particularly early. So you stand a good chance of meeting at least some of her expectations... Grin

rattling · 25/01/2013 10:39

None of my mum's 3 children ever tantrummed. And we all just ate what was presented to us [bhmm] She has my 3 year old twins today - there will be much tantrumming, some as a result of the "wrong" food being offered [bgrin]

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 10:55

Sound like your DM is in for a bit of a reality check rattling [bgrin]

Original poster
zcos · 25/01/2013 11:49

maybe I'm wrong bout walking what she said it was def v early I was apparently walking miles as soon as I started! Shock
I do hope she keeps my mum up all night when she baby sits at end of month but my mum did say she will have to see if she can remember how to do things!

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 12:36

my mum did say she will have to see if she can remember how to do things because obviously you are doing everything wrong, but then how could you be because you are so perfect Grin

Agree walking and talking at 9 months isn't particularly unusual our DS was walking around furniture from 9 months and started walking independently from 2 weeks after his first birthday. Just thought that was within the normal range and as mentioned above, she has every chance of meeting that target Smile.

fedupwithdeployment · 25/01/2013 12:40

I sort of get teh opposite...Fed up - how come your children are so delightful when you were so guastly? Hey ho - it must be my superior parenting skills. I often wonder what gems my mother would come out with (we didn't get on very well), but sadly she's not around, so not a problem with which I have to deal!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 12:50

Walking and talking isn't unusual at 12 months not 9 Blush

ceeveebee · 25/01/2013 14:52

I was walking at 8 months, my sister at 7 months. Mum had 4 under 5 (i'm second oldest) and no double pram so probably didn't have much choice, had to move out of the way for the next baby!