Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies

[10000Fireflies]

For gorgeous, frolicking and fabulous 40-somethings to share the joys of becoming a Mummy, just a little bit later than most!! . Park your zimmer-frame next to your baby buggy, put your feet up, and come and join us in the snug.

Chair that's great that you are feeling better. Take it slowly though - you are still in the very very early stages... and topping yourself up to just over zero can feel wonderful, but you need reserves as well!

Article was a conference report. I should know better though, you're right, when I think of how much research in my own area I point and laugh at . Also got a metaphorical slap upside the head from our lovely childminder, who pointed out that my 20lb/28", babbling, climbing, happy baby hardly fitted the doom-laden picture I was painting... So I am back on planet Earth now!

Oh, and yyy to the daziness. I was on such a cocktail too, before during and after the birth. (Apparently I had a truly bizarre conversation with the poor midwife in recovery, of which my DH likes to remind me.)

Chairman, I m so sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time but I m glad also you managed to forget about it a little bit last evening. Sleep deprivation and overtiredness are killers. And non latching on top. Too much on your plate. But definitively, check with GP, happy you will get some help from your Mum as well, an extra pair of hands is aways good especially the first months and full time nursery for the first born is the best option. Don't feel guilty, at least DC1 is well looked after, entertained while you take care of you and DC2. I had DC1 with me the first 2 months and I could not do anything with him as A would not allow me to put her down, that was horrible, I feared so much that DS would become resentful... But then PIL took him for 2 weeks on hols, I felt even guiltier, as if I was getting rid of him, but you know, he had a great time and that was the best thing I did for him. Then school in France and nursery when we came back to London, he is absolutely fine, happy and loves his baby sister so much. And I m much more relaxed too. Soon, this exhaustion will be behind.
Midget, enjoy the hols, I'll PM you my email. Want to see gorgeous master midge in his outfit !
Goat, baby G is the most advanced baby, lively and healthy. Don't worry too much. Forget Google and come in the snug for cake and drinks with us :)
Somewhere, DH has no idea what it means to look after 2 DC at the same time ! If I go out, I make sure meals are ready for him and kids. And BFing while reading bedtime stories, men can't imagine what it involves... What can I do, explain bit by bit ? hum, not sure. So, I m afraid he was not that impressed. Maybe, it is my fault as I could delegate more but my nature is quite rigid :) !!! I like the freelance thing, I must admit, I have worked a bit over and beyond my scope but client is happy and will pay the extra time as he realised I was handled a bit of a mess !
Wave to Seaside, Knicky, MrsW, LRM, Eagle, VQ...
Maybe Lotsofcheese will join to tell us about her baby born on 18th Apr. wonder how Cyclecamper is doing today.

chairman, I've spent 24 hours waiting to.post some hugs, a hand to hind and dubious wisdom (pick n mix it) and now see you've given yourself mist if the advice!

So pleased you felt able to say about difficult feelings. I guess through the banter and cake fantasies that's kind if what we are all here for. Plus as we outed on the mums to be thread, loads of us have experience of depression and or anxiety so a very receptive opibionated bunch

I was going to suggest trying to get out every day, even if you are driven or get a bus, whatever you are up to physically. Sunlight, warmth and the company if people will nor cure you, but will help for sure.
also help - as you are getting from your mum, and the nursery. Please do not feel guilty about that. DS had your undivided attention when tiny, why not DD, might be one way if looking at it. Most if all though DS wAnts a happy mummy. Please please - for all our sakes - remember depression.is chemical, physical. If you broke a leg or something you would not feel guilty getting help, I'd wager. or maybe you are a much mire conscientious person than me!
beyond your mum's stay, can you email, text or ring different people and fix up to see a friend or have done help or company or activity every day for a few weeks? I shamelessly got a Rota if people for days I have DD with me for six weeks after birth by simply telling people I would not be physically strong enough to do it alone and asking them to sign up for slots. I would be delighted if people asked me to help in such a way, as I'm confident you would want to help friends or family.
Longer term could you afford to keep DS in childcare at least sine time? I feel guilty about DD going to cm (I'm better at giving than taking advice on this!) but on days when she hits T's head etc it keeps me sane knowing there is space ahead.

on a wider note, I found breaking down my swirling worries and triggers for low mood or anxiety and then making practical plans to address then in small parts really helped. So try and mentally or physically list all the things piling on tip of you and take then one by one - say exhaustion (see doctor about supplements, ask mum or dh to cook more iron rich food and drink vit C with it, get same to walk dd in buggy for hour or two between feeds,so you can sleep,,,,), DD crying in day (have you identified triggers? perhaps keep a diary to try and work out why?)... and so on. Or if this does not appeal to you ignore me!
I'm sure we would all want to do what we can to help if there is anything. Please keep.chatting to us if it helps, keep asking for help, and be kind to yourself.

Scarecrow xxxx

Glad you feel a bit better Chairman. The first few weeks are so intense, things get better slowly and then the awfullness fades and that's why we go back for more.

BBD yes yes to DH. He had them on his own and when I asked if midge had has his breakfast whilst I was gone he said no - he was too busy. Good job he doesn't have them often or they would bloody starve.

Right - I should be packing - catch up soon.

So much brilliant advice and support. Thank you .

I guess I kind of know how to try and combat it because I struggled with depression through much of my 20s. I recognise symptoms and try do socialise/eat well/excercise when I feel low and that saw me through my 30s without any major episodes. I am determined to keep on top of it.

I've been thinking a lot about the fatigue since I posted yesterday. I think I've been in denial about it and as soon as my scar was healed enough have been racing around leaving no energy for DD. this morning after dropping DS off I decided to do nothing but lavish attention on DD. What a difference! She's so much more chilled and gave me some smiles! So, hang the housework - she's more important. Also met a friend for lunch and had a haircut (while DD was passed round lots of cooing hairdressers!).

Thanks for your understanding. I think I'm getting a sense of where I'm at and I just need to accept it and live accordingly for now.

Time to pick up my big monster. Have a good Friday evening everyone x

Chairman, a wonderful friend said to me that it's called maternity leave, not housework leave! Actually helped me quite a lot...

Ha, very true Goat.

Meant to say earlier that I'm on iron supplements from the GP. He reckons 3 months to get back to normal levels. The tablets are doing hideous things to my bowels though. Three months of dodgy arse. Great.

I know it's a bit cheesy but I thought this appropriate:

A Mother’s Wish

I hope my child looks back on today
And sees a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking,
But children grow up when you’re not looking.
Tomorrow I’ll do all the chores you can mention
But today, my baby needs time and attention.
So settle down cobwebs; dust go to sleep,
I’m cuddling my baby, and babies don’t keep.

Copy and paste fail

midget, that has brought a,tear to my eye. Thank you for posting it.

just done my first full day 7-7 (well, ahem, 8pm) on my own. Apart from two slightly ot children (and a very OT mummy) we had a lovely day, only one sibling rivalry incident and one interesting conversation:

DD: I don't want the goo goo (her bane for baby) any more.
me: oh, where do you want him ro go?
DD: goo goo go back
me: where?
DD: back mummy's tummy
me: (trying not to laugh) but mummy's tummy is too small now
DD: okay, he go in my cot
....which I guess is a good compromise

Scarecrow - that is indeed both a good compromise and too cute.

Quick hello to all from my sunny terrace - we made it after a fairly good flight (baby E slept for most of it) she's now practising crawling with DP and some rather large ants...

Big hugs to chairman glad you are feeling a bit better - those first few weeks are so rough.

Loving the goo goo scarecrow - made me laugh so much

That poem is lovely midget however I cheerfully ignored dust, chores, and the dodgy pipework dripping in the hallway and was rewarded last week by a cascade of water through the ceiling. Harsh lesson in not letting things slip too much

Have a lovely Sunday (it's Easter here in Greece btw!)

Too jealous for words eagle. Have a great week.

Midget, Eagle, enjoy the sun ! Send to the snug lots of sunshine for Mums and breeze for babies bringing delicious smells of spices and flavors !

We have bought today the first pair of soft slippers for A. She has been standing and cruising a bit for the past 10 days so here we are ! Very lucky when she lands on her bottom when falling, but sometimes the back of the head too hits the floor :( Oh well, not the first time and won't be the last either...

tomorrow T will be four weeks old. I have calculated I will have spent at least 60 hours bf-ing (pretty accurate as have been using a feeding app since day 4).

Eagle, lively to hear from you and enjoy your well earned break.

Chair, hope things still a little easier. Still thinking of you lots. as you know but need to remind yourself, recovery from low periods can be uneven, and sometimes disappointment about relapses is disheartening, and swings can be sharper. We are here for you as long as you need (and long after ) Be patient x

MrsW, really hope you too are over the worst of the thrush and placenta. When you are ready would live to hear how you ate doing.

Waves and sunny cellos to everyone x

sunny cellos or hellos...you choose

what are your experiences of a dream feed if you do one? what time do you do it? DD never really worked with it - though I didn't persevere v hard as was keen to go to bed earlier than .10pm let alone 11. T woke at 11,last night and seemed to work so wondering whether to try again....

Thanks scare and everyone. DD continues to be much more chilled which is helping massively. I'm working hard to not work hard if you know what I mean. It's difficult, and I've overdone it this weekend but DS is full of beans and it's impossible not to run around after him. I suspect I'll suffer tomorrow and am planning to do nothing around the house at all. I suspect it could be a crappy day tomorrow because I hate being inactive but I'm shattered. We have had a lovely day in the sunny cellos though . It helps with the mood to have days like today, and DS was an absolute joy.

Re dream feeds, DD's feeing pattern seems to be 12pm, 3-4am and 6-7am. I'm not going to try dream feeding yet. DS was similar at this stage, and started sleeping from 7pm to 4am at 2 months, he would thrn have a feed abd sleep til 7. We did dream feed him occasionally though - he had reflux and would sometimes have an epic puke after his bedtime bottle. I would give him a feed at 10-ish so he didn't get hungry. It was really easy and he never woke up. I will do it with DD is she doesn't drop the midnight feed.

chair, I'm so pleased you have a good DD . Hopefully thus will help you through this difficult patch. T feeds almost identical at night. my worry is DD was also similar but we got stuck doing the 4-5 am feed for far too long and set in train a pattern of early waking. but perhaps armed with the things I learned from that I will manage that earlier than 15-18 mo this time. Or I will be on here in despair in a year and you can give me your wisdom.

one of my bfs driving up from deep Kent for lunch. a reminder of how blessed I am with my friendship groups. Have bought Caesar salad ingredients and tartes au cotton. Now having a coffee before wake T for A feed. A good day today

sending warm sunny thoughts to all

or tartes au citron, which will be more refreshing

hello mums, I've fallen by the wayside the last month, baby s ill, then DP, now me and baby s again, DP still ill ... nothing dreadful touch wood, just that I'm doing all child and house care (ok, not much house care ) and never have time to read or type any more, and am feeling just shattered. baby s completely delightful though, so shouldnt moan. she's nearly 8mo and laughing, chattering, playing - very funny and cheery-uppy

I've only caught up a few days worth so hope I havent missed anything major .... apart from all these new lovely babies

re dreamfeeding baby s has taken to dream-feeding all night (we cosleep still), great for her, rubbish for me ...

chairman so sorry you are feeling rough. I had pna rather than pnd, still comes and goes, but getting out in sunshine always helps me, as does cutting myself some slack and celebrating small victories: both washed and dressed? gold star! been out to shop? another gold star! sat and cuddled all day and not bothered about bomb-site house? diamond star!!

I've realised that a major benefit of starting weaning is that we all eat better - luckily jumperoo arrived in nick of time to allow me to cook for first time since she was born almost :) I love that jumperoo. no tarte au citrons here yet, but some lovely stews. need to find a few warm-weather alternatives ... I'm so amazed at the unfeasible amount of mess it all makes, how does yoghurt get inside vests? bread in socks?

oh, and I'm loving baby girl summer clothes! so much fun. Can you tell i still dont want to go back to work? I seriously dont know if my brain will work any more if i care so much about gingham and lawn. Oh and thinking about trying for another LO or not is complicating everything. Have we had all our good luck already, or should we try again? getting pg, staying pg and birth all a bit of a nightmare, and as you know I'm getting on a bit ... anyone else thinking about it?

Cotton tart. Yum! Tartes au citron sound gorgeous though. I am, however, trying to be a saint. I failed miserably to shift a load of weight last time, mainly due to me being unable to refuse cake or answer 'no' to the question 'would you like fries with that sandwich?'. Will of steel required. Have had positive comments about the lack of weight gain this time (due to my close relationship with the toilet bowl for 9 months).

Anyway, scarecrow your DD sounds like my DS - he was having a 5am feed until he started nursery at 11 months. DH is dead against dream feeding. I'm dead against a 5am alarm call! I am usually victorious on child care decisions (he recently caved in over having a naughty chair for DS and said 'I'm only doing this because you've been right about everything else so far'. Chairman felt v smug).

seaside I hope you're all fit and well soon. You must be so fed up. Massive YY to jumperoo. It was a revelation when we got one for DS and I could actually eat with 2 hands! DS absolutely loved it too and was very cute bouncing up and down enthusiastically. Can't wait til DD is big enough. Also YY to girls clothes. I was so envious when I was shopping for boring boys clothes. Lots of gorgeous tops and dresses to wear with leggings. I keep secretly buying more stuff because it's all so cute!

Anyway, enjoy the rest of the sun. Long may it last!

Chairman, hope this sunshine has pushed far away your sadness.
Seaside, and for you too, hope the whole household feels better very soon.
Scarecrow, dreamfeeding around 11pm and again around 5.30am if I m very unlucky. We had an interesting night with waking at midnight and playing, sitting in cot and singing until 3am ! First time really that A mixed night and day. Maybe the cruising and walking tentatives make her feel so excited that nightime seems like an eternity !
I have eventually decided to dress her with all the lovely dresses she was given as birth presents. Until last week, babygro was her night and day garnment. Very glad I don't need to shop otherwise just like you Chairman, I would buy way more than needed !
Seaside, don't worry about work. You will feel ready when you indeed are. I planned and wanted to take a whole year of mat leave. But employer has decided otherwise, so signed compromise agreement. And an opportunity arose when A was 8 months so I am back at work but as a freelancer and from home and it will be a month already tomorrow. Tbh I love it, earning a bit and having time for both kids. Just the best of both worlds. I only have 1 client atm but we have increased the workload from 2 to 4 days a month, which means I can spread over the montlh working 2 or 3 hours every evening.

seaside, great to hear from you. sorry about all the illness. the co sleeping sounds divine. am oddly yearning to steal dd from her cot every night and wrap her in my arms.

Chairman, really hope each day nings dome positive thoughts and perhaps a sense of progress. when is your six week check? keep taking care x

Hi am lurking away here.

seaside you are prob going to disappear again but I'm going down the cosleeping route - did you do it from birth? Did you get a side rail?

scarecrow it is divine.

bbd so much fun getting out of babygros now the weather is better! The possibilities with girls clothes are endless!

Waves to all.

Xxxx