Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies

[10000Fireflies]

For gorgeous, frolicking and fabulous 40-somethings to share the joys of becoming a Mummy, just a little bit later than most!! . Park your zimmer-frame next to your baby buggy, put your feet up, and come and join us in the snug.

Somewhere, if you keep on writing lovely things about your daughter, I m going to have a 3rd baby ! You sound so in love with her... We all are but you put it so nicely.
Midget, the sleep regression is a nightmare, A has just started again sleeping better, 3 months, hope master Midge will behave better than her.
MrsW, is your thrush gone now ? So sory I missed the Retained placenta episode, do you get only antibiotics ? No surgery required ? Hope you feel better soon.
Chairman, FF is just as good as BF, enjoy wearing proper bras and freedom ! I wish A would take the bottle from time to time but 2 feeds during the day and 1 at night are not too bad now.

somewhere, I too love reading your posts about DD. Tell me, did you feel so emotionally lyrical about DS?
I think I feel differently this time. I feel so intensely protective of T, and tender towards him, but the question keeps arising in my head "what actually is bonding?" and I don't remember even thinking about it last time. Though I do remember thinking there was something almost weirdly knowing and unknowable about small babies (or mine at least). I feel the love growing every day, it's just a more conscious process. I sometimes wonder if my memory is faulty, if it's a function if a second, gender related, or just that I'm a different person at a different stage.

T having his 2 week growth spurt bang on target.

how many Jaffa cakes make up one of my five a day?

When dies the ban honeymoon end? Still a bit nervous about when T will wake up and get more demanding

There are poets on this thread.
I am not good with words, I write BG lullabies instead...

poetry, and typo-ridden rubbish!

his 3 week spurt

when "does the baby honeymoon end....?"

Scarecrow, I'm still in it.

though last night's non-sleeping shenanigans might change my mind

goat re still in it. Wish I could hear your lullabies!

scare yes I did feel very lyrical re ds but also had some weird hallucinatory feelings so it was a mixed bag. Its less uneasy this time also maybe subtly less magical in the most literal sense of magical (less wierd). the love is less of a hijack and more of a steady journey. Is that what you mean? not totally sure i understand. always loved my ds and found him miraculous. I never thought Id like small babies until I had one but they are amazing. Yy to knowing and unknowable.

Has anyone read newborn by Kate Clancy? It's a collection of poems it's lovely.

bbd how is work? Is your Dh impressed by how you managed alone?

mrsw hope your bosom thrush is gone and also the placenta is resolved,

Xxx

I. Thought it was a 4 week spurt - anyway my dd seems to have a growth spurt every evening if her feeding frenzy is anything to go by

sbr dd is cluster feeding to prepare for night, surely* is she sleeping with you or in crib. I think less hijack more steady (but strong and rooted like a tree) is v g approximation. having thought some more I think it is partly or wholly the difference in responsiveness - I can tell and show dd how much I adore her in ways I know she understands (to het limit; she will have to have a dc to really understand, obviously) but I feel I want to show and tell T so much, that I can't, compounded by having to ignore him more by necessity. The more I think about pple who sat you should never cuddle your baby to sleep, the more I think they miss the point. it is surely one of if not the life's greatest happiness?

Goat, I too would live to hear lullabies. We make up silly ditties. I went through a phase of writing children's stories years ago but have been less able since dc.

MrsW so so hope thrush and placenta resolved. Please report when able and take v g care.

Scooted home joyfully with both dc yesterday afternoon and played with dd in paddling pool while T slept. Was what early summer evenings are for (just needed a chilled sauvignon at bed time )

on my way to Kingston for coffee and shopping. Might treat myself to Kate Clancy as a maternity gift to myself.

I lost you all again. I really must post more often.

So many lovely newborn thoughts her - those days already seem a lifetime ago and I feel sad that I will not know them again. Perhaps only if my own DC decide to give me grand kids. Blimey that makes me feel old(er). YY to feeling lonely in my body. Sometimes I think I feel a little kick. Best sort out some contraception or that little kick may become real.

The christening was lovely. DD and her friends sang lots of songs and did actions to them. My nephew played the guitar and the priest was a family friend who made it so inclusive for my heather side of the family. And then we all got a bit pissed. Perfect. HP I will have to take a picture if midge in his robe for you as I got no good face shots. Despite his bloody skin disease he looked gorgeous and didn't even cry when they chucked water on his head.

It does seem our babies are always having a growth spurt or a development spurt or some kind of bloody regression. Can someone tell them to stop it? I shudder at the thought that A took 3 months to come out of ET sleep regression as she was always such a good sleeper. We all have streaming colds here which is not ideal when flying in Sunday. Hopefully time for them to go though.

Anyways marking place, nude is crying and snuffling so best go. And I had to google what a turbo trainer was.

Somewhere, your DD seems so cute. I love watching them feed, even at odd hours, holding their little head in my hand, bliss.
Scarecrow, I can't remember I was telling myself that I loved DS as often as I do with A, although I m 200% sure I love them both equally and much more than I could have ever imagined. Did not know I had so much love inside :) the babymoon never stops, I m amazed everyday, tired or not. It seems like I kind of know what to expect with A so I feel more relaxed and enjoy every single moment, with DS, everything was too new and scary sometimes.
Goat, I wish I had your musical talents
Seaside, are you ok ?
Xxx

Heather? Heathen. Damn you autocorrect.

Not sure how to broach this, but I'm having difficulty bonding with DD. She's a really beautiful baby and I do have my moments with her when we're gazing into each other's eyes but I find her overwhelming. She cries a lot when she's awake. I also have anaemia because of blood loss and feel exhausted all the time so I can't get motivated to do anything with her. Some days she barely sleeps so it's constant crying.

To be completely honest I'm wondering about PND . I had such a horrible pregnancy but kept myself going with the thought that I'd be fine after the birth. I've had to recover from the Caesarian and now have constant fatigue. My GP has told me that it will take 3 months for my iron levels to get up to normal levels. I had 3 months virtually housebound with PGP. This year has been horrible. Then there's the BF problems.

My appetite has gone and I feel tearful and miserable. I've suffered from depression in the past so I think I recognise the signs. I'm going to discuss with my GP at my 6 week check. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe when she stops crying as much things will improve.

Sorry for such a depressing post. I'm not ready to discuss it with DH yet and needed an outlet.

Chairman, just read your post and didn't want to run away before answering. It sounds like it could be PND, but please please don't beat yourself up about this. Pregnancy and childbirth can be a right bugger and we're the ones that bear the brunt even in the aftermath.
I really sympathise with you. I hadn't even got my head around being pregnant when BG was born at 31 weeks, and I really didn't understand that I'd had a baby and it was mine for life. That sounds a bit weird I know! I was perfectly happy to leave him in NNU and go home, and when he came home, I did everything I was supposed to but I felt like he was on loan, so I didn't really bond.
But somewhere along the line we have bonded, and I realise that in those first months, I did what I could and so did BG, and we got through. I fed him and changed him and held him solid for 13 weeks (I remember the first night he actually let me put him down when he was 17 weeks old!!)
You're doing the things that matter. Please add looking after yourself to that list.
And have a hug.

oh and PS - the crying is utterly wearing. Don't forget it's ok to walk away to the bottom of the garden for five minutes.

Oh oh why do I do this to myself? Just read an article about how 63% of prems born before 32 weeks have silent disabilities that don't show themselves until school age, like short attention span, learning difficulties (especially maths, apparently), hypervigilism... And just when I was stopping worrying because BG seems to be doing so well!

Oh well, I guess this is par for the course in this paretning lark. We'll worry till the day we expire...

chairman you've had such a rough ride. As Goat says please don't beat yourself up anymore. A crying baby is HUGELY wearing. If you have to pop DD in a Moses basket, close the door and walk away whilst you get yourself a cuppa then do. Is there any family or friends around you can rope in to help? Sleep deprivation is dreadful at thr best of times, but add low iron levels and it sounds hellish. Have you gone to FF now? Is there anyone who could help with night feeds? Low iron levels and/or PND, you need as much rest as possible. Also please don't worry about not feeling the bond between you and DD. My DD was in special care for the first week of her life and I swear I didn't feel a bond until some months after. But when that bond came it was like a thunderbolt, and now almost daily she tells me I'm her best friend . Things will get better, but please be kind to yourself. Hugs lovely Chairman.

Baby KK doing OK, he apparently is loving early mornings - 4.30 no less.....this too shall pass and all that......apologies for briefish post, must collect DD from nursery, but will try and post later.

chairman you've had such a rough ride. As Goat says please don't beat yourself up anymore. A crying baby is HUGELY wearing. If you have to pop DD in a Moses basket, close the door and walk away whilst you get yourself a cuppa then do. Is there any family or friends around you can rope in to help? Sleep deprivation is dreadful at thr best of times, but add low iron levels and it sounds hellish. Have you gone to FF now? Is there anyone who could help with night feeds? Low iron levels and/or PND, you need as much rest as possible. Also please don't worry about not feeling the bond between you and DD. My DD was in special care for the first week of her life and I swear I didn't feel a bond until some months after. But when that bond came it was like a thunderbolt, and now almost daily she tells me I'm her best friend . Things will get better, but please be kind to yourself. Hugs lovely Chairman.

Baby KK doing OK, he apparently is loving early mornings - 4.30 no less.....this too shall pass and all that......apologies for briefish post, must collect DD from nursery, but will try and post later.

chair huge sympathies. Have been there. Not every exact thing but not being right after baby comes in particular as was severely anaemic after ds which causes depression.. Will talk in more detail later as in park with son. But your not alone and in its way it's quite normal.

goat how prem was BG? I don't know much about preemies but I do know 'articles' are often misleading having worried myself silly over many. Also BG sounds like such a little prodigy.

Xxx

Bloody phone lost my long and thought out post so now I have to make do with a rushed one...

Chairman - please don't wait till your checkup. You sound like you could do with support now. Not everyone falls in love at first sight with their babies, I think what you describe is more common than people admit. When you are so run down yourself it is difficult to muster enthusiasm for anything. I can honestly say I have only just started to feel myself again now. We have done an amazing thing but it sure does kick the stuffing out of you. Virtual hugs and gin coming your way.

Goat - I read pretty much the same stuff about low birth weight and was wracked With worry about DD. 5 years in and no sign of anything wrong apart from whining a fair bit. Baby goat is made if stern stuff to get this far, but I know that won't stop you worrying. It's what we do.

chair
I second that you shouldn't wait til check up. Go to doc because just saying how you're feeling can be the start of change. Also it is a slow and diff process with number 2. I totally recognise what Somewhere said AND recognise that the overwhelming instant love for DS didn't come like that for DD... Go through the motions and it'll come but do talk to someone in RL as well as us. With love..

Thanks everyone. I managed to get out and have a coffee with a friend which made me feel better. DD was more chilled in the evening too so I had some enjoyable time with her. I think the house move so late in pregnancy plus having loads of stuff done also left us unprepared. I hadn't thought about how hard babies are and how it would affect our family.

We are just on formula now so we take it in turns to do night feeds. Mercifully DD tends to go straight back to sleep so most nights aren't so bad. I just find the fatigue quite shocking. I've never felt so weak! I used to be so fit and active and was dying to get on the turbo trainer and get back into shape. I just wish I'd been given a transfusion when I lost the blood - DH saw them bringing blood in, they just chose not to use it. So frustrating.

My 6 week check will be in the next 2 weeks. I understand people saying I need to go now but I want to be sure. I'm going to try and get out and see people every day. My mum is also coming over for a couple of days next week. We're not massively close but she will help with the kids. And we're keeping DS in nursery full time until I feel better (which of course fills me with guilt!).

goat Dr Google is evil! You only ever find the negative stuff. Google just about anything and you'll find a plethora of awful scenarios. But think about the likelihood of your child having a disability - it is amazingly low. Here's a positive story for you - a colleague had her baby boy at just 22 weeks. It was awful at first and touch and go on a few occasions. At 6 years old the only problem he has is a visual impairment in one eye. He is perfect in every way despite gestating for just over half the time he should have. . Now step away from Dr Google. He hasn't been to medical school!

Oops, long post. Sorry! Time to start the morning grind. Thanks again for your amazing support x

goat just re-read your post. Where does 63% come from? My understanding (through the colleague mentioned and a friend whose sister had a preemie) is that the vast majority have no problems and usually catch up by age 5. Silent disabilities sounds like bollocks to me and I bet this 63% isn't based on solid research. I used to work with adults with learning disabilities and I can't remember a single one being disabled because of being premature - and I worked a lot of service users. Congenital issues, chromosomal defects or damage like cerebral palsy through birth were the main causes, and believe me they would be picked up well before school age. It sounds like the kind of scaremongering nonsense the web is full of. Please don't let it worry you.

chair so pleased you feeling better. I totally sympathise with the anaemia I had it after ds and I could hardly pick him up I was so weak and he sensed it and cried when I held him a lot. I couldnt bath him. Anaemia also creates a mental fog which makes a heady cocktail with th other stuff going on in your head. I was in such a daze and it surprised me to discover not all first time mums I met shared this experience. It's the price of an emcs.

Can I recommend floradix and spatone for iron? I took them through pg and they are much gentler but quite effective. You might need something stronger now but they could be g

chair so pleased you feeling better. I totally sympathise with the anaemia I had it after ds and I could hardly pick him up I was so weak and he sensed it and cried when I held him a lot. I couldnt bath him. Anaemia also creates a mental fog which makes a heady cocktail with th other stuff going on in your head. I was in such a daze and it surprised me to discover not all first time mums I met shared this experience. It's the price of an emcs.

Can I recommend floradix and spatone for iron? I took them through pg and they are much gentler but quite effective. You might need something stronger now but they could be good later.

Re the transfusion my dad, retired doc, says they are a last resort as you can never be 100% sure there's no disease in them.

AFM it's quite wierd how my body is on its own schedule. Just after what would have been 41.5 weeks the relaxin spurts out and my legs go. At 43 weeks - hideous constipation like passing small rocks. Sorry tmi. It's just so interesting that these markers of the natal schedule bear no relation to the actual timing of the birth. I find that fascinating. As well as painful!

Xx