Soooo hard

[Kafri]

Am I really the only person finding this mummy thing sooooo difficult?
Don't get me wrong,I'm thrilled I have DS but I'm knackered. He's 4 weeks old and will not sleep on his back at all. Dr tried gaviscon as hv suspected reflux, didn't work and DS was still really unsettled (all the time). Dr is now trying lactose free milk which seems to be calming him tho he still won't settle ANYWHERE but on someone.
Doesn't even settle properly in the car or pram which he did the first week we were home, sleeps for a short time then wakes and screams. It upsets me as you see all these mums with content little babies out in the pram and there's me with mine screaming!
DH and I have been doing shifts with DS as someone has to hold him 24 hours! I'm getting worried about how I'll manage when DH goes back to work and its just me! He sleeps really well when on someone but the minute he goes down, he unsettles himself. He hates being swaddled and fights his way out!
I've lifted his crib at he head end, I've raised the mattress, I give a warm bath in bedtime routine etc
Looking back, he has always been unsettled on his back, even in hospital. I just thought it would settle but it got worse to the point where he won't go down at all. At one point he would only sleep upright-so curled up against our chest.
I tried having him in bed with me - kicked DH out, moved to middle of bed etc but just didn't feel comfortable enough to sleep myself.

I've tried letting him cry, just for a few mins (like while I boil the kettle, or nip to the loo), but it doesn't stop and I'm not comfortable with leaving him any longer than that -I just think he's too young.

I've always been really good with kids, I work with them too, so why ami finding this soooo hard. What am I doing wrong??

I'm sorry this is a bit disjointed and all over the place.

Please help and share you're experience as a new first time mum.

Oh and overnight, well between about 5-8am he seems to have really bad tummy cramps. He's on lactulose for constipation from the gaviscon but the tummy cramps also happened before the constipation too? It was like he was staining for hours to poo then when he finally managed his nappy was perfectly normal. The first time it happened I thought he was bunged up then was really surprised when his nappy was normal when it finally happened.

I feel like everyone else has these happy content little babies, and then there's me!!

Sorry it's such a long rambling!

you have my sympathy too - think with babies its luck of the draw. thought I would post to add my dd always settles better with DH or my MIL and only seemed to want me for milk which was really upsetting I would even think my baby hated me at times... but her smiling when she sees me recently has made that melt away! this MN is amazing though isn't it so much support! loving it!

oh and also I was going to try to get my dd to sleep on her own let her cry for a bit and preservere like some books and sleep guidance tells you but then read some Isis research that says babies stop crying after a week or so because they give up but levels of stress hormones are still as high!

Oh I hope the new milk is working.
IMVHO you should do what you are comfortable doing wrt to how/where your baby sleeps. I love 'your baby, your rules' .
You also have to do whatever it takes to survive ie ensure that you and him get enough rest/sleep to carry on if that means he sleeps on your chest or you co-sleep, so be it.
Dr Sears on safe co-sleeping
Kellymom on bedsharing

Rods, back - prrrp

I'm off again with my random question...

New milk seems to have made some difference. Defo been more chilled today. No rolling into a ball and screaming that much he looks like a tomato!! Even managed a short trip in the car I the supermarket and only started screaming as we stopped at the chemist or me to order his milk. He defo doesn't like to be 'still'. Does this mean anything?

And, he seems very hungry on this milk. Sometimes he 'just' had his 6oz bottle. Had to put it up to 6 when he started the LF milk as he was hungrier but read that was quite normal.
At hi 11 o'clock feed he got upset on finishing his bottle and I ended up giving him 2oz more then DH gave him his 7oclock feed this eve and he got really upset after finishing it and in the next hour had another 5 oz. surely that can't be right?? I know the mw said fee on demand when I was in Hosp but I took this to mean if he wante to feed every hour, let him. Every 2, let him etc. he kept it all down and is now sleeping soundly on DH. I could hear him screaming when DH finished his initial feed and there was defo no settling him.

Yes normal he doesn't like being still. My dd hated her carseat until I could take the newborn insert away as its not very comfortable - sort of bends them at the tummy. Not nice especially when you've got tummy issues. Moving and the noise of the car distracts them.

As for the milk - perhaps he's having a growth spurt? Again, normal! Just feed him at his pace and see how he is. If he wants more, feed him (could try a dummy first as he might want to suck for comfort)

I keep trying a dummy but so far he's really not interested. At best he sucks fir a few seconds, at worse he screams as soon as it goes anywhere near his mouth. I kinda wish he would take one really as it might help his tummy/digestion but not a chance so far!

Completely normal to hate being still. I used to walk miles with DS in his pram, and generally if he was screaming get a sympathetic smile.

Now he's a happy busy 8mo. But the first 2-3 months were hell. Normal colic, starting in the afternoons. We have an ikea "bouncy armchair" that we'd sit in and hold him for hours. And I'd spend much of the day with him asleep on my lap.

It will pass.

I'm glad u mentioned about the sympathetic smile when he cried. That's what worries me. It upset me when someone commented to me in the docs about him crying. They told me I should stop to feed him rather than carry on my business. I just wanted to get him home as quick as I could and I've not really braved going out much since.
I feel like I can't go anywhere other than a walk and can't even do that at the minute as my estate is a sheet of ice.

Try different dummies. My dd loved the nuk ones (only available in my local chemist) and ds liked the mam ones. Also giving them after a feed or in the brief time when they were happy and awake helped. Or when I was walking them in the sling and they were screaming with tiredness I'd put the dummy in. Happy days not

Mam dummies are good too & all babies try spitting them out at first, but if you can persevere they are a godsend

DS1 was known as the 'Movement Detector' - the v second pram/car stook still he screamed, so yes, I think that's fairly common in fraught babies.

Dummies - of my 4 DS1 was a dummy addict, DS2 (precious preemie) never sucked anything other than breast/bottle, DS3 could take dummy or leave it, DS4 liked it, but stopped abruptly at 1 year old. They are all different.
I'd keep trying. Try touching the side of his mouth/cheek and see if he will 'root' for it. Wiggle it a couple of times in his mouth which usually makes them suck a few times so he gets the hang of it. Does whatever make of teat you are using on your bottles also make dummies? That might be worth a try.

If he does have a cow's milk protein allergy, then the new milk should help really quite quickly. It sounds positive so far...

I remember the frantic urge to get home with my screaming baby sooooo well, it's not nice and v stressful, so poor you!

Jeepers what a day!

Been up with him since 1 so DH could get sleep for work. He woke at 6, started screaming and is still going strong now.
OMG that boy can scream! I feel so sorry for him - think colic is defo playing its part here bug it's getting progressively worse each time these days come round. Today was the worst yet. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will comfort him. I have honestly tried everything!

Apparrantly colic peaks at 6 weeks?? - I bloody hope this is true. I'm not looking forward to finding out how this can get any worse as he's only 5 weeks. We've gotta be over the hill soon, I can't take much more, especially on my own when DH is at work!

Poor thing you and baby hope he has stopped now for you

He finally settle for DH at 10pm I was long in bed by then as I gave to be up at 1am with him to let DH get sleep.

Back ip with him now and in playing the waiting game for it all to start again. Got another paeds appt today so just got to get to lunch time.

I suspect ds has a sore throat aswell. He's very croaky with his breathing in his sleep tonight so I'm sure this isn't helping matters.

I honestly didn't realise colic could be this bad, or over such a prolonged period of time. Poor baba - 12 hours is a long day fur him.

Did work out that the Hoover seems to sooth but can't realistically leave my Hoover on for 12 hours a day, can I? It's a good job I have a dyson with the 5 year warranty!

Get white noise - I got a free app on my phone and on an iPod too. Worked a treat along with a dark room and cuddling.

Lol, I thought I was 1 steo ahead if him yesterday. Turned Hoover on, he liked. Thought YES finally summat that helps. Downloaded app with white noise. NOT A CHANCE. ONLY THE REAL DEAL WILL DO. little bugger!!

One day this will all be a distant memory and I'm sure ill smile about it when I remember. For now, tears will have to do!!x

There are other noises tooylu can get like lawn mower, the ocean... And it has to be on really really loud (plus in the dark).

Aarghhhh! What is it with people??

DH came home from work yesterday saying his colleague had said DS should be sleeping on his own by now. This is after meeting him once at 2 weeks old for all of five mins and she knows nothing of all the trouble we've been having. She's told DH to go and buy me gina fords happy baby book to help me.

I may not be the most confident mum at the min after all the issues we've had but if there's one area I am confident on its asking for help when I need it. I've had questions and I've asked you guys and mum friends on RL.

DH got told to tell her to come and spend a night with us and see if its as simple as 'just pop him down fir the night'

I asked DH why he felt the need to listen to everyone bar me about how to raise our child. I also asked him if he really thought I was sitting up at stupid o'clock merely for the fun of it.

Why do people feel the need to try to butt in? It may not be ideal that I can't put him down atm but, well, that's how it is for now. It's far easier for me to just accepts am that than fight it and it doesn't help when people try to say in doing it wrong.

If its not strangers in the docs it's my brother, if its not my brother it's DH colleagues.

Just go tell everyone (mentally) to just fuck off & then fuck off some more.

Fucking people with their fucking unwanted fucking opinions.

Sorry for the swearing btw

Tell everybody to get lost with their unasked-for opinions.
Or to take DS and bring him back 'fixed' with all their wonderful ideas... .

I know babies/mothers GF worked wonderfully well for, and good on them.
However, for me and my baby it would have been the end of us - I did not get past the first chapter.
I have a friend who burned her copy of CLB on a brazier in the backgarden after she almost lost the plot with trying to stick to a routine with her v fractious DD.

So, you just do what you need to to get through this, and what feels right.
None of know what we are doing really. People are always surprised when I say that nothing in my training and experience as a dr had prepared me for what looking after my own children would be like.

It will get better.
It will end.
You have to find the strength to keep going in the meantime.
If you tried a sling yet?

I have an Amby baby next going if you are at all interested to try?? It was not the solution I had hoped for for us, but certainly looked v cose (I would have liked to sleep in it )...

Hahahaha colleagues/others and their opinions eh?

If I were your DH's colleague I would understand how things were OP. so it just happens that this particular person either a) has no children b) has easy babies or c) can't remember and is just saying what she thinks she should've done

I'm telling you that every man and his dog will have an opinion. They an shove them.

It is so so hard especially when you've got it harder. I remember feeling ashamed at some points because ds who wouldn't settle whereas my friends had babies who were napping in their cots from 6 weeks. Ds slept on me or DH for naps until he was 6-9 months. But we got there in the end and now he naps happily in his bed, sleeps in his bed (he's 3) unlike many of his peers who end up in their parents bed. He's a happy chappy and while at the time we thought we were doing something wrong or couldn't work out what to do, it passed and got better.

Aw it wouldn't be so bad if your dh was recounting what they said as opposed to thinking that a stranger (to you and baby) might have a solution!! I'm sure she was just trying to be helpful though but it provably doesn't make you feel better to think that??
I think even if you had a 'perfect' baby you would still be handed advice by people!

EVERY time I think I've sussed out how to survive this he changes something. Bloody hell!
Up to now it's the daytimes that have been hell and he sleeps fairly well. He's noisy in his sleep and groans a but as if in discomfort but sleeps (albeit on DH and I)

Well today he has 'simmered' all day and now it's come. Looks like it'll be a long night ahead. One of us is always awake with him anyway as he will only sleep on us and I can't seem to settle well enough to get any sleep with him even tho I know loads of people do it safely.

I must have done something awful in a previous life! I really must!

Oh please don't say that (although I did). Take each day as it comes. Get out of the house every day. Take all the support you can and ignore any that doesn't help.

I found myself getting increasingly isolated with ds as he was so so hard as a baby. Low point was him not sleeping until 5am

But we got through it. And you will too, I promise.

You poor thing.
I am quite sure this is not bad karma catching up with you.

I used to say that I live life like an alcoholic "a day at a time", sometimes it was more an hour at a time. Don't look ahead, don't think 'when is this going to get better?' or 'I cannot do this anymore'.

I second/third getting out of the house, even if it is just for a long walk with the pram.
And don't just accept offered help, ask for help - people who have only had easy babies don't have the first clue just how hard it can be. I remember my (lovely, v experienced) HV saying when DS1 was 3 weeks old and I was on my knees "Don't worry, he'll turn the corner around 6 weeks" (he didn't!), but all I could hear was "Another 3 weeks of this hell". Her well-meaning remark Did Not Help.

Time passing did. Eventually.
Abovemention neighbour who took him off me once a week helped a lot.
Chocolate and daytime TV helped
And kinda submitting to the fact that this was my life just now helped as well after a while. Once I had said goodbye to the notion that I could take my baby in his pram to the park and sit in the sunshine while he slept reading a magazine and having a posh coffee, it was less souldestroying to bear.

I hope you find some comfort from the stories of others who have been through similar and don't find it even more despressing when we recount our stories?

Best of luck for today.